by Radclyffe
That’s okay, I have one. What about you?”
“I’ll get one if I need it.” Her voice was raspy, as if she hadn’t used it in a long
time. She dangled her arms over her knees, careful not to touch Leslie. She
drew a breath to speak, but Leslie did Þ rst.
“There are some things I need to tell you,” Leslie said.
“No, you don’t. What happened—”
“Just wait. Just this once, don’t be so sure you know what I’m going to say.”
Dev stiffened, but nodded. “Okay.”
“What happened by the lake that night was…innocent. You kissed me and I
kissed you.” She laughed ß atly, thinking she’d heard that line somewhere
before, but it meant so much more now. “That happens millions of times
between teenagers everywhere, except it wasn’t supposed to happen between
us because we were both girls. Jesus.”
“It wasn’t all that innocent,” Dev said quietly. “I knew—in my heart, I knew
what I felt. What it meant.”
“It was still innocent,” Leslie said sharply. “How could it have been otherwise?
We were in love.”
The words tore through Dev’s heart and she gripped her knees harder.
“What Mike did was horrible.” Leslie paused, her breath shuddering from her.
“And what I did was worse. What I said—” She turned, trying to read Dev’s
face in the shadows. “I don’t know why I said what I said. It wasn’t true. I was
scared, I guess. Whatever, it doesn’t matter now. I just want you to know it
wasn’t true.”
“Thank you,” Dev whispered.
“There’s something else you need to know,” Leslie said, Þ nding the present
truths even more difÞ cult than the past.
Dev shook her head. “It’s time to let all that go, Les. For both of us.”
“I know. But it’s not about then. It’s about now.”
• 128 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
The hollow note in Leslie’s voice struck a deeper sense of dread in Dev’s heart
than Leslie’s shocked cry earlier. Suddenly, she felt cold.
She waited.
“I’m not sure exactly what happened down by the lake tonight,”
Leslie said hesitantly. “I think part of me was back there, the night we kissed
and then Mike…hurt you. I remember how good you felt to me that night. How
right.” Her voice dropped to a hush. “How much I wanted you to touch me.”
Dev’s nails dug into her palms, and she bit her lip so hard holding back a groan
that she drew blood.
“When you kissed me tonight, it was like before. All the old feelings came back
and it was like I knew you. I wanted you.”
“Except it wasn’t really us anymore.” Dev’s chest ached with the sadness that
welled within her.
“No.” Leslie started to reach out, but thought better of it. Nothing she could do
would change the truth. “Devon, you’re seeing Natalie and I’m involved with
someone too. We’re neither of us free.”
Free. The word mocked Dev, because she wondered if she would ever be free,
or if she would merely move on while leaving parts of herself behind. Trying to
explain that Natalie was a friend seemed pointless, because Leslie was with
someone else.
“I might not know you now,” Dev said, rising, “but you strike me as a onewoman
woman.”
“Well, one at a time anyways,” Leslie said, trying to lighten the moment. She
stood, noticing for the Þ rst time that Dev was shivering.
“You should go inside. I just want you to know that it wasn’t anything you did
that upset me. Ever.”
Dev put her hands in her pockets, because she knew Leslie was about to walk
away. And God help her, she didn’t want her to go. Even though every word
Leslie spoke hurt her in a way she hadn’t thought possible, she didn’t want her
to go. And that was exactly why one of them had to. And soon.
“Thanks, Leslie,” Dev said quietly.
“For what?”
“For being the one to say no.”
Leslie trembled as a ß ood of longing washed through her. Strangers or not,
what she’d felt earlier in Dev’s arms had made her feel alive in every cell. She
was afraid to even think what that might mean.
• 129 •
RADCLY fFE
“I’m glad you understand,” was all Leslie could think to say.
“Good night.”
“Good night,” Dev whispered. She waited until she heard the soft slide of
Leslie’s cabin door opening and the quiet snick of it closing.
Then she sat back down on the steps and rested her face in her hands and wept
for the love they’d once shared.
• 130 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Leslie got up early the next morning after another night Þ lled with fractured
dreams and an impending sense of danger, although when she opened her eyes,
the elusive feelings ß ed like bits of sand in the wind. She showered quickly,
threw on jeans and a white boat-neck tee, and hurried to the lodge. Even though
she knew it was foolish, she was inordinately relieved to see Dev’s truck in the
lot next to her parents’ new Jeep. She had half expected Dev to be gone. The
thought of Dev just disappearing left her feeling frighteningly hollow.
She pushed the disquieting sensation aside, reminded herself that the truck was
still there and so was Dev, and went inside to take care of the work that needed
to be done. She was in the midst of removing a second tray of biscuits from the
oven when a sound behind her startled her into nearly dropping the entire thing.
“Ahh!” Leslie yelped. She managed to get the tray onto the counter before
spinning around to discover Dev in the doorway. “Can you please stop sneaking
up on me like that?”
“Sorry,” Dev said without the slightest hint of contrition. Leslie looked great, and
even in casual clothes, she deÞ nitely did not look like a woman who should be
slaving in the kitchen at six in the morning.
“Need some help?”
“Of course I need help.” Leslie waved an arm at the general chaos of the
kitchen, where baking pans, mixing bowls, and the ingredients for breakfast lay
scattered over the counters. “I need a chef and a busboy and a gardener and a
mechanic and someone to tell me how in God’s name my parents run this place
by themselves.”
• 131 •
RADCLY fFE
Dev frowned. “Are things really getting away from you?”
Leslie blew a loose strand of hair away from the corner of her mouth. “Not
really. I can probably manage another day, and my mother’s coming home later
this afternoon. But even then, she’s going to need help down at the dock and
taking care of all the other things my father does.”
“What about Þ nding new hires?”
“I’ve got several people coming by this evening for interviews.
At this point, anyone who hasn’t just escaped from Sing Sing will be perfect.”
Dev opened the refrigerator and started passing cardboard cartons of eggs to
Leslie. “Scrambled are easiest.” She checked the menu on the door. “Sausage.
Piece of cake.” She rummaged in the refrigerator’s meat drawer and found the
/> jumbo package of links, which she carried to the grill in the center of a cook
island.
“What are you doing?” Leslie asked.
“Making my part of breakfast.” Dev pointed a fork in the direction of the eggs.
“You should start too, or else we won’t be done at the same time.”
Leslie opened a container of eggs, then closed it and carefully set it down on the
counter. She watched the light blue denim shirt tighten across Dev’s shoulders
as Dev worked. Her hair curled over the collar, thick chestnut strands that were
wavier than Leslie remembered. Dev wore her shirt tucked into an almost-tight
pair of black jeans. It was an outÞ t Leslie had seen Dev wear many times when
they were younger, but Dev no longer looked like the rangy teenager she had
been. She looked like the strong, capable woman she was. They’d once been
so close. They could be friends now, couldn’t they?
After backing away from Dev last night and throwing up even more boundaries
between them, Leslie knew that she would need to be the one to reach across
the chasm. And since she’d been the one to walk away all those years before,
that seemed more than fair.
“I thought you might have left,” Leslie said softly.
Dev kept her back to Leslie and methodically arranged the sausages in two
precisely even, side-by-side rows on the grill. She’d come close to piling her
gear into the truck and driving away an hour earlier because she didn’t think she
could face Leslie and pretend she didn’t feel anything. Not when she could still
taste her. She might still
• 132 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
have to go, but she wasn’t ready yet. Leaving would be so Þ nal. “I thought
about it.”
“I’m glad you stayed,” Leslie said, reaching for the eggs.
“Why?” Dev said quietly, her back still turned. She wasn’t playing games. She
really didn’t understand what difference it would make to Leslie.
“You’re handy in the kitchen.” Leslie held her breath, and as the silence
lengthened, she started to feel queasy.
Dev turned, a small smile curling the corners of her mouth. “You should see
what I can do with a set of tools.”
Leslie tried not to laugh, but the relief was so great she couldn’t help herself. If
she hadn’t known better, she’d have thought that Dev was ß irting. As it was,
just this little bit of foolish conversation made her feel better than she had in
days. “Well, you might be good with a wrench, but your sausage is burning.”
“Shit!” Dev spun back to the grill and frantically began turning the small links.
Leslie took another second to enjoy watching Dev move, graceful even as she
struggled to keep errant links from sliding off the grill onto the counter and ß
oor, and then started cracking eggs into a bowl.
Dev dumped the sausages that were done onto a platter. When she’d Þ nally
gone to bed the night before, not expecting to sleep, she’d been ambushed by
emotional and physical exhaustion. She’d fallen into a heavy dreamless sleep
from which she’d awakened feeling fuzzyheaded and clumsy. When she thought
about what had happened with Leslie by the lake, she’d been nearly as stunned
as she had the Þ rst time they’d kissed. Except that back then, she’d known for
a long time—although she hadn’t been willing to admit it—that she’d wanted to
kiss Leslie. Last night came out of nowhere.
“I appreciate you putting the brakes on last night,” Dev said without turning
around.
“Do you?” Leslie asked quietly. Although she was actually happy that Dev
wasn’t angry about her abrupt retreat, she wasn’t entirely certain she was
pleased that Dev didn’t mind just a little.
“Seeing you has brought up a lot of old stuff for me,” Dev said.
“I’ve been a little off my game the last week or so.”
“I’m sorry.”
Dev shook her head and turned to meet Leslie’s gaze. “It’s okay.
• 133 •
RADCLY fFE
It’s probably all been a good thing.” She grinned a little grimly. “I’m sure I’ll
think that, when I look back on it ten or twenty years from now.”
Leslie smiled wryly.
“If I’d been thinking clearly, Les,” Dev said, “I wouldn’t have put you in a
position of needing to say no.”
“Oh, Dev.” Leslie closed her eyes and shook her head. Then she opened them
up on a long sigh. “At least at this point in our lives, let’s agree that no more
apologies are needed between us.”
“Okay,” Dev said softly. “Your eggs are done.”
v
Natalie followed the scent of breakfast through the dining room, where one early
riser sat sipping coffee and reading the newspaper.
She stopped just inside the kitchen door to take in the sight of Dev and Leslie Þ
lling stainless steel warming pans with mountains of eggs, sausage, and biscuits.
Both women looked pale and tired, but also oddly at ease as they moved
around one another with ladles and skillets. Natalie couldn’t put her Þ nger on
exactly what it was, but Dev and Leslie seemed in sync—connected. Now that
was a thought she didn’t want to dwell on.
“Boy, is my timing perfect,” Natalie said, shrugging off the discomforting
sensation.
Dev greeted her with a smile. “Hey! I thought you were tied up today.”
“Good morning,” Leslie said evenly.
“Hi, Leslie.” Natalie turned to Dev. “I am. Meetings all damn day.
I’ll be brain dead by two. But I brought your gear and the permits over in case
you decided to go out to the islands today on schedule.”
“Thanks. I…” Dev glanced at Leslie, who seemed to be busy sliding the trays
onto a cart. As much as she wanted to be available to help Leslie and her
mother, she needed some distance from Leslie.
She still felt shaky from the night before, and Leslie didn’t look like she’d had a
very good night either. Even thought they’d made a peace of sorts, Leslie had
enough to deal with without the constant stress of having Dev around.
“I probably will head over if you can Þ nd someone to ferry me.”
• 134 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
“I think Jimmy can do it. I’ll call him,” Natalie said, referring to one of the park
rangers. “I know he’s out on patrol and then he has to check on the campers
who came in overnight, but—”
“I can take you over, Dev,” Leslie said. “As long as you can wait until ten. I told
my mother I’d pick her up around nine.”
“You don’t need to do that, Les,” Dev said.
“No, really,” Natalie interjected. “I’m sure I can—”
“You’re a guest here, Dev,” Leslie said, ignoring Natalie as she bumped the
swinging door open with the front end of the cart. “Part of our service is taking
campers to the islands. I’ll call you as soon as I’m back from the hospital.”
The door closed behind her with a resounding thump.
“Well,” Natalie said, grinning at Dev. “I guess that’s settled, then.”
Dev frowned at the door, then muttered, “She’s got enough to do without
playing ferry master.”
“How’s her dad?” Natalie inquired. Leslie wasn’t her type—a bit too polished
and a bit too lethally beautiful, but she admired her spine. Under slightly different
circumstances she could see them being friends.
“He’s apparently doing really well. He might be home in a few days.”
“That’s great.” Natalie liked both Eileen and Paul Harris, and she was pleased
by the news. She was also happy because a quicker recovery for Leslie’s father
would mean Leslie’s visit might be shorter.
Natalie was sure there was more to the history between Leslie and Dev than
Dev had told her, because Dev always looked a little unhappy when she was
around Leslie. A little unhappy and a little hurt, both of which bothered Natalie a
great deal. “Make sure you take one of the two-ways so you can contact the
Harrises if you need to. They can get a message to me if there’s anything you
need or if there’s a problem.”
“It’s pretty civilized out there,” Dev said with a smile. “I don’t expect I’ll need to
send an SOS.”
“Maybe so,” Natalie said seriously, “but you’ll be a mile out in the middle of a
whole hell of a lot of water on a little bitty piece of land. If there’s trouble, you
can’t swim back and there’s no phone.”
Dev nodded. “I know. I’ll make sure I’ve got everything.” She tilted her head
and grinned at Natalie. “SatisÞ ed?”
• 135 •
RADCLY fFE
Natalie slid a step closer and stroked Dev’s upper arm. “Not yet.
But I’m ever hopeful.”
The door swung inward, and Leslie hurried through. She glanced at Dev and
Natalie, honed in on the position of Natalie’s hand and the way Natalie leaned
into Dev, and quickly looked away. “I need more plates.”
Natalie didn’t move or take her gaze off Dev’s face, but Dev eased back and
lifted a stack of dishes.
“Got them right here.”
Leslie turned on her heel and marched out. Dev followed in her wake as Natalie
laughed softly.
v
Dev drove to the lab and made sure Arno had plenty of work to keep him busy
for the next week. Then she took care of some correspondence, backed up her
laptop to an external server, and Þ nally loaded two plastic waterproof crates
with the equipment she’d need for her work on the island. After carrying