by Andrew Grey
“Did you have a good time?” Robin asked Lily and Margaret as they came down the hill.
“Not quite what I was expecting. It’s fake, like some movie set,” Lily commented. But they were both smiling, and Lily seemed happy and much less stressed than she’d been when the tour started.
“That it is. Now, later in the tour when we go to Trier, we’re taking a trip to another castle that’s just the opposite. It’s very much real, and it’s been in the same family for almost nine hundred years. It’s one of the highlights of the tour for me.”
Lily leaned close as if to share a secret. “There was a man on the same tour with us who kept looking at me.”
“And she was such a trollop and flirted back,” Margaret teased, and both of them giggled softly.
“It’s good to know I’ve still got it, even if I am rusty.” Lily motioned to Grant, and he followed them inside for lunch.
“This tour seems to have been good for a lot of them.” Johan nudged Robin slightly.
“Vacations are good for people.”
Johan sighed. “You do not see it. You listened to Lily and helped her. You did the same with Billy and helped him find his money. He found the courage to tell Kyle, and they are happy. You helped Oliver, and look at him and Javier. They are like turtledoves now. The others are happy and having a good time. Only Mason is still grumpy, but the others ignore him.” Johan seemed pleased. “You do a good job, and you deserve to be happy too.”
“I only did my job,” Robin protested. “And they wanted to be happy—they just needed some time without the stress of everyday life to see it.”
“Even Grant is happier,” Johan said, turning. Robin followed his gaze to where Grant sat with all the ladies, laughing and smiling brightly. “You did that. And this tour isn’t unique. You did it on the first tour I was with you too. Remember Jerry and Martin? They complained about everything for three whole days. I thought about locking them off the bus. They got on my nerves. Then all of a sudden they were making goo-goo eyes at each other for the rest of the trip.”
Robin laughed. He couldn’t help it.
“You did something,” Johan challenged.
“That night at dinner, I asked them how they’d met, and they told me their story from many years before. Jerry had been in the Marines, and Martin designed men’s clothes. Jerry was engaged, and his wife-to-be wanted him to get some stylish clothes and recommended Martin. Apparently Martin knew the instant they met that Jerry was going to be his and made his intentions known. They danced around each other for weeks until Martin simply cornered Jerry in the dressing room and ‘kissed the life out of him’—Jerry’s words exactly. The engagement didn’t last much longer after that.” Robin smiled. “Those two told the story in fits and starts, finishing each other’s sentences, and after that, they were….”
“They remembered what they loved about each other,” Johan supplied.
“I think so. They were much happier, anyway, and had a lot of fun.” Robin sighed. “I got a card from Martin last week. It was waiting for me when I got home from my last tour. They’d had the time of their lives and were both so grateful for the talk and the happy times.” He forced a smile and failed miserably. “There was also a newspaper clipping in the envelope.” Robin blinked, turning to Johan, burying his face in his shoulder. “It was Jerry’s obituary. From the date, he died the week after they got home.” He tried to hold himself together and faltered. “Written in the margin was a note that read: ‘Thank you. He passed away happy, and our last memories together are joyous ones.’”
Johan put an arm around him and stayed quiet, holding him as they sat on the bench with what seemed like the rest of the tourist world passing by in front of them, but Robin felt safe in the bubble that Johan created around them.
“I’m afraid of dying,” Robin admitted around his sore throat. “I used to think about what it would be like, but I don’t want to do it. Sometimes I wake up at night and think I see the damned Grim Reaper at the foot of the bed, waiting for me. And… I want to go like Jerry. I want to be happy. But then I wonder what it must be like for Martin to be left behind. He and Jerry had been together for over thirty years, and then he was gone.”
“But they had all that time together.”
Robin wiped his eyes and sniffled, pulling away. “Yes. And I’ll never have that, and neither will anyone I let in my life.” He took a deep breath. “I’m already on borrowed time from someone who died prematurely, and what will happen when that time is up?” Robin hated that they were back to this again, but facts were facts, and there was nothing Robin could do to change them.
Johan shook his head. “Do you think about dying all the time and what will happen?”
Robin swallowed. “Sometimes. I’ve already come face-to-face with death and survived. I’m sure you saw Meet Joe Black when death decides to see what its like to be human? I’ve met him too. He paid me a visit, and I can tell you he didn’t look anything like Brad Pitt. And he’s pissed because he thought he had me.” Robin smiled to make light of what he was saying. “Anyway, I know I’m not going to get another chance at love.”
Johan stood, and Robin figured he’d finally scared him away. Maybe deep down that’s what he’d wanted all along. He wasn’t really sure.
“You’re a real pain in the ass, and you watch too many movies.” He tugged Robin to his feet. “Death isn’t following you, because he doesn’t have to. He always gets everyone in the end, so he is patient. And I think, if you watch that Brad Pitt movie, that even death wants to have a good time every now and then, so why shouldn’t the rest of us?”
“Where are we going?” Robin asked.
“Well, you and I are having lunch with the others, and then I’m driving you to this shopping stop, and from there we’re going to have more fun. This is their vacation, and if you ask me, you should be more concerned with living than dying.”
Robin hadn’t asked him, but Johan was right. It was part of why he’d come here in the first place.
Johan led him across the street to a place with window service and returned with two paper boats. “Currywurst,” he said when he set them down. “Germany’s answer to the hot dog.” He grinned, and they ate.
“You remembered how much I love this,” Robin said as he took a bite, the curry ketchup tingling on his tongue.
“Who doesn’t?” Johan asked.
Robin noticed Mason a few yards away, standing alone, and groaned to himself, tilting his head for him to join them. Mason was a shit and he was always going to be a shit, but holding on to the anger and resentment wasn’t going to help Robin. And in less than a week, he was never going to see him again. Besides, keeping him close was an easy way to keep an eye on him.
Chapter 6
“GOOD MORNING,” Robin said once they were underway two days later. “I really hope you enjoyed Munich and got to see all the things you wanted to.”
It hadn’t been on the official schedule, but on their last free day, Robin had led a small group to the Alte Pinakothek art museum. They had gone by subway, which was an experience for all of them.
“We’re going to be on the bus for a while this morning, which is why we left a little early. We will be heading out of Bavaria and into the Mosel region. This is one of the great wine valleys of Germany, and many of the great grapes of the area were brought here by the Romans two thousand years ago.”
“Will there be Roman ruins?” Oliver asked.
“Yes. The Black Gate is very important in Trier, where we’re headed,” Grant answered and turned back forward, reddening as Lily and Margaret flashed him a sly look from across the aisle.
“Yes. The Porta Nigra, or Black Gate, is a large Roman-era structure in Trier. There are also the ruins of an arena, a full bath complex, and many others. Trier was founded as a Roman city, and there are plenty of reminders of that history. We will be there two nights. Today Johan and I will guide you on a bus tour around the city, and you’ll be able to explor
e the ruins. Tomorrow afternoon we’ll be driving to the small hamlet of Moselkern so you can visit Burg Eltz. There will be time to explore on your own as well, so sit back, relax, and close your eyes if you want. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. I will be glad to answer them.” Robin waited, but even Grant seemed tired and closed his eyes. They had been touring for over a week, and everyone had been going almost nonstop, with plenty of walking, shopping, and sights to see, so a few hours on the bus wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Johan motioned with his head before Robin took his seat. He leaned down so they could speak quietly. “Did you see Mason’s pack when he boarded the bus? It was full again… and heavy.”
Robin nodded. “I know. I’m going to have to watch him and see where he goes.”
“Or keep him really busy,” Johan offered.
Robin wasn’t sure he liked that particular suggestion. After the last two days of fun during the day and even more intimate fun at night with Johan, the thought of spending time with Mason in any way was unappealing at best.
“I mean, I know Trier pretty well. I’ll add a few stops to the sightseeing tour, and with lunch, it should keep all of them, Mason included, very busy for much of the day.”
“Not bad. It will throw off the timetable a little,” Robin said, but maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. If Mason was up to something, a little spontaneity could chuck a wrench in the works.
Robin sat back down, half watching Johan as he drove, and composed an email to his mother. He figured that would be the easiest way to tell her all about Johan. Not that Robin could quite figure things out yet. He thought maybe his mother would have some insight—at least he hoped so.
He set his phone aside, leaving the message in his drafts. Maybe he needed to call and talk to her. Sometimes the seven-hour time difference sucked, because he really could use her advice about now. He and Albert sometimes talked about personal stuff, but this was a little heavy for him to talk to Albert about. They joked and kidded, but serious topics weren’t their thing.
Robin sat back and closed his eyes, sighing gently as his thoughts whirled in circles. Yes, he wanted to see where things went with Johan. He still had four more tours booked before the season was over, so he was planning to be in Germany for nearly two months yet. But was it fair to continue when he was eventually going back home? Or did he want to go back at all? Robin scowled at the thought of his mother and how she’d completely slip a gasket if he told her that. His mom would be fine with whatever he decided in the end, but the process of getting her acceptance could be painful… for both of them, especially if he sprang something like that on her. Not that Robin could blame her. His mother had worried, fussed, and fought for him since Robin was born. She couldn’t just turn that sort of protective instinct off. That was part of what he needed to talk to her about.
Robin rested, staring at the back of Johan’s head, wisps of Johan’s black hair touching the seat. God, he wanted to touch it, run his fingers along the silky strands. It was so easy to picture himself back in the hotel room, with Johan next to him, Robin’s eyes closed and Johan’s fingers wandering over his ever-heating skin, inhaling Johan’s scent with every breath until he was seconds from exploding. He could live like that forever and be happy. Robin knew it. And Johan wouldn’t hurt him—something deep in his soul told him Johan would treasure him. But what could Robin ever give him in return?
Someone sat in the seat next to him, and Robin startled out of his thoughts.
“I never got a chance to thank you properly for your help the other day,” Oliver said softly. “Sometimes I still think I’m a lot younger than I really am. Or maybe sometimes I wish I could turn the clock backward.” He turned around, and Robin followed his gaze to a sleeping Javier. “I never expected he’d want to be with me.” Oliver turned back around. “I thought he was only after my money, so I took things slow. Then he started to bicker and argue with me.” He shook his head. “If he’d been after my money, he’d have gone along with everything I said and he’d have done anything to make me happy. He didn’t. He was himself. The pain in the butt.” Oliver smiled. “Sometimes you young kids don’t know a good thing until it’s gone or you’ve wrung all the fun out of it.”
Robin wasn’t quite sure how to take that at all. “Oliver, I—”
Oliver plowed on. “I saw you at the spa, so I know you’ve had some health issues in your life. So have I. They were part of the reason I went out with Javier. I thought I was going to die after I had a heart attack at fifty-one. And that kind of brush leaves a mark on a person’s soul. I know it did on me, and I see that in you sometimes.” He met Robin’s gaze in all seriousness. “Javier started out as a midlife crisis, but I’m happy for the most part—probably more so than I deserve, if I’m honest.”
“I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me,” Robin said, his discomfort rising a little.
“We have all seen the way you and Johan look at each other. Some people were even taking bets on when something would happen between you two. For a couple days there, the eye-fucking was steaming up the bus windows.” Oliver chuckled. “It still does sometimes.” He winked, and Robin rolled his eyes, saying nothing. He was neither going to confirm or deny.
“What are you getting at?” Robin asked, feeling a little annoyed.
“Nothing bad at all. It’s just that you seem to be… ‘holding back’ is the phrase I’d use, I guess.” Oliver looked at Johan, who glanced over at them and then back at the road. “I’ll tell you this. You get one chance at life, be it long or short, and you should make the most of it, no matter what. When our time comes, we all have regrets, but I don’t want to look back and say that I gave up on a chance for love. And you shouldn’t either. I hope I have thirty years left, but who knows? I can tell you that there are things I wish I’d done differently when I was your age. I played it safe, when now I know that if I’d taken chances….” He shrugged. “Or one chance in particular. At the end, you regret what you didn’t do a hell of a lot more than the things you did.” Oliver squeezed his hand and then stood and made his way back to Javier.
Oliver was probably right. If Johan was willing to take the chance on him, who was he to tell him no? Robin just had to make sure Johan understood everything that was possible and then let him truly decide what he wanted. If Robin was lucky—damn lucky—after all that, Johan would still be interested.
Robin sat back, having made a decision he could be happy with, smiling to himself as the scenery outside the window changed to valleys and long stretches of river with the sun sparkling on the water.
“ALL RIGHT, everyone, welcome to Trier,” Robin said as they entered the city, the people on the bus perking up after the quiet ride. “Johan is going to take us by the major sights and to the Roman-era basilica. We’ll make a few stops so you can get out to take pictures.” Robin turned to Johan. “I know you know the city better than I do. Let’s go to the bath ruins, amphitheater, and the Black Gate in whatever order works with traffic. We can also go to the river. Afterward, there’s the pedestrian zone.” He turned back to the others. “All right, there is one other thing I want to caution everyone about. One of the things you will see a lot of in town is various Roman coins for sale. Be skeptical of everything. Many of them are real, but the price is five to six times what you could get an authentic coin for on eBay or at a dealer back home. This is a touristy area.”
Johan drove them to the Porta Nigra first—a large, imposing stone structure, as black as coal, all that was left of the Roman fortifications. Johan parked, and everyone got off the bus to take pictures and wander a little, stretching their legs.
“I love it here,” Johan said as Robin waited with him on the bus, watching everyone mill about. “I live every day with my own history staring me in the face. We get used to it. But this always makes me think. One of my ancestors probably fought the Romans two thousand years ago.”
“You could be part Roman,” Robin offered with
a grin. “I think I can see you that way, dressed like one of those statues with nothing but a cloth around your waist and a helmet, carrying a sword.” He leaned closer. “Though you have a really nice sword of your own.”
Johan snorted. “Is that your version of talking dirty?” He got out of his seat and took the one next to Robin. Robin wasn’t sure of he should be offended or not. “We’ll work on it. Trust me.”
The change in subject nearly gave him whiplash. “Okay. You got off topic.”
“I think it was you who got us off topic.” Johan bumped him with his shoulder. “I was saying that this helps remind me just how far back my history goes. It’s rather humbling.”
“And exciting.” Robin rested his head on Johan’s shoulders for a few minutes, until it was nearly time for everyone to return.
Johan returned to his seat and opened the door, letting everyone file back on.
The ruins of the baths were impressive, but they were mostly just walls of stone and brick—ruins that left a lot to the imagination. The amphitheater was largely made using an impression in the ground that had been shaped and built into the bowl-shaped hillsides. The floor had been restored, so visiting gave a real sense of what the arena had been like. A tour was about to start, so most of the group joined it. It meant some additional time, but Robin was happy they were enjoying themselves.
“How much longer are we going to be?” Mason asked when he boarded the bus first, dropping onto his seat.
“Why?” Robin turned around. “You have a pressing appointment or something?” Mason flinched, but Robin pretended not to see. “We’re going to stop for lunch and some shopping in the pedestrian zone, and then go to the river. We’ll get to the hotel a little later than planned.” He turned back around and waited for the others to climb back on the bus.
The pedestrian zone was filled with restaurants and shops. Robin loved the town’s winding streets, which dated back to the Romans. Johan had to stay with the bus, so Robin was on his own. It seemed strange not to have Johan with him. Robin found an Italian restaurant and took a table on the sidewalk under an umbrella.