by Andrew Grey
DINNER WAS subdued to say the least. Robin had called Albert to let him know what had happened before he went down to dinner. Albert had been furious and said he’d reconsider Freiburg as a stop on any tours for next season.
“If it’s getting dangerous, I don’t want to bring anyone else there.” He was angry, though Robin ended up calming him down.
“Everyone is okay. Kyle wasn’t hurt badly, and the police have the men in custody. We took the tour to the Black Forest, and tomorrow we’re leaving.” There was little else they could do at this point, and Robin was just happy to be putting this stop behind them.
No one went out after dinner. Instead, they lingered in the restaurant, talking and drinking before making their way back for the night. Robin had a drink himself, which was unusual, but he had to have a talk with Johan that he wasn’t looking forward to.
“It’s a nice evening,” Johan said as they walked back to the hotel, and Robin nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets. “What’s going on?”
“We need to talk, and I….” Robin paused on the corner, the street empty and quiet. “The last few nights have been nice….” He wiped his head. “I don’t know what’s going on or what you think is happening, but….” He stepped back when Johan reached for his hand.
“Did I do something wrong?” Johan asked.
Robin shook his head. “It’s….” He started walking toward the hotel again, each footstep seeming heavier than the last. “There are things you don’t know.”
“So tell me.” Johan caught up to him in a few strides, walking next to him on the cobbles. They moved to the side as a car rumbled down the narrow street, the tires thunking repeatedly on the stones.
Robin shook his head again, not wanting to have this conversation on the street.
They arrived at the hotel and went up to the room. Robin closed the door and sat on the edge of the bed. “Look. I need to explain something. I told you I got a new heart…. Well, most people are lucky if they make it through the first year, and my transplant was six years ago. I have six or maybe eight years left.” He swallowed. “Mason told me that was part of why he broke things off.”
“And you think I’ll do that same thing?” Johan asked, aghast.
“No. That’s just it. You’re a better person than he is. You’d stay with me because that’s the kind of guy you are. You’d look after me and put your life on hold for me.” Robin needed to keep this short and sweet. Dragging it out wasn’t going to help. “After the stuff with Mason, I knew I had to make the most of the time I had left, but I can’t hurt someone else, not that way Mason hurt me.” He lifted his gaze from his shoes. “You need to find someone who will be with you, someone you can grow old with. Because that isn’t going to be me. I’m not going to grow old.” His leg shook, but he knew what he was saying was right.
“Did Mason feed you that line of Scheiße?” Johan asked. “That man is a Schweinehund.”
Under normal circumstances, Robin would have smiled at the German curses. Calling someone a pig-dog in English didn’t carry the same impact. “But what if he’s right? How are you going to feel if in a few years, the person you love is gone?” He didn’t even want to insinuate himself in his own thoughts. A little distance was the only way he could get the words out. “I know we haven’t started anything, not really. You’re a nice man, and you deserve something more than what I can give you.” He took a deep breath. “Maybe it’s best if we become friends and nothing else.” Just saying the words hurt.
Johan was stunned, staring at him with his mouth open slightly. He took a step back toward the door. “Is that what you really want?”
Robin groaned. “Why does what I want matter? I probably should go back to Milwaukee and work in my parents’ bar. It would make them happy.” He leaned forward, his head in his hands.
“Is that what you want? Not what you think you should do, but what you really want?” Johan knelt in front of him, and when Robin uncurled slightly, Johan placed his hand on his chest. “Here. Right here?”
“That’s just it. What I want or what my heart wants doesn’t matter. It’s borrowed anyway. I got a new one from someone else, and it will only last so long. The odds of another are astronomical, and when my time is up… that’s it.” Robin placed his hand on top of Johan’s. “I don’t want to hurt you or anyone else.”
Johan’s hand stayed where it was. “You’re the one who was hurt. Remember? Mason is the reason for all of this… foolishness.” Johan’s hand slipped away, the heat that built under it fading to nothing. “You have not answered my question. Is this what you want?” Johan stood, stepped toward the door, and placed his hand on the knob.
Robin opened his mouth to say that it wasn’t, not really. He looked at Johan, trying to keep the hope out of his eyes. It truly was best if he didn’t pursue this. “Johan, I….”
Johan opened the room door. “Does what I want matter in this?”
Robin blinked, hoping like hell to hold back the threatening tears. How could he already feel so empty about the loss of someone he’d never really paid attention to less than a week earlier?
Robin jumped when the door banged closed again. Johan covered the few feet between them in the blink of an eye and hauled Robin to his feet. Johan held him firmly, and Robin gasped when their gazes met. Before he could pull back, Johan kissed him, hard enough and with enough heat that he had to make sure his heart was still beating. Once the shock wore off, he let go and kissed Johan back, wrapping his arms around Johan’s neck just to make sure this was real and to ensure he didn’t end up in a heap on the floor.
Damn, Johan could kiss, and if this was the last one he got for the rest of his life, Robin knew he could now die a happy man.
When Johan pulled back, Robin gasped for breath for a second as Johan stared into his eyes. “Why don’t you let me decide what I want to do. Okay? I can decide what I want just like you can, and there’s no need to be noble on my account.” He stroked Robin’s cheek.
“But we’ve only known each other for… a couple of days, and we ended up in bed together.” Robin snickered.
“We’ve known each other for longer than that.” Johan bumped his hip. “Why do you think I asked for this tour and cut my hair and all? You said I looked like this Cousin Itt, whoever that is, and….”
Robin blushed. He hadn’t thought he’d ever said that out loud. But then maybe he’d said it to Albert, who had a big mouth. Robin was a little embarrassed that it took Johan changing his looks for Robin to really notice him. He smoothed his hand over Johan’s dark silken locks. “You’re pretty sexy, and all the other guys think so too.” Robin winked at him.
“I really don’t care what the others think. There’s only one person whose opinion I care about.” He cupped Robin’s cheeks.
“Yeah, but you could have anyone you wanted. Everyone—the guys, the ladies—they all think you’re drop-dead gorgeous. Everywhere we go, you turn heads, and basically I try to disappear into the woodwork.”
“Why do you think I noticed you?” Johan cocked his eyebrows. “You were always scurrying around in the background, taking care of everyone else and making sure they were having a good time. Then you sat outside on benches or in cafés, waiting while everyone else had fun. I thought maybe you should have some of your own once in a while.” Johan closed the distance between them, pressing Robin back against the bed.
Robin tensed. “Are you sure about this?”
Johan slid his arms around Robin’s waist. “How about you go ahead and take a turn in the bathroom? I’m going to get undressed out here, and I’ll meet you in bed.” Johan released him, and Robin stepped back.
“I know you’ve already seen me, but….”
“Liebling, we don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for. There’s no hurry for anything.” Johan sat on the edge of the bed, and Robin slipped into the bathroom.
He stared at himself in the mirror over the sink. “Come on, heart, don’t fail me now.”
>
Chapter 4
ROBIN DIDN’T want to get out of bed. Everything was warm, comfortable, and perfect.
The alarm on his phone cut through Robin’s contentment like a knife.
“We have to get up,” Johan grumbled from behind him, still half asleep. As groggy as they both seemed, Robin would have thought they had been up half the night, but instead they’d stayed up talking until just after eleven.
“I know.” Robin yawned and got out of bed. He hurried to the bathroom and closed the door behind him. It was strange after being naked under the covers all night. Still, he was self-conscious.
A knock sounded and then the door cracked open. “You all right?” Johan asked, stepping inside and winding his arms around Robin’s waist. Johan was naked too, and there was no place for Robin to hide.
He closed his eyes. If he couldn’t see himself, then maybe Johan wouldn’t see him. Yeah, it was a little ostrichy, but it was what he needed to do to keep his anxiety from spiking.
“Liebling. Open your eyes. I don’t know what you’re so afraid of. I’ve seen you.”
Robin felt Johan take a breath, waiting, and slid his eyes open.
“Maybe you need to look at yourself. So you have some scars. They aren’t ugly. They’re just there.” He held him tighter.
“Mason never wanted to see me. I used to get undressed in the dark and got right into bed.”
Johan sighed. “Was that for him or for you? Maybe he was just going along with what he thought you wanted.” Johan met his gaze in the mirror.
Robin tensed, and it was on the edge of his tongue to deny it, but he couldn’t. Robin wanted to think the worst of Mason, but maybe…. Blaming the failure of their relationship on Mason was easy, but they both had a hand in it. Well, Mason more than him, but he was partly to blame.
“Is this one from the heart transplant?” Johan asked, trailing a finger along the scar that ran down his chest.
“Yes. They had already opened my heart to try to repair it, and they had to go in again for the transplant. The scar used to be really angry, but over the years, it has pinked and faded somewhat. But it’s all I see when I look at myself.” Robin reached for his kit and pulled out a pill bottle. He took one out and popped it into his mouth. He downed it with water and leaned back against Johan. “I have to take those twice a day just to keep my heart working and my body from rejecting it. I also take another one at night, and I have antibiotics that I can take if I get an infection and need a doctor to treat me. I don’t take them without a doctor’s authorization, but I have to have them on hand because other types could put me in danger.”
“Then you know your body pretty well.” Johan leaned closer to suck lightly at the base of his neck. “I’d like to get to know it too.”
Robin shivered, then giggled, stifling it when he heard how stupid he sounded. “Yes, I do. I have to rest when I need to. Getting overtired puts a strain on me.” Johan’s warmth spread from where his front touched Robin’s back to the rest of him.
“So is making love too much of a strain?” Johan asked.
Robin groaned as Johan’s hard cock pressed against his butt. Jesus. He’d seen him at the spa, but not like this, and damn, the man was even more gorgeously proportioned than Robin had imagined.
“I can do most everything anyone else can do. Except I’m not going to be running marathons or going to the Olympics. I have to stay within my physical limits.” He closed his eyes and let Johan play his body like a fine instrument. “I can’t believe you like me… like this.”
“Like what?” Johan whispered. “You need to let this ‘I’m not good enough’ thing go. It isn’t helping you.”
Robin turned around to face him, trying not to let his eyes slip southward. If he did, it was likely they were going back to bed, and then everyone on the tour would know what they were up to because they’d be waiting out front… for a while. “It’s hard to let it go.”
“You still hear Mason, don’t you?” Johan asked, and Robin nodded. “Then tonight, after the night watchman tour, you and I will go to our room and I’ll make you forget that ass ever existed.” Johan pulled him closer, and Robin stilled, his expression hardening.
“How do you know we’ll be sharing a room?”
Johan cleared his throat, and Robin knew he had him. He stepped away, crossing his arms across his chest. “When I asked Albert to make me your driver, I told him we could share rooms to save money.” He had the decency to blush.
“I see.” Robin wanted to be angry, but there was no way.
“I wanted to know you, and you seemed distant, so I pushed a little.” Johan turned away and pulled open the door. “I will leave you to clean up.” He patted Robin’s ass gently, then left the bathroom, chuckling as he closed the door.
Robin was tempted to get Albert on the phone and read him the riot act. Not only had he gone along with this harebrained scheme, he’d been cheap enough to capitalize on it. The jerk. It seemed to have worked out, but Robin wasn’t sure how he felt about being played. Then again, Johan had rescued him from a second night on that awful cot back in Freiburg….
He cracked the door open, peering out. “I don’t know whether to thank you or smack you.”
Johan smirked and turned his back, wagging his ass. “You could do both.” He cocked his eyebrows, and Robin rolled his eyes, closing the bathroom door. There was no fucking way in hell he could be angry with him after that.
Robin shaved and brushed his teeth before washing up. After drying off, he wrapped the towel around his waist and left the bathroom for Johan. He passed him with a smirk, shutting off his hotness with the snick of the closing door. Robin dressed and packed his things. “I’ll see you down in the lobby,” he called through the door, and left the room.
Most of the group was in the breakfast room with their luggage already. Robin got something quick to eat and then collected keys, counting off each room to make sure he had them all. Mason and Grant weren’t down yet. Billy and Kyle handed over their key, holding hands, and Robin hoped whatever had been between the two of them was worked out. Maybe Billy had mustered up the courage to tell Kyle how he felt.
“Johan will be down shortly to bring the bus around. We need to stay on schedule today. Rothenburg is always very busy, with a lot of people flooding the town during the day. My advice is to look around and do any shopping you want while the stores are open. Tonight we have the night watchman tour, and he’ll take us all through the town. It’s an amazing tour with a lot of explanation and history included.” He pulled out his phone and called Mason. “Where are you?” Robin asked as soon as he answered.
“Out. I’ll be back before nine,” Mason said as though it was nothing.
“Then we’ll be gone, and you can find your way on your own. The bus leaves at eight. That’s printed in all the tour material.” Fuck and blast. What the hell was Mason doing out already at this hour?
“Robin, come on.” Mason used the tone that had always worked to get Robin to back down, and he actually found himself looking at his watch, figuring how he could make up the hour.
“Nope. Either get here in half an hour or be left behind.” Robin ended the call and shoved his phone in his pocket, ignoring Mason’s calls and messages. Everyone else on the tour didn’t need to be inconvenienced because of Mason’s self-centeredness.
Grant came down the stairs looking like death warmed over. He slumped into a chair after getting two cups of coffee.
“What happened to you?” Billy asked.
“I went out with Mason, and….” Whatever else he was going to say ended up coming out as a groan.
“Did you bring your bags down?” Robin asked.
“I’ll get them as soon as I’m alive again.” Grant groaned again and drank some more coffee. Not that it would do him much good.
“Grant,” Robin said, leaning a little closer so he could speak privately, wrinkling his nose. “You’d be better off taking a shower and getting your bags packed.
The way you are now, no one is going to sit anywhere near you on the bus.” He reeked of alcohol, stale cigarettes, and God knows what else.
Robin held his breath as he got Grant up and moving toward the stairs. Apparently their little know-it-all had let go of his inner geek and was making up for lost partying time. At the start of the tour, Robin would have guessed he’d be having hangover problems with Billy and Kyle, but they were now sober and bright-eyed.
“Finish eating and let’s get the bus loaded.”
Oliver stood, looking around. “Where’s Mason? Everyone else is here. He had the room next to ours, and we heard him early this morning.”
“Mason is out, apparently,” Robin supplied, sitting back down.
Johan sat next to him with a cup of coffee and a light breakfast—well, a light one for him. Johan’s plate was covered, and he ate with a hearty appetite. “I’m going to need my strength for tonight,” Johan whispered just loud enough for Robin to hear.
He blushed and looked down at the tabletop, finishing his juice.
When he was done, Robin got his gear, and Johan went to bring the bus around. Robin met it and loaded his things while Johan got the bags. Robin checked off everyone as they climbed on board the bus. Grant still looked like hell, but he wasn’t quite as disheveled, and the eau de gutter was thankfully absent.
Oliver and Javier approached, tension thick between them. “Come on,” Javier said as he handed his bag to Johan, then tapped his foot as Oliver approached. He shook his head and got on the bus.
Robin pretended not to notice. “Morning, Oliver,” he said in as normal a tone as he could muster.
Oliver patted him on the shoulder as if thanking him for his ignorance and climbed on the bus.
The others filed on, talking softly. As expected, Mason was the only one absent. Robin went to turn in all the keys and explained that Mason still had his and hadn’t come back. He checked the time—already five after. He returned to the bus. “I’ll give him five more minutes and then we go.” They were blocking most of the relatively narrow street as it was and couldn’t stay there for much longer.