Alice popped up out of her seat. “I’ll let the others know.”
While she dashed off to tell Connie and Flo, Selena went upstairs to retrieve her veiled bonnet. Yes, getting out of here would do her some good.
After pinning her hat in place, she picked up her reticule, surprised by the weight of it. Then she remembered the key to Aiden’s chambers was still in her possession. She was torn between giving it back to him and placing it in her jewelry box to be looked at occasionally, a reminder of a time in her life during which she’d been remarkably happy.
But it was not hers to keep. While she could package it up and have it sent to him, she decided she wanted to deliver it personally, along with a small gift. After lying to her sisters once more by telling them she’d suddenly come down with a megrim and sending them on their way without her, she headed out to the shops.
That evening after the girls were abed, she donned her blue gown and mask, finding comfort in the familiarity of it. A peace that had been elusive settled over her as the coach carried her to the Elysium Club. Her nerves had been frayed that first night, until she’d seen him, and then it had rather felt as though her heart had come home.
A silly thought, but then with him, she’d always felt truly revealed and understood—even when she’d held secrets from him. And when those had been uncovered, still he hadn’t turned her away. She wasn’t certain anyone had ever accepted her as he did, foibles and all.
When the carriage came to a stop in front of the club and the driver handed her down, she instructed him to wait where he was because she wouldn’t be but a minute.
Then she strolled into the foyer, striving not to remember how her heart would always give a small hitch of anticipation at the prospect of seeing him whenever she walked through the door. She stopped at the counter where normally she handed her wrap off to Angie. “Don’t send word to him that I’m here.”
Angie blinked with confusion, her brow furrowing. “As you wish.”
Selena made her way to the stairs, climbing them for what would be the very last time. Her body didn’t seem to know what her mind realized because it began growing warm as though heated by a sensual flush. Yearning swept through her. The desire she’d always longed for was now a burden, but still she regretted not a single touch, not a single moment that had taught her about the fire that could truly burn between a man and a woman.
At the top of the stairs, she skirted the edge of the hallway until she reached his rooms. Removing the key from her reticule, she unlocked the door and crossed over the threshold, inhaling deeply the fragrance of Aiden, allowing it to fill her lungs, to penetrate her blood, to inhabit her once more.
A solitary lit lamp on the table near the window, the table that had once been covered in white linen and displayed strawberries, held enough shadows at bay that she was able to walk into his bedchamber. The bed was neatly made, and she had a strong urge to muss it up, to see it in disarray as it had been so many times in the past.
Carefully on a pillow, she placed the package containing the fine leather gloves she’d purchased that afternoon. On top of that she laid his key. They would greet Aiden when he was ready to lay down his head, which no doubt wouldn’t be for several more hours.
That task done, she had no reason to stay. Still she lingered, glancing around and memorizing what she already knew by heart: the bureau where she had retrieved his neck cloths in order to bind him, the drawer of the night table where he housed the sheaths he kept on hand to protect women from an unwanted pregnancy, the chair where she had sat and watched him nurse his mother back to health. Everything in his life served a purpose. No clutter, no fanciful knickknacks. Nothing to remind him of her, except for the paintings he stored in the attic.
She debated whether she should take the gloves with her, but in the end left them where they lay.
Exiting the room, heading for the door, she glanced over at the fireplace and paused. She hadn’t given it any notice when she’d first walked in, her focus on delivering her gift and the key.
With her heart hammering, she went to the table, picked up the lamp, and lifted it higher, throwing its glow over the gilt-framed painting hanging over the mantel. Slowly she approached, her chest tightening with each step.
In the distant background, the slight blur giving it a mystical feel, was Sheffield Hall. On the path leading up to it, the main focus of the piece, was a woman and a man, each holding a hand of the small boy walking between them. The man was fainter than the other two, as though he wasn’t there, didn’t truly belong.
While only their backs and a narrow profile of each of their faces as they gazed down on the boy were visible, she recognized herself and Aiden. In a world that for them would never exist. Tears flooded her eyes.
He had told her he painted from memory. At the bookshop, she’d seen that, in addition, he painted using his vivid imagination. Now, she understood that he also painted his dreams.
And his dream was the same as hers.
The air shifted as though more space was required for the arrival of a formidable presence. A collective intake of breath hissed through the room.
But neither of those things told Aiden she was here. Even though his back was to the doorway and he’d been giving his attention to a countess who was having a difficult time calculating the sum of the cards in her hand, he knew who had strolled into the room. He felt her as though she’d reached out and skimmed her fingers along his spine.
Straightening, turning, he saw he had the right of it, and every cell in his body rejoiced at the sight of her. So beautiful, so stunning, so—
Unmasked.
It had taken him a moment to realize she had entered his dominion without shielding her face and now was striding through it—
No, not through. Toward. Toward him.
Her blue eyes were aflame with purpose. That lovely mouth of hers was tilted up slightly at the corners. Her steps were measured, graceful, bringing her ever nearer.
And when she reached him, without any hesitation at all, she rose up on her toes, wound her arms around his neck, and claimed his mouth as though it belonged to her alone.
God help him if it didn’t.
Without thought for the consequences, he closed his arms around her and brought her up against him, enfolding her in an embrace that made the world seem right again. For a week, he’d barely slept, tossing about whenever he tried. He’d missed her so damn much. It took every shred of decency he possessed to not go see her, to not tell her how it was slowly killing him not to have her in his life.
Leaning back, she held his gaze and what he saw there nearly brought him to his knees.
“I love you,” she said with clear certainty.
He slammed his eyes closed as emotions rioted through him.
“I’m not going through with my original plan. I won’t claim this child as Lushing’s. I want our son—or daughter—to be raised within your shadow, to know you for the wonderful man you are.”
Knowing people were watching, listening, knowing he should take her elsewhere for this discussion, he seemed incapable of doing little more than staring at her dumbfounded. Gently, he cradled her cheek. “Lena, I can’t give you—”
“I don’t give a bloody damn what you can’t give me. I know what you can give me, and it’s more than enough, more than I deserve, more than I ever hoped for. And it’ll be enough for our children.” Her smile was beatific and radiant. “I know you love me. I saw the painting in your lodgings. Change the background to a small cottage and make me the happiest woman in the world.”
Dropping to his knees, he pressed a kiss to her belly where their child grew. “I love you with all that is within me.” He looked up at her. “Will you marry me?”
Countless sighs echoed around them as her smile grew and her eyes warmed. “Oh yes, I’m looking forward to introducing you to the pleasures of marriage.”
Laughing, he stood, swept her up in his arms, and began carrying her from the room
amid cheers, claps, and adoring smiles. “No reason those pleasures can’t begin immediately.”
“No reason at all,” she agreed.
“Well, this is a pleasant surprise,” Connie said as she strolled into the small dining room, Flo and Alice in her wake. “You don’t usually join us for breakfast.”
“I have some news to share with you girls.” And she wanted to do it before they’d had an opportunity to read any gossip rags, so she’d come down to wait for them.
“That sounds portentous.” Flo wiggled her eyebrows suggestively before settling in beside Selena. Connie took a chair beside Flo while Alice came around to sit on the other side of Selena.
“It does mean there will be some changes,” she told them.
“Do tell,” Connie ordered playfully while a footman set plates of sausage and eggs before them. Selena’s stomach roiled. She really needed to tell the cook to dispense with preparing eggs for a while.
“I hardly know where to begin.”
“At the beginning usually works best,” Flo said.
“Yes. Right. Well—”
“It’s all over London that you kissed that Trewlove bastard!” The shouted words accompanied Winslow as he barged in, came to a stop at the foot of the table, and glared disbelieving at her.
“Is it? Well, it is what one does when one is to marry a man: she kisses him.”
“I knew it!” Alice crowed.
Selena watched in stunned fascination as the twins removed a pound note from their pockets and dropped it into Alice’s outstretched hand. “What’s this?”
Connie rolled her eyes. “After our afternoon at the bookshop, Alice wagered us that Mr. Trewlove had more than a casual interest in you and that you would be wed within the year.”
Selena could scarce believe her ears as she looked at her baby sister.
Alice merely shrugged. “They wouldn’t have been silly enough to take my wager if they read romantic novels. The manner in which he looked at you matches the description of any hero who has fallen madly in love with the heroine. I noticed it right off, the moment we arrived.”
“You certainly did a splendid job of not giving away your thoughts to me.”
“In any good love story, the heroine must come around to realizing it on her own.”
“All fairy tales aside,” Winslow said impatiently as he pulled out a chair and sat, “it was rather poor planning on your part to reveal your tendre for the man so early into your pregnancy. It might cause the Crown to doubt the legitimacy of your claim that the babe is the duke’s.”
“You’re definitely with child?” Connie asked.
She could not prevent her soft smile from forming or her hand from protectively flattening over her belly. “I am. However, it is Aiden Trewlove’s babe, not Lushing’s.”
Winslow looked as though she’d rammed a lance the length of the table between two of his ribs. “You shouldn’t have confessed that to them. The fewer who know—”
“I sent a missive to the duke’s solicitor, Mr. Beckwith, this morning alerting him of that very fact and asking him to notify the Crown that no possibility I am carrying Lushing’s heir exists.”
“Have you gone mad?”
“I will not spend the remainder of my life living a lie. I will not have my child grow up believing another to be his—or her—father.” She glanced at her sisters. “Which is the reason that I am here this morning at breakfast. I love you all dearly. Aiden and I will do what we can to see you in good marriages, but I must be honest. I think each of you will be a spectacular catch for any man who is smart enough to recognize what you have to offer. I believe you each have it within you to make a good match all on your own.”
“You know we’d have never forgiven you if you sacrificed your happiness for us,” Alice said.
Reaching out, she squeezed her sister’s hand. “Thank you, sweeting. I do feel a bit guilty putting my own wants first. It’s an odd sensation, as I’ve never done it before, but I think it will actually make me a better sister.”
“You deserve to have a man who gazes at you the way Mr. Trewlove does. As much as I loved Lushing, he never looked at you as though he would die if he couldn’t have you in his arms. The only other man who ever came close to looking at you that way was Lord Kittridge.”
“Kittridge? I think you’re mistaken there.”
“No, I’m not. It was at Christmas. You and Lushing were playing a duet on the pianoforte. Kittridge was watching you with such yearning that I’m surprised you didn’t feel it.”
“Hmm.” She couldn’t imagine it, but other moments sprang to mind—she shoved them aside for later consideration. “Be that as it may, I don’t want you girls to worry about your futures. My dower property in Hertfordshire will, of course, become Aiden’s as the law dictates, but we are in agreement that you girls may live there. When you are in London, you may prefer to stay with Winslow as his residence is quite roomy. Although you are always welcome to stay with us. We will be setting up a trust for each of you, and the income from my trust will be split evenly between those trusts to go toward your dowry.”
“You seem to have given this a lot of thought,” Winslow said. “Without consulting me at all.”
“I was going to come speak with you about everything this afternoon. If you are wise, you will accept my choice in husband and welcome Aiden into the family. You might even seek his advice regarding improving your financial lot in life.”
He sighed deeply. “I don’t think you truly understand what you’ll be giving up.”
“Ah, Winslow, I don’t think you truly understand all I am gaining.”
“You’ve created quite the scandal,” Kit said.
It was a lovely afternoon, spring at its height. Selena had sent a missive to the viscount asking for an audience, and he’d suggested a stroll through Hyde Park during the fashionable hour. She knew he’d done it as a way to show London she had his support. A few people they passed scowled in disapproval. Some simply looked away. While she still wore widow’s weeds, her recent actions confirmed she’d not bothered to observe the proper mourning period.
“Yes, I know, but I like to think Lushing would applaud me for rebelling a bit against Society.”
He placed his hand over hers where it rested in the crook of his elbow. “I suspect he would.”
“But it leaves me with a bit of a dilemma, and I was hoping you might be good enough to help with it.”
“Whatever you need, Selena.”
“It’s our shared plot at the cemetery, you see. I love Aiden with all my heart and want to be with him through eternity. I want to lie beside him when I sleep at night and when I drift off into my eternal sleep. I realize you might marry—”
“I’ll never marry.” His voice held such certainty.
“You need an heir.”
“Unlike Lushing, who had no one waiting in the wings, I have a brother who is next in line to inherit the title and properties. He’ll do well by them, has already married and produced a son. So if he goes before me, the line is secure.”
With his words, she was more certain than ever she had the right of things.
“In that case, perhaps you’d consider purchasing the plot next to Lushing in Abingdon Park, the one he’d designated for me. Before he died, he told me I wasn’t obligated to make use of it, but I don’t want to leave him there alone, and as the two of you were such dear friends—”
“How much?”
“I was thinking a shilling.”
He stopped walking and faced her, his eyes soft. “Selena, he paid much more for it than that.”
“I know. And perhaps I have the wrong of it, but I always felt he was happiest when you were about. As a matter of fact, it once occurred to me that if the law allowed it, he’d have preferred to have married you rather than me.”
Abruptly, he dropped his gaze and studied his boots polished to a shine. Finally he lifted his gaze to her. “He was the love of my life.”
“I
’m glad, Kit, I’m glad he had you, that he knew what it was to be so loved. I cared for him, loved him even, but I was not in love with him.”
“Few among the aristocracy marry for love. He felt an obligation to his birthright to provide an heir. Having been raised in an atmosphere where duty is everything, I couldn’t fault him for his decision, even respected him more for it. Although he did worry that he’d done you a disservice.”
“Our reasons to marry all involved responsibilities. I think we made the best of it.”
“As I told you before, after you married, he was never unfaithful to you. Our relationship became one of deep abiding friendship, but nothing more. I was always grateful that you welcomed my intrusion in your life and allowed me to be part of your adventures.”
“You were never an intrusion, Kit. I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been for the two of you to never let the world see what you meant to each other. For a while, I kept Aiden and my love for him a secret and I’ve never known such despair. While I am certain that Society will not embrace us fully and challenges await, at least we will face them together. I’m so sorry that you and Lushing could not have had the same opportunities.”
“At least they no longer hang men who love each other, but imprisonment remains a possibility. Neither of us wanted that.”
But still they’d been enclosed by a prison of Society that never truly allowed them to be free.
“The secret of your love remains safe with me. Should anyone ask, and it’s none of their business, you were helping me out of a spot of bother by purchasing a plot that would otherwise go unused.”
“He did love you.”
“But he didn’t desire me.”
He shook his head. “He tried to, for the sake of an heir.”
“I do miss him. He was quite possibly the kindest man I ever knew.” She wound her arm through his, and they strolled on. “You will come to the wedding, won’t you?”
“I wouldn’t dare miss something that’s going to be the talk of the ton.”
The Duchess in His Bed Page 31