As Sick As Our Secrets

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As Sick As Our Secrets Page 14

by Diane Ezzard


  “So,” she said, “I’ve found out something you may be interested in.”

  I watched her face and waited. Tilting my head to one side, I raised my eyebrows. She put her hands down on the table and looked me in the eye.

  “I met up with Laura the other day.”

  “Oh yes, you mean Cassie’s sister.”

  “That’s right.”

  “I’ll be honest. I don’t know what to make of her. I don’t think she likes me,” I said

  “She may have a reason not to like you.”

  “What do you mean?” I frowned.

  “She may be jealous of your relationship with Charlie.”

  “I don’t understand.” I shook my head.

  “Well, she’s been seeing Charlie and helping him.”

  “What?” my mouth gaped open. If I was a whale, it wouldn’t have just been Jonah who’d have got in, it would have been an army.

  “Yes,” Mia nodded, “And I’m sure she’s telling the truth.” I put my finger and thumb under my chin, taking in the shock.

  “I realised someone was helping him but, wait a minute, how long has it been going on?”

  “That’s the six million dollar question, she didn’t say. That in itself made me think she was guilty of something.”

  “You think she could have been seeing Charlie when Cassie was still alive?” I asked.

  “It’s possible.”

  “Well, I’ll be, the pair of dark horses. That puts a whole different slant on things.”

  “Yes. Laura might not be as innocent as she looks.”

  “I wonder if the police are aware of this?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “It’s about time me and Laura had a chat.” Mia opened her eyes wide and nodded. Her lips thinned.

  Chapter 18

  SOPHIE

  I had to be careful. I was very good at jumping to conclusions. I made that mistake with Jack so I had to keep an open mind about what Mia told me. I had been advised not to listen to gossip but if Mia had spoken to Laura in person, then, it was probably true.

  Part of me was miffed that I had been duped by Charlie. I was put out that I wasn’t the only female who had been taken in by his charms and helped him. I wanted answers from both Laura and Charlie. Firstly to help Cassie’s case, but also to give me an idea where I stood emotionally. Charlie’s actions had made his feelings clear that he was interested in me and if I was honest with myself I did have a soft spot for him. I needed to get the full facts to keep my heart and my head happy.

  I walked along the aisles of Aldi. Dad insisted I got his shopping from there because he liked his bargains. I couldn’t remember if he asked me to get tuna or salmon. I so wished I’d written it down now. I decided to get a tin or each that way he wouldn’t be disappointed and I could take the other tin. If I didn’t write a list, I liked to use mnemonics, so that I didn’t forget anything. Today’s phrase was Wait ‘Til Your Sister Gets Back. I thought I’d been very clever coming up with that one. Was the T for tuna or the S for salmon? I’d recalled the others. There was water, yoghurt, gravy granules and bread. Then I remembered that the T was for toilet roll so I put the tuna back and made my way to the tills.

  I got in the wrong queue of course. It stressed me out. I’d counted the numbers waiting in line but hadn’t anticipated a problem with someone in front of me’s order. I watched in frustration as other queues soon dropped off. Don’t let a silly thing like this get to you, I said to myself. It was always the small stuff I was affected by. I left the store ready to kill someone and made a decision to go to a meeting that night to let go of this pent-up anger.

  I drove too quickly back to Dad’s.

  Turning the key in the lock, I cried, “I’m back, Dad.”

  “Okay love,” he replied, “I’m in here.” I smiled. He didn’t need to tell me where he was. He was sat where he always sat, on his reclining chair in front of the television, watching sport on Sky. I was glad he was still taking things slowly. He had a tendency to do too much, but I didn’t think his weak body allowed him to do anymore. We argued about me doing his shopping because he liked to be out and about but he was happy for me to do his cleaning.

  “The salmon was on offer so I got a pack of three cans if that’s okay?” I knew it would be.

  “That’s great love. Just leave my change on the side in the kitchen.” I walked through and put everything away, leaving his money by the kitchen sink.

  “Shall I make us a brew, Dad?” I shouted.

  “That sounds champion, love.” I smiled as I filled the kettle with water and flicked the switch. How grateful I felt to be well and helping Dad when he needed me most. If I’d have messed this up, he’d have had to get carers in and I would never have forgiven myself.

  I took the drinks through and we sat chatting for a while. He asked me how I was doing. I told him I felt better than I had in some time but it was just for today. He was enjoying watching the golf so after I finished my drink, I cleaned his bathroom. It didn’t take me long to finish his chores, and I came back to sit with him feeling exhausted.

  “Have you heard anything from Steph?” he asked

  “Not lately.”

  “She tells me they’re trying for a baby.” I felt put out by this, not being close enough to know what was going on in her life.

  “Well, good luck to them.” Dad turned to me. I think he was checking if my words were genuine or not. They weren’t. I made Dad a sandwich as it was all he wanted to eat. He had lost his appetite since his heart attack. He had been scared out of his previous love of pastry.

  I was going to my meeting straight from Dad’s so I applied some lipstick and combed my hair before I left. I fetched my jacket from the cloakroom and approached Dad to kiss him goodbye. He took hold of my hand as I bent towards him.

  “I appreciate everything you’re doing for me, Sophie and I’m so pleased you’re doing well.” Our eyes met. Dad’s were glazed. I felt a lump in my throat.

  “I’m so glad too, Dad.” I kissed him and moved to leave. This was one of those times I didn’t want my emotions getting the better of me, so I rushed to the door.

  “See you soon.” I blew him a kiss. “Don’t get up. I’ll see myself out.” I left the house and walked towards my car. I turned to look back at Dad’s house. He stood at the window waving. I knew he would. I waved back.

  Driving along to the meeting, a sense of peace and contentment washed over me, interspersed with sadness. I wasn’t used to these emotions, but I didn’t want alcohol to block them out anymore.

  When I arrived, I was greeted by Mia. She seemed in a good mood.

  “How are you, Sophie?” she asked hugging me.

  “I’m good thanks and how about you, Mia?”

  “Oh, I can’t grumble. Glad to be here.”

  “Yes, so am I.” Then she moved closer towards me and in a gentle voice said into my right ear, “Do you know Jack’s doing the main share tonight.” I glanced at her.

  “No, I didn’t know that. It’ll be interesting to hear his story and find out more about him.” I winked at Mia and she smiled. I walked into the church hall, greeted and hugged one or two others, got myself a drink and sat down. The meeting started. Jack was introduced. He seemed nervous. He cleared his throat and looked up at his audience.

  “Hi, everyone. My name’s Jack, and I’m an alcoholic.”

  The crowd of about twenty people sat there responded with “Hi Jack.” He coughed and looked to be thinking for a few moments before he started.

  “My drinking took off when I was at uni. Freshers’ week for me was complete oblivion, but I loved it. From then on in I wanted every week to be like that. Some of the others liked to party, but no one was as dedicated as I was to getting wasted. I was a greedy drinker. If it was my round, I got an extra chaser at the bar. I’d often pop in for a livener after lectures finished and when last orders came, I normally had two or three drinks lined up to neck down.” There were one or two p
eople nodding from the audience.

  He continued to talk about some of the scrapes he’d been involved in. He also mentioned that he began to turn violent with alcohol inside him. I shuddered at this as I recalled some of the experiences I’d had in the past at the hands of a drunken boyfriend. He talked about joining the police force. He said it suited him at first as it was a real drinking culture. His career progressed, the trouble was, so did his drinking. I could identify with that and it brought back memories of my time working in accountancy when I was classed as one of the lads due to my drinking antics.

  I remembered how reckless I had been and how I didn’t give a thought about anyone else at the time. I didn’t care whose feelings I hurt, and I hadn’t treated my then boyfriend Kyle, Joyce’s son, very well.

  I realised my thinking had wandered off as I recalled some of my own experiences. I missed part of what Jack said about his time in the police service. He did say that by the end of his career there, his bosses started to notice his drinking. He was verbally warned at first but he wasn’t able to stop. By this point, he was a daily drinker and found it hard to hide the fact he needed a drink. Colleagues warned him to rein it in but he couldn’t. He was given two final warnings and put on a suspended dismissal for drinking on duty. He said at the time he felt hard done by but in reality, each of his crimes was a sackable offence.

  In the end, his bosses offered to let him resign to preserve his pension. He said they bent over backwards to accommodate him but they didn’t offer him any treatment through the company. They hadn’t realised that he suffered from alcoholism. Like so many employers, they just thought he drank too much on occasions.

  Jack’s voice became shaky when he talked about his ex-wife.

  “Things got bad at home,” he said, his eyes looking down. “Being in the police force was never going to be conducive to a happy relationship what with the long hours and unsociable shifts. We were a young couple starting out. I worked a lot of overtime and the money came in handy as there was always something we needed for our home.

  So, I worked at every opportunity. My wife, Molly and I became strangers. We had our first son Arthur, followed a couple of years later by my daughter Rachel. By now Molly nagged at me all the time about my drinking. I would always tell her I’d only had a couple.” Again I noticed the nods as I looked around at everyone listening to Jack.

  “I couldn’t stop drinking, not to save my job, my marriage or my family. I lost everything including my self-respect. My marriage ended not long after I lost my job. My daughter was only one at the time. It was the worst time in my life. I moved out of our beautiful home, into a grotty bedsit. At first, I thought it was going to be wonderful. Now I could do what I wanted, drinking round the clock, but I was only kidding myself. It was sheer hell. The loneliness kicked in and the drinking got worse.” I felt myself welling up with tears as I thought about my own rock bottom.

  Jack then told his captive audience that he spent the next two years living as a virtual recluse. His wife wouldn’t let him see his son and daughter because he couldn’t stay sober. He was having fights in bars and getting into trouble himself. He said it was only because the police officers had been his colleagues that he never got charged. He said they felt sorry for him.

  Clasping his hands together in front of his mouth, he leaned on his chin, then continued, “It was a colleague of mine, who I shall be eternally grateful for. He planted the seed for me. I spent the night in the cells after being brought in drunk and disorderly. Even with alcohol inside me, I saw the look of pity on my ex-associates face.” Jack’s shoulders drooped noticeably.

  “He came into the cell in the morning and sat down beside me. He told me I didn’t have to carry on the way I was living. I listened to him because I was ready. I was prepared to do anything to get out of the existence that had been forced on me through alcohol. At that time, suicide seemed a better option than my life. I didn’t want to drink but knew I had to.” At these words, the room became silent; there was no shuffling in seats, no rattling of toffee papers. Jack had everyone’s attention.

  “He told me about himself. He said there was a way out if I wanted to stop drinking. I told him I had been through enough with the booze but that I didn’t think I could stop.” Jack laughed at that point. “It turned out he was an alcoholic and had been sober for years thanks to coming to AA. I’d been working with him all that time and I never knew. Anyway, he took me to my first meeting. He became my sponsor, and the rest is history. I haven’t had a drink now for over eight years. I have my children back in my life. I see them on a regular basis. They don’t hold anything against me. They love me unconditionally like you lot do.” He laughed again.

  “I have my own business today and I work hard. It isn’t always easy but if I am struggling I get to a meeting or phone my sponsor. This works and if it worked for me, it can work for anyone.”

  Jack finished what he was saying, and I felt a slight sense of disappointment as I could have continued listening to him all night. He was a lovely storyteller. There was a real honesty about him that I liked and he wasn’t full of bravado. I was touched by his humility. I moved towards him at the end of the meeting and intended thanking him for what he had said. I felt it had helped me.

  There were a few people vying for his attention and I hovered on the periphery of the circle of people surrounding him. I waited a while but there was no let-up of men and women wanting to speak to him and thank him for his words. I decided I would have to leave it for another time.

  I put on my coat, walked over to Mia to say goodbye, waved at a few of the others then left the building. I had enjoyed the meeting tonight. It was no longer a chore to me, more somewhere I wanted to come of an evening. It was certainly preferable to drinking at home alone.

  Chapter 19

  SOPHIE

  I woke up the next morning with plenty to think about. I’d arranged to go and see the Donoghue’s that evening after work. My reason for being there was twofold, to see how they were doing and to speak to Laura. I had a lot of time for Cassie’s mum, Mrs Donoghue. I couldn’t even imagine what she must still be going through after losing her daughter in such a tragic way.

  If what Mia said was true, Laura, and I had some serious talking to do about Charlie. Whether she would speak to me was another matter. When I arrived that evening, I rang the doorbell to their small semi. Mrs Donoghue greeted me. She appeared genuinely pleased to see me and invited me through into the lounge. Laura was sat in the room, busily texting or surfing on her phone. It was easy to tell that Laura was Cassie’s sister, even with their different appearances. Laura didn’t acknowledge me when I walked in.

  “Hello Laura, how are you?” She didn’t look up.

  “Laura, don’t be so rude,” Mrs Donoghue said, “Sophie’s speaking to you.” She grunted, scratched her head and looked back at her phone.

  “Oh yeah, hi Sophie.” Mrs Donoghue looked at me and shook her head. “Sorry” she mouthed silently. We chatted for a while, mainly small talk about TV programmes and me going back to work after my period on the sick.

  I then turned to her and said in a soft voice, “I don’t know if I should be telling you this. Charlie’s mum has hired a private detective to investigate the case because she believes Charlie is innocent.”

  At the mention of Charlie’s name, Laura glanced up from her phone. She saw her mum watching her and looked back down at the screen.

  “No, I didn’t know that,” Mrs Donoghue said.

  “I expect he’ll be in touch soon to ask you some questions.”

  “Oh, I see.” I could tell she was thinking hard. She frowned. “I thought the police had enough evidence to charge him?”

  “Maybe not.” I shrugged.

  I watched Laura throughout my conversation with Mrs Donoghue. I was on pins wanting to say something to her but I bided my time. When Mrs Donoghue walked through to the kitchen to fetch us all a drink, I made my move.

  “Psst, Lau
ra, I know about you and Charlie,” I whispered.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She stared at me.

  “Yes you do, you’re helping him, aren’t you?” She watched me with a strange expression on her face.

  “Wait a minute, it’s you isn’t it?” she cried.

  “What are you saying?” I whispered.

  “You’re the other woman that Charlie’s been seeing.” My face and neck were bright scarlet.

  “I’m not seeing him. I’ve been helping him that’s all.” At that moment, Mrs Donoghue walked back in with a tray of drinks and buttered scones.

  “Oh, you shouldn’t have,” I said, greedily taking a scone off the plate and taking a bite.

  “Well I knew you’d be hungry, you won’t have had your tea yet.” Laura watched me.

  “Mum, I’m going to take Sophie up to Cassie’s old room. I’ve got some things of Cassie’s I’d like to show her.” She stood up and beckoned me forward.

  “If it’s photographs, you can bring them down.”

  “It’s not photographs, Mum.”

  “Oh, okay then.” I quickly stuffed the last of the scone into my mouth and took a large gulp of my tea then followed Laura out of the room.

  She marched into what had been Cassie’s bedroom. I followed her, and she shut the door behind me.

  Leaning against it, she spat out, “So how long have you been sleeping with him for then?” There was venom in her tone.

  “I’m not with him, I told you. He came to me for help that’s all.”

  “Why would he come to you?” Her features were twisted. She clenched her teeth. The room was small, and I felt closed in.

  “I don’t know but he did. What I’m more interested in how long have you been seeing him?”

  “That’s none of your business.” The corners of her mouth drooped as she spoke. She looked like she had just sucked on a lemon.

 

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