“If you think I didn’t come in today because I’m ashamed of you and not Frankie, then I guess you’re not that girl.” Thayne stomped to the doorway but paused before opening the door.
Laura blinked back tears but didn’t turn around to look at him. It was better this way. A clean break, before she let herself fall for him. She already liked him far more than she should, but she couldn’t handle the stress of his job. It would never work.
After a few seconds, the door creaked open. “Have a nice life, Laura.” It slammed shut.
***
Thayne stormed up the steps to the back door of his old partner’s house, taking in a few deep breaths before knocking.
Carl’s widow, Bonnie Simmons, opened the door almost immediately, a surprised smile on her face. “Thayne? I didn’t know you were stopping over.” She waved him inside the door and laid a quick kiss against his cheek. “We were just headed to Carlie’s Creations to eat cupcakes.”
Four-year-old Mike ran up, trying to pull his arms into the sleeves of his jacket while moving. “Uncle Thayne! Will you buy me a treat?”
It looked like he might have inadvertently invited himself on a family outing. Thayne reached down to help Mike pull on the jacket, tousling the kid’s sandy blond hair. “I’m not sure, buddy.” He looked back to Bonnie with raised eyebrows. Her hair was freshly dyed its signature platinum blonde, and she’d done her makeup. She looked better than Thayne had seen her since Carl’s death. “Did you have other plans, Bon?”
She pursed her lips and shook her head. “You already knew I was dating, so get that disapproving tone out of your voice.”
Thayne hadn’t meant to show any disapproval. He was glad Bonnie was getting her life back together. He knew she missed Carl as much as he did—probably more. But she and the kids deserved to have happiness in their lives. The kids needed a father. As much as Thayne loved them, he’d never be anything more than ‘Uncle’ Thayne.
“Sorry, Bonnie. It’s not your dating I disapprove of, I’m just upset. Laura turned me down tonight. I was hoping to spend some time with you and the kids instead. If you have a date, it’s no problem. I’ll just head home.”
Bonnie swooped down on Emily, her two-year-old toddler, and wrestled her into a jacket. “I thought Laura turned you down lots of times.” She zipped the pink jacket and handed Emily to Thayne. “Why are you upset this time?”
Thayne hitched Emily onto his hip and took Mike’s hand, leading them down the porch steps as Bonnie locked the door. “I don’t want to talk about Laura,” he decided. “Do you have a date or am I coming along?”
“You and Mikie are the two men in my life, you know that. We always want you with us.” Bonnie stood beside him and patted his cheek. “Besides, I can’t turn away this sad, sad face. Lucky for you, I don’t have to. My date is later, after we eat cupcakes. Help me get the kids in their car seats.”
***
Thayne sat in a booth at the newly-reopened Carlie’s Creations. Mike sat next to him, devouring a raspberry-filled chocolate cupcake. The Kendalls had rebuilt the restaurant bigger than the original structure. Thayne was happy to see they’d kept the original black, white, and red theme. The place was packed, proving it would continue to be the popular spot it’d been before burning down.
“Carl and I were first on the scene when this place caught on fire two years ago,” he said to no one in particular. “I’m glad Carlie and her rich husband had the money to reopen it.”
“I wish it would have been back open before Carl’s accident.” Bonnie’s blue eyes glittered with sadness. “He would have loved coming here with us, seeing it all rebuilt. He always said the best thing about being a firefighter was saving lives and seeing how people moved on, recreated what they lost, and fought to keep living their lives without fear.”
Thayne rubbed a hand across his head, feeling guilty for bringing Carl up. Bonnie was trying to do the thing Carl had most admired—move on with her life. It wasn’t fair of Thayne to keep coming around, reminding her of what she lost. He loved the kids and loved Bonnie like a sister, but his presence must make her miss Carl all that much more. He and Thayne had been inseparable at work and home for five years. So much so that Bonnie had referred to Thayne as her second husband. His mere presence now had to hurt, reminding her of what she lost a year and a half ago.
“I shouldn’t have brought it up, Bon. I’m sorry.”
She shook her head and reached across the table, resting her hand against his forearm. “Don’t ever apologize for talking about Carl. The kids just know him through pictures. You’re the only person I have around who really remembers him. I’ve found a nice guy to date and things might be getting serious, but that doesn’t mean I want to forget my husband.”
Thayne nodded, glad to hear that. “I’d like to meet your new guy. Do the kids like him?”
“Yeah. Patrick’s good with the kids.”
Mike stopped inhaling his food for a second. “Patty? Is he coming?”
Thayne’s heart clenched with how close Patty sounded to daddy. If he had been better at his job, his partner would still be alive to hear Mike call him daddy.
“I want to win,” Mike added randomly.
“Win?” Thayne looked back to Bonnie for clarification. Mike was now a great talker, but he wasn’t yet to the age where he realized not everyone knew what was going on inside his head when he spoke.
Bonnie smiled. “Pat and Mike always seem to get into eating contests, especially with vegetables.” She winked. “It’s amazing how many vegetables you can eat if it’s a contest, especially since someone usually throws a fit about eating them.”
Thayne had known Mike was a picky eater and Bonnie had worried about that. It sounded like this Patrick was already improving things and alleviating Bonnie’s stress. “I’m glad to hear that. What does he do for a living?”
“He sells real estate.” Bonnie shrugged. “Maybe that doesn’t matter to the world at large, but it is a nice, safe job.”
The safety factor. Thayne couldn’t blame her. “I thought that was Laura’s problem. She wanted a nice, safe job for her partner, but today was different.”
“So I get to ask about her now?” Bonnie took a sip of coffee and settled back into her side of the booth. “What happened?”
“We had a friendly dinner last night and it went well. I kissed her goodbye on the cheek when leaving, and I was supposed to come by and visit her today at work. We didn’t have a chance to exchange phone numbers before I had to leave on an emergency call.”
“You were supposed to see her?” Bonnie rolled her eyes. “Meaning you didn’t. No wonder she’s pissed. She probably worried about you all day, and you never showed up to let her know you were okay after your emergency call.”
Thayne shook his head. “I would understand that. She said all along that she didn’t date firefighters. I figured it had to be the danger factor, but that wasn’t the problem tonight.”
He stared down at his coffee, wishing he’d handled things better. It still made his gut twist with frustration and hurt when he replayed their conversation, but he shouldn’t have walked out. He almost didn’t, but in the end was too angry.
“No, Thayne. That was the problem,” Bonnie insisted. “I don’t care what she tried to blame it on. She’s afraid.”
“No, not afraid, angry. She thinks I didn’t introduce her to Frankie because I’m ashamed of her. She thinks I’m just trying to have se—” Thayne paused, flicking his glance between the children who were both involved in their cupcakes. “She thinks I’m after one thing and then will leave her. Also, she said I’m a ten but she’s a five, so we don’t fit together.”
“Is she a five?”
Thayne paused, looking across the room and inspecting the new bar-style seating by the cupcake display without seeing the details. What he saw was Laura’s long brown hair, her clear blue eyes, and her sexy curves. He thought about how passionate she was about helping animals, and how her light
laughter made him shiver with desire. Being next to her, he felt like he’d found the woman he was supposed to be with. He’d never felt that way about anyone. How did that equal a five in her mind?
“Definitely not,” he finally answered. “She’s heavier than Frankie’s strippers, but I like Laura’s curves.”
Bonnie snorted and ran a hand down her own curvy side. “You’d break one of those pencil thin girls in half with all that Neanderthal muscle you have. Just like Carl. You need a girl with some substance.”
Thayne nodded but felt a bit guilty. After all, it was Laura’s weight that made him decide not to take Frankie to see her. “Frankie was making fat jokes about her before I punched him the other day. Captain made him my partner this morning, and I couldn’t see subjecting Laura to him.”
“Seriously? Is he that young kid you’ve had problems with the past month?”
Thayne nodded.
“Well, I’m glad you punched him.” Bonnie flicked hair over her shoulder while making a face as if she ate something rotten. “I think you made the right decision. If she’s as nice a girl as you’ve said, she doesn’t need subjected to that puke.”
“Puke, puke, puke,” Mike imitated, laughing.
“Oh, shoot.” Bonnie shook her head. “Don’t say that, Mikie.”
“Pook, pook,” Emily squealed, trying to imitate her brother.
Thayne chuckled. “Before long the whole restaurant will know what you think of Frankie Hernandez, my dear.”
“So what? I’ll tell him to his face if he asks.” Bonnie shrugged. “If you care about Laura get over your injured pride about her thinking she was a booty call and talk to her.”
“What’s a booty call, Mama?” Mike asked.
Thayne ruffled his hair. “Something you should never, ever have. I’ll explain more when you’re older.”
Mike shrugged and started coloring his placemat with the crayons supplied by the restaurant. “Okay, Uncle Thayne.”
Bonnie mouthed, “Thank you.”
Apparently, Mike had reached the age of asking about everything. Carl would have been so proud at how smart the kid was. If only he were still here to see it.
Bonnie’s thoughts seemed to be trending the same direction as Thayne’s and tears once again misted her eyes. She glanced back at him, “It isn’t about tens and fives or any type of call. She’s afraid to fall for you in case you don’t come home from work one day. I know I’m right. It’s the same reason I was so reluctant to date Carl in the beginning.”
Thayne nodded. It made sense. But even in the middle of her panic attack, Laura had the presence of mind to lie to him. She turned the situation into one of a failing in his character, instead of her fear. Honesty and trust meant everything to him. Did he want to date someone like that? She certainly didn’t want to try and trust him.
Not that it mattered. He was a firefighter. That’s what he did. Sure, since Carl’s death he’d mostly been working as a medic and not going into actual fires, but with Frankie as a new partner, that was over. He’d be in dangerous situations all the time. If Laura couldn’t handle it, he’d have to find a way to get over her. No matter how tough that would be.
“I guess you’re right, Bon, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”
Chapter Six
What in the world was I thinking? I had the god Thor ready to date me and whack me with his mighty hammer. Now I’m all alone. Again.
It had been over a week since Laura had seen Thayne. She kept hoping he would show up to the clinic with a rescued animal—or any excuse at all. He used to have all sorts of reasons for coming in every day. She must have really convinced him there was nothing between them.
The only problem, judging by how badly she missed him, was that she had been wrong to let him leave. She wanted to see Thayne, spend time with him, even date him. If only his job were something safer.
The new psychiatrist sitting in the chair next to her leaned back and crossed his ankle over the opposite knee, scribbling quickly in his notebook. “So,” he said in that calm¸ ‘trust me’ voice, “you’re thinking you overreacted?”
Laura rubbed her hands against the black leather couch on either side of her thighs. She wished Dr. Preston were here, but after two long phone calls, her former psychiatrist referred her here. “I’m not wrong that being with Thayne brings on panic attacks. Two attacks in two days is ridiculous. I hadn’t had one for six months before having dinner with him. How can I live like that?”
Scribble, scribble. “Maybe you need to figure out the true source of your anxiety.”
Nice suggestion, genius. Dr. Preston diagnosed that right after my fiancé died. Did you even read my file?
Laura knew she’d never say something like that out loud, but it was not helping to sit here on his ugly couch and answer questions he already had the answers to. Or maybe she was just angry and wanted to take it out on the poor man.
“I know why I’m anxious. My fiancé was a police officer and killed in the line of duty. Thayne is a firefighter. Another dangerous job. What if I fall in love with him and he dies?”
Dr. Mason pushed his thin wire-rimmed glasses up his face and leaned forward slightly. “You realize there are no guarantees in life, Laura. You could step out of this office and get hit by the transit bus.”
Thanks. Like I need more things to cause anxiety.
“There’s one difference there, though, doc. I don’t actively put myself in danger,” she argued. “I understand accidents happen, but they’re greater for someone in Brian’s line of work.”
“Brain’s work? Are we talking about Brian or Thayne?”
Shoot. I meant Thayne. Why did I say Brian?
Dr. Mason had that knowing, wise look Laura used to hate on Dr. Preston’s face. It meant she was about to start thinking of something that would likely hurt, but that the doctor thought would be progress.
“I’m not being unfair about Thayne just because of Brian,” she said softly, knowing that must be what the psychiatrist thought.
“I didn’t say you were,” Dr. Mason replied in a bland tone. “Do you feel like you are? You seem to have a guilty conscience.”
Laura folded her arms across her stomach. That familiar, lonely ache was starting back up. She wished it would go away. “Maybe I do. It’s not Thayne’s fault that Brian died. I should be over Brian and ready to move on. It happened so long ago.”
Dr. Mason remained silent, obviously waiting for her to continue.
“I think the problem is that I really, really like Thayne. Over the past couple months of seeing how he cares for animals and how considerate and kind he is, I could fall hard for a man like him.” She shrugged. “If he were an accountant or a salesperson or just about anything besides a cop or a fireman, I would have started dating him weeks ago.”
“Laura, our time is almost up, but I’d like to tell you what I hear you saying, if that’s okay.”
Hmmmm... Dr. Preston never gave me a choice but to listen to her impressions. I wonder if I told him no, whether that would stop him.
Laura wouldn’t do that, though. She was here to work out her problems and hopefully stop the panic attacks. If Dr. Mason had anything that might help, she was all for it. “Okay.”
“It sounds to me like you know there aren’t guarantees in life, even with a safe salesperson job. Accidents happen to anyone, in any profession. You understand that intellectually, but emotionally you’re having a hard time letting this go.”
Laura nodded.
“But you do want to date Thayne. Brian is who’s holding you back. I don’t think it is even that Brian died.”
“Of course it is,” Laura interrupted.
“No. You’re punishing yourself for not knowing he was dying while you had your bachelorette party. I think that’s the reason you won’t give Thayne a chance. It has nothing to do with him or his job. You refuse to give yourself a chance at happiness, because you don’t think you deserve it.”
Laura sig
hed and looked away from the doctor. She really hated this part of therapy. Especially since she had been right—Dr. Mason was going to make her face things she didn’t want to.
***
“Come on, Thayne,” Frankie wheedled, practically jumping up and down. “Just come out with me tomorrow night. Forget that girl. You’re always kind of serious, but you’ve been a real downer this week. We’ll be coming off a long stretch of jobs with all those weird fires, and you need to lighten up.”
Thayne sighed, trying to hold onto his patience. He knew Frankie was trying to help, but this wasn’t the way to do it. “I don’t hunt for girls in strip clubs, and I’m not looking to hookup with two at the same time, okay?”
“Stop giving me crap about that. I thought those girls would be all for it.” Frankie frowned. “I bet you could talk them into having one.” His frown deepened. “Shit, man, maybe I don’t want you coming out with me.”
Thayne chuckled at his partner’s discomfort. “See? That’s a great reason to stop pestering me.”
“But I know you’re lonely. You focused on Laura all these weeks, and now nothing. You haven’t even mentioned her, and I’m worried about you. What happened?”
Thayne was surprised. He didn’t know Frankie was mature enough to worry about anyone but himself. Thayne always thought of his partner as a dumb kid, but Frankie obviously had some depth to him.
“Laura and I are done.”
“No.” Frankie shook his head. “You don’t want it to be over. I can tell by the way you’re acting. She broke it off? I didn’t know any woman had the strength to resist you.”
The emptiness filled the pit of Thayne’s stomach. He felt sick every time he replayed his last conversation with her. “She thought I just wanted to screw her and move on to the next challenge.”
Frankie’s bushy eyebrows drew together. “So what’s the problem? Sounds like a perfect date to me.”
Of course it did. But Frankie wasn’t staring down thirty and a life alone. He still had a lot of time to find the right one and settle down, so the playboy life seemed attractive. Thayne understood—he used to be the same way.
Blazing Love Page 5