By the time I’m home that night, I feel exhausted. I’ve gone over every second of my interaction with her over and over, and I don’t know what to think.
I know that I want her.
I also know that I shouldn’t want her.
Pursuing her will only cause trouble with my family and maybe even with my new business venture. But I can’t stop circling back to the way it feels to have her in my arms. I can’t stop thinking about the way her skin smells, and how good it feels to be next to her. How good it feels to be inside her
I can see her smile in my mind’s eye, and all I want to do is make her laugh again. It felt so good to see her at the site of the football school today. It made me feel like I was doing something right, and these days, that feeling tends to be rare.
Slumping down on my couch, I pinch the bridge of my nose and let out a sigh. Fucking Elijah. He wouldn’t know a good woman if she hit him in the face.
She probably should hit him in the face for how he’s treated her. And now I just have to watch from a distance as the woman of my dreams slips through my fingers.
23
Farrah
Back in the safety of my own office, I let out a sigh.
My nerves feel like they’re so tightly strung that I might implode. Being near Jesse is difficult. It’s like my body remembers everything he did to me. From head to toe, I just feel like one big blush.
His steely grey eyes looked at me so tenderly that it made my heart skip a beat.
And now?
Now I’m alone again, and my head is spinning. How can I possibly make it through this project working alongside him when I know what he can do to my body? When I know how wrong it is?
I jump when my phone pings.
Jesse: Neil said he’d have the updated quote with the lighting and the girls’ change room in it by Thursday. Are you available to meet? I’d like to go through it with you.
My heart starts thumping. Typically, a lot of these communications would be done through email. But Jesse is asking me to meet with him.
Is it because he wants to see me?
I shake my head.
He’s just trying to get his project—his dream—off the ground. And I’m the one who has the keys to the money, so to speak. So of course he’d want to work closely with me.
But still, when I read his text over again, I can’t help but think that there’s something more.
He wants to see me.
Farrah: Sure. I’m actually free Thursday and Friday afternoon. Would you like to come to the office?
Jesse: Let’s do Friday at 2pm.
I let out a sigh. Leaning back in my chair, I grip my phone to my chest and take deep breaths. My heart is hammering.
I can’t deny the excitement in my chest at the thought of seeing him again. And of course, this is all professional. It’s work-related. We’re meeting about my firm’s investment in his project. That’s it.
So why does it feel like so much more than that? He could have waited until Neil had the quote ready before setting a meeting. These things usually move a lot more slowly than this. But he wanted to make sure I was free, that I could meet in person.
My heart thumps.
I want to see him. I want to be near him. I want to stare into those grey eyes and watch the way his muscles pull against the fabric of his shirt. I want to feel the thrill that passes through my chest whenever he flashes me a smile.
I jump when my office door opens. Victor pokes his head through.
“Good work today, Farrah. You obviously know what you’re talking about. I’d like you to work with Rachael to have the contract drafted by the end of the week for the Matthews Football School. We’ll wait for the updated quote, but I’m ready to invest.”
I can’t help but smile. Jesse will get his investment. He’ll make so many kids happy.
No—we’ll make so many kids happy. This whole thing is starting to feel like my project too.
I nod to Victor.
“That’s great, Vic. I’m so glad you’re on board. This project is exciting.”
“It is. It’ll be one of the biggest projects that we invest in, and I’m very pleased to have you on board for it.”
He nods to me and slips out the door. I can’t tell if my happiness is because my new boss is happy with me, or because I’m glad Jesse will be able to get his Football School built.
The week crawls by. I love my new job, and I feel more free than I’ve felt in years. It feels like I’m finally where I’m supposed to be. I haven’t enjoyed a job—or my life—this much since college.
But Friday seems so far away. In the quiet moments at work, or in the evenings, I think about Jesse. I think of the way his hands ran over my skin. He was so tender, and yet strong. I haven’t felt that connected to a man in a long time. I don’t even know if I’ve felt that connected to a man, ever.
He’s painfully out of reach.
Even if he wasn’t a client, he would still be my ex-fiancé’s brother. I shouldn’t even be thinking about him like this. It’s wrong on so many levels.
I shift in my chair beside Rachael as she goes over the particulars of the Football School contract. She glances at me.
“You’re thinking about him again, aren’t you?”
“About who?”
“Oh, stop it,” she laughs. “You know who.”
I grin. “What if I am?”
“Why don’t you just bang him again and get it over with?”
“‘Bang him’? Are you a teenage boy?”
“Why don’t you make sweet, sweet love to him, then?” She grins.
I just shake my head. My cheeks are burning, and I turn back to the uninteresting pages of legal jargon in front of me. Rachael is still staring at me. She shakes her head.
“You’ve got it bad. Was he that good in the sack?”
“Why are you being so vulgar right now?”
“Vulgar! Wow. You really like him, don’t you?”
My blush spreads down my neck and across my chest, and Rachael raises an eyebrow. I sigh.
“I don’t know how I feel. I can’t stop thinking about… about our night together. He made me feel more alive than ever. But still, I don’t want to jump into anything with him. I can’t jump into anything with him! And plus, this is supposed to be ‘me time’.”
“Exactly.”
“I just have to keep reminding myself of that.”
“You do.”
Even though I know she’s right, I’m still frustrated. Rachael takes a deep breath, and looks me square in the eye.
“Farrah, listen. I know that he’s attractive, and that you guys have some sort of connection. I could see it at the club when I saw you together. But what happens if you get involved with him now? Elijah finds out and it’s all over the news. It gets messy, and then it falls apart and you’re left heartbroken again.”
I nod as my throat gets tight.
“I care about you, and I don’t want that to happen. I really, really think that you need to just be on your own right now. Jesse…” she sighs. “I think he’s just a distraction for you. It’s hard to work on yourself. It’s hard to be alone. It’s hard to focus on making yourself a better person and getting to know yourself. But you can’t do that if you’re consumed with trying to get to know someone else.”
Something resonates in my heart. Maybe it’s the knowledge that if I get caught up in this whirlwind romance with Jesse, then more likely than not, it’ll blow up in my face.
Rachael reads my mind.
“If you guys are meant to be together, he’ll wait. He’ll see that you need time, and he’ll wait for you. If he doesn’t, he’s not the one.”
“Do you believe in ‘the one’? Like in the concept that there’s one person for all of us?”
Rachael grins. “No. But I know you do.”
“I’m not so sure about that anymore.”
“I just want you to be happy, Farrah. And a guy can’t do that for you. Onl
y you can do that for yourself.”
I swallow. “You’re right.”
“I know.”
I laugh, and then shake my head. “I still want to keep working on this project, though. It feels like it’s important.”
“That’s fine. Work on the project. Take care of yourself. Just don’t jump into anything too fast. That’s all I’m saying.”
Taking a deep breath, I nod. I smile at Rachael and turn back to the contract. “Let’s finish this up. You still free to go to that apartment viewing with me tonight?”
My best friend smiles. “Of course I am,” she says. “I’m always there for you.”
I take a deep breath. “Finding a new apartment feels like a big step. It’s like… this is really happening now. I’m moving on from my life in New York… from Elijah.”
Rachael laughs. “It is really happening, Farrah. It’s already happened.”
24
Jesse
I spritz my cologne and straighten my shirt, giving my hair one final little tousle. I’ve never put so much effort into my appearance for a business meeting before.
Not that it’s a normal business meeting. This is the first time I’ll see Farrah since our site walk on Monday. I’ve resisted texting her. I’m trying to respect her wishes and treat this as a professional relationship.
Still, my bed feels cold without her. I miss her touch and the feeling of her soft body in my arms. I miss her smile, and the way her hair smells.
She was with me for just one night, but it left a permanent impression on my life.
And now I’m supposed to pretend she’s just some other financial manager?! Some other investor?!
Impossible.
But I’ll try. I have to. Otherwise, I won’t be able to see her at all.
It feels pathetic, in a way. I’m chasing after my brother’s ex. Jordan was right—I should be drowning in pussy right now, but I don’t want to be. I know what I want, and if it means I have to wait until she recovers from her breakup, then I’ll wait.
When Farrah walks into the conference room, I almost choke on my coffee again. This time, I knew she was coming, and she still takes my breath away. Her dress is perfectly form-fitting. It’s mottled grey and it has long sleeves. I can’t see much of her skin, but I can picture her body in perfect detail.
She smiles at me, and warmth spreads through the base of my spine.
“Afternoon, Jesse,” she says. “Thanks for coming in.”
“Anytime,” I reply, and I mean it. I’d come to this office every single day if she asked me to. I clear my throat and turn to my stack of papers. “You’ve had a look over our revised quote?”
“I have,” she replies. “The fit-out numbers look a lot more reasonable, and I’m glad to see the lighting and girls’ change room included.”
The Football School is going to be a lot bigger than I’d anticipated, but excitement is building in the pit of my stomach. Farrah’s eyes flick to mine, and then to my lips. Her pupils dilate. My heart does a backflip. I can see her hand twitching, and I know she wants me as much as I want her.
Farrah clears her throat, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear in that familiar movement I’ve come to love. Her cheeks are a gorgeous pink color. She looks down at the papers and flicks through them, and I can’t keep my eyes off the soft curve of her neck. My gaze drifts down to her chest, where her breasts strain against the fabric of her dress.
When she glances at me, it’s my turn to flush. But she holds my gaze, and we sit there in silence for a few moments. She clears her throat and looks back at the papers in front of us.
“Well,” she says, taking a deep breath. “I’m excited to tell you that Angel Investments would like to offer you a contract.”
Her eyes are shining when looks back at me. She’s smiling. It sends a jolt of energy through my whole body and I can’t help but grin in response.
“Yeah?”
“Yep.”
I jump out of my chair and around to her side of the table. I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her in a hug, laughing into her shoulder as she hugs me back.
When I pull away, there’s an awkward moment. I straighten my clothes as Farrah smooths her dress down. She looks perfect. She glances at me, a blush staining her cheeks and a smile twitching at her lips.
“I was worried that you wouldn’t want to invest,” I explain. “Sorry about that. I got excited.”
“No need to apologize,” she says warmly. “I… enjoyed it.”
We do that staring thing for a few more moments until I turn back to my chair and sit down.
“So,” I grin. “Where do I sign?”
Farrah laughs, pushing the stack of papers toward me. “I’ll email these through to you as well. You should have a lawyer look them over, obviously. If there are any issues, you can email me directly. We’re hoping to start construction as soon as the weather warms up, so your engineers will need to have the construction drawings ready.”
“They’re ready,” I say. “It’s all ready.” I’ve even got a list of potential leads for my first class of students. Word has started to spread about the school, and the fact that it’s going to be a reality is almost surreal.
“Good. So we’re aiming for an early March start date, with the whole thing hopefully up and running by the end of August. You should be able to have your first students walking on-field in six or seven months.”
She’s beaming. I don’t know what makes me feel better—the fact that my new project is going to become a reality, or the fact that Farrah is looking at me like that. She extends her hand, and I shake it.
Her fingers feel so delicate, and her arm looks so slender next to my big, muscular one. She shakes it firmly and her eyes glint.
I try to ignore the throbbing between my legs that happens every time we touch. Finally, we finish up the meeting and I watch Farrah’s perfect ass sway back and forth back toward her office.
It’s happening.
The Football School is being built, and I’ll be able to help kids live out their football dreams just as I have done. But maybe more exciting is the fact that I’ll be able to work alongside Farrah for the next six or seven months. She’ll be there with me during the construction and opening of the school. She’s representing an important investor, and I’ll have no choice but to keep in close contact with her to keep her engaged.
It’s the perfect excuse to spend more time with her.
Maybe, when this is all built, she’ll be ready to look at me as something more than a client, more than her ex’s brother. Maybe by then, that tremor in her hand and the shine in her eye will push her to act. I know she feels the way I do, but I also know she’s scared.
I just need to be patient.
Right now, I’ll be as patient as a saint. I’ll be busy with construction and with designing the Football School’s programs, not to mention my own off-season training.
When I walk out of Farrah’s building, the cold Boston air rips right through my jacket. I pull it closer to me, burying my chin in my chest. Even the cold wind can’t dampen my spirits, though.
Things might just work out.
I walk back to my car and all I can see is Farrah’s face. She looked proud of me, and I’ll do anything to make sure it stays that way.
25
Farrah
Once construction starts on the Football School, things get very, very busy. Elijah calls me every few days, begging me to take him back. He throws every explanation he can think of at me, and eventually I just stop answering. His calls then start coming further and further apart, and then he stops. I take on a few more clients. Victor seems happy with me. I spend the weekends with Rachael and her other friends, and I slip into a new life.
It’s surprisingly easy.
Moving away from New York feels like the best decision I ever made.
And except for the shiver of excitement that goes through me every time Jesse walks into the room, I don’t think about men. Racha
el was right. I needed this time for myself.
I focus on work, and I start going to yoga and to the gym. In the mornings, I write in a journal for the first time in years.
I feel good. My body is shaping up as I work out more, and I feel more grateful and alive than I have in a long, long time.
Two months after I move to Boston, I’ve settled into my new apartment and I feel like a new person. One thing is still niggling at me, though.
I log onto my social media account and look up Max Westbrook, my ex. When I see his profile picture of him with another woman, I expect to feel my heart squeeze. Surprisingly, I don’t feel anything except happiness for him. As much as our relationship deteriorated at the end, he was still a good guy.
My fingers tremble over the keyboard, but I take a deep breath. This feels important, like I need to do this to forgive myself and to move on.
Hi Max,
I know you might not want to hear from me, but—
I sigh. This is harder than I thought it would be. I stretch my fingers and try again.
Hi Max,
I wanted to reach out to apologize to you for the way our relationship ended. I know you were going through a hard time with your knee, and I feel like I should have been there for you. I’m sorry for hurting you. I see you’re with someone else. She’s beautiful, and I hope you are very happy together.
I wish you all the best. If you don’t want to answer this message, I understand.
Farrah
I take a deep breath and press send before I can chicken out. There. It’s done now, and I can’t take it back. If he never replies, at least I had the guts to apologize. I don’t expect he’ll want to see me or talk to me, but it feels good to own up to the mistakes I’ve made.
Mr. Right: The Complete Fake Engagement Series Page 29