Alex was like that. While most of the people at Trouble were friendly and fun, he never really paid the slightest attention to anyone he didn’t need. It wasn’t that he was unfriendly or mean, just focused, that was the word for it. If you were outside his focus, you didn’t exist for him.
I tried not to glance across the bar. If Jackson wanted to sit there and drink, he could do it without me looking at him. I didn’t want to be like Sally. Was I like her? Running around after a guy who had no interest in me? I’d hate to think that.
No, I wasn’t.
If Jackson had shown no interest, I’d have never gone for him. He always acted like a gentleman but he did those things, like stroke my arm or sit closer than he needed to. Sometimes, when we sat at the bar together, our knees would touch accidentally and I’d wait for him to pull away but he wouldn’t. It’d be like our secret thing. We’d sit there like normal but touching where no one could see. It wasn’t a huge deal but it was something special to me.
We’d never do that again now.
How pathetic was I that my sex life was nothing more than touching knees? We hadn’t held hands, we hadn’t kissed. We’d only gone as far as that slight touch before he rejected me forever.
“Do you ever think we’ll find out about Alex’s mysterious past?” Carlie said.
“I reckon he killed a man,” said Jackson.
Carlie turned her back on him, freezing him out of the conversation. She didn’t have to do that but I wasn’t sure how to say it without drawing more attention to what she did. Of course, she had to talk to Jackson. She couldn’t ignore a customer just because she was annoyed with him.
Sally glanced at Carlie then at Jackson, then turned to me, as though trying to work it out.
“I’m sure he didn’t,” I said, but to Carlie not to Jackson. I had no reason to think one way or the other, I just wanted to clear up the tension.
Alex’s big secret was often a topic of conversation in the bar. There was definitely something going on but maybe we’d never find out. Maybe people didn’t want to find out really because it gave them something to talk about. Of course, no one said anything if they thought Alex was likely to walk into the bar. But he was safe upstairs, rehearsing with his band, so his secret past could be discussed freely.
“Gina, do you think Jackson should give me guitar lessons?” Drew asked.
I turned to Drew, making damn sure not to look at Jackson again. I’d looked at him three times since I’d come into the bar and that was three times too many. Not that I even counted how many times.
“I guess that’s up to Jackson,” I said to Drew. “It’s not like he’d bother if he doesn’t want to do it.”
Then I realized that might sound bitchy and bitter. I didn’t want to look like that. I lowered my head.
Screw that, I was bitchy and bitter. I’d been played by him. If nothing else, I’d thought he was my friend. But, if he had been, then he’d have at least been nice about things. Maybe I should’ve accepted Carlie’s offer to punch him. It’d be much better than having all this emotion simmering inside me.
When I’d come back to the bar, I’d felt hurt and humiliated but, after talking to Carlie and Violet, the anger rose up in me. Not that it did any good. I couldn’t fight and I couldn’t say anything. I just had the anger to deal with on top of everything else.
Chapter 5 Gina
I HAD THE SAME WRENCHING feeling in my stomach that I had every day when I went to my office. That feeling that made me just want to run away and hide somewhere safe. Maybe, one day, I’d have enough money and enough guts to leave this place but, until then, I needed to do things like eat and pay rent.
I put my bag down at my desk and turned on the computer. Every other desk in my section was covered in personal stuff, the things people bring in so that they have a bit of personality – stuffed toys and family photos, pictures of their holidays and weird pen holders. My desk was barren, apart from a coffee mug and the regulation stationery.
When I started working at the law firm, it was a stopgap. Something to keep me going until I got a better opportunity. I had no idea what that opportunity would be but I figured it would work itself out. Only, I’d been here for a few years now and no opportunity ever came up.
I’d never brought anything personal into the office and, by the time I realized I’d be there more than a few weeks, I’d reached the point where I didn’t want to bring my real life into the workplace.
While my computer started up, I went to the kitchen to make a coffee.
I worked for a law firm as a legal secretary. I never talked much about my work because I figured other people would find it as boring as I did. Most of the secretaries in the place cared more about “their” lawyer than they did about their own husbands. There was some kind of bitchy one-upmanship that went on that I didn’t even understand and, because I didn’t care, that seemed to annoy people. Mostly, it annoyed Margie and Dianne.
Margie and Dianna were the other two women in my team. I always got to work early so I could get myself organized before they came in to the office. That way I could avoid them. Most of the day, I did audio-typing which seemed awfully old-fashioned to me. Why couldn’t people just learn to type for themselves instead of talking onto the audio machines then getting other people to type it up for them? At least it meant I had my headphones on most of the day and didn’t need to talk. Or else I was in the photocopy room.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be friendly. I just didn’t want to be friendly with Dianne and Margie. And they sure didn’t want to be friendly to me either. They acted all sickly-sweet to my face but that was only for show. I’d have liked to be friends with some of the other girls in the office though, maybe go out for lunch with them or for drinks after work but I was never really sure what to say. It seemed like I was a conversation killer around work people. I’d say something and they suddenly had to get back to their job.
I grabbed my coffee and started work. Most of the work was so cruisy that it freed up the rest of my brain for thinking about things. The main thing I thought about was Jackson. As I got into the pattern, my brain turned on the same daydream that always kept me occupied. The one where Jackson grabbed me in his arms and stroked my face gently before kissing me. His grey-blue eyes would hold me in his gaze, the edges crinkling with happiness.
Before I got to the kiss part though, I jolted myself out of it.
I had no business dreaming about Jackson or making up scenarios in my head. There would never be any Gina and Jackson. I was better off forgetting those stupid dreams. I was a silly girl. He’d said that to me and I needed to break out of it. He’d never take me in his arms, he’d never hold me tight.
Instead, I tried to think of other things, like winning the lottery and being able to leave this place behind forever. I could board a plane for exotic destinations unknown. The thing was that going to those places alone just seemed sad. There was an empty space beside me and no one to fill that spot.
I decided to focus on my work.
Margie arrived at work and talked loudly about her weekend. Even with the headphones on, I could hear her. I never talked to anyone at work about my weekends. I never told them about going to Trouble or the friends I had there. If anyone ever asked, I just said I stayed at home and watched a movie.
I didn’t even know why I lied. It wasn’t like anyone cared. I just felt sometimes as though if I had something special for myself, someone would take it off me. I’d rather keep my private things to myself. It wasn’t like anyone would understand that feeling I got when I watched a really good band and felt like I was in another place, outside of myself. Or that the singer understood something in my heart that I’d not even known about myself. At those times, in those moments, I’d look over at Jackson and he’d look at me and it was like he understood that exactly.
I had to stop thinking about Jackson. There was no more Jackson.
A little while later, Margie came over to my desk.
I wanted to keep my headphones on and ignore her but she’d just keep standing there.
“I’m really under the pump this morning so I was wondering if you’d have a moment to do the monthly stats report for me.”
I bit my lip and nodded. I hated doing the stats report more than anything. I wanted to ask her how come she’d just spent over an hour chatting about her home renovation projects if she was so under the pump but I never said anything. I always just nodded. In my head, I said all kinds of things to Margie but my mouth dried up so that the words could never come out.
Mr. Danko presented the stats report at the monthly meeting and if there were any errors at all, he’d go crazy. It was Margie’s job to put the report together and, every single month, she had some reason she couldn’t do it. If she just handed the job over to me, I’d have everything prepared well beforehand but she always left it until the last minute and I’d have to rush through it. That meant the possibility of errors was so much higher.
I sighed and started on the report. It wasn’t like anything would ever change, no matter what I said.
Chapter 6 Jackson
DREW HADN’T STOPPED nagging me for a week. Every day he was on about the guitar lessons. Nothing I said dissuaded him. I’d have to punch him in the head to get him to stop.
“That kid is going too far,” I said to Alex. “Why don’t you teach him?”
“He hasn’t asked me and really, I have a bar to run. Plus, I’ve got my own shit happening, when do I have time?”
I could’ve mentioned that he had time to sit around the bar drinking but he was right about Drew not asking him. Anyway, if Alex had time to teach him, what did I have? Nothing but time.
Alex left most of the bar running to Carlie and Violet, while he didn’t seem to be making much progress with his band. They played here at Trouble and had a solid fan base but he couldn’t keep doing that forever. Alex was an ambitious man and he’d have his sights set much higher.
It was almost like he was biding his time. Alex kept his plans close to his chest. He’d swooped in here and bought out the bar without anyone having a hint of it. He obviously had a big picture plan in mind but I had no idea what it was. Didn’t care that much if it came to do.
“You know what you need to do?” Carlie said. “Challenge him. Set him a challenge that he’ll never be able to do and then he’ll fail and shut the fuck up. Like when he wanted his job back and I challenged him to Galaga. That was brilliant.”
I laughed. “Umm, Carlie, you seem to be forgetting something?”
“Yeah, he beat me but I was kinda glad. I felt bad about sacking the kid. Also, I had that big lug distracting me at the time.”
“So, what’s going on with the big lug?” Alex asked. “Are you running off to join him on tour?”
It was the question everyone had been wanting to ask. As the release date of Holden’s album got closer, everyone became more curious. Holden would probably end up doing an international tour, going off for months. It’d be a different place here without Carlie though. Heaven help us if we got a calm and reasonable bar manager.
“Yeah, probably not going to happen. I’m going to stay here with Violet and we’ll both be rock widows while our men go on tour.”
Alex grinned. “Hell, the two of you, both sexually frustrated, that’s going to be hell to deal with.”
Carlie picked up a dirty bar towel and threw it at his head. “Don’t be a pig, Alex, or I will leave.”
“I was just joking.” He leaned on his elbows and smiled. That smile wouldn’t soften Carlie one bit.
“Here’s the thing about jokes, Alex. They are supposed to be funny. You need to get around that.”
God, now Carlie was in a bad mood. Alex should think before he spoke. I wasn’t the most sensitive guy in the world but even I realized that would be a sore spot for her. And, hell, the two of them were getting more sex than I had in a long while. As for Alex, who knew? He was a sly fox and could have a string of groupies on the side that no one knew about. But, if he did, he kept it quiet.
What she’d said got me thinking. I could set Drew a challenge. Obviously not a Galaga-playing challenge because, if he could beat Carlie, he’d beat the fuck out of me. Something totally impossible. He’d fail, then I’d never have to hear about the guitar lessons again.
“What kind of challenge would you set Drew?” I asked. “Just out of curiosity.”
Carlie leaned on the bar, thinking. “Challenge him to do his job for one night without skiving off. I’d love to see that.”
“Nah, he’d do it if he had to,” Alex added.
Carlie screwed up her face in thought. “Make him take the trash out for a week, he always forgets that. Or do clean-up.”
“This isn’t about making Drew do your work.” Alex laughed. “It’s about torturing him for our amusement.”
“Actually, it’s about getting him off my back so I don’t have to teach him guitar. The whole torturing him for our amusement is just a side benefit. What’s he really shit at?”
“Who?” Drew popped up beside me.
“Oh, no one you know.”
Drew shrugged and wandered off to do something.
“How does he do that?” Carlie asked. “He just appears out of nowhere.”
Alex took a sip of his beer and looked like he had an idea running through his brain. Or maybe just that he had indigestion. Who knew?
“Get him to ask a girl out on a date. Not just ask, but actually date someone. Have you seen him? He can barely talk to women.”
“Hey, he talks to me.”
Violet came out of her office and sat at the bar. Carlie poured her a Coke then set a rack of glasses in the dishwasher.
“Hey Violet, these chuckleheads think Drew is too scared to talk to girls. Have you noticed?”
“He’s got no problem with me.” Violet played with her phone while she talked. Sending love messages to Razer, no doubt.
Alex and I exchanged looks. Of course, he talked to Carlie and Violet. They were like older sisters to him and he had no interest in dating them but I’d noticed he was incredibly shy when it came to other women. If there were a group of girls in the bar, he’d get all awkward and clumsy when he had to wipe their table down.
I was going to tell Carlie we meant real girls but I didn’t fancy having things thrown at me. Actually, why Drew was scared of other women and not these two was beyond me. They were the scariest women I knew.
Almost.
Chapter 7 Jackson
THE CHALLENGE IDEA was going a bit too well. I started feeling sorry for the kid. He’d jumped at the chance to prove himself but he had no aptitude.
A bunch of girls came into the bar. The same scenario would play out as it had over the past three days.
Drew walked over and wiped down their table. This time he managed it without knocking over a drink. That was a step up for him. He lingered around for a while, not saying anything, until one of the girls looked up at him.
“Are you right?” she asked.
“Do you girls... er... come here often?”
God, he needed smooth talking lessons, not guitar lessons. You could see the girls cringe. They giggled and Drew blushed. He stammered something else that I didn’t catch and the three of them all glared at him like he was a total loser.
“Er, sorry.” He wandered over to me.
“Are you sure you want to do this, Jackson?”
I nodded. Although I should’ve set him a time limit. A week or something, so that the torture wasn’t prolonged for him.
“But what’s in it for you? Even if I go out on a date, you’re still going to be sad and lonely. Because you are too scared to do anything but drink.”
“That’s not making me want to help you, kid.” I tapped a coin against the bar, wondering how to get this situation sorted out.
“You know what I mean, Jackson. What’s in this for you?”
“I’m hoping you get laid and then you’ll give up any fo
ol idea of playing guitar.”
Drew shook his head. “I’m just asking someone on a date, not for sex.”
As he said that, Gina walked into the bar. My heart stopped for half a beat. She sat down at a table with her back to me. I turned so she wasn’t in my line of vision. Her step didn’t have its usual spring and she never even looked at my corner of the bar. I should punch myself for even thinking she would. I’d done what I set out to do.
What I didn’t expect was the rush of heat through my body. I stared at my glass, swilling the whiskey.
Another group of girls came in and I was about to give him some pointers, then remembered that I had a vested interest in his failure.
“Hey, Drew, why don’t you just call it quits? You’re only torturing yourself. There’s no shame in admitting defeat.”
Carlie caught my eye and laughed. “He’s never going to give up. This will be going on forever. We’ll have no female customers left.”
It was okay for her to laugh. She was the one who’d suggested it. It was almost like she’d done that for her own amusement. Well, exactly like that.
I tried not to look in Gina’s direction.
“I’ll give you another week,” I said to Drew. “Then the challenge is off.”
“That wasn’t part of the agreement, Jackson.”
“Yeah, well it is now. One week for you to get a date. Then it’s back to normal life and the women in this bar will be safe.”
Drew went to argue but I cut him off. Carlie walked off to serve someone. I looked over and met Gina’s gaze. She was the one Carlie had gone to serve. I was about to say hello when I remembered. For that split second, I was happy.
She looked away as soon as she noticed me and I turned back to my whiskey glass. What I needed to do was forget her. Forget her existence, instead of taunting myself. Which was hard to do when I couldn’t even stay away from the bar without Carlie dragging me back.
The Trouble with Rock Stars: Jackson's Story (Access All Areas, #3) Page 3