by T Gephart
The minute I got my first paycheck, I was getting an apartment. I didn’t even care if it was a roach-infested closet in the shittiest part of town. As long as it was mine and I had my own bed that would be enough for me.
Renee had predictably not come home. When she received no 9-1-1 messages from me, her hot date had progressed into hot sex. Her night spent elsewhere. She’d texted around midnight to let me know not to wait up, a sigh of relief was breathed that the sexy time was happening somewhere else. Sure, I was more positive and less depressed, my mood a hundred times better than it had been. But even so, I didn’t want to wake up seeing some random man’s penis greeting me hello. Such a killjoy, I know.
I procrastinated for most of the morning. Yesterday’s debate on whether or not to follow through and go see Angie raged on. My decision fluctuated wildly depending on the hour. In the end, I decided I would go. Babies were a good equalizer; everyone would be too caught up with the new addition to worry about the awkward. At least that was what I’d hoped.
“Hi.” I tried to wave as Jason opened the door, the big teddy bear in my arms hampering my effort. “How’s Angie doing?” My eyes darted around the room to see if there was anyone else around as Jase led me through to the living room. And by anyone I meant Rusty.
“I’m doing fine,” she answered, sitting up alert on the couch, a little bundle swaddled in her arms with the tiniest tuft of black hair poking out the top. “It’s nice of you to stop by, I asked Jason to call.”
Sooooooo this wasn’t just a social call. I was being sandbagged. Nice touch using the baby as a decoy, I didn’t even suspect it. At least Rusty wasn’t here, I could deal with the third-degree from Angie.
“Angie, I know what you are trying to do.” I handed off the teddy bear to Jase as I sat down beside her. “But it’s really between the two of us.” I was proud of myself. Look at me being assertive.
“I’m not trying to do anything. I just wanted to talk to you.” She tried her best to look coy. She failed miserably.
“Is Rusty going to be here, is that why you asked me to come?” I imagined this is where their well-meaning efforts to get us back together would have them tell us both to turn up at the same time. Like a happy accident we would both know was orchestrated. Predictable and I should have seen it a mile away.
“Nope I can guarantee Rusty isn’t going to be walking through the door. Not today anyway.” Angie seemed pretty certain in that, her lack of smile as also concerning.
“Why, where is he?” I looked around despite being told he wasn’t here.
“At home.” She glanced over at Jase who shook his head. Whatever she was about to say, he wasn’t on board with the whole plan. “He spent yesterday in lock-up with Phil. Funny how the two of them ended up with a whole lot of bruises. Can you believe they both fell down the stairs? Even more interesting is that the house they were in didn’t have any stairs. It’s just crazy wouldn’t you say?”
“They were fighting?” My eyes peeled back in horror as my heart started to beat wildly out of control.
“I didn’t say that.” She shook her head. “Neither did they, which is why the police let them both go this morning.” The raised eyebrow told me she hadn’t bought it. The police might not have been able to hold them if neither made a statement but no one was fooled.
“I need to see him. Is he okay?” It leapt from my mouth before I had a chance to stop it. Not sure I would have stopped it even if I could have. It didn’t take much to work out why Rusty and Phil ended up in a fight. The common denominator—me.
“Yeah, I thought you might. From what Max said he has a black eye and some bruised ribs but it’s nothing like the condition Phil is in.” Angie sighed. “Look, I don’t know what you are going through. It’s got to be a total mind fuck. But Rusty—he’s one of the good guys, and regardless of whether or not you are together he’s going to be on your side.”
“I know.”
Ironically I didn’t get to see much of the baby or stay. The conversation with the new parents also ground to a halt, my body did a quick one-eighty and made for the door fairly soon after. My feet barely touched the ground as I hailed a cab and hightailed it to Rusty’s house, the place that I had been living at up until recently.
My pulse raced as the cab weaved through traffic, the thickness of the air making it harder to breathe, having nothing to do with the outside temperature. My mind was a muddle over what I was going to say, but even with the words not formulating in my head I knew I had to go see him. And if there was ever a moment in my life I was going to do something without question, this was going to be that time.
I hadn’t killed him.
The intention was that I went to wherever Phil was hiding out, and just talk. Try and get a feel for why he felt the sudden need to connect with the kid he deserted. His answer didn’t make me feel warm and fuzzy.
“What is he doing here?” He pointed his finger accusingly as I walked into the room beside Max.
“Just wanted to clear up any misunderstandings.” My shoulders rolled with pent up tension. Talking hadn’t been the only thing on my mind.
“I’m not trying to mess with her head, I just want to try and get to know her. I didn’t even know I had a kid until recently.” He tried to explain, like his ignorance somehow made it better.
The fucking useless bastard had assumed that after he did a see-ya-later on Alison’s mom she would have done the same to her unborn child. Something I’d already been clued up via Max’s earlier inquisition. It had been a chance meeting approximately three years ago that saw the previous two lovebirds reconnect, Alison’s mom and Max’s brother sharing more buried history than Tutankhamen.
“I was young, I wasn’t ready for a kid. But I’m ready now, I want to be her dad.” Phil continued, figuring he’d give parenting a go.
“Not too difficult now when there isn’t a lot left to do, the harder stuff of actually raising the kid happening years ago while you weren’t around.” I wasn’t cutting him any slack. “Whatever happens from here on out is her call, it’s not about you and your delicate sensibilities about being a dad. She says jump, you say how fucking high. We clear?” My nerves wound tighter with each passing second.
“You’re one to talk. You’ve gone from one pussy to the next. What qualifies you from thinking you know what’s best for my daughter?” The dumbass unhelpfully added.
Just calling Alison his daughter was enough of a reason to hit him, as far as I was concerned he hadn’t earned that right just yet. Providing the additional X Chromosome didn’t qualify. Yeah, that didn’t go over too easy either.
“Listen Phil, I don’t give a fuck what you tell yourself to help you sleep at night—you made a choice. She didn’t get a say. So regardless of your believed entitlement, you stand the hell down. As for me, I know how to keep my dick in my pants. Evident is the fact that I—unlike you—don’t have a kid I abandoned.”
He didn’t agree.
Seemed like it was a bone of contention neither of us was willing to cave on. Which is how we ended up letting our fists continue the conversation. Max, Joey and Phil’s latest lay, wisely watching on without interference. The brawl only came to a conclusion when both of us were rocking matching metal cuffs, having also earned a bonus free ride in a squad car.
My conscience was clear even if my face was sporting a black eye.
“Fuck.” My right fist sunk into a bucket of ice water, the chill burning against my raw skin. The first-aid in the big house had been as lacking as their hospitality. I was in no hurry to go back.
“Rusty!” The door I failed to lock flew open, rocking against the jamb as the knob hit the wood. The girl I hadn’t counted on seeing anytime soon, filling the space where the door had been.
“Alison?” I asked, not a hundred percent sure the left hook to my cheek hadn’t messed around with my vision.
“Holy shit.” She rushed in, her knees sinking to the floor as she knelt beside me and my faithful
bucket. “What did you do?”
“It looks worse than it is.” The fingers that had been getting numb courtesy of the chilled submerge, retracted from their ice bath to touch her face. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
“I hate that you’re hurt.” Her eyes followed close along the path of her hands, surveying my face. Her fingertips brushed slowly against my purpling skin. Any beauty pageants were going to have to wait a while, the added bonus of no gigs booked in the near future, another win.
“My face is fine.” Especially now with any pain I’d felt before ghosting with her appearance. Better than the four Advil I’d knocked back two hours ago that was for damn sure.
“I know you were fighting with Phil and it was because of me. You can’t do that, Rusty. You can’t fight over me.” She lowered her forehead against mine, her breath slow as it pushed out against her lips.
“Babe, you’re the only thing worth fighting over.”
The last thing I wanted to do was add pressure to an already abundant load. I had promised her space, and come hell or fucking high water, I was going to give her that. But it was really—really—hard to look into those beautiful hazel eyes and pretend that it wasn’t killing me every minute we weren’t together.
“Do you hate me? I know I’m being selfish right now.” Her eyes closed slowly as her arms wrapped around my chest, her breathing picking up tempo.
“I don’t think there is a thing you could do that would make me hate you.” I gave up resisting the urge to hold her and pulled her into my lap. “I might not like it, but I understand.”
“I got the job. With the record label. I wanted to tell you so badly but I didn’t know if calling you would be the right thing.”
“I’m glad you got the job, babe. You’re going to do awesome.” The hand that had been throbbing like a motherfucker half an hour ago felt miraculously cured as it stroked her hair. “But you need to understand something. There aren’t any rules for what we’re doing. We’re writing our own path. You want to call me, you call. You want to see me, then you come see me. No matter what happens in the future between us, I’m always going to want you in my life.”
“Okay,” she whispered, her head nodding against my chest.
“Good, I’m glad we cleared that up. So tell me more about the job.” My need for her to keep talking at an all-time high. Meant there was less chance of her leaving, even if I knew eventually she still would.
“I start Monday, I’m getting my own office.” Her voice hitched in a moment of excitement. “I think I’m going to really like it. I have some great ideas on how to streamline sales reporting.”
“That’s great.”
“Can I ask you what happened with Phil?” Her head pulled away from my chest, those beautiful eyes of hers knocking me on my ass if I wasn’t already sitting down.
“Of course you can ask me.” It wasn’t much of a secret. The police report meant our chat was public record, even if their account of events was slightly altered. “I just wanted to be sure he understood that regardless of his feelings, he was going to have to let you pick the speed. We had a difference of opinion.” More like his beliefs didn’t align with Alison’s best interest.
“I’m still not sure how I feel about it. I don’t know if I want to see him.”
“And that’s perfectly fine. You don’t want to see him; you don’t have to see him. He isn’t even going to breathe in your direction without your permission.” Not unless he wanted a repeat of what went down yesterday. And given he was in worse shape than I was when we parted ways, I didn’t think he’d be volunteering anytime soon.
“What about you?” she asked curiously, the hesitation inching its way back into her voice.
“What about me?” I sure as hell didn’t have any plans to see the asshole. The less we saw each of other, probably the better.
“You said that if I wanted to see you, that I should see you. But what if you want to see me, are you going to see me?”
“Don’t worry about what I need right now.” My arms stayed wrapped around her, absorbing every second she’d let me hold her. “I’m a big boy, I can handle it.”
“What if I made a mistake, Rusty?” Her voice dipped so low I wasn’t sure I’d heard her right.
Every single muscle in my body tensed as a million different scenarios ran through my head. I had no idea what she was going to say. If this was where she confessed to going off the deep end and fucked around, it was going to take a hell of a lot of restraint. Not saying she didn’t have every entitlement to do so, we weren’t together. But fuck me, I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it. God I hoped she didn’t run back to that piece of shit ex-boyfriend. Anyone but him.
“What kind of mistake?” My fingers stopped their restless strum against her back as I pulled her away from my chest.
Whatever she needed to say, I’d deal with it. Because it couldn’t be harder than losing her had been.
“A really stupid mistake.” She shook her head, gaining some of the confidence she’d lost. “What if I was so confused about what was happening that I pushed away the only thing that has ever made sense?”
My heart started to beat so fast I wasn’t sure the bastard wasn’t trying to rip a hole in my chest and power walk out the door. The sliver of hope she’d thrown my way all that I needed to go all in.
“Then I’d say, I need you and I want you back.”
Complete no brainer. I threw my thanks up to whatever thought process got her to that point as I hoped all talk of us going our separate ways was done. It had been a miserable few days and I wasn’t looking to repeat them. Not if there was a chance we could work our way back to each other.
“I think I can still work out who I am, without being alone but I want it to be different this time. I want to date you.”
“I’d love to date you.” My lips found their mark on the top of her head as I whispered internal halleluiahs. “You going to move back in?”
“It’s probably better if I don’t.” A small smile teased at the corners of her mouth. “I’ll probably end up sneaking into your room at night, kind of defeats the purpose.”
“That really wouldn’t be a problem for me, just so you know.” Not a lie. Zero problems with her in my house or in my bed. It was preferable, actually. But whatever she decided was going to be completely cool with me.
“This time we need to go slow.”
***
There was very little that could happen today that could tear the smile from my face. While my girl wasn’t tucked up beside me when I rolled over in bed this morning, the let’s-not-be-together bullshit was finally over.
If she wanted slow; I was going to give her rush-hour in the Lincoln Tunnel. That baby was going to be wound back to a crawl until she was ready to pick up the pace. As for dating, I was all about that too, happy to work my way through the bases while juggling some popcorn and a movie.
“You sure about this?” My hand hesitated on the door. I hadn’t ruled out turning back and taking her somewhere else. Seemed like a much better idea than what was about to go down.
“I’ll have to see them sometime, right? Better now than across a boardroom table. Besides, I’ll have you with me. I’m going to be completely fine.”
My plan had been to take a long drive somewhere and catch a quiet dinner. Stick a toe in before jumping back in the deep end. Made sense considering the last time we went from hello-nice-to-meet-you to want-to-live-in-my-spare room. But that didn’t seem on par with Alison’s line of thinking. Our quiet night vetoed in favor of heading to the bar.
“You amaze me, you know that. If at any time you want to bail, just let me know. I’ve got zero concerns about being polite tonight.” My inner caveman stuck his head out to have a look. I wasn’t even going to make apologies for being so protective, I was embracing it for all it was worth.
“I’m good.” Her hand did what mine hadn’t and pushed open the door, the noise of the bar spilling out into the street. “
We need to celebrate my new job.”
Arguing wasn’t going to happen. And rather than stand outside with my tongue on the floor completely blown-away by her, I decided to join her on the other side of the threshold. The siren’s call of beer an added bonus.
“Wow! Fuck! You’re back together?” Joey not so subtly announced our arrival, his eyes doing a ping-pong between us.
“Yeah, we’re back together.” My hand found its way around her waist, the PG-13 touching deemed acceptable first date behavior.
“Hey, Alison.” Max totally ignored me as he mirrored the same wide-eyed expression Joey had been wearing. “It’s good to see you.” His additional what-the-fuck not spoken.
“Thanks, Max. It’s good to see you too.” The confidence she’d shown at the door slipped slightly as she came face-to-face with her uh-hum . . . uncle.
The noise of the crowd did nothing to drown out the weird we were experiencing. The unspoken acknowledgement of the crazy, louder than the AC/DC that was streaming out of the speakers.
“Well we’re going to need a shitload of drinks.” My solution was thrown into the ring. The edge needed to be knocked off pretty damn quick if the night wasn’t going to end up a total bust. “So how about everyone gets a beer and we’ll take it from there.”
“Sounds good.” Max nodded, the protocol for reuniting with his long-lost family not really discussed before we’d arrived. Mental note. Probably should have called ahead.
“On it!” Joey tapped the bar, the lack of alcohol something he could remedy. The icy-cold long necks found their way into his hands with little more than a wink and a smile.
“By the way.” The beers were quickly distributed, mine finding its place in my hand. “We’re celebrating. Alison got the job with Ashlyn, you’re looking at the newest addition to Metamorphous.” I raised the beer in a mock toast. “Kicking ass and taking names.”