With the fiends of Hell
And a luckless creature you’ll be;
But take and lend
With the fairy men
And you’ll thrive until you die)
We live in a world today that often seems very foreign from the one of historic folklore. To many people the idea that fairies and other spirits are still with us and still active in our world is a difficult concept to process, when our lives so often revolve around social media, commute times, and deadlines. Yet people do still encounter fairies today, we still find anecdotal evidence and stories of these encounters throughout the world. The only thing that has really changed is our own openness and ability to believe what we hear. We have not lost our connection to Fairy; we have lost our sense of enchantment, which is the lens through which we have always viewed the unseen world.
The idea of enchantment resonates strongly with people, especially those who still find themselves drawn to the magic and mystery of the Otherworld, yet enchantment is a concept that seems far removed from our everyday existence. There is a layer of cynicism that resists the idea of enchantment, of the possibility of childlike wonder that we might associate with enchantment. This isn’t so much a matter of belief, because the belief is often there, but of a willingness to be open to engagement and experience. We have lost our childlike ability to experience something without trying to dissect it immediately and explain it rationally. Children have us beat when it comes to experiencing the numinous – they don’t just believe it, they expect it. They don’t need validation or proof, but see the enchantment of the world like gravity or oxygen as a simple given aspect of reality. In contrast, adults believe but only so far, only to a certain degree, and usually hinged on an expectation of the possibility of it being proven or shown to them. In order to deal with fairies today, you must believe in their reality without question.
Enchantment isn’t something that we simply wait to find like waders in a stream waiting for the water to carry something to us, but rather it is something actively participated in. We are aware of the enchantment present in the world because our eyes are open to the possibility of it and we are looking for it. Like trying to see a particular type of bird, it isn’t enough to know it lives in your area, you also have to keep your eyes open and your perception sharp to spot it. Enchantment is something to actively engage in, not passively experience. Finding Fairy in the modern world means finding enchantment again and regaining our ability to engage with the Unseen world. For those who seek to actively engage with Fairy and its inhabitants today, that means not only believing in them, not only being educated in what they are, but also having an understanding of how to deal with them, both how to make allies among them and how to protect yourself against them.
Approaching Fairy – Balance Between Light and Dark
One of the most difficult challenges that may face people seeking to connect to Fairy in the modern world is probably not one you expect: a need for a balanced view of Fairy and those who inhabit it. As you may have gathered from the section on pop-culture and fairy beliefs there is a split between the older lore, which tends to be much grimmer in nature, and the modern, which tends to romanticize all things fairy. To deal with the Good People in the modern world means finding a middle road between a view that is too fear-ridden and one that is not respectful enough. We cannot deal successfully with these beings if we are either too terrified of them to do anything except ward them off, or if we are so enamored of the idea of them that we refuse to see any danger from them even when we are being led off a cliff.
I cannot deny that I have a lot of frustration about the amount of twee1 in modern Fairy beliefs and the way that view is changing and shaping many modern witches’ views of the Other Crowd into something different and foreign from the older beliefs. It can be easy to want to reject the entire concept of the extremely safe end of the spectrum, which tells us that fairies are nothing but gentle, kind guides. As modern paganism embraces the twee fairy as the norm there can be an urge to go to the other extreme and speak only about the most dangerous and dark of the Good People, to try to drive home the message that they should be respected and even sometimes feared. But ultimately neither extreme is a solution and only creates more problems.
Just as there is balance in nature there is balance in Fairy. The fiercest wolf can be a good mother and even the most timid stag will turn and fight when his life is danger. There is, ultimately, no light without darkness, and no darkness without light, and all things need their opposite for balance. There are fairies who will never see humans as anything except a food source, but there are others who want nothing more than to help us. Even if twee isn’t for me – and honestly I may never like it – I can still acknowledge that it is important, because I can see that all aspects of Fairy have value in different ways. In the same way people who tend to favor the light and airy view of fairies would do well to try to see the value in the dark and serious side as well. Both need each other to be whole.
If there’s a place for the macabre and the hard then there must also be a place, a need, for the overly sweet and soft. And I can’t argue for the need for the grim and bloody if I’m not willing to also acknowledge a place for the safe and delicate. After all, nature needs both wolves and deer, and Fairy needs both sainly and unsainly – blessed and unblessed – because each serves an important purpose. A world with only gentle kind fairies is a world out of balance, just as one with only dangerous, predatory fairies would be.
Just like the twee-loving people and I balance out in some way, I think we each within ourselves have a bit of the other energy as well. I certainly see the value in joy and fun for their own sakes, and I’d like to think that even the most light-hearted, happy, fairies-are-all-goodness sort of person sees the value in solemnity and the necessity of endings as well. And both ends of the spectrum value enchantment – the enchantment of pure joy and the enchantment of shadowy dreams. Enchantment, after all, is the backbone of Fairy whether you like light or dark.
Wholeness is about balance, if not in practice at least in understanding, and in respecting the need for the entire spectrum. It is so easy to fall into thinking that only our own viewpoint has value, only our own belief is worthwhile, but we can’t vilify an entire end of the spectrum and not create repercussions. You can love light-hearted and joyous things – but don’t deny the importance and power of the dark and dangerous. You can love the dark and dangerous – but don’t deny the importance and power of light-hearted and joyous things. Finding Fairy is a tricky thing, but it’s impossible without a sense of enchantment, and perhaps just as impossible without an appreciation of both the sweet and the bitter, the dark and the light.
This is a lesson that must always be kept in mind when seeking to truck with uncanny things.
Seven Basic Guidelines for Dealing with Fairies
The ultimate point of this book is to give people the tools to understand fairies and Fairy from a traditional folklore standpoint. However, I realize that many people are also looking to not just learn about who and what fairies are, but also to connect to them in a more active way. I have my own personal approach to doing this, something I choose to call Fairy Witchcraft, but I want to offer some basic suggestions and guidelines here for those seeking to reach out to Fairy who may not want an entire spiritual structure along with it or who don’t consider themselves witches in the practicing-magic sense. These guidelines are suggestions for a beginner just starting out, but should be useful for anyone of any experience level.
Why work with fairies? There are advantages to trucking with uncanny things of course or no one would do it, but it can be and often is a dangerous business and that must be understood at the start. If you have any hesitancy with this or are not sure it’s worth the risk, then perhaps give it more thought first. It’s not something you need to or should jump into anyway, and it something that once you begin you may find you cannot easily walk away from. Some people may not have as much choice, a
s the Fey Folk have been known to take an interest in people, whether or not that interest is reciprocated, in which case the following guidelines can be more of a survival guide. Those who successfully navigate dealing with the Fair Folk are usually rewarded with knowledge, luck and health, and by some accounts wealth as well. There are benefits to establishing a good relationship with Otherworldly beings, and those benefits can be very valuable and even tangible. Silence is a vital aspect to successfully dealing with the Good People though, so please keep in mind that if you do find yourself receiving any fairy gifts of the sort that don’t turn into leaves at dawn, you should not rush out to tell anyone. Keep your experiences and anything you may receive a secret and you will avoid angering Them. Which is very important because the flipside to the good aspects of dealing with fairies is that when angered their response tends to be extreme and harsh. Also, never forget that nothing is free and anything you get will have a cost. Make sure it’s one you are willing to pay.
Nearly every culture has fairies, by one name or another, and so no matter where you are you’ll be able to find Otherworldly spirits. I recommend researching and looking into local folklore and stories, because you are likely to encounter not only the fey you expect, but others as well, no matter where you live. If your primary interest is in Celtic fairies then you may find the odds are higher of encountering those kinds, or of course if you live in areas known to have them, but spirits show up in strange places and it’s impossible to predict what you may find yourself dealing with. It is best to take a well-rounded approach as much as possible. If you live in an area that has a diverse population or was previously occupied by other cultures, it’s a good idea to have at least some idea of what other fairies or fairy-like spirits you may run across.
So, that said, let’s get to the list.
1. Start Small
No pun intended on this one, as the name ‘wee people’ is mostly hyperbole, but if you want to deal with the fey going right to the ones most likely to eat you for dinner or to turn you into something unnatural probably isn’t the best idea. So start with the ones most inclined to be favorable to you and that, in the grand scheme, are the least powerful. It’s true that in stories ambition and daring are often rewarded. People like the Brahan Seer or Turlough O’Carolan who slept on a fairy mound were rewarded with amazing abilities, but don’t ever forget there’s also all the others who tried the same thing, failed to please the Fey Folk, and went mad for the effort. The thing about fairies is that some can and will help you and bless you in awesome ways, and some can and will torment you and laugh while they do it. If you begin with something like your house spirit who is already inclined to like you and build a relationship there, you can get the practice in before you move on to bigger things. Although keep in mind you really don’t want to anger your house spirit either, so don’t slack off just because I said it was a good place to start. Also keep in mind I’m saying ‘start’ not end – the idea is to slowly build up a network of friends and allies in the Otherworld. Just don’t aim too high right out of the gate. Set reasonable goals and be honest about your own abilities and limitations
2. Be Prepared to Pay Them
Some people are really against the whole concept of paying spirits. I suspect these people don’t deal with many spirits. But the truth is everything has a cost and the Fair Folk are often quite tit-for-tat in their approach to things. If you do them a favor they will pay you back, because they abhor being in anyone’s debt; by the same token if they do something for you, especially at your request, they will fully expect to be paid back for it. And the tricky thing there is if you don’t offer something in payment up front sometimes they’ll decide to set the price themselves later on. This is not a good thing, because it means you have no control over what they may decide they want from you. Being in unspecified debt to a member of Fairy is a dangerous situation so you are much better off to go into any dealings with Them paying upfront. I recommend butter or cream, but I’m a bit of a traditionalist. I’d avoid offering blood – your own anyway – or anything else with heavy metaphysical implications for you, because offering a piece of yourself can also mean creating a tie to that being or giving it some degree of power over you2.
3. Negotiate
Speaking of payments you may find yourself in a situation where you are being offered something that you desperately need or want in exchange for something else. Like your firstborn. And no, I’m not kidding. Fairies taking babies is an old practice and it’s a lot easier if one of the parents gives them up willingly. Not all changelings were stolen, some were bargained away, and if you think I’m kidding then please, please, don’t try to deal with fairies. No, really. Don’t. Once it’s said aloud, once an offer is made, it’s almost impossible to negotiate down from there to give them something less, and it’s for them to decide when and how to take the payment. And before anyone thinks I’m being hyperbolic, I have heard of at least one instance of someone in a large public pagan ritual offering their child to the fey, so this does happen, and the fact that it was said in jest doesn’t matter at all. The words matter, not the intent. Which is another detail you need to keep in mind when negotiating with anyone of Fairy. Semantics is an art form to them and you must be sure you mean exactly what you say exactly how you say it.
They may ask for something else, but whatever it is you should be asking yourself why they want it and whether you really want to give it up. I mean a soul seems pretty inconsequential until you don’t have yours anymore. You may think in that moment that you are willing to agree to give something up, or even agree to serve them, but give that some real serious thought before you bargain your life away. Don’t be afraid to negotiate or even to say no. Sometimes it’s just not worth it. You can always offer things that have traditionally been given, which I’ve mentioned already, such as butter, cream, milk, bread, even silver. Just make sure anything you agree to give is something you can give and are willing to give up.
4. Manners are Important
If you want to deal safely with the Good People then you better say ‘please’ and ‘may I?’ and generally be on your best behavior. Although there is a prohibition against saying ‘thank you’3, which many people I know agree is best to follow; say something else instead, which isn’t ‘thanks’ such as ‘I appreciate this’ or ‘this was exactly what was needed’. Why no thank you? Some people say it shouldn’t be said because it is dismissive and so insults the Good People by implying they are less than we are. Others say that it is an admission of a debt, something that is reinforced in English at least by the etymology of the word thank, which is rooted in the idea of repayment or recompense (see point #2). I believe the idea of admitting a debt is a valid one, given the fairies’ obsession with semantics and the root meaning of ‘thank you’; by saying ‘thanks’ you are in effect saying ‘I owe you one’ and of course they take that literally. The key here is be on your best behavior, be polite, and remember that you aren’t the one with the actual power. Which is why you are dealing with them in the first place right?
5. Keep it Clean
I don’t know if cleanliness really is next to godliness or not but I do know that the Fair Folk detest filth. You want to know a really good way to ensure that the Good People will be against you? Urinate on land that is theirs or throw dirty water on something that belongs to them. A traditional method to keep them out of your home involved dirty water, and it was an old practice to always yell: ‘Beware!’ before tossing dirty water out a door or window after cleaning, because you did not want to hit a fairy with that water, should one be passing by. There is a story about a woman who would always pour her dirty wash water on a certain rock outside her home until one day a man appeared and told her to stop because that was his home and the home of many other fairies. Terrified the woman never did so again and made sure no one else in her family did either. Fairies are generally beings who embrace proper order and prefer homes that are well kept and tidy (Briggs, 1967). So if you
want to work with fairies keep it clean.
6. Don’t Overestimate Yourself
This is something of an extension of point #4, but it is separate enough to merit its own point. I don’t know why people labor under this delusion that getting a huge attitude and treating the Good Neighbors like you are a deity and they never had been is a thing, but it does seem to be a thing so here we are. I have seen popular pagan authors suggesting people make their own fairy4 or command fairies to certain tasks and that is just a jerk thing to do, even ignoring the debate about whether or not they may have once been Gods. There is an approach to fairies that involves commanding them, but that is rooted in ceremonial magic and also is a risky road to go down unless you have a good amount of experience. Or desperation. So unless you know exactly what you are doing when it comes to commanding spirits that are more powerful than yourself – you know how to summon them, bind them, and what to do if they break free and come after you – don’t go there. Fairies are independent, sentient beings and they can and will act to protect themselves. A good rule of thumb is to treat them more or less the way you would treat another corporeal human being. Unless the fairy starts it first and you are being a jerk in defense of yourself or similar, just don’t go there. You go there and so will they and that is not a contest you want to get into unless you are 100 per cent confident you will win – and they have a lot more experience at it. Also, they are much more vicious. So for the love of all that’s green and growing don’t be a jerk unless and until you have to.
7. Always Cover your Butt
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