“Lee needs a guy from the city. Someone who will give her what she needs. I’m just a mechanic.”
He laughs. “You sound just like your mama when she broke Gerry’s heart.”
I stop in my tracks and turn to look at him. “What did you just say?” I narrow my gaze at him.
“Gerry and your mom dated when she moved here from Connecticut with her father. They were together for a year or two, but since he chose to stay in Kentbury to take over the business, she moved on with your dad.”
“My mom and Uncle Gerry,” I repeat, astonished.
“Well, I shouldn’t be telling you this, but you seem to be thinking less about yourself. You’re a good man, Heath. Look at what you’ve done with the place. Your grandfather would be proud of you, and so would Gerry. He knew you’d save it and make it better.”
My uncle was fun. I learned a lot from him. To fix cars, to look after my friends and to never give up. When I lost my scholarship, he offered to pay for school if that’s what I really wanted, but he doubted I did. He was right. I was just doing everything for my parents.
“He taught me everything I know,” I say looking around the garage.
Most of his posters were gone, along with the old equipment. I renovated the entire place and made sure all my guys were trained to deal with all kinds of cars and technology.
“He taught you how to fix a car. You learned how to run the business. He couldn’t do both. This place is a lot more than what your grandfather or Gerry had in mind. It’s great.”
“I think you’re reading too much into this.”
“No, I’m telling you the truth. You’re a good dad. A good friend. Diane says you’re a catch,” he continues. “I wouldn’t know but I believe the wife. She’s the smart one.”
He touches the calendar that’s on the wall. “We’re always busy because every woman in Kentbury and the neighboring towns brings their cars—just to see you. They’d kill to be Miss Lee. She’s the one who’s got your attention.”
“She’s just a friend.” I stick to my standard line. In this town, any piece of information spreads like wildfire. He’ll tell Diane who will call Mrs. Bowman and once she learns something, the entire town knows everything—with a spin, of course.
“I don’t want to fuck-up our relationship.”
“You’re already screwing things up, boy. She’s going to get tired of waiting. Pretty soon she’ll leave your ass behind. How are you going to feel when you see her with another man?”
My heart begins to pound fast when he says the words out loud.
When Lee listed what she’s missing and what she’s looking for, I just stopped trying to persuade her on staying. I don’t feel like I can compete with the man she deserves. When I hear Henry telling me about this other fictional man being by her side it feels like a stab in the chest.
Losing her is inevitable unless I do something drastic.
But could she ever see me as something else?
Would she care what I do?
I’m at a loss. Going to the library to get a book on how to run a business was easy. I bought What To Expect During The First Two Years when Cassie arrived at my doorstep. She’s survived eight years and I don’t suck at the parenting shit anymore.
Would there be something available that can tell me how to make this pain go away after a heartbreak?
Henry stares at me as if he’s waiting for me to react.
I just say, “She’s just a friend.”
“You should watch Dr. Phil,” he says. “My wife does religiously. He knows a lot about people and relationships.”
“Henry, I don’t need Dr. Phil.”
“He’d say that you’re in denial, my friend.” He ignores me. “You’ve been in love with that girl since she was Cassie’s age. There’s nothing you won’t do for her. Do yourself a favor and get your head out of your ass before you lose her.”
“I should fire you.”
“My wife would still send me to work,” he says without paying attention to my threat. “She thinks you’re a good person who needs help running this place.”
I check the clock and ask, “When are you leaving?”
“I’m staying until six in the morning. The cot in the office is ready, you should go to bed,” he suggests. “Think about what you’re doing. Gerry lost your mother because she wasn’t a good fit for him. But Miss Lee is perfect for you, everyone in town knows it.”
I rub the back of my neck and nod. “If you need me, call me. I’ll be upstairs.”
“You should be with Miss Lee,” he calls out to me as I’m leaving.
Eight
Heath
I’ve spent many sleepless nights thinking of Lee. Dreaming about her. Jerking off as I imagine her under me, moaning as I thrust inside her sweet body. Nothing calms the thirst. Tonight, it’s worse. I’m restless as the fear of losing her grips me by the throat.
Despite all my efforts, my heart has only belonged to one person, Knightly Rose. Needless to say, I stay up all night thinking about what Henry told me and how I’m about to lose her.
The news that Mom dated my uncle blew my mind. I’m not surprised that she left him because of who he was. My parents have always made sure that unless we follow their advice, everything we’re doing isn’t worthy of their approval.
Over and over we heard that my uncle was just a mechanic. A nobody who would never have what’s needed to be happy. I guess subconsciously, I keep thinking the same about myself. If my parents can’t see me as more than a dirty guy who makes a living by getting under hoods of cars, how would anyone else see me as more?
Lee’s always believed in me. When she came to Boston for college, I had just lost my scholarship and she asked, “What are you going to do?”
“For now, I’m working at the garage down in Commonwealth Avenue fixing cars and restoring motorcycles,” I responded. “It’s good money but not enough. Which is why I wait tables at O’Riley’s Tavern.”
“See, the world didn’t end. MIT wasn’t what you wanted. Was it?”
I shook my head.
“You’ll be fine, Miller. I have faith in you.”
The only thing I lost when I dropped out of MIT was my parent’s respect. Which I only had for about a year or so. Is it bad that I still smile when I remember those years partying? I enjoyed every moment. I was finally free from my parents and Kentbury. There was so much to do and experience that the classroom became secondary to me. I don’t regret losing my scholarship; nor coming back to Kentbury and taking over the shop. I love what I do.
But that’s not what defines me, who I am, or what I cherish the most in the world. Cassie and Lee are everything to me. Working hard not to ruin my friendship with Lee wasn’t enough. She’s leaving because I’ve been a coward and never gave her what’s rightfully hers—my heart.
Around five in the morning, I go back to the garage to work on the Corvette and the cars I have to deliver this week. Once I’m done, I set a schedule for Henry. I email a list of the tasks I need everyone to do around the shop, in case I’m gone for the entire week. Lee’s a simple and kind person. I’m sure that if we sit down and talk, we’ll solve our relationship by the end of the day.
Once I’m done, I drive to Steve’s with another change of clothes for Cassie. I’m hopeful that she’ll agree to stay with him for another night. I need to have a long conversation with Lee and I don’t want anyone around while that’s happening.
“Come on in before Byron escapes,” he orders as he opens the door. “Lee took Cassie with her, along with a couple of liters of maple syrup.”
I crack a smile. My kid got her wish, making candy this weekend. She always finds a way to persuade Lee. Distracted by the news, I don’t notice when Byron cannons toward me.
“Don’t jump,” I warn him but it’s too late, he springs on top of me. His paws set on my chest.
“How are you boy?” I rub his ears gently.
He responds by licking my face. “Yes, it�
�s good to see you too.”
“I take it they left him since he can’t be around while they make the candy?” I guess, pushing Byron away gently.
“Yep, Lee’s kitchen must be a candy factory by now.” He laughs. “You should go and catch up with them. King and Hops are there too.”
Before I leave for Lee’s house, I decide to check Henry’s facts and ask, “Henry told me about Gerry and my mother. No one has ever said anything about it before.”
I’m hoping he’ll give me another version. Maybe there’s no version at all.
“It’s like everything in this town. Everyone talks about it as it happens,” he says and shrugs. “The next thing you know, there’s something new to keep the attention of the town busy and you forget all about it.”
“So it’s true?”
He nods and takes a seat in the living room. “Gerry always wanted to work in the shop. He didn’t love your mom enough to quit and do something different. Just like she didn’t love him enough to understand that cars were his passion. You’re a lot like him. You have a gift with cars. Why would you waste your talent doing something else?”
“It’s not a talent,” I correct him. “It’s just a trade.”
“I’ve only met two people who can tell you what’s wrong with an engine just by listening to it running. That’s a gift,” he insists. “Just like Lee. She knows how to make people feel at home. Each person has a talent, and they should embrace it.”
“What do you think about her leaving for New York?”
He leans his head on the couch and takes a deep breath. “What’s there to think? You’re a father. You’ll learn that as your children grow older, you can only be there to guide them, support them, and love them.”
“I wish she’d stay,” I breathe out the words. “I just don’t know how to convince her that she can have everything she wants here. I’d work hard to give it to her.”
“Finally, what took you so long?” His frustrated voice and his annoyed face remind me of Henry’s attitude last night.
“Wouldn’t you like someone better for her? I fix cars for a living, Steve. She deserves a lot more than me. Mom never gets tired of saying that I’m nothing as long as I work at the shop.”
He shakes his head and tsks.
“Gerry was a remarkable man. One of my best friends. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for his family, his friends, and his community. You’re a lot like him,” he continues. “He wasn’t just a mechanic. I can see why you’d see yourself in that way. His only flaw was loving your mother—and listening to her.”
Steve straightens his back and clears his throat. “He could have moved on from your mother, but she made him feel undeserving. In my personal opinion, she can’t see anyone happy—not even her children. My Rosie was the only person who put up with her. She used to say that everyone’s special.
“You repair everything in this town, not only cars. Without you, the farm wouldn’t run as smoothly as it does, nor the lodge, or the bed-and-breakfast. You created new jobs in our community when you took over the shop. The guys who come to you asking for a job don’t know much, but you teach them everything you know. Whether they stay or not, you give them a future.”
“I just do what Gerry used to do,” I say, disregarding what he’s saying.
Suddenly, it hits me. It’s like I see everything in a different light. Steve is right, I always focus on what my mother says. I looked up to Gerry because I love him. Everyone respected him. I try to follow in his footsteps. That doesn’t mean I should stay single because he wasn’t good enough for the woman he loved—my mother.
Lee’s nothing like her.
“Everyone is important in this world and certainly in this town. We’re a part of the engine. If you’re missing one piece, even if it’s a small one, what would happen?”
“It’ll work, but not properly,” he answers me with a smile. “Earlier, I told Lee something similar. We can hire new people to take over her place, but she’s the heart of our family. She matters in every way. Nothing will work as well, but we can function.”
“Did you tell her to stay?” I ask hopefully.
“Did you ask her not to leave?” he retorts, giving me a challenging look.
“I wish I had done it before. It feels as if it’s too late. I’m still not sure if I am who she needs.”
He sighs, exasperated. “We can spend an entire day talking in circles and never come to an understanding. Your parents aren’t very supportive. It’s hard to see things as they are when they keep making you feel like a failure. You’re not. Everyone in this town looks up to you and cares for you. Lee deserves greatness. A man who supports her, protects her, and loves her. If you can’t offer her that, then you’re doing the right thing, by letting her go. Don’t try to hold on to her just because she’s been kind to Cassie. Do it because she’s who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Life is short,” Steve says. “Too short, son.”
He gets a faraway look about him. I don’t know what to say. He sighs and continues.
“You never think the last time you kiss someone might be the last time,” he says, his eyes dimming. He holds his head and shakes it. “One day I had everything and the next I got a call. Rosalinda died in a car accident. I was left with a baby girl and our two boys. I miss her every day, but we had a good life while we were together. Ten years of happiness.
“If you keep second-guessing yourself, you might be wasting precious time.” He looks at me and says, “When you have the chance, you should never miss the opportunity to remind your loved ones how you feel about them. Don’t miss the chance to kiss the love of your life. Always kiss deeper, harder, and fiercer than you think you can.”
“Are you giving me your blessing?” I wonder.
“Well, no one is going to be good enough for her, but you’re close enough.” He smiles at me. “So, what are you going to do?”
Nine
Heath
Cassie’s always been independent. Unless she’s not feeling well, or she’s sad. That’s when she follows Lee or me around like a little duckling behind her parents. Today is definitely one of those days. She’s clinging to Lee as if she were her lifeline. Of all the days that I need her to ignore us and beg to go outside, ugh, I sigh.
“Sweetheart, why don’t you go out and play?” I suggest.
She glares at me but doesn’t say a word.
“There’s plenty of snow to make snowmen,” I try to persuade her.
“We already made a few at Grandpa’s,” Cassie answers, sternly.
“Should we go home?” I ask since the kitchen looks clean, and it doesn’t seem like they’re making any candy.
“No, I want to stay with Lee,” she insists, wrapping her arms around Knightly’s waist.
Kid, you’re killing me. We don’t have much time left before Lee leaves us. I have a non-established relationship to save. Then, I stare at Kingston and Bishop who are here too.
“What are you doing here, Hops?” I ask exasperated.
It’s like the entire universe decided to fuck with me this weekend.
“Chloe’s packing her things. I don’t want to be there,” he explains.
Great, fucking great. “Shouldn’t you be at your apartment, making sure that she’s only leaving with her stuff?”
“Lee made sure to label everything earlier today,” he explains. “The movers know not to take my things.”
Will he ever grow a pair and stop depending on his baby sister? I glare at him.
“You seem edgy, do you want to hit the gym?” Kingston proposes.
“Daddy, when can we go to the woods to choose the Christmas trees?” Cassie looks at me. “Christmas is in two weeks.”
I arch an eyebrow and exhale loudly looking at Lee. “Probably next weekend. We’ll have to coordinate with Grandpa and your uncles.”
“Friday’s good for me,” Bishop says checking his phone.
“We can discuss it later,” Kingston offers.
“Lee?” I bring her into the conversation because she hasn’t said a word since I arrived.
She shrugs one shoulder and avoids my gaze. Fuck, if she was pissed yesterday, today she can’t even stand me. I narrow my gaze when I notice her blotchy eyes. Has she been crying?
If Cassie weren’t literally attached to her hip, I’d ask Bishop to take her for ice cream so I could be alone with his sister. I know my daughter, she’s not going to leave Lee’s side. If I try, I might make things worse. That’s a risk I won’t take today.
What happened to Cassie?
“Sunday,” she mumbles. “I think Sunday might work.”
“What’s the plan for today?”
“I’m going to the gym,” Kingston says, standing up. “Do you want to come?”
“You should go with Uncle King,” Cassie suggests. “Lee can take me home and put me to bed when it’s time. She promised to read me a story.”
“What have we told you, Cassie?” Lee presses her lips and gives her a chiding gaze.
My kid’s so independent that sometimes she thinks she’s old enough to make her own decisions. Lee and I keep reminding her that she’s still a kid and has to follow the rules.
“Right, sorry,” she apologizes and pouts. “Daddy, can I please stay with Lee, so we can make candy? If you want, she can take me home after dinner.”
Lee kisses the top of her head. “Much better, sweetheart.”
“If it’s okay with you,” Lee says, casually.
My two girls seem to be in a mood. Though I want to stay and make sure they’re all right, I leave because it’s clear that neither one of them want to do anything with me. Kingston and I hit the resort’s gym. We work out for about an hour. I take a shower, and then, I go to his office to have dinner with him.
“Knightly mentioned that you’re toying with the idea of buying the vineyard.”
“It’s a thought,” he says with indifference as if we’re playing poker and he has an ace up his sleeve. “The McCalls want to move south. They brought it up to us, in case we want to make an offer.”
Christmas in Kentbury Page 5