by Julie Frost
“Ben.” She waited for him to look at her. “She’ll come around,” she said again. “She loves you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
And who was he to argue with his alpha?
O O O
Megan parked the van on the north side of his garage, in deep shadow beside Alex’s Mustang, and Ben hopped out and immediately looked for Janni.
Alex noticed and said, “She’s already gone inside. Is there anything you need? I’ll have to stock my larder with some more esoteric things, I guess …”
“What? You don’t have to put us up, Alex.”
He shrugged. “Feel kind of responsible for all this, and I like the company, as long as you promise not to snack on me or the help. Be easier for us to figure out what went wrong and how to fix it if you’re here.”
“Not sure this can be fixed, but we can give it a shot.” Ben frowned and put his hand over his chest. “For one thing, the whole thing about no heartbeat is apparently a myth. I have one. It’s only a couple per minute, but it’s there. Or it might just be me.” He shrugged.
“See? Who knew?”
Ben glanced at Megan, but she shook her head. Apparently she didn’t hang out with the vampire set. Or maybe it was a result of the nanotech revving things up. Ben had the feeling that all this was brand-new territory for everyone involved and that even Ostheim hadn’t known, really, what he was getting Idna into.
But Ben’s first priority was having a talk with Janni. He wanted—no, needed to know where he stood with her, because that, honestly, would determine his next course of action. He was still coming to terms with the creature-of-the-night thing, and if he didn’t have her to keep him anchored, to remind him of his humanity …
He didn’t want to think about that. “I’m going …” he said, waving vaguely toward the house and heading that way without waiting for them to follow.
“Megan?” he heard Alex say softly. “Is he …?”
“I don’t know. I just … I don’t know.”
And that was a problem. They didn’t know. Hell, he didn’t know. Maybe he’d know after he had a discussion with Janni.
Of course, first there was the problem of getting in the door. He was stopped cold at the entryway. “Alex? I think I need an invite here.”
“Oh. Um. You’re invited. Go on in.” And just like that, whatever had blocked him was gone.
Yeah, being a vampire was loads of fun.
He found Janni curled up on the sofa with a glass of lemonade and her sketchpad, and he sat on the floor next to her, wrapping his arms around his legs. Not touching her. Letting her make the first move. Afraid she wouldn’t.
Hesitantly, her hand reached out, pulled back … and tangled itself in his hair. He let out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding and dropped his head to his knees. “Oh, honey.”
“I had a long think on the way back here.” Her finger traced the yellowing bruise around his bicep. “The werewolf thing, I’d been ready to deal with, you know? That at least left you warm and alive. But how could I remind you to breathe when you didn’t breathe anymore?”
“So it knocked you off center.” Which was worrisome. Janni was his center. If she didn’t have a center of her own …
Janni huffed out a breath. “You think? What, it doesn’t bother you?”
“Oh, it bothers the hell out of me. But at the same time …” He stared at the clock on the mantle. “There’s this eerie calm that goes with it. And I kind of like that. It’s seductive. You know?” He hadn’t been calm in years.
“I know, sweetie.” She hadn’t stopped stroking him, which he counted as a win.
“But at the same time—” This next bit gnawed down into the heart of his fear. Because he’d known her since high school, and a pattern had emerged back then. “Honey, you always dated the broken ones, and I was broker than most. So the question I’m asking myself is, ‘What if I’m not broken anymore? Will she stay?’ And the answer terrifies me, frankly.”
Janni frowned. “I don’t … what?”
“Back in high school. Every time you managed to fix one of those guys, you’d find some excuse to leave him.” He looked at her from the corner of his eye. “You never stayed once they were whole. Ever. Remember Joey? Abused by his dad? He finally stood up to the old man for the first time in his life. After he did it three times, you broke up with him. He wasn’t the only one.”
“Did I really do that? Really?” She did some counting on her fingers with a dawning expression of horror. “I did! Okay, that’s … really screwed up. Shit. How in the hell did I get that screwed up, Ben?”
“A psychologist would probably say it had something to do with the fact that your dad left when you were four or some such bullshit.” Ben snorted. “I think some people are just fixers. There’s probably a name for it. But, honey, I’m not sure that fixing people is all it’s cracked up to be, and maybe—” He shrugged roughly. “Maybe you could let me be strong for you for once. We can buy a house and fix it up. That’d be easier anyway, right?”
She nodded jerkily. “I love you, Ben.”
Something unclenched in his chest at those words. “Oh, thank you. I love you too, honey.”
“But I have to know …” She moved her hand to his chin and made him look at her. “Are you still you? Because the stories have to have a basis in something, right?”
“I won’t go crazy and suck all your blood out in your sleep. Or when you’re awake. Or, well, ever.” He turned his head and kissed her palm. “I don’t really feel that different. Other than not being on the verge of a panic attack at every waking moment. And I kind of like that.”
“About that.” She paused awkwardly and set her lemonade on the table. “I’m glad you’re better, don’t get me wrong, but I’m … concerned about it. Are all your emotions muted or something, or is it just that part?”
He thought about it for a second. “Little of both, I think. It’s almost like Afghanistan happened thirty years ago instead of three. I know it’s there, but it’s not this huge overwhelming thing like it was before. Not that I’d recommend getting vampirized as a cure for post-traumatic stress, because that experience was pretty horrific, too.” Strapped to a table, needles in his heart, and he rubbed the mark on his chest and took a few deep breaths to settle himself down. Not completely over it, then, although before he probably would have tried to crawl under the couch with his arms covering his head at the memory.
Janni caressed his hair. “With all we’ve been through already, this should be a walk in the park.” Her voice was slightly shaky, though, belying her brave words.
“That mean you’re not taking off on me? Because I wouldn’t blame you. Seriously.” He held very still, because she meant everything to him and what if this really was too much for her, what if she ran for the hills and left him bereft and alone, whatifwhatifwhatif—
“I’m not going anywhere. Assuming you still want me.”
“Assuming—” He choked. “Okay, this emotions thing? All bets are off when it comes to you. They’re just as strong as they ever were.” Remembering his rage-fueled dismemberment of Nick, he said, “Maybe even stronger.”
She leaned over and smooched the top of his head. “Well, that’s reassuring. I was afraid I’d be obsolete.”
He pulled her down onto his lap, making her squeak. “Never happen.” He wondered for a brief instant if his new fangs would interfere with kissing her thoroughly, and decided to find out.
They didn’t.
O O O
“Okay, then,” Alex muttered to Megan as they walked into the room. “I guess those two have settled whatever issues might’ve arisen from this. I should get him another shirt.”
“Your wardrobe is getting quite a workout.” Megan’s nostrils flared at the hormone-laden air. “I hope they know what they’re doing.”
“Good thing I have plenty of Jarrett Biological tees hanging around.” Alex raised his voice. “Hey, you guys. En
ough of that, we have work to do.”
“I am working,” Ben said. “Quite hard, actually.”
“Oh, kissing me is work now?” Janni said tartly, but she had a humorous glimmer in her eye.
“Work I could happily employ myself doing for the rest of my life.” Ben bent down and captured her lips again.
“Oh, in that case,” she mumbled as best she could around his mouth.
Alex studied their technique for a minute, then hollered for Chambliss. “Yes, sir?” the butler asked, appearing from wherever it was he hid when Alex didn’t need him.
“Where’s Doc Allen?”
“In the basement, sir, conducting research on your rabbits, I believe.”
“Ah, excellent.” Alex spun on his heel and headed that way. “I should join him. Bring Ben a shirt, would you? And order some cow blood for the bunnies and see if we can get some O-pos in from the blood bank? Thanks. You guys coming?” he tossed over his shoulder. “Need you, let’s go.”
Megan heaved a sigh and followed the Jarrett Juggernaut down to the lab, where she set herself up with her datapad and got to work on email triage again, placating the board, keeping an eye on things to make sure Alex didn’t get completely out of control. She also watched the clock so that she’d make it out in time for the moon, on occasion grimacing theatrically and rubbing her abdomen or the small of her back.
At least Alex asked permission before getting a blood sample from Ben, rather than phrasing it as a given, and Megan counted this as progress. Ben clenched his teeth and took deep breaths and carefully didn’t look at the needle in his arm, letting Janni hide his face in her shoulder while she stroked his hair. But he stayed in control, so Megan guessed they were all making progress of sorts.
After Janni went upstairs to check on the status of food, Megan showed Ben the anonymous email, and his mouth twisted at the line that had gotten her attention. “Hmmmm. I bet I know who sent it. Thought she might be growing a conscience. Interesting.”
“You’ve got a name?” Megan asked.
Ben shrugged. “They were planning on killing me, one way or another, so they weren’t too careful about hiding who they were. I’ve got a last name, anyway.” He jerked his chin toward the stairs. “I’ll grab a laptop and head up, out of here, because the rabbits are making me itch.” He dropped his voice. “How do you stand it?”
“Practice.” She rubbed her arms. The hairs hadn’t grown, but they were standing straight up. “Although it’s getting harder, the later in the day it gets. Meet me up the hill in the Santa Monica Mountains Recreation Area, right over the property line. I’ll howl for you.”
“I’m not sure they’ll let me out, all things considered, but I’ll try. Hadn’t thought about that in the van.”
“You telling me that you can’t make enough of a nuisance of yourself as a wolf that they won’t be begging to shove you out the door?” Her lips curved in an evil grin that she didn’t actually feel. Getting out would do them both good.
“I can probably get creative. In the meantime—” He shivered. “Upstairs. Before I do something unspeakable to one of these rabbits and make everyone give me those looks again.”
“Hang in there. It gets easier.” Her worried gaze followed him as he made his escape, and she wasn’t feigning her misery as she massaged her abdomen.
“Miss Graham, go home to your heating pad and take some ibuprofen,” Alex said.
“Thank you, Mr. Jarrett,” she answered, and made her own relieved escape.
O O O
Hans was deliriously happy. Even the fact that Idna accidentally drained one of the maids wasn’t enough to dampen his joy, because she had her by-god appetite back, and nothing was more important than that.
And now they were cuddled in bed in post-coital bliss, and he couldn’t get the smile off his face.
Until Idna flinched. He looked down at her to see an expression of dawning horror in her eyes. “Oh. Oh, dear,” she said faintly.
“What? Idna?” Hans fought the rising panic in his breast and did his best not to grip her arms.
She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. “That Lockwood boy. I thought you were sure that the procedure would kill him.”
He frowned. “I was. It did. He died there, the machines said so. He flatlined.”
She huffed out an irritated breath. “Well, apparently he didn’t flatline enough.”
“What? How do you know?” And he realized—only one thing could explain how she knew. “You can feel him? The vampire link? You’re joking.”
“I wish I were. This is disastrous.” Idna put her hand over her face. “You’re supposed to plan these things, Hans, not just rush into making a vampire willy-nilly. He’ll need training, for one thing. And even with the most careful planning, it doesn’t always work out. Remember what happened last time?”
Yes, he did, and he wasn’t looking for a repeat of the blood and screaming anytime soon. “We should find him and kill him as soon as possible, then. Tonight, during the moon. It will give you a taste of your first blood as a wolf, my dear.” He also wanted to do it before she had the chance to get attached to the boy, before a bond formed, but he wasn’t going to tell her that.
“It shouldn’t be difficult. He must be feeling very lost and alone right now. And the longer we wait, the stronger he’ll become.” She nodded. “Tonight will be ideal.”
O O O
“Good lord, she’s in the phone book,” Ben said.
“Who is?” Janni asked, handing him a mug of warmed blood and sitting next to him on the couch in the living room they’d adopted as their workspace. “By the way, that is … really, really gross.”
He grimaced and took a couple of swallows anyway. Not as tasty as Nick, but it would do. Ben had the feeling that live donors would be few and far between. “Yeah. Sorry, honey. You don’t have to get it for me, you know. I’m perfectly capable of running a microwave by myself.”
“If that’s going to be a thing, we might want a dedicated microwave at home,” she said. “Anyway, who’s in the phone book?”
Gesturing at the white pages, he said, “McFoucher, the doctor in the lab where they had me. She’s listed.”
Janni lifted her eyebrow. “Interesting. So, what’ll we do with that?”
“I could call her and give her the surprise of her life, seeing as she thinks I’m dead. Showing up on her doorstep might be fun, a flash of fur and fang.”
“That would just be mean. Can I watch?”
“Only if you promise to take pictures and then sketch it after. However,” he said, glancing at the windows, “it’s getting dark-ish, and it’s a full moon night. And I think my inner wolf wants to go for a run.”
“A run? In the dark? By yourself?” Janni pulled her legs into her chest and shivered, leaning into him, and he wrapped an arm around her. “I just got you back. If anything happened now—”
He kissed the top of her head. “I’m a vampirized werewolf. Hard to hurt me, now.”
She squeezed her eyes shut. “They killed you. And Ostheim is a werewolf too, so he’ll be out there, somewhere, along with his wife.” Her fear permeated the room like a living thing.
“The chances of them being in the same area are tiny.” He tightened the arm around her shoulders, carefully, because he wasn’t quite sure he knew his own strength yet. “And I doubt Alex wants a wolf running around in his multi-million-dollar mansion all night, even if I’m housebroken.”
She buried her face against his chest. “I’m scared, Ben.”
“Breathe, honey,” he said, and she choked out a laugh at the role reversal. “It’ll be fine. I’ll be fine. Just need to stretch my legs. All four of them.” The moon pulled him, relentlessly. The itch in his bones had become a definite ache. “Soon.”
“Okay. Just please … be careful.” Her voice shook. “Come back to me in one piece.”
He used one finger to tilt her head up, stroking her cheek with his thumb and resting his forehead on
hers. “I will.”
Chapter Thirteen
The full moon glowed overhead as Megan sat on the edge of Alex’s property in wolf form, her forefeet shifting back and forth with anxiety. She’d just about decided that Ben wasn’t going to show when he ghosted up beside her from downwind and play-bowed, bumping her with his nose and waving his tail. She tumbled him over with exasperated affection, and he rolled with it, ending up back on his feet, tongue lolling with good humor. And if his teeth were a little too long and a tad too sharp, that was all right, because he was smaller than normal and could use the extra protection.
Extra protection from what didn’t bear thinking about.
They ran through the moonlit darkness, delighting in the smells and sounds, digging out mice for the fun of it and scaring the hell out of the local coyote population. When they killed a deer, he slurped its blood down while she fed from the hot meat. A game of tag followed, afterwards, through the scrub.
The night was nearly perfect. Megan had never done this with another wolf before, and she found that it filled a hole inside she didn’t even know she had. It was almost a shame, she thought, that he had a girlfriend, because she wouldn’t have minded applying for the job. She got lonely sometimes.
Ben skidded to an abrupt stop, ears flattened and tail curling between his legs. A second later, she caught the scent, and her hackles rose and her lips lifted from her teeth in a snarl.
Hans and Idna Ostheim had invaded their little piece of heaven.
Megan had, of course, met them at various functions, and her secret wasn’t exactly a secret from them, because they had noses and could smell what she was. But it wasn’t something that was discussed in polite company, and there was an unspoken rule in the supernatural community that you didn’t talk about the status of your compatriots to outsiders who weren’t already in the know, because that led to villagers with torches and pitchforks and cruelty. Wooden stakes and silver bullets from random strangers weren’t that far in the past.