by Jay Bell
“Everything else going okay? Hey, did you hear about the game yesterday? The Royals got slaughtered!”
Dr. Harland rattled on about sports. Like all of his visits, he seemed to be reading from an internal script. He spoke about David’s issues only in passing, which was just as well. He probably only showed up so he could bill the insurance company. It wouldn’t be a bad job, really. Maybe David could become a psychiatrist. Then he could get paid for shooting the shit, although he would probably be fired for helping all the kids escape.
“Well, it’s good to see you,” Dr. Harland said, starting for the door. “Oh, yeah, is the Prozac treating you well?”
“Yup.”
“Good. Good. We’re going to start you on something else. Dr. Wolf feels it will help your stress levels. No biggie. Just don’t be surprised when the nurse hands you two pills next time.”
“All right.”
When David next reported to the nurses station, two pills waited in the little paper cup they handed him. The male nurse there was giving David the eye, so he did what Elijah told him and swallowed them without question. Hopefully the new pill, like Prozac, would take several days of doses to affect his system.
Boy, was he wrong.
An hour later he was sitting in one of the lounge chairs. His arms and legs felt heavy, his mind muddled as if he had slept too long and couldn’t quite wake up. Not that he cared. Nothing seemed to matter at the moment, which was a welcome relief. His father’s visit, Connor facing trumped-up charges, or even being stuck in here when Connor got out of jail. None of it was important.
“Hey, you sexy thing!”
David turned his head, feeling like he was underwater. Sabrina’s grin faded in slow motion.
“What happened?” she asked. “Are you okay?”
David smacked his mouth. “Yeah. Fine.”
“Okay. Well, guess what Michelle just told me? You know how the new guy was put into Brandon’s room? Well, apparently Brandon walked in on him beating off to a Highlights magazine.” She laughed, and David did his best to smile. “It’s a kid’s magazine! How can you jerk off to that? There aren’t even photos in there. Just drawings of hedgehogs and stuff.”
Her words blended together, so David nodded while embracing the empty haze in his mind. When he came around again, Sabrina was no longer sitting across from him. David closed his eyes. He wasn’t tired, but he didn’t really need to see anymore than he needed anything else.
“Hey!”
That was Sabrina’s voice again, and she seemed to be shaking him, so he opened one eye reluctantly. There she was, sharing his frame of vision with a punk. The mohawk had once been red and orange, but had faded to pale hues that reminded David of strawberry and orange sherbet.
“Yum,” he said.
Sabrina turned to James. “Well?”
“Hm.” James’s face became a mask of terror. “David!” he shouted. “The hospital is on fire and the flames are spreading this way! Didn’t you hear the alarm? We gotta go, man! We’re going to die!”
David shrugged.
James’s features relaxed. “Tranquilizers,” he said. “Strong ones. What was the pill they gave you, man? A little blue diamond? Or was it a circle with a V in the middle?”
“No, no,” David said. “It was like an A in the middle, but without the little connecting bar.”
James chuckled. “Or an upside-down V. Valium’s not my favorite, but they must have you on a high dose to get you this messed up. You pocket them next time, and I’ll slip you some cash.”
“Whatever.”
James and Sabrina exchanged more words that David didn’t hear. His concentration came and went, but whenever he came back, Sabrina was with him. She looked concerned, but he saw her hide it when someone else approached. Then she pretended they were deep in conversation—a private one, she would say if the other person didn’t go away.
Later she walked David to the cafeteria for dinner. He ate because she said he should. And she made him drink cup after cup of coffee. David hated coffee, but arguing with her was too much effort. Besides, she stirred in plenty of milk and sugar for him. By the time they walked back to the main room, his synapses were starting to spark again. David even mustered up some fleeting concern for the state he was in.
“When it’s time for the evening pills,” Sabrina said, “pop them in your mouth, but put them on your tongue and press it to the roof of your mouth before you swallow. Then come back over to me.”
She must have given him these instructions a million times in the next hour, enough that David didn’t forget. By the time he came back to her, his mouth was full of a bitter taste that made him retch.
“Here.” Sabrina held out a tissue. “Quick. Spit them into this.”
David did so gladly, but it didn’t help much. The foul taste was even more sobering than the coffee.
“Better go rinse out your mouth,” Sabrina said, shoving him toward his room. “Spit for once, don’t swallow. I’ll flush these.”
Once in his bathroom, David swirled water in his mouth and spit a few times before brushing his tongue with his toothbrush. The world was starting to come back into focus, but he still felt tired, so he got into bed. All the caffeine coursing through his system wouldn’t let him sleep, so he lay there, the cotton balls receding from his mind. Eventually he was sober enough to recognize just how wasted he had been. One thing was for sure: He was never taking those pills again.
* * * * *
Sabrina grinned at David over her pancakes. “I’m getting out of here!”
“What?” He hadn’t meant to sound so panicked, but the idea of Sabrina leaving didn’t make him happy.
“Just for the day,” she said. “Don’t worry. There’s a family reunion tomorrow and my parents are pulling me out so I can be part of it.”
“Ah, the old ‘be around your annoying relatives’ punishment,” David said sagely.
“That, or they don’t want to explain to everyone that their daughter is in the loony bin for having a black boyfriend.”
They laughed, but Sabrina seemed distracted for the rest of the day. During class, she ripped a page from her notebook, carefully tore it in half and handed it to David.
“Here.”
The page had her cell phone number and email address written on it. He stared at them dumbly, amazed by how foreign such things had become. “What’s this?” he managed finally.
“My digits, sweet cheeks.”
“I know, but I can’t exactly call you from my room.”
“I know you know,” Sabrina said. “I thought we should exchange contact info. Just in case.”
“Just in case of what?”
“I don’t know. You’ll probably be out of here before I am, right?”
But she didn’t sound convinced.
Sabrina went from distant to clingy in the evening. David decided she was probably nervous about being out in the real world again. Or maybe she hoped her parents would keep her out permanently. He tried not to think about it. They had found an ancient version of Trivial Pursuit in the classroom that day and brought it back to the lounge to play in the evening, trying their best to make every question obscene. What’s the fastest swimming marine animal? became What’s the fastest urinating animal? And How many furlongs to a mile? was transformed into How many dongs to a mouth? They had so much fun that David didn’t think about her leaving until the next day, when he missed her at breakfast.
Saturday was never a good day at the hospital. Visitors were more likely to come then, and more often than not, these visits brought memories of lost friends and freedoms. This particular Saturday was especially depressing because Sabrina wasn’t there.
David’s mom came to visit him, but Jeff was with her, which made conversation stilted and awkward. Jeff, for once, seemed happy, like David was finally where he belonged. Jeff gave a lecture about growing up and taking responsibility, which David tuned out early on. He was glad to see them go.
> David’s father wouldn’t come until Monday. He had an optional workshop with his students this weekend—one of the downtown tours he enjoyed so much. David wished his father had come today instead of his mom. The suspense was unbearable, waiting to see what Dr. Wolf had up his sleeve, if he would do to Connor what they had done to Corey’s boyfriend. He worried that Dr. Wolf was working on his father in the meantime, convincing him to cut Connor out of David’s life one way or another.
The slow Sunday wore on, and as night fell, David began to wonder how long family reunions lasted. He had only been to a few, each one in a public park where everyone ate grilled burgers, homemade potato salad, and devilled eggs. It was nearly bedtime when Nick called him into the room used for his group meetings, the circle of chairs empty.
Nick polished his Lennon glasses, peering at David as if deciding how to proceed. “We need you to be honest,” he began. “Think about your friend’s safety. That’s the important thing. No one is in trouble, so you won’t be telling on anyone, really.”
“What are you talking about?”
Nick cleared his throat. “Sabrina.”
Then David knew. He didn’t need Nick to go on, though he did.
“She stole her parents’ car. The police are trying to find her, but she’ll be in a lot less trouble if her parents can find her first. We need you to tell us where she went or at least where she’s likely to go. She’s not in trouble.”
But she would be, no matter how much Nick repeated that lie, and Sabrina was much too clever to tell David her plan. That way he couldn’t rat her out even if he wanted to. Not that he ever would have. He didn’t take it personally that she hadn’t confided in him. Maybe her escape had been spontaneous. But she must have suspected, because she gave him her contact information.
“I don’t know,” David said. “She talked about Branson, Missouri, a lot. Her boyfriend kept promising to take her there. That’s all I can say.”
Nick’s eyes lit up like he had a lead. David waited until he was back in his own room before he laughed. David had lied, of course. The police would probably call every hotel in a ten-mile radius of Branson, but David couldn’t imagine a lady like Sabrina ever going there. She was much too classy.
David was going to miss her charm, her contagious laugh, and the way she spoke a little too loud when excited. He would never forget the way she took care of him when he was doped up. He hoped, somewhere down the road when he and Connor were together again, that they would run into Sabrina and her boyfriend. Hell, maybe they would start their own commune, a sanctuary for forbidden loves. They could build a fortress circled by walls, and shun society the way they had been shunned. Mostly, though, he was glad she was free.
Chapter Twenty-three
“Not much longer for you, is it?” Wade set down his book, finished with another one already. His question was odd, since he usually preferred to discuss the author’s style, the plot’s pacing, or other literary matters. “Two days left, right?”
“Three,” Connor corrected.
“Somebody waiting for you out there?”
“Yeah.” So far their personal lives hadn’t been a subject they shared. Wade was never forthcoming or interested when Connor talked about his own.
“That’s good. Nice girl?”
“Guy, actually.”
Wade mulled this over. Then he nodded. “Okay.”
Connor wasn’t sure where to take the conversation from there, so he nodded toward the book Wade had set down. “Any good?”
“It was the first time I read it. The second, third, and fourth as well.” Wade pushed it away. “Now I’m getting a little tired of it.”
“Don’t they ever bring in new books?” Connor asked. “I mean, how did these books get here?”
“Brought in by visitors and left behind by inmates. Maybe a few were donated.”
“All right, well, I still owe you a favor for backing me up with Leonard. I could bring some books in for you. How about that?”
“Not a bad idea,” Wade said.
“Any requests?”
“Now that you mention it …”
Wade took out a folded piece of paper he’d been using to mark his place. He handed it to Connor, who unfolded it. In tidy handwriting were ten titles and the corresponding authors.
“Do you always carry this around?” Connor asked.
Wade appeared embarrassed. “Actually, I was planning to ask you for some books once you’re out. You mentioned it before I had a chance.”
They both laughed. Too bad they hadn’t met in the outside world. Connor liked to think they would have been friends. Maybe that would be possible in the future.
“Do you have much time left?” Connor asked.
“A couple of months.”
“Not bad.” He wanted to know more but held back.
“I hurt someone I love,” Wade said, answering the unasked question. “I didn’t mean to. It was the first and the last time, and it was very wrong of me. This guy that’s waiting for you out there. You love him?”
“Yeah,” Connor said. “I do.”
“Just be careful. Passion is a bridge that connects love and hate. When you’re standing in the middle of that bridge, don’t let yourself get turned around. You’ve got to make sure you know which direction you’re heading. Watch yourself.”
“I will,” Connor said.
“You know the problem with this book,” Wade said, tapping the paperback, “is the way the author sets up each chapter.”
Wade launched into his usual book analysis, Connor nodding along, but really he was still thinking about what Wade had said. Passion hadn’t led him to hurt David, but it had driven him to hurt Chuck. And while he still didn’t feel sorry about that, he did regret that it separated him and David. When he got out of jail and David got out of the hospital, Connor would run across that bridge straight back to love and never look back.
* * * * *
A gentle knock came on the door. David sat up, stomach filling with dread when he saw his father’s head poking around the door. Since Sabrina had gone AWOL, David had done little except fear today’s meeting. He stood and opened the door the rest of the way, grabbing onto his dad tightly when he opened his arms for a hug.
“Good to see you, David.”
“Yeah, you too. Dr. Wolf’s not with you?”
“Stuck in traffic. He called me on my way here.”
“Oh. Well, come in.”
David’s room wasn’t much, but his father made his usual cursory inspection, looking at everything with polite interest as if this were David’s first apartment. Then, without prompting, he started making the bed. David hadn’t bothered because they changed the sheets on Mondays.
He watched his father work. David had been making his own bed since he was twelve, so this didn’t happen often. He wasn’t huffing and getting it done as if David should have done it himself. Instead there was something loving about the gesture. Once he was finished, his father sat on the bed’s edge and looked up at him.
“Dr. Wolf has some strange ideas about Connor,” he said.
David swallowed. “Like what?”
“He thinks I should … Well, he seems to feel your association with him isn’t healthy.”
During the past few days, David had imagined leaping to his feet when this topic was broached, declaring his undying love for Connor, and shouting that no one would ever tear them apart. Instead he sat down on the bed next to his father and asked, “What do you think?”
His father sighed. “I kept thinking of how he called the house before your birthday, and how excited he was about taking you to Florida. He didn’t ask for a penny. Just my permission. And he promised to take care of you. I don’t think he meant only the trip. What he did to Chuck, well—” He cleared his throat. “Your mother and I went to a bar once, after one of those dinner theaters she was so fond of. I came back from the restroom and found a man talking to her. I heard her tell him to go away. Then the man s
aid something lewd and put his hand on her arm. It was bare, because of the dress she was wearing, which made it even more upsetting.”
“What did you do?”
“I marched over there and pushed him aside.”
“You did?”
His father laughed nervously. “Yes. Thankfully I’d already had a few drinks. This man was about twice my size, but he must have felt sorry for me because he backed down. Thank god he did. I wouldn’t have lasted long in a fight.”
“But you took the risk anyway.”
“I was a lot younger then,” his father said dismissively.
A silence fell between them until David decided to take advantage of it. “This isn’t working,” he said. “Me being here, it’s not helping. I’m not turning my back on Connor, and I still want to move to Florida. I don’t know if I want to go to college, but if I do, it’s got to be on my terms. You can go bankrupt keeping me in here, but it won’t make a difference. I don’t think it does for anybody.”
At least not that he had seen. Michelle hadn’t gained any weight, James still spent every waking moment high, and Sabrina had run off with the guy she loved. Many similar stories filled these halls, and David couldn’t honestly say any of those people had benefitted from being here. At best, the hospital was a rest stop, a small repose from the world that had damaged them in the first place.
“I miss seeing you around the house,” his father said. “The silence reminds me of when your mother left. You didn’t say a word to me for weeks. Do you remember?”
David nodded.
“I think you blamed me for driving her away. I blamed myself. Sometimes I still do.” His father took a deep breath. “But usually I understand that she fell in love with another man and that such things can’t be helped, just like your feelings for Connor. I don’t want to drive you away. You can go to Florida if you want, and I’ll call you every day to make sure you’re in school and heading toward college. I can’t help loving the things I do either. But promise me, David, that you’ll always come back to see me.”