by Ciana Stone
He took her in his arms, and her resolve to keep their relationship casual and not allow herself to fall any deeper was ripped away. She allowed herself those precious moments and melted against him.
Their steps fell into sync, swaying to the soft words that spoke feelings Olivia could not express. She rested her head against his chest, hearing the thrum of his heart, feeling his arms tighten to pull her closer.
She wished she didn’t want Max, that she didn’t care about him. It would be so much easier for both of them. It hurt more than she could express, knowing that she had to steer him away from her. But what else could she do? Let him give up experiences that were so important to try to build something with her that was doomed?
She could imagine the ridicule and derision they’d receive if they tried to be a real couple. She’d be the cradle robber who couldn’t find a real man, so she seduced a boy. And he’d be the ignorant boy who didn’t know any better than to fall victim to an older woman’s lust.
It would be horrible and in time he’d come to hate her for it.
Olivia pushed away those thoughts and let herself pretend for a few minutes that they were just a normal couple in love, sharing a dance.
The Present
Olivia grabbed her phone and ran a search on iTunes. A minute later, Cindy Lauper sang to her about being lost and found – time after time. Olivia wondered if that was possible.
She had lost faith in love a long time ago, lost faith in herself and what she felt. Was it possible to recapture something that had been gone for so long?
She didn’t know, but she wanted to find out. The only way she was going to do that was to admit what she wanted. Even now that was monumentally difficult for her. Those old fears still lurked inside, waiting to pounce.
Olivia got her tablet and inserted a memory card containing duplicates of the shots she did during Max’s interview. She clicked on one she’d taken when he was looking directly at her.
What was in his eyes? Had she lost the ability to read him or did his eyes mirror the emotions he expressed in his letters? Did he still have feelings for her or were his feelings for the person she’d been ten years ago?
That question suddenly clicked in her mind and opened a door that had been long closed. Max was just like her. He was in love with the “what if.” What if she had not left? What if they had stayed together?
It was the romance of lost love that drove them, each in a different direction, and each to a place where they lost the ability to let anyone else in because they clung so tightly to that romantic notion of “what if.”
All the sessions of therapy and advice from her friend Lydia finally made sense. Olivia had to take a hard look at what she felt and recognize it for what it was. She had to come clean with Max so that she could move forward. Otherwise, she was going to spend the rest of her life where she was now, screwed up and unable to establish a relationship because nothing ever measured up to the fantasy she carried in her head of the romantic tragedy of Max and Olivia.
She made a pot of coffee and settled on the sofa with all the letters and photos spread on the coffee table in front of her. Her eyes moved over them, mentally putting them in chronological order and searching for a place to start.
One photo jumped out. A photo she’d taken of Max and his parents at graduation. They were beaming with pride. Max had not only graduated with honors, but thanks to his grades, photos he’d taken while working with her and several short stories he’d written he’d been offered a full scholarship to UCLA.
Olivia smiled at the photo and let the memories take her back in time.
June 2004
Olivia stood back, snapping shots of Max with his friends and his parents. She had met his folks once, but didn’t feel comfortable intruding on a family moment. It was easy to tell from the smiles on their faces how proud they were of Max.
She was proud of him, too. Not just of him graduating at the top of his class, but at how he’d walked across that stage with his head high. Six months ago, Max would have watched his feet. Now, he might not have all the confidence in the world, but he no longer kept his eyes on the ground. He’d matured a lot over the six months she’d known him.
Did she have anything to do with that, she wondered. As she asked the question, he spotted her. His smile was bright enough to light a city, full of excitement. He broke away from the group of friends and hurried over to her.
“You came.”
“I told you I wouldn’t miss it for anything. Congratulations Max.”
“Thanks.” Their eyes met and held. It was as intimate as an embrace, Max’s eyes communicated so succinctly. Were they alone, he would have hugged her. He hoped she would hug him.
She did, but it was a short, friendly hug. “I’m so proud of you,” she said as she drew back. She saw his friend approaching. “I better go. You have plans.”
“You sure you won’t change your mind and come to the beach?”
“No. I can’t Max. This is your time – you and your friends.”
“But it’s my birthday on Saturday. I want to spend it with you.”
Livi gave his arm a quick squeeze. “We’ll celebrate when you get home, okay? I have to go.”
“Livi, wait!” He called as she turned and walked away.
She looked over her shoulder to see his friends Derrick and Jason crowd in on him and drag him away. She saw the beseeching look in Max’s eyes and it caused a little twist in her gut.
But this was for the best. Max would go spend time with his friends, drink, party, and maybe even hook up with some girls his own age. He might return completely over the crush he had on her.
The question was, would she be over the crush she had on him?
Two days later, she knew the answer. She missed him. Missed his voice, his laugh, the way he teased her and the way he looked at her. And tomorrow was his birthday.
She’d asked him weeks ago what he wanted for his birthday and he’d said to be with her. Every time she’d asked since then the answer had been the same.
Now, she considered it. Max would be leaving in August. He’d gotten a scholarship to UCLA. They had only two more months.
What would be the harm? She asked herself. She’d go spend the afternoon and evening with him, take him to dinner, buy him a drink or two. They’d laugh and talk, maybe even go to a club and dance. It would be fun. And she would have honored his request.
Excited at how surprised he would be, she got on the phone to try to find a hotel with a vacancy. The only thing she could find was about 40 miles south of where Max was staying with his friends.
It was going to take her a bit to pay off what she charged on her credit card to rent the ocean front house. She was lucky she’d found a vacancy on such short notice and only lucked into it because someone canceled due to a family illness.
Since they only accepted weekly rentals, she decided she’d pack for a week. Maybe some time at the beach would be a good change for her. She’d spend Saturday with Max and then have a week to herself to decide what she wanted to do.
She was sure that she didn’t want to stay in Cotton Creek after Max left. The studio would be too much of a reminder. She needed to step up her efforts to find a job. Maybe she’d take stuff with her to the beach and work on her portfolio.
With her mind made up, she got to the task of packing.
The Present
Olivia came back to the present and on impulse grabbed her cell phone and texted Max two words. Lighthouse Beach. She wondered if he would respond. Would he think of that time and if so, would his memories fall along the same line as hers?
She pulled a soft throw off the back of the sofa and curled up, closing her eyes, to remember.
*****
Max looked at his phone as it chimed to alert him of an incoming text. He was making progress on the script now and hated to stop. He’d just reached the point in the story where the main character was at the beach after his high school graduation. It was
probably the most important part of the story. He didn’t want to deal with his agent, producer, or editor. He just wanted to write.
But curiosity had him lifting the phone to look at it. A little bolt of shock ran through him as he read the words on the screen. Lighthouse Beach. Livi.
She was thinking about that time, too. And she wanted him to know. Why? He turned and stared out of the window, the script forgotten, and events of his eighteenth birthday playing on the film screen of his mind.
*****
Max rolled over and stared at the ceiling of the hotel room. Today he was eighteen. Legal. No longer a minor. And he was alone.
That wasn’t entirely true. Derrick and Jason were both passed out on the other bed in the room, sleeping off the alcohol of the night before. Max was sure they would be calling him a pussy today. He’d had a few beers, but not enough to get drunk. He wasn’t having all that great of a time, to be honest. His friends were all about drinking and hitting on girls, trying to score.
Max could only think of Livi, back in Cotton Creek. Was she missing him? And why had she let him down? When she showed up at graduation, he was sure she was going to tell him she’d changed her mind and would accept his invitation to go to the beach with him.
Maybe he was as stupid a jerk as Derrick said, thinking he had something going with Livi. She was almost thirty. Why was he so hung up on someone that old? Derrick didn’t understand. He didn’t know how it was with Max and Livi, how they could talk for hours, the way they worked together like they’d been doing it for years. Or the way she could look into his eyes and he could feel her in his mind.
Or could he? She hadn’t come. Maybe he had imagined all that. The cell phone his parents had given him for graduation rang. Max reached over and picked it up from the nightstand. It was probably his Mom, checking up on him. He got up and walked outside to answer. Damn, it was bright. It must be noon already.
“Hello?” He squinted against the light and turned to face the wall.
“Happy Birthday, Max.”
His heart leapt. “Livi?”
“Did I wake you?”
“No, I was awake.”
“Okay. So, what do you have planned for today?”
“Nothing really. Hanging out.”
“Could I talk you into driving to the South end of Lighthouse Beach?”
“Why?”
“So we can spend your birthday together. I’ve rented a house here.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, seriously. You interested?”
“Yeah. Absolutely.”
“Great. You have something to write on? I’ll give you directions.”
“Hold on. I’ll find something. Don’t hang up.”
“I won’t.”
Max hurried into the hotel room and found a stationary pad stamped with the hotel’s name. After a minute of ransacking the room, he located a pen. “Okay, I’m ready.”
She gave him directions and the address.
“I’ll be there in an hour,” Max promised.
“I’ll be waiting. Bye.”
The gloom that had enveloped him a few minutes ago was gone. Livi had come. He wasn’t wrong. She did care. And he was no longer a minor. Today everything changed.
Max raced inside, brushed his teeth, and shoved everything into his bag. Derrick raised his head as Max opened the door to leave. “What’s up, dude? You going out?”
“Yeah.”
“When will you be back?”
“Don’t know.”
“Girl?”
Max wasn’t about to clue Derrick in on the truth, so he grinned and lied through his teeth. “Yeah.”
“Go get em’, Max,” Derrick raised one hand in the thumbs up position.
“I intend to,” Max replied and hurried to his car, his mind already running through possible scenarios of how he would greet Livi.
Max had to force himself to go the speed limit. The highway was moving along without problems, but not nearly as fast as he would have liked. Every minute seemed like ten. But forty-three minutes after he’d left the hotel, he turned into the drive of a wooden beach house on stilts behind Livi’s car.
Max got out of the car and saw her standing on the wrap around porch, leaning on the rail. Dressed in a pair of short cutoff jeans that rode low on her hips and a tight white tank top, her hair was loose, blowing around her face. He was sure he’d never seen a sexier woman in his life. She smiled down at him, waved, and turned, running for the stairs. Max met her halfway up the steep wooden stairs. She stopped one step above him and threw her arms around his shoulders to hug him tightly. “Happy Birthday,” she whispered.
“It is now.” He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off her feet.
She laughed and jumped up, wrapping her legs around his waist. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
Max was stunned. Happy but stunned. He’d never heard that laugh, or that tone in her voice. Not to mention the fact that she’d climbed on him. This was a side of Livi he’d never seen, but he wasn’t about to question it. It made him too happy.
He carried her up the stairs and she slid down his body as they reached the deck but did not move her arms from around his neck. Max looped his arms around her, pulling her lower body against his. “I didn’t think you were going to come.”
She smiled up at him. “How could I not? It’s your birthday.”
“I’m eighteen,” he said, searching her eyes as he spoke to see if she got the meaning behind his words.
“Yes.” What he saw in her eyes made emotion swell in his chest because it was all he’d dreamed of for six months.
“Livi.”
“Yes, Max.” she replied softly.
“Yes?” He didn’t want to seem dumb, but a sudden moment of insecurity had him needing to hear her say what he wanted to hear.
“Yes, Max. I want you. I always have.”
His dream was real. This time when he put his hand behind her head and guided her to his lips she did not resist. She met him. He thought their last kiss had been good, but it was nothing compared to this one. If it was possible to make love with lips and tongue, then this was making love at its best. Her lips moved from his to his face and neck, her hands alternating between tightening in his hair and roaming over his face, shoulders and chest, touching and caressing.
Livi’s body strained against his. He could feel her nipples, hard against his chest like little buds of fire branding him. She quivered when his hands moved down her back and cupped her ass to pull her more firmly against him and the little moan she breathed into his mouth was the single most erotic moment of his life.
He lost track of time, of how long they were there. A voice from the beach startled him with the yell, “Damn dude, get a room!”
They broke apart and Livi laughed and waved at the young man on the beach walking his dog. She took Max’s hand and led him over to the edge of the deck that overlooked the beach. There were not a lot of people on the beach yet. The sunlight sent shards of light dancing off the water as the surf pounded in.
“So, what do you want to do?” She turned and leaned against the rail, looking up at him.
He smiled and reached for her. Livi laughed and evaded his grasp. “Plenty of time for that, stud. How ‘bout we go swimming?”
Stud? He’d been called a lot of things, geek, dork, and dweeb – never stud. “Okay.” He agreed.
She grabbed his hand and started for the back stairs. Together they ran to the beach, him peeling off his shoes and shirt and her wiggling out of her shorts. Max thought it curious that she left her tank top on, but didn’t mention it. He was too happy just to be with her. They raced to the water, diving in.
Livi surfaced after he did, and the sight of her took his breath. The white tank top was all but transparent, clinging to her like a second skin. It was a wet t-shirt fantasy come to life. Her eyes fixed on his and held as she waded toward him. She reached for him and he thought she was about to kiss him. Instead,
she pounced on him, pushing him backwards.
The pseudo-fight was on. Laughing and splashing, they battled, their maneuvers interspersed with long passionate kisses, and quick fondles. It was heaven. When she finally called uncle, they waded to shore, hand-in-hand. Livi flopped down on the bare sand. Max sat down beside her and she lay back, smiling up at him. Max lay down on his side, running his hand over her torso in slow circles.
Livi rolled onto her side and into his arms. Their lips met and once more Max fell into sensations that threatened to send him into total overload. He had to remind himself they were on a public beach. When she pushed him back and straddled his body, he had to fight back a groan. She smiled down knowingly at him. There was no way she could miss the raging hard-on he was sporting. She was sitting right on top of it.
“Time for another swim,” she said and jumped up, offering her hand.
The afternoon passed in a haze of happiness and passion that was rising faster than the temperature, threatening every bit of control he had. The beach started to empty. They stayed for a while longer, taking a long swim that was comprised far more of kissing and caressing than swimming. When Livi announced that she was starting to prune and pulled him toward shore, he did not argue.
They stopped at the bottom of the stairs of the rental house and rinsed off in the outdoor shower, then went upstairs. Livi grabbed a towel from a stack on a bench near the door, tossed him one, then took one for herself and started to dry. She raked her fingers through her hair and grimaced. “Ugh, I definitely need a shower.”
Max didn’t comment. Was she telling him she was going to shower or was it an invitation? He didn’t know and sure didn’t want to make a jerk of himself by guessing wrong.
“Well?” she asked.
“What?” Damn, that sounded stupid.
“You want to take a shower?”
“Uh, yeah. Sure.”
She laughed and held out his hand. “Come on. I promise not to bite. Well, not hard anyway.”
It would have taken a battalion of armed men, tanks and at least several rockets to stop him from taking her hand and accompanying her inside.