by T. L Smith
I drop his hand out of sheer shock, his eyes are open and he’s watching me, but it’s with interest. “You know me,” I reply.
“No, you used to know a version of me. I know no version of you.” He puts his hands to his stomach.
“Do you feel anything when you’re with me?”
“I do.” His answers are short, much like they always have been.
“What?”
“That I want to push you away.” He sits up, coming face to face with me.
“That’s nothing new, you tried that once and it didn’t work.” I shrug my shoulders, it’s the truth.
“Tell me what happened?”
“Happened?”
“Yes, I want to know why no one searched for me if you say I was so important?”
“You are… to me.” I turn my head to his window, it’s blacked out, to match the darkness of this room. “I can’t talk about it, not even with you.”
“Why?” He’s looking at me, his face emotionless, though his eyes, they tell something different.
“You should remember soon, and if you don’t, I will tell you. I just can’t, it hurts too much.”
“You were important to me, weren’t you?” I simply nod my head. He wasn’t good at defining things, so I won’t either. “If I don’t remember, what will you do?” My hands touch his face, his beard is under my palms, and his long lashes flutter with each blink he takes.
“I will make you remember me.”
Hayden comes over after school, Liam is downstairs, he said he needed to clear his head. I watch as Hayden smiles at him, Liam stands there watching him, not speaking, just listening. He has disposed of her body and cleaned the mess up. I fell back asleep after we spoke, then called my mother to check on the kids.
Hayden is old enough now that he doesn’t have to ask for my permission every time he wants to go somewhere, except he still does. He told me he was coming over. I told him Mr. Black won’t remember him, but he didn’t care—to him, Liam is his Holy Grail. His savior and nothing anyone said could stop him from seeing him, not even me.
Liam’s head whips behind, he looks up to me, sensing I’m there. His sunglasses cover his eyes, and I still feel the weight of his eyes on me.
“You need to go to your family,” he says once he walks back upstairs. It’s early. I need to go to work sometime today. Preferably on time.
“I will.”
“I don’t need you here.”
“You don’t, but I want to be here for you.”
“Do you know much about these drugs?”
“Why?” He stands so still, it’s always been odd having a conversation with him. It’s like he doesn’t need to move.
“Because I want to go after the people who make such a thing.”
“I know it’s a black market drug. All I know is that it suppresses memories, and it needs to be given correctly. It has to be given in doses, to not rid the current memory if it’s given too frequently, it would suppress the current memory. Basically, it's like a top up drug from the original memory suppressor.”
“Your doctor told you this?”
“Yes. He said your memory should come back once the drug is out of your system, but it’s not guaranteed because you’ve had it for such an extensive period of time, though.”
“Who the fuck makes this shit?”
“There have been reports of a local pharmacist that’s been making it for a while now. Though, no one has actually found it. I know Robbie was looking for the pharmacist, but he’s had no luck.”
“Robbie?” Oh, that’s right, memory.
“He’s a Police Officer.”
“You trust him?”
“Yes.”
“You shouldn’t…” is all he says as he walks away.
Jake is here, he turned up not long after Hayden left. He sees me flinch when he touches me and turns me around to inspect the wound. He tears the bandage off of it.
“Who shot you?” he speaks fast. His breathing is becoming heavier on the back of my neck.
“I don’t remember, it’s all a blur.”
“I shot her,” Liam says walking in, he’s dressed exactly the way I remember him. In a suit with a white shirt and no tie. My heart hammers hard.
I’m too slow to stop what happens next. Jake’s gun raises, then so does Liam’s, it’s so fast it’s like a blur. Bullets fire, Jake drops to the floor, Liam stands there with an expressionless face. Nothing unusual.
I drop to Jake’s side, help him up, but he shrugs me off. Liam hit his hand, the one that was holding the gun. I can see the blood dripping onto the floor, he tears away a part of his shirt and wraps it around his hand.
I click then, at what he had said. My head snaps to Liam. I pick up Jake’s gun and aim it at Liam.
“You fucking shot me?” His head cocks to the side.
“Rose, his weapon is on, don’t tempt him.”
I look down to his hand, his finger is on the trigger, the gun in our direction. “You going to shoot me, Liam Black?” I taunt him and he lowers it.
“You were in my way of who I wanted. I injured you to get what I wanted.”
I drop the gun and walk to him, then slap him hard across the face and leave.
I watch as her tight ass walks off. She makes me want to pick her up, throw her over my shoulder and do things to her, bad things. Jake’s in the fridge, a piece of the shirt he tore off wrapped around his hand. He puts the end of the bottle to his mouth and downs it, and drops it in the sink then looks at me and shakes his head.
“You know how to piss the best of people off, don’t you?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“That woman…” he points to the door that Red just left out of, “…would never be angry with you. Not in a million years. God, she wasn’t even angry when she found out you were fucking some whore.”
“She had no right to be angry with that, but what’s it to you? You fucking her? I saw how defensive you are with her.”
That makes him angry, he steps up close to me, right in my face. “I am not fucking her. I made a promise to you, you piece of shit. I held up that promise.”
“You love her…”
He takes a step back, the truth written across his face.
“Do you even know what love is? What do they call you now? Trace?”
“Love is just a word, Jake. It’s just a word…”
“Yeah, you keeping telling yourself that.” He walks back to the fridge, grabs another drink and downs it straight away.
“The boys will be here later, you better play nice.”
“Boys?”
“Yes, my boys. No guns, Black.”
“Is this not my house?”
“It is, but most of it is mine.” He’s a cheeky prick, a sneaky smile always on his face.
“Oh, I suggest you start by trying to win Rose back. It won’t take much, but you need to apologize. Now, I need you to fuck off so I can fuck.”
“Not in my bed.”
He flips me off when he walks out the door and stops when his phone lights up. Then he turns to face me again. “Rose needs me to go to hers, I can’t, and you owe me for shooting my motherfucking pimpin’ hand. I mean, do you know how much the bitches love to be spanked with this hand? And you just shoot it with no care in the world.”
“Back to me going somewhere, Jake. Enough with the spanking.”
He eyes me now. “You seem... never mind, go to hers, now.”
Her face is anger, it’s getting redder the longer we stand still at her door. I have no idea why I’m here, wishing I’d never listened to Jake, I should’ve just shot him again.
“You need to go, I’m too angry at you.”
“Jake sent me.”
“Fuck,” she says then covers her mouth with her hands looking behind her. A little boy runs up, the same one with the attitude from last time I was here. “I needed him, he knows I have to go to work.” She shakes her head and picks up her
phone, walking away from the front door, and I follow her in. She talks fast, then gets flustered and rings someone else. I get the gist of what she’s saying. She needs someone to watch her son because Jake was meant to. She finally turns to me when she hangs up the phone.
“You…” I give her a blank stare, “…you shot me. You can babysit, Liam.”
“Nope, no kids.”
She shakes her head picking up her bag. “Too fucking bad. I need to work, you will watch him. It’s not for long, and he can do most things himself, you just need to feed him.”
“I don’t do kids.”
She steps right up to my face. “You will do this. You may find you have a lot of things in common, your attitude for one.” Then she walks off, kissing her kid on the way out.
He stands there just watching me. “Mister, who are you?” He walks up to me and pulls on my shirt when I don’t answer, his little green eyes stare up at me. “Mister, didn’t you hear me?”
“I heard you kid.”
“Well, what’s your name?”
“Liam.”
He smiles brightly. “That’s my name, now tell me yours?”
“Black.” He nods his head and walks into the sitting area, grabs the iPad and sits down. He starts to watch adults building toys, then kids doing pranks and he does all this without talking or moving from his spot for a good thirty minutes. I sit there like an idiot, watching everything he does, and wondering how the hell he can watch this shit consistently.
“Do you have a daddy?”
“Why?”
“I want a dad. Jake is kind of my dad, but not.”
“Who’s your dad, kid?” He shrugs his shoulders, then flicks the iPad back on.
He ends up wanting an apple, I find one buried in the fridge and give it to him. He hands it back asking me to peel it. I find the peeler then once that’s done I give it back to him. He looks at it and gives me a look that basically says I’m an idiot.
“You need to cut it, too.” So I cut it, then give it to him. He looks at it, hands it back. “Cut it smaller.”
“Kid, eat the apple.”
He shakes his head, no. I sit it down in front of him, he doesn’t touch it, and it starts to go brown. I cut it again and bring it back to him.
“It’s brown,” he complains. That’s it, it’s going in the bin. I walk back out, pick him up dropping the iPad to the ground. He squeals from the loss of his iPad. I place him on the kitchen bench.
“Tell me what you want to eat? I’m not doing that again.”
“Sandwich.”
“With?”
“Peanut butter.” Once it's done, he shakes his head at me. “Cut it into fours.” I swear to God if this kid could feed himself I would walk out that door.
“Your weird, Mister,” he says after he finishes his sandwich. “You don’t talk much.”
“Not everything that goes through your head needs to be spoken, kid.”
“You don’t even smile.”
“What’s there to smile for?”
“You don’t even laugh.”
“There’s nothing funny to laugh at.”
“You’re weird.”
“You're weird,” I retort back to him.
“My mom says you make her heart pitter patter.”
“Does she?”
He nods his head, then yawns. We go back to the couch to the stupid iPad. I end up falling asleep watching some stupid Lego thing.
Liam is crawled on top of Liam, his little body looks so small on his chest. They’re both sleeping exactly the same. Mouth slightly open, a slight snore leaving both. Isabelle walks in not even noticing Liam is here, she stops when she sees him, and I wonder if she recognizes him. She didn’t know him well though she has never taken to anyone as fast as what she did to him. Even with Jake, it took her a bit to warm up to him.
“Mom, that man looks so familiar,” she says a bit too loud. Liam opens his green eyes and looks to Isabelle. He blinks a few times when he sees her, unsure. Then looks at me, then down at his chest. Little Liam is snuggled in and not planning to move by the looks of it. My heart jumps, I have to put my hand on my chest to contain it. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted and more. Then he opens his mouth, and it disappears.
“He’s impossible,” he says, looking down at him, then back to me “How do I move him?” I step forward, and Isabelle stands there watching not saying a word, which is very unlike her. I bend down to pick him up, Liam’s eyes bore into me. I try to look, to see what he’s seeing—a woman who hasn’t washed her hair in days and I stink. I’ve been running around all day. Not to mention I don’t have a drop of makeup on, and my skin is breaking out.
“He looks like you.” His breath is on my face. I don’t look, I can’t look into his eyes.
“He looks like you,” I say, once I pick him up.
“I was wondering if you were going to tell me?” This time, I look at him.
“You know?”
“I am not dumb, Rose. I put two and two together. Five years… isn’t he almost five?” I nod my head, he is. “You wouldn’t leave your son with a stranger. You thought since I was the father, I would look after him. I’m going to tell you this now, don’t do that again.”
He stands, turns to look at Isabelle, her face is in shock. “Liam,” she says like she somehow remembers him. She runs to him and wraps her arms around him. He stands stock still, she hugs him tightly then let’s go when he doesn’t respond. He doesn’t look to me or to any of us as he walks out the door.
“Why did he leave?” Isabelle says. “He’s been gone so long.”
“He needs time to think, hunny.” I kiss her head and carry Liam to his room, next to his bed sits a photo of Liam—his father.
I spend the next few days with no contact at all from Liam Black. He hasn’t been to his house, and no one has seen him. He’s ignored all my calls, much like the old him used to do.
I wake one night to a sound in the house, it’s loud. I check the clock and see it’s three a.m. I have a bat next to my bed. I’ve had one there for the last five years, never been able to get rid of it. The nightmares sometimes feel too real. It comforts me knowing I have something.
“Fuck!” I hear as I sneak out. Someone is definitely here, and it’s not Jake. He’s gone out of town. I hear them bang into the kitchen bench, a harrumph comes from that direction. I sneak around and see a dark figure, then I swing the bat and knock the person on the back of the head.
“Mom,” Hayden screams from behind me flicking on the light. I look down to see Liam on the floor, face down and blood coming from his head.
Fuck!
Why on earth did he sneak in?
To scare the living shit out of me?
I still haven’t dropped the bat, and I still haven’t stopped shaking. Hayden runs to the freezer and grabs and icepack and runs back to Liam, who’s asleep on the floor. He jumps when Hayden places the pack to his head.
He manages to sit up against the counter, his head hanging down.
“I didn’t know it was you,” I say to him. I look to Hayden and he walks back to his room.
“Sure, was this payback from the gun?” His hand still holding the pack when he asks the question. I want to say, yes it is, and that he deserves it, but I didn’t mean to. And I feel terrible that I physically hurt him, I’d be the last person that would want to hurt him.
“No.” He goes to stand, a bit shaky on his feet as he does. “Why are you here, Liam? Its early, we’re sleeping.”
I notice then, he winces, he’s hurt, and not from me and my stupid bat.
“What happened?” I ask stepping forward. Lifting his shirt, it takes me a moment to gather what I’m seeing. I stare too long, not having seen him this way in so long. His ribs look bruised, like someone has kicked him there multiple times, his lip is cut and blood drips down to his chin.
“Misunderstanding…” is all he says looking down at me while I still hold his shirt up, taking in his bruises,
as well as his toned body. “Finished perving?” I drop it then and take a few steps back.
“You can’t sneak in this early, you scared me.” He did, it brought back too many memories. Ones I’m now trying to shake off.
“I didn’t have anywhere to go. Jake and his men are at mine, the hotel is closed, I could sleep in my car, but I figured you wouldn’t say no to sharing a bed with me?” Cocky son of a bitch. “After all, you are the mother of my son.” His head cocks to one side trying to make me argue with him, he’s proving a point, one I’m not sure I want to be a part of.
“You should have slept in your truck,” I say walking away. “The couch is yours.” I manage to make it to my room, and I hear him following, hoping he doesn’t come in. He goes to the bathroom, connected to my room. Then he walks into my room, the lights are off, I can see him from the light of the moon which is shining in through the bedroom window. He’s naked.
“What are you doing?” He walks to my bed, doesn’t bother moving the covers. He lies straight on top of them, then turns to his side. I can’t help it, my eyes search his body, his piercings are all there, his nipples, his cock. Which is standing, and I am staring.
“I’m going to sleep.”
“Fuck no,” I say jumping from the bed, flicking on the bedside light. “Get dressed, and get on the couch.” He doesn’t acknowledge me, just lies on his back and closes his eyes. Bastard.
“Liam Black, I have kids here. Those kids come into my room in the morning. You need to cover your junk right this minute before I cut it off.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“Oh, I would. Don’t tempt me.” He grabs the sheet and covers his lower half. If the sheet moved mere inches, everything would be on display. I crawl back into bed, he is inches away from me. I can tell he’s awake, and I don’t think I will be getting any sleep what-so-ever with him inches away from me.
“Will you tell me? Tell me how your life’s been for the last five years?” I ask, hoping he can spread some light on what’s been happening around him.
“I woke in an empty room, I didn’t recognize anybody. There was a woman there, she was holding my hand and telling me everything would be okay. That was the first time I woke. Then she told me who she was, she said she was my girlfriend, and that she had missed me. I didn’t believe her, I didn’t even know my own name, let alone who she was.”