by E. L. Todd
“That’s fine with me,” she said with a shrug.
Zach stared at her in surprise before he turned to Colton. “I love having Finn around. Stella gets mad and is all over me trying to prove something to him. It’s perfect.”
Stella didn’t correct him.
“What about Finn?” Tatum asked. “Once he walks into that bar, he’s gonna be swarmed by dicks.”
“No, he’s not,” Colton said quickly. “Any guy who lays eyes on him knows he’s straight. He’s as straight as a line.”
“Hey, what about me?” Zach asked in offense.
“You know what I mean,” Colton said. “Finn is…”
“Masculine, rugged, quiet, cold,” I blurted, knowing exactly what he was talking about.
Colton snapped his fingers. “Exactly. If anything, all the women there will be all over him.”
I couldn’t stop myself from sighing in frustration. When I turned back around, Finn finally left the bar, leaving the woman behind.
Thank god.
He handed Tatum and me our drinks before he sipped his scotch.
“Are you cool with going to a gay bar?” Tatum asked. “Colton wants to get laid.”
Finn held his glass at his stomach, perfectly straight with rigid shoulders. The metal chain from his military dog tags was visible around his neck before it disappeared under his shirt. “I don’t care where we go.”
“Even if dudes hit on you?” Zach asked.
Finn held his gaze, not having a reaction in the slightest. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”
Just as I feared, the women swarmed him there too.
It pissed me off, but I couldn’t blame them. If I saw him in a bar, I would do the exact same thing.
Colton was talking to a guy at the bar, and Zach and Stella were making out in a booth. Stella kept opening her eyes and glancing in Finn’s direction, hoping to spot him staring.
Finn didn’t care about a lot of things, but he definitely didn’t care about her.
I didn’t have the heart to tell her that.
Tatum flirted with the bartender, so I drank alone, watching everyone dance in the middle of the club and have a good time. I forced myself not to look at Finn because I didn’t want to torture myself. Seeing women grope him in public as they tried to take him home got under my skin. It was unfair. If my ex weren’t his brother, I could be taking him right now. Not only did my husband leave me for other men, but he was the very reason I couldn’t have what I wanted most.
It seemed like the universe purposely conspired against me.
“If this were a straight bar, you would not be alone right now.” Finn appeared at my side, holding a glass of scotch in his hand. He set it on the table and stood beside me.
“This isn’t a straight bar, and you aren’t alone right now.”
“I’m not alone because I’m with you.” He pivoted his body slightly toward me, his blue eyes glowing in the dim lighting.
Every woman probably hated me right now. “Get a lot of phone numbers?”
“I don’t usually ask for phone numbers. Numbers mean there’s texting. And when there’s texting, there’s no fucking. I prefer to take them home then and there, and be done with it.”
He was such a pig, but at least he was honest about it. “Who are you taking home tonight?”
He stared me down with his fingers wrapped around his glass. “You.”
I felt my pulse quicken in my neck, felt the blood pound in my ears. Even over the loud music, I could feel it. “Is that so?”
“Yes. I’m not letting you take an Uber home dressed like that.”
“What makes you think I won’t go home with anybody?”
His eyes narrowed, like the suggestion pissed him off. “Because no other man will go near you while I stand here. And I’ll stand here all night.”
I had to break the connection because the contact was too much. This man said the sexiest things, things my former lovers never said to me. He was the only man who could pull off lines like that.
He leaned in closer to me, maybe because the music was too loud, or maybe it was just an excuse. “You look beautiful. When I first saw you tonight, both of my hands tightened into fists because all I could think was about was yanking that dress off you.”
I’d been jealous of the women making passes at him, but they were the ones who should have been jealous of me, apparently. “Don’t torture me…”
He glanced down at my body. “You’re the one torturing me.” His arm moved around my waist and rested against the small of my back, fitting there perfectly like my curves were made for him to touch.
“Let’s not forget what we decided on.”
He kept his face close to mine as he listened. “Do you want me to go home with someone else tonight?”
I could barely tolerate it when women bought him a drink.
“Answer me, baby.”
“You already know what my answer is.”
“I want to hear you say it anyway.” He brought me into him closer, his large hand spanning across my narrow back.
“I’m your brother’s ex-wife—”
“Say it.”
“No,” I hissed through my teeth. “No, I don’t…”
His lips were practically on mine. “I don’t want you to be with that guy across the hall.”
“I figured…”
Neither one of us seemed to care if anyone noticed our closeness. We continued to stand huddled together, close enough for a kiss. His hand stayed on my back, controlling and possessive. He held me exactly the way a woman should be held.
“This is going down a path neither one of us wants to take. We’re becoming people we don’t want to be. We talked about this…”
“I know,” he said. “But no amount of talking can stop this from happening. It’s already happened, it’s already begun. This is beyond restraint. This is beyond our control. I haven’t been with a woman since the day you broke up with Jax. I’m not faithful to you because we’re in a relationship. I’m celibate because you’re the only woman I want, and anyone else will just be a disappointment.”
“It’s wrong—”
“It’s so fucking wrong. But as time keeps passing, it feels less wrong. It feels right.”
“It doesn’t change anything. Colton would never be okay with this.”
“Then he doesn’t need to find out.”
I looked into his eyes, the implication washing over me. Were we prepared to tiptoe behind his back, be the kind of monsters that hid in the shadows? “I don’t know if I can do that…”
“It’s gonna happen anyway. Tonight, we can agree to just be friends, but we both know that won’t last. I don’t know when or how it’ll happen, but it’ll happen. This beyond both of us. I’m a man of honor, integrity, and honesty, but when it comes to you…all that shit goes out the window.”
I knew I should just walk away, but I was huddled close to him like I had no intention of leaving. Now I was an accomplice in this betrayal.
“He’s the one who threw you away. He’s the one who ended it.”
“Doesn’t change the fact that I was his wife. You can spin it however you want, but we both know it’s wrong.”
“I know how wrong it is. Doesn’t change the way I feel.”
My eyes shifted back and forth as I looked into his.
“I tried. I really did. But once Jax was gone…I lost all self-control.”
“I don’t want to be a liar. I don’t want to sneak around behind his back—”
“Neither do I.”
“Then maybe we should talk to him.”
He shook his head. “We both know what his answer is going to be. And he has every right to give that answer. I’d rather have you for a short period of time than not have you at all. To enjoy you while we burn like a white-hot inferno. When the flames go out and it turns dark, we walk away. Maybe that will be enough for us to move on.”
“Or maybe it’ll make us want each other even m
ore…”
6
Colton
Tom rubbed my arm before he turned back to the bar. “I’ll pay the tab, and we’ll get out of here.” When he turned away, I could see his muscular back stretched out his t-shirt, and his jeans were snug on that perfect ass.
This was really happening.
I was about to get laid.
“I’ll be right back.” I stepped away and found Finn and Pepper standing together at a table. They were close together, as if they were having an intimate conversation like a pair of lovers.
“Guys, I need to talk to you.” I broke up their conversation and got right between them, the two best-looking people in the bar. Pepper looked like she belonged on a magazine cover in that black dress, and my brother’s masculinity was even more intense in a gay bar.
Pepper stepped away from Finn then grabbed her glass. She took a drink and finished it off before returning it to the table. “What’s up?”
Finn continued to hold his scotch at his waist, as perfectly comfortable in a gay bar as he was in a straight one. He was probably talking to Pepper like that so the guys would assume he was off-limits.
“I met this sexy dude named Tom. He asked me if I want to get out of here.” Aaron was the last thing on my mind now that I had another fish on my line. He’d never texted me back, and now that I’d put myself out there, I realized there were so many options. I didn’t need to wait around for Aaron. “He’s paying the tab right now, then we’re going to leave.”
“So why are you talking to us?” Finn asked. “We should be the last thing on your mind.”
“I don’t know… I guess I’m just nervous.” I couldn’t stand still, so I constantly shifted my weight then looked over my shoulder to make sure Tom wasn’t waiting for me. “I’ve never done this before. This guy is handsome and funny…he’s the whole package.”
“Just be confident,” Pepper said. “That’s what attracted me to you when we first met. You were so suave and easygoing. Just don’t take it too seriously. Have fun with it. Enjoy it.”
I turned to my brother. “Any advice?”
“I’ve never fucked a dude, so no. But what Pepper said is pretty good.”
“God, I’m so nervous right now.” I shook out my hands.
“Take Pepper’s advice,” my brother said. “Sex is better when both partners are confident and passionate. No one wants to sleep with a timid and self-conscious lover. The only way you could be a better lover is by not retreating or acting uncertain. So don’t shake your hands out and seem afraid. Act like there’s nothing else you want more than this guy.”
“Well…there is nothing I want more at the moment.” I’d watched enough gay porn to last a lifetime. I was ready for the real thing, to feel a man’s hands on my body. I wanted to feel the muscles of his shoulders and kiss those soft lips like there was no tomorrow.
“Then show it,” Finn said seriously. “Have fun.”
“How do you pick up so many women all the time?” I asked. “Women you don’t even know. Aren’t you nervous?”
Finn seemed like the question made him uncomfortable, which was unusual for him. “It’s just sex. I don’t overthink it. You shouldn’t either.”
“Alright. Wish me luck.” I started to walk away, but I turned back around when I remembered something. “Finn, can you make sure Pepper gets home okay? I don’t want her taking a taxi looking like a supermodel.”
She raised an eyebrow as she looked at me. “I can get home on my own—”
“I’ll take care of it.” Finn patted me on the shoulder. “Have fun.”
“Thanks.” I gave them a thumbs-up before I walked away. I stopped by Zach’s table and saw him locked in a heated embrace with Stella. “I’m going home with a stud tonight.”
Zach didn’t stop kissing Stella. All he could manage was a thumbs-up as he kept his eyes closed and sucked her face.
“You two have fun.” I knew that relationship was based on a twisted premise, but Zach wanted her so bad, he didn’t care if he was being used. If anything, he wanted to be used. I headed back to the bar and found Tom.
“There you are,” he said, smiling wide. “I was worried you got started without me.”
I’d gotten started by myself long enough. “Never.”
7
Pepper
I sat in the middle seat because Tatum was against the window. As a result, my thigh touched Finn’s, and I could feel his muscular arm against my own. He didn’t wear cologne because his natural scent was more than enough. I loved that smell. Every time it entered my nose, I imagined him naked in the shower.
Even though I imagined him naked all the time anyway.
“It didn’t work out with the bartender?” I asked.
“He doesn’t get off until two, so I told him to swing by when his shift is over.” Her blond hair was in a slick ponytail, so her slender neck was on display. Hoop earrings dangled from her lobes, adding to her classy appearance.
“That should be fun.”
“You didn’t see anyone you liked?” she asked. “Or are you still into Jax?”
I hadn’t thought about Jax much lately. The only man on my mind was the one sitting beside me. He was in my thoughts at work, at home, and in my sleep. “No. Jax and I were never going to work out. That relationship was doomed to fail from the beginning.”
“Too bad,” she said as she looked out the window. “He was hot.”
Not as hot as Finn.
“But you’ll find someone else,” Tatum said. “You can have whoever you want, Pepper. And when you’re finally ready, you can go and pick him out.”
It was ironic, because I couldn’t have the one man I actually wanted. When I thought about Finn, I never felt like I wasn’t ready to be with someone. I was ready to give myself completely to him, mind, body, and soul. When I thought about all the other men on the planet, I didn’t feel ready at all. “Yeah…maybe.”
Finn pulled up to her apartment building. He didn’t get out and walk her to her door the way he did with me. All he said was goodnight before he pulled onto the road.
I prepared to slide over to the seat by the window.
With one hand on the wheel, he grabbed my arm and pulled me back to his side. He kept his eyes on the road and didn’t admonish me verbally.
I didn’t defy his wishes.
His hand returned to his thigh, and he didn’t try to touch me. He just liked having me there, his thigh touching mine. He kept his eyes on the road and didn’t fill the silence with conversation. It made it more tense that way, but also more comfortable.
I kept my hands in my lap and resisted the urge to touch him. Colton had gone home with someone, so I felt like I had every right to do the same. Our marriage was over, and now we were just friends. Would it be that terrible if I wanted to be with Finn? I knew the hormones were clouding my judgment because that wasn’t rational thinking. Colton had always felt overshadowed by his older brother, that his parents preferred Finn to him, and if I wanted to be with Finn, it would be a betrayal. Zach was also off-limits, but I’d never been tempted with that option.
“Jax was never man enough for you.” His masculine voice broke through the silence. As always, the radio wasn’t on, and we sat in silence. Only the sound of traffic and the engine accompanied our moment.
I liked the jealousy in his voice because it made me feel less alone. Every time I saw a woman buy him a drink and tug down her dress another inch to show more cleavage, I died a little inside. This man wasn’t mine, but I felt like I owned a piece of him.
“A real man isn’t threatened by anyone, especially a gay ex-husband. A real man isn’t worried his woman will cheat because he knows she’ll find no one better. A real man doesn’t ask his woman to make sacrifices. He’s the one who makes the sacrifices.”
Jesus, this man was sexy. He said the most romantic things even though he’d never been with a woman for longer than a weekend. “I knew you never liked him…”
“Why would I like a man who’s not good enough for you?”
“Is there any man good enough for me?”
He kept his eyes on the road, one hand on the wheel. His eyes hardly blinked as he considered the question. “Me.”
I wanted to smother myself into his side and kiss his neck. I wanted to wrap my arms around his hard body and never let go. I wanted him to pull over to a random curb so he could yank up my dress and thrust inside me.
I’d never felt like this in my entire life. I’d never had this passion with Colton or Jax. With Finn, I felt a relentless need to have him. Even if it was wrong on so many levels, it didn’t seem to matter. It only made me want him more.
He parked at the curb outside my apartment and killed the engine.
“I don’t want you to walk me to my door.” Every time we stood in that hallway, something bad happened. His hand dug into my hair, and he held me like a man held a woman. A sensual hug might turn into a kiss. And a kiss could turn into something much worse.
He eyed me as he slipped his keys into his pocket. “I don’t care what you want, baby.” He opened the door and got out.
I wanted to remain behind in defiance, but it was cold and I wore almost nothing. I got out of the truck and felt his arm slide around my waist as he brought me close.
I didn’t push him away. It was nice to feel his touch, his protective embrace. I moved closer into him, knowing how it felt to be the other women he took home on the weekends. I just wished this night would end with him between my legs, every fat inch making me howl like a banshee.
He guided me up the stairs and to my front door. I wanted to get the door unlocked so I could dart inside, but he would probably follow me. And if we were alone in an apartment together, nothing good would happen. I turned around and kept my back to the door. “Thanks for driving me home.”
His eyes watched my lips move as he leaned in closer to me.
I moved back, but my ass bumped into the door.
He came closer, his chest pressing against mine as his arms slid around my waist. He tightened his grip and pulled me more firmly against him, making my back arch deeper. His nose rubbed against mine, and it seemed like he might kiss me.