A.J. Jacobs Omnibus: The Know-It-All, The Year of Living Biblically, My Life as an Experiment

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A.J. Jacobs Omnibus: The Know-It-All, The Year of Living Biblically, My Life as an Experiment Page 87

by A. J. Jacobs


  Dead Sea Scrolls

  December holidays, Bible’s scant guidance on

  definitions and etymologies:

  of “Bible,”

  of “blasphemy,”

  of “day,”

  of “evil tongue,”

  of “helmet,”

  of “Isaac,”

  definitions and etymologies

  of “Israel,”

  of “lying,”

  of “Mazal tov,”

  of “own,” as in “own husband,”

  of “profanity,”

  of “sacred,”

  of “scapegoat,”

  of “sex,”

  of “stealing” (e.g. straws from Starbucks)

  of “tumah,”

  of “work,”

  de la Hoya, Oscar

  DeMille, Cecil B., God’s apparent contract with

  Dent, Martin, Jubilee epiphany of

  Des (nanny), AJ mootly given permission to have affair with

  Descartes, René, AJ’s seven previous references to fetish of

  Deuteronomy, Book of:

  on binding money to your hand

  on binding the commandments to your hand and between your eyes

  on correct attire

  on the generations punished for fathers’ sins

  on keeping the feast of booths

  on a lifetime of Bible reading

  on loans to your neighbor

  on the Lord’s send off to Moses

  on Moses’ completion of his book

  on not hardening your heart against your poor brethren

  on not mixing wool and linen

  on not taking the mother bird with the young

  on offering peace before attacking enemy

  on returning lost property

  the Shema in

  on sparing the rod, and then some

  on teaching children obedience to God’s laws

  on thanksgiving prayer

  on there being no escape from God’s curses

  on time of Egyptian slavery

  on tithing produce

  on when to break a cow’s neck

  witnesses of sin required in

  on writing the commandments on your doorposts

  Deutsch, Nathaniel, on Esau’s “kiss,”

  Diaz, Cameron, plans for ignoring love life of

  Dickinson, Emily, all white wardrobe of

  Diesel, Vin, actually paying to see a movie of

  dinosaurs

  how Noah fit them into the ark

  humans once on friendly terms with

  medieval dragons as

  Dismantling the Big Bang,

  DIY religion

  Dobson, James, paddling recommended by

  Doctors Without Borders and other selfless secular groups

  documentary hypothesis

  doing good, by secularists vs. people of faith

  Dome of the Rock

  dominionism, influence of

  Don’t Know Much about the Bible(Davis)

  doorpost:

  lamb’s blood painted on

  slave put against (it’s complicated and horrific)

  writing commandments on

  Dora the Explorer, eye-catching suburban mom on

  earth age

  significance of a life compared to

  Ecclesiastes (Qohelet): on dabbing oil on head

  eating and drinking encouraged by

  on overhearing your servant (or others) curse you

  on seasonality

  on there being a time for every matter

  on there being no end of books

  a time for not reading of

  on visiting the house of mourning

  on wearing white garments

  on when an untimely birth is better than living

  on the whole duty of man

  on the uncertainties of life

  writer of

  Eden, Garden of: the actual forbidden fruit in

  creationist diorama of

  edible crickets, locusts, etc.

  eggs: human, implanting of

  Karaite avoidance of

  pigeon’s, sensitively separating mother from

  Egypt, ancient

  Hebrew Exodus from

  Hebrew slavery in

  reciting only Nine plagues of

  size of private parts in

  teenage AJ in family visit to

  Eighth Commandment

  see also stealing

  Einstein, Albert, neuron-sparing identical suits in closet of

  elders, rising in honor of

  elimination issues, outdoor, directionality in

  Elizabeth (friend), coveted front yard of

  Encyclopaedia Britannica,

  see also Know-It-All, The encyclopedias, Bible’s differences from

  end times, how now red cows are signs of

  Ephesians, Epistle to, on unwholesome talk

  Epicureanism, Ecclesiastes as Bible’s best source of

  epiphanies: at bat mitzvah

  on Bible project

  of experiencing oneness in AJ’s teen years

  on God’s “immersion journalism,”

  on Jubilee concept linked to third-world debt

  of longed-for spiritual state

  ritual chicken as Isaac to AJ’s Abraham

  Epstein, Rabbi, on kaparot ritual

  Equal Rights 4 All

  equal-time policy

  “erythrocyte,” AJ haunted by memories of

  Esau, Jacob and

  Escher, M. C., biblical paradox likened to drawings of

  Esquire magazine

  AJ’s stint as food editor of

  “Bible guy” assigned mischievously by

  “dressage dinosaur” mocked by

  God contrasted with

  menstrual schedules emailed to AJ at

  no-sex productivity at

  poly-cotton T-shirt of

  Esquire magazine (cont.) raiding supply cabinet of

  serpent-handling article of

  Wikipedia article of

  Essenes, white clothes of

  Esther, story of

  ethics, faith-based

  Ethiopia, Judah warned of alliance with

  etrog, see Adam’s etrog

  evangelical Christianity

  faith vs. good works in

  in gay, anti-Robertson Bible study group

  gay issue as viewed in

  key difference between Judaism and

  literalists of

  primacy of being born again in

  in Sabbath comeback

  transformation in following Christ promised by

  Evangelicals Concerned

  Bible verses read in

  Jesus’ divinity emphasized in

  knowledge of clothes in

  see also Blair, Ralph

  Eve, at Creationist Museum

  see also Adam and Eve

  everything: purposefulness of

  thankfulness for

  written in the Book of Life

  evil tongue (lashon hara)

  see also forbidden speech

  evolution, creationist rejection of

  Exodus, Book of

  on adultery

  on causing a pregnant woman to lose her offspring

  on coveting

  cursing ruler of your people banned in

  on God’s paramountcy

  on graven images

  on honoring your parents

  on how not to forget the Ten Commandments

  on keeping the Sabbath

  on a land flowing with milk and honey

  on making incense

  on making no mention of other gods

  on marking hand and forehead as a memorial to the Lord’s law

  on not joining hands with wicked men

  on not oppressing strangers

  on penalty for striking parents

  on rules for Passover

  on separating milk and meat (and ult
imately banning cheeseburgers)

  on stealing

  on treatment of slaves

  “eye for an eye,”

  “turn the other cheek” vs.

  Ezekiel: earthy language of

  God’s bread-making instruction to

  heroic performances of

  on intergenerational punishment

  on the sweetness of the roll God has given him

  false evidence

  false gods

  false Messiah (Antichrist)

  false prophets

  false witness, liars given hope by narrowed views on

  Falwell, Jerry

  attending a disappointingly bland sermon of

  9/11 seen as divine retribution by

  rueful lying on visit to

  “soul winners” encouraged by, ultraliteral Christianity well represented by

  family, immortality achieved through

  fantasies, truth telling about

  Farrow, Mia

  Feed the Children

  fertility:

  Bible awash with thoughts of

  see also being fruitful and multiplying; pregnancy

  fertility clinic

  AJ and Julie at

  inquiring about last frozen embryo at

  fibers, mixed, ban against

  Fifth Commandment

  see also parents, honoring of

  Finding Nemo, creationist view of

  First Amendment rights

  First Commandment

  see also God

  Fluker’s Farms, edible bugs supplied by

  Focus on the Family

  Foer, Jonathan Safran, coveted speaking fee of

  Fonzie, nonmenacing white worn by

  food

  banned, see forbidden foods

  giving thanks for

  going vegetarian with scriptural backing

  grease-soaked latkes, scriptural silence on

  of Hebrew slaves in Egypt

  kosher but actually inedible

  locusts, crickets, and grasshoppers on list of approved bugs

  modified Mediterranean diet

  of rabbits

  Robertson’s age-defying pancakes

  Food and Drug Administration

  food metaphors:

  biting off more than you can chew

  in cafeteria religion

  chopped-salad laws

  on having a hunger and/or a thirst

  in Song of Solomon

  foot washing:

  Amish

  gargling compared to

  offered (unsuccessfully) to AJ’s guests

  forbidden beds

  forbidden bugs

  forbidden chairs

  forbidden clothes:

  if disturbingly form fitting

  of mixed fibers

  nonwhite

  of questionable skins

  women’s, unless women are wearing them

  forbidden drink, biblical ambiguities about

  forbidden foods

  cheeseburgers

  in common restrictions of the day

  elusive rules on

  lists of

  tribal identity, not health, as basis of

  forbidden footballs (if pigskin)

  forbidden fruit

  fig, grape, pomegranate…

  orange, not apple as

  from recently planted tree

  forbidden fun

  forbidden games

  forbidden haircuts

  forbidden holidays

  forbidden images

  see also idols, idolatry

  forbidden pity, in rarely applied tactic

  forbidden Sabbath behavior

  forbidden sex, see adulterers, adultery; bestiality; homosexuality; incest; but not polygamy forbidden speech

  AJ’s clamming up rather than spewing of

  allowable types of

  biblical synonyms for

  bloviating putz’s narrow escape from torrent of

  Julie chided on resorting to

  metaphors for

  often avoided in AJ’s presence

  Talmud on

  forbidden tap water

  forbidden uncle, see Gil (ex-uncle)

  forbidden women:

  impure, periodic avoidance of

  married; see also adulterers, adultery

  in purple flip-flops or low-riding, Calvins; see also lust avoidance

  virgins, with important exceptions

  forbidden words, D

  A-

  of an atheist’s Methodist, Victorian aunt

  B-

  of a beloved vegan-feminist, politically correct aunt

  cleaner (and mainly sweeter) substitutes for

  in ClearPlay

  of creationists

  F-

  H-

  S-

  sound-alike surrogates for

  see also forbidden speech

  forbidden work

  Ford, Henry

  foreskin, men (who else?) seeking recovery of

  forgiveness:

  with an asterisk

  of debts

  in Jesus’ moral teaching

  in Jonah story

  for meeting ex-uncle

  no literal limits to

  rationality transcended in

  forklifts and cement mixers, God as arguably in

  forty days:

  Israelite impatience with

  much to talk about in

  Fourth Commandment

  see also Sabbath

  freedom from choice

  free speech, responsibility vs.

  free will

  Freud, Sigmund

  on obsessional character of religion

  fringes, see tassels

  Fryer, Greg

  Frying Pan, fashion show at

  dismayingly provocative outfits worn at

  foxy payot fondler given the brush at

  fundamentalists

  beyond-the-pale

  on Bible’s authorship

  cafeteria religion as seen by

  domino theory of

  modernists vs.

  as modern phenomenon

  polygamous sects of

  red heifer in eschatological scenario of

  righteous idiocy as logical direction of

  serpent handlers, an engaging subclass of

  Galambush, Julie, on Israelite bloodletting

  Galatians, Epistle to, on crucifying one’s passions and desires

  games:

  forbidden

  movie-title

  gay marriage, creationists on

  gender equality:

  Bible’s moments of

  Israelite level of interest in

  gender segregation:

  Hasidic

  Samaritan

  Genesis:

  on Abraham’s attempted deception of the Pharaoh

  on being fruitful and multiplying

  on circumcision

  on creation of the heavens and earth

  on early-rising Abraham

  on Eden’s population

  fertility “dominant theme” of

  on the heat

  on how man and woman must cleave to each other

  on Jacob and Esau

  on Leah’s again conceiving and bearing a son

  on Leah’s trade of son’s dud mandrakes for a night with, Jacob

  on the Lord’s promise to Abraham to multiply his seed

  on the Lord’s view that Adam should not live a solitary life

  on offering drink

  on pain in childbearing

  pot smoking supposedly favored by

  on speaking to the Lord about sparing Sodom

  Tamar’s tale in

  on tithing

  genocide, biblical

  geocentric universe, far-out creationists’ belief in

  Gerizim, Mount, sacredness of

  germaphobia

  Gershom ben Judah, one-spouse-only law of


  Gershon (friend)

  Gil (ex-uncle)

  adoring and docile cult followers of

  autobiography of (Coming Back to Earth)

  biblical literalism of

  biography of (Yea God)

  cult leadership qualities observed in

  ex-nephew’s first meeting with

  family dread and denial of

  faulty sign language of

  God’s eye is evidently on the, sparrow’s droppings that fall on

  guests who give lip to

  inspirational tassels of

  omnivorous spirituality of

  “Only holy topics!” demanded of guests by

  parents’ forgiveness for AJ’s meeting with

  quasifamous dinner of

  theological principles of

  three years’ silence of

  gleanings

  in AJ’s cucumber fiasco

  Ruth’s gathering of Boaz and

  updating harvest idea in

  Glickman, Kim, extrasensory talents imagined in

  global warming, Falwell’s reassurances about

  God:

  attempted visualizing of

  avoiding idolatry in worship of

  God (cont.)

  bargaining with and wasting time of

  children punished for fathers’ sins by

  cluttering in-box of; see also prayer

  despite intercession, Sodom and, Gomorrah laid waste by

  a different type of cooking dung as Ezekiel’s plea to

  as dwelling more easily in text than images

  Eden justly regulated by

  feeling the pleasure of

  first words to Adam from

  first words to Moses from

  free will as lesson to parents from

  how the sparrow’s droppings may be eyed by

  human emotions of

  “immersion journalism” as creation of

  interactiveness of

  Jonah’s fury at

  on a “learning curve,”

  mainly said when preceded by, “Oh my,”

  minister’s specifications for a wife met on time by

  name of

  at Paramount

  prosperity seen as will of

  reason for praise of

  three phases of belief in

  thunderous curses tipping scale against blessings of

  traditional arguments for existence of

  unconditional love from

  what to tell children about

  woman now on drawing board, Adam told by

  as Yahweh, boss of all other, Gods

  God: A Biography(Miles)

  Gods and Generals,

  God’s Politics (Wallis)

  “God willing,”

  Goldberg, Michelle, on Dominionist influence

  Good News Bible

  Good Samaritan, Jesus’ parable of

  Good Samaritan Coffee Shop

  good servant, parable of

  Gordon, Nehemiah, on biblically sound diet

  gossip (evil tongue)

  see also forbidden speech

  Gould, Stephen Jay, on science vs. religion

  grace, pre-vs. postprandial

  Graham, Billy

  hotel rooms specially prepared for

  Greenberg, Steven, on partnership of, God and humanity

 

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