by Lauren Wood
“I know that you are hurting inside and I don’t want to cause you any more harm. It’s just that us coming together was never by accident.” She was about to tell him everything when a shrill siren came over the loudspeaker.
“Code blue in room 405… Code blue in room 405… All personnel are required at this time.”
Cali felt something change and there was this tension in the air that she could cut with a knife. His demeanor had changed and his soft and caring face had turned to grave concern.
“This is going to have to wait until later. I need to get to that room immediately if not sooner.” He didn’t even wait for Cali to argue the point and was already sprinting down the hall with his combat boots slapping against the floor on his way. He knew that this day was coming, but he was hoping they had more time. He didn’t mean to stay away this last day and the regret boiling inside was now fueling an anger towards the commander that could not be contained.
Cali ran with him excusing herself repeatedly to those that she was about to bump into. He had never seen the look on his face and it was like something had broken inside him. His face had turned ashen and he had swallowed with a sort of realization that something had happened that was going to affect him greatly. “I understand grief when I see it and I do hope that this is not the final straw that’s going to break his mind into a million pieces. Hopefully, I can be there to put him back together again like the villagers did with Humpty Dumpty and his great fall. I can see that same great fall coming and there’s absolutely nothing that I can do to prevent him from feeling the crushing grief pushing him down into the ground.”
She was wearing an open man’s shirt white in color and a black sports bra underneath. She had on a pair of dark jeans and it did not surprise her to see that Sebastian was wearing that camouflage green jacket. It was stuffed into one of his saddlebags and hanging loosely with a sleeve revealed when they went on their first drive into the country.
“I need to say something before you go in, Sebastian. He has been calling out for you all night, but you weren’t there to hold his hand. I did what I could to console him, but I think he just wanted to say goodbye. We called it a couple of minutes ago and we all knew that this day was coming. I’ll give you time to be with him. Take all the time that you need.” Travis was the male nurse and he had seen the compassion from a man who looked like he could kill with one look. He walked away with his head downtrodden and this was one of many that had gotten to him over the years. He tried his best to leave this when he went home, but it was very hard with some that were able to make him feel connected.
Sebastian steeled his nerves and he walked into a room that was surrounded by death. He had felt this before, but had never really paid much attention to it. It was like a phantom limb that he knew was there, but couldn’t really perceive it. He saw the sheet covering the body and this was not his first rodeo at seeing somebody die. This one hit him harder than most. He fell to his knees and wept openly for a man that deserved better than this.
He turned at the feel of a hand and looked up into the eyes of the woman that he had known as Kelly. He wasn’t expecting her to be there, but he was grateful for the shoulder to lean on. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without him. He was one of my best friends and I feel like I’ve lost a brother. I don’t have any reason to wake up in the morning anymore and he was the one thing in my life that kept me going.” He turned the sheet back to see the empty shell of his brother from another mother.
“I know it’s hard, but it’s not like we haven’t prepared for this all of our lives. Loss is a necessary disease and the only cure is that time heals all wounds. I’m sorry that this happened to you. I’m sure that you know that he would never want you to join him. I don’t want you to even think about doing something as stupid as taking your own life. I want you to know that I’ll always be here for you and that nothing that you say will ever push me away.” The feel of his hand on hers was drawing the strength from her body to give to him. She was happy to supply him with that strength, so that he wouldn’t fall apart altogether. “He’s dealing with a lot and he’s most likely hanging from a very thin thread. To tell him that I’ve been lying will only push him over the edge. I know that he deserves to know the truth, but I don’t think that I have the courage to tell him.”
“You have no idea how much your words have affected me, Kelly. I wish that everybody had a woman in their life like you. Those that are of civilian status have no idea what we’ve gone through. They can’t possibly understand the trauma of seeing that kind of devastation. It’s something that changes you and makes you look at life a little differently. His death is one of many, but to me he’s not just a number or name. He’s a part of me and losing him makes me feel like somebody has taken a knife and cut that part out of me. I close my eyes and I feel numb.” He knew that the congressional hearing was coming up, but he also knew that his commander would not be in attendance.
In the last day, he had dug in and uncovered his exit strategy. He had to shake the truth lose from Stephen the man that had taken the commander up on his offer to buy the shipment. Unfortunately, he had already taken possession of that shipment and the money that the commander had gotten was already in his greedy hands. It took a bit, but he finally found that the commander was going to leave on a boat later tonight. Once he was out in the channel, he would most likely disappear and live in the lap of luxury on some tropical deserted island with a buxom babe.
All of his dirty dealings were coming back and witnesses were coming forward. His testimony wouldn’t really be needed and it wasn’t like he would have broken under interrogation. Sebastian would have gladly taken the oath and lied right to the face of all of those standing before him in judgment. For the commander not to know of his loyalty made him think that there was no way to know anybody.
“I’ve been avoiding telling you something, but I’m not sure that it’s the time or the place. Come with me and let me take away the pain and show you that there is a reason to live. Let me be your lifeline and let me throw you a life preserver. Hold on to me with everything that you have left.” She did not push and eventually he did stand and turn with the tears now drying on his cheeks. “You are a strong man and you will get through this one way or the other. You only have to let me in, but you can’t do that without all the information.” “He thinks that he knows me, but I have been showing him a false face. It’s time that I finally reveal the real woman that he has been getting to know. I just hope that it’s not too much for him.”
“I can’t take much more, Kelly. My friend dying and my commander betraying his country is too much for one man.” Sebastian was surprised and had always known that his commander was always one step ahead of everyone. If he thought for a second that he was going to roll over on him during the congressional hearings then he would want to put a stop to it. “I know that what you need to say is important, but maybe it can wait.” Sebastian looked down on this woman and did not see a battle weary veteran. She was not darting her eyes back and forth in the room or wringing her hands like that of a junkie coming down with withdrawals.
Cali turned away from him and didn’t want to see his eyes when the truth was finally revealed to him. “You think that lightning has struck for us, but it has always been a lie. What I feel for you is real, but how we came together was manipulated by someone that you probably know very well. Commander Grady came to me. He wanted me to help you deal with certain facets of your life. He wanted me to dig into your conscience and to get you to open up and spill your guts. I think I know the reason why. He’s been playing us both against one another for the purpose of securing his own freedom by any means necessary.” I was cutting him off at the knees and I can only hope that he won’t see the betrayal, as something that he can’t come back from. I need him in my life and I can’t begin to express to him what getting to know him has done for me. My heart was never open and he had found the key to the lock.”
Chapter 7
It was too much to absorb and he needed time to come to terms with what she was saying. It took him about 5 minutes before he was able to speak again. He had the ability of compartmentalizing and then letting it all sink in “I’m guessing that your real name is not Kelly. If I were you, I would use something similar, so as not to make the mistake of not answering when you’re called. If I were to guess, I would say that your name was either Sally, or maybe Cali.” A look of recognition from the second name made him nod his head solemnly. “I can’t say that I’m very happy with any of this, but I understand that you were put into a position that was quite difficult. You did your profession proud and I would say that your profession is a psychiatric Dr.” He knew that he should’ve seen the signs, but she was very good at playing the part like that of a consummate actress.
“I never meant to hurt you. I’m mad at myself for letting Commander Grady use me to cripple you. I don’t know for sure, but he sounds like the kind of man that would have all of his ducks in a row. He put me in front of you and obviously thought that a pretty face suffering in the same way that you did would make you break down and lose a step. I don’t think that he was meaning to harm you. He only wants to get you out of the way to make it clear sailing for him to leave and never look back.” Cali was doing what she could to mend the betrayal that Sebastian had obviously felt. “I want more than anything for him to forgive me, but I wouldn’t blame him for walking away. What I did was wrong, but my heart was in the right place. I saw his file and knew from just looking at it that he had a lot to recover from. He was hiding his true feelings and bottling up those memories would fester and become something ugly.”
“I know my commander better than most and what he did doesn’t surprise me. He has always been out for himself and that was never more apparent than how he corrupted Stephen into his web of deceit and lies. You obviously thought that I had demons that need to be excised. Your heart was in the right place and now the only question is where we go from here. I know that I can’t let him get away with this. It would’ve been more prudent for him to keep me out of it, but now he opened up a can of worms.” There was something different between them and that connection that they had before had somewhat severed from what she had done.
“I would ask that you just let him leave, but I’m not sure that you’re willing to do that. Your honor would forbid you from letting him make fools out of every one. His betrayal to the military corps and to you cannot be taken lightly. I don’t think that you’re in any frame of mind to go after him alone. I may not have your training, but I might be able to help you without interfering. I don’t want you to do anything that you’re going to regret later down the road.” Cali took his hands and could feel his reluctance. She had a lot to make up for and by standing with him against Grady was a good first step in the right direction.
“I would normally tell you that I can handle it myself, but I think it would be a good idea to have your around. Your expertise in this field will hopefully help me from wringing his neck. He deserves to be held responsible for what he’s done and not take the coward’s way out by having me kill him. I just know that he’s going to goad me into a fight. He does have a way to push my buttons. That bastard can’t be allowed to do this to anybody else.” Sebastian knew that Commander Grady was leaving, but the damage that he had done was left behind for others to pick up the pieces
“I know that I have no right to ask this, but do you suppose that we still have something or is this strictly something professional now? I won’t blame you for trying to shield your heart, but we’ve come a long way and it would be a shame to ruin all the good work that we’ve done. I did take this assignment to help you, but in the process I learned to love again. I’m not only healing you, but you’re also healing me in ways that you can’t even imagine. I’ve never been more comfortable with a man than when I am with you.” I want to say those three little words, but I’m not sure how he will react. The best that I can do is stand with him and hope to god that he doesn’t lose the ability to see what the difference of what is right or wrong. One look at Grady and he will see more than just a man that needs to be called on the carpet for his actions. All of his problems will manifest and Grady will become the true target for his outrage.”
“I don’t like the idea of you coming along, but it might be a necessary evil. I don’t know what I feel for you anymore. I can’t decide if you’re the one that I’m falling for, or if it’s just the woman that you became to get close to me. It’s hard to differentiate between the woman that I got to know and the woman that I’m looking at right now. There’s one sure fire method to find out for sure.”
Cali looked at him with confusion and could feel this tension in the air like a Damocles sword over her head. He had a grin on his face and his hands on her shoulder made her almost faint from the sheer beauty of the feel of his fingertips on her. She knew that he was proposing a more carnal exploration to find out if their feelings were true or nothing more than the façade that they had put on. “If that’s the only way, then I guess I can take one for the team. Where do you suppose that we should go to make good use of this experiment?” “I want him more than life itself, but I can’t be too eager and show all of my cards. He needs to think that this is his idea and primarily it is. I’m hoping that he just doesn’t want to get into my pants. Can I truly believe that we can have something or are we destined to fizzle out like a candle in the night?”
“I don’t see any reason why we should wait. There’s a hotel room down the street that is calling us to the clean and pressed linens on the bed. I think it would be nice to do something romantic and not rush or do anything spontaneous like we did on the beach. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed that immensely, but I have to weigh the possibility that that wasn’t you and only a way to get inside my head.” Sebastian remembered the way that she moaned his name and how her body responded to his touch and the feel of his hard and unyielding cock driving deep inside her body. He felt a true connection, but it was all a lie, so what exactly was he supposed to take from that.
“I don’t want you to do this because of some hardship from the grief that is currently choking you. I can’t be a substitute or some kind of distraction. If this is all that this is, then maybe we should cut ties and walk away before somebody really gets hurt.” Cali had her hands up against his chest to keep him at arm’s length. She didn’t want to risk smelling his scent or looking into his wild and untamed eyes. “I’m giving him his walking papers and whether he takes them or not is what is going to decide what happens next. I don’t want him to think anything less of me. I have to say that I don’t see that sense of disappointment. It’s as if what I did rolled off his back, but how could it when it was something that was psychologically daunting. Anybody else would feel that anger seeping into their being. They would scream and yell and yet he’s staying calm and rational.”
“It’s been a trying few days and I thought that you were the light at the end of the dark tunnel. I feel nothing and I guess I closed myself off to protect myself from this eventuality. It shouldn’t come as any big shock that I didn’t say those three little words to you. I felt them and they were close to spewing out of my mouth, but I just couldn’t do it. I think deep down my conscious was trying to tell me something, but I wasn’t willing to listen. I have this compulsion that is almost like a sickness to be with you. I can’t seem to think of anything else. It was an effort to remove you from being a distraction while I was doing my investigation into Commander Grady.”
“I don’t know what’s going to become of us, but the one thing I do know is that Commander Grady knows you better than you know yourself. He will play on your weakness and the one that I know of is your desire to do what’s right. You have this need to help others and to protect the innocence. He will most likely use that against you and I don’t know how, but he takes me for a man that doesn’t take any chances. He always has an angle and I think I saw that from the moment that I sat d
own to talk to him about you.” Cali knew that he was still dealing with the loss of his friend and brother that wasn’t blood. “He’s definitely not in the right frame of mind to confront Commander Grady. He may think that he won’t break under pressure, but he’s this close to making a drastic mistake that is going to follow him all the days of his life.
“The one thing that I don’t understand is the reason why you’re telling me this now. You know what I’ve been through and for you to lay this on me is either selfish or something that you thought that I deserved to know. I can’t decide which one it is, but I’m leaning towards the latter. I wish that you had told me this from the beginning, but I don’t think that I would’ve taken you seriously. I’ve never been that comfortable around doctors and head doctors are the worst of them all. I don’t mean to offend or to put your profession down, but I’ve never really found any use in talking about my feelings on a couch with somebody scribbling notes.” Sebastian had only a few hours. The only way this was going to end between him and Grady was to come face to face.
“I think that you have the wrong idea about therapy. There are those from the old school that are exactly what you have described, but I’m not like that. I get into the trenches and I think that is a testament to me as a professional. I took three months off of my busy schedule to help you by learning the ins and outs of military life. I put myself in harm’s way to go into boot camp. That should tell you how dedicated I am to my patients. I saw you as a damaged soul, but you’re also stronger than any man or anybody that I’ve ever met in my life. You don’t break and you don’t give up and I have to say that is very attractive.” “I’m getting through to him and his shock has now abated to more of acceptance. I can only hope that this is a start and not an end for what had started as a full blown passion.”