by Millie Adams
“What if I choose to stay?”
“What you choose is up to you. But that will not alter my behavior. That will not change the fact that this place is my priority. That it is where my duty lies.”
“I love you,” she said.
She got out of bed, standing there, naked and radiant in the center of the room. “I love you, and you can’t make it so that I don’t. I love you,” she said, like a spell, like an incantation, like she was trying to cast it over him, like she was trying to change the very fabric of what he was. Destroy him, then remake him using those words to stitch him back together.
As if she might be able to use them to take the beast and turn him back into a man.
“And I cannot love,” he said. “It is that simple.”
“You can,” she said. “You can. But you’re not a beast to protect the world from you, you have to be a beast to protect yourself from the world. You’re afraid, Javier. You’re afraid of being hurt again, and I understand that.”
Her words lashed against something inside of him that felt tender and bruised. And he hadn’t thought that he had the capacity to feel such a thing.
“You don’t know what you speak of,” he said. “You are protected. Even the betrayal that your father meted out to you was not one that might put you in peril or threaten your comfort in any way. He sold you to a king. That you might be exalted. You have no idea what I am fighting against. You have no idea what real suffering is. I have seen it. I have caused it. And I have to guard against ever causing it again. Do not give me your quick and easy sound bites, Violet King. I am not one of your internet followers. I am not impressed by quick, condensed versions of truth that are easy to digest. I have seen human suffering on a level that you cannot possibly understand. And I am related to the cause of it. If my life must be devoted to the undoing of it so that those in the future can simply live, then it must be. But don’t you ever accuse me of being afraid.”
And for the first time he saw her crumple. For the first time, he saw her bravery falter, and he hated himself for being the cause of that. He had plucked the woman from her office some weeks ago and taken her off to a land that she had never even heard of, and she had remained strong. She had remained stoic. She had an answer back for everything he had said. But not now. He had finally taken that from her. He had finally destroyed some of what she was.
And there was no joy to be had in that.
It was confirmation. Of what he was.
That spark of light she had placed in him was now extinguished in her.
She had said he was not a monster, but he knew that he was.
That he would destroy her only more as the years wore on.
He hurt people.
He had caused pain under the rule of his father, and under the rule of his own heart, he would cause Violet pain as well.
“If you think that’s what I meant, if you think that’s who I am, then you haven’t been paying attention at all. I thought that we knew each other. I thought that our souls recognized each other,” she said, her voice breaking. “You saw me reading the book... And I knew that you would be reading it too. I knew it. You know the library was the first place that I looked for you that night we first made love. Because somehow I knew you would be looking at the same story I was, trying to see if you saw us in there.”
“You misunderstand. I wasn’t looking for answers because I already have them. I understand that this was significant to you. That this was a first for you. But I have lived life. I have already had all the revelations I will have. Perhaps you can think of me as a lesson learned.”
“What an expensive lesson,” she said, her tone full of venom. “Wedding vows seem a little bit extreme.”
“As I told you, the wedding vows can remain.”
“Why would I stay married to you? If you don’t want to have a real marriage?”
He gritted his teeth, fought against the terror that clouded his chest at the idea of losing her. He liked much more the idea of being able to keep her while keeping her separate.
“Do what you must.”
He gathered his clothes and began to dress.
“Where are you going?”
“Out.”
“I would never have thought that you would transform yourself into a basic sort of man. But that is very basic. Just out. No explanation.”
“Because I don’t owe you an explanation. Because you got the explanation that you were going to get already. That you thought there was more is your problem, not mine.”
He gritted his teeth against the burning sensation in his chest and he walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.
Closing the door on them. On temptation.
Whatever she did now was her choice.
But he had done his duty, for honor.
Whatever she said, that was why.
He ignored the kick in his chest that told him otherwise.
He ignored everything.
Because that was the real gift of having transformed himself into a beast.
When he had done that, he had taken his feelings away as well.
So why did his chest hurt so much?
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
VIOLET WAS STUNNED. All she could do was sit there in the center of their marriage bed, alone. She had known that he would have an issue with her loving him. She had. But she hadn’t known that he would do this.
Why now? Why had it come to this now?
All this time he could have set her free. He could have made this bargain with her.
And suddenly she felt very alone. Her whole family had been here for the wedding today, but she hadn’t had enough time to speak to them. Would she have found strength from them?
She could call her sister. Her mother. Her father even.
She knew what Minerva would say, actually. Minerva would want her to do what made her happy. But Minerva would also say that sometimes difficult men needed you to believe in them until they could believe in themselves. Because that was what had happened with Dante.
But no one had helped Violet up until this point. This had been the most independent she had ever been. Yes, it was somewhat enforced by the entire situation, but it was still true. She had to stand on her own two feet since she had been brought here. It had been difficult.
Difficult to face the fact that her relationship with her family hadn’t been what she thought. Difficult to be thrown in the deep end of independence, when she had been so surrounded by the people that she’d loved for so long. The people that she had depended on for her entire life.
But all of this had been about choice. A lesson in it.
Ironic that she’d had to be kidnapped and dragged across the world to really face the fact that she wasn’t her own person. Not that what she had built wasn’t hers to some extent.
But she had been propped up for so long by her father, and then was angry about the fact that he had been controlling things from behind the scenes when she had...
She had been fine with it as long as it had benefited her.
Allowing him to invest money when she had needed it.
Knowing that he was there as a safety net.
But nobody was a safety net for her in this. Because her heart was involved, her emotions. And there was no one who could fix it but her.
Her and Javier.
But he had broken it, because he was afraid. Whatever he said, he was afraid.
She understood what he thought. Understood why he felt the need to protect himself so fiercely.
There might not be real curses in this life, but there was pain that could feel like a curse. Betrayal that could make you feel changed.
And there might not be magic spells or incantations, but there was something even more powerful.
Love was the magic.
And she
was going to have to figure out how to make it work.
She didn’t have a spell. Didn’t have anything to make the fairy tale literal.
But then, the beast wasn’t on the outside. It was inside of him.
And it wasn’t made of the sins of his father, wasn’t made of tainted blood. It was made of fear.
And love couldn’t exist alongside fear. Because they would always fight with one another. Love demanded bravery, and fear demanded that you hide.
He was hiding.
He was the strongest, bravest man she had ever known, but in the face of love, he was hiding.
If she could understand that.
Because he had just taken her heart and flayed it open. And she had already known that love could hurt, because the betrayal of her father had wounded her so badly, and she had to make the decision to forgive him in spite of that.
Was that what she had to do here? Forgive and love until he could do the same?
She didn’t know.
She found herself wandering to the library, because it was where she had found him before. It was where she had found some of the answers she had been looking for. Maybe... Maybe she would find them again here.
Because she wanted to understand. Because she had so many questions.
Why had he done this now? Why had he turned away from her now? Told her she could live a wholly separate life from him, go back to California...
He didn’t do it until he was sure that you loved him.
That truth sat there, like a rock in her chest. He hadn’t done it until he was certain of her love.
He had not done it until part of him was certain that she would stay.
And so that meant she had to, she supposed. Even if it was the hardest thing she had ever faced in her entire life.
The idea of staying with a man who didn’t love her.
She went straight to the back shelf, but she couldn’t find it. The book with their story.
The book was gone.
And that, above all else, gave her hope.
* * *
“What are you doing down here?”
Javier looked up from the book and at his brother.
“Where else would I be?” He asked the question somewhat dryly, and yet to him, it made perfect sense that he was here. To him, it made all the sense in the world.
“Not Dad’s favorite dungeon,” Matteo said. “But still, definitely a logical choice for somebody who is punishing themselves.”
“Is she still here?”
“Who?”
“My wife.”
“As far as I know.”
“Are you certain?”
“Honestly, I didn’t consider the whereabouts of your woman to be my responsibility. I thought that was one of the perks of flopping her off on you. What has happened?”
“She’s in love with me.”
“Obviously,” Matteo said.
“It’s obvious to you?”
“Well. Not necessarily to me. But my mouse may have said something to the effect.”
“Livia said something about it?”
“Only that she thought Violet seemed quite taken with you. And that it was probably a good thing she hadn’t married me, all things considered.”
“She’s a fool.”
“Livia? She’s the least foolish woman I have ever known.”
“No. Violet. She’s a fool to love me. Anyone would be a fool to love either of us.”
“It’s true,” Matteo said. “I don’t disagree with you.”
“So you understand that I told her I could not esteem her over the fate of the country.”
“Is it a choice that must be made?”
“Yes. Because if the choice for Monte Blanco’s well-being is not my ultimate motivation, then something else will replace it. And that makes me vulnerable.”
“Vulnerable to what?”
He spread his arms wide. “To this,” Javier said. “This. To being just like our father. A man with a favorite dungeon. A man who harms others.”
“Is that what you think? That a mere distraction could turn you from the man that you are into the man that he was?”
“Haven’t we always said that we must be careful to turn away from anything that might make us like him?”
“We must. I agree. But I suspect that you loving this woman will not bring it about. I think it is loving yourself above all else that opens you up to such concerns. Do you think that sounds right? Because our father never loved anybody. None of his corruption came from loving us so much. Or our mother, who we never even knew because she was dead before you ever took your first steps. No. Love did not cause what our father did.”
“But I have to be vigilant...”
“Against what?”
“As we discussed, it would be far too easy to fall into another life. After all, wasn’t it so easy to believe that our father was good because we thought we loved him?”
“What’s the book?”
“Something that Violet was reading. A beauty and the beast story.”
“What do you suppose you’ll find in there?”
“An answer. Magic. I don’t know. Some way to change myself, because I don’t know how else I might. To be a man for her rather than a beast.”
“Maybe you don’t need to change it all. Doesn’t the Princess in the story love him without changing?”
“But she deserves better. She deserves more.”
“What did she ask for?”
“Nothing,” he said, his voice rough.
“Then why not offer nothing but yourself?”
“Because that is something our father would do.”
“No, our father would take the choice away from her. Which is what... Well, that’s what I did, in the beginning, isn’t it? Our father would do whatever he wanted regardless of what she asked for. So why don’t you go back to her? And find out what it is she truly wants. Listen. Don’t simply follow your own heart. That’s what men like our father did. Consider another person. See where it gets you.”
“Maybe to disaster. Maybe to hell.”
“How does it feel where you are now?”
“Like hell,” he responded. “Like I’m a foolish man staring at a fairy tale asking it for answers.”
“Sounds to me like you don’t have any further to fall. And I need you to be functional. So sort yourself out.”
“Are you advocating for love and happy endings now?”
Matteo laughed, shaking his head. “Hell no. The opiate of the masses in my opinion. But if you wish to join the masses, Javier, then I won’t stop you. And if it is what Violet wants, then all the better that she didn’t marry me. Because I would never be able to give it to her.”
“Are you such a hypocrite that you would advocate for me what you don’t believe you can have for yourself?”
“Not a hypocrite. Just a king. A word of advice. Javier, you were not born to be the King so don’t take on the responsibilities that I carry. Take on your own. You’re a warrior. And you were born to be. That is your position in this country. And the difference between you and our father was always compassion. It was the sight of that little girl being married off that changed you. That made you see. It was always compassion that made you better. It was always caring. Because a man who is in and of himself a weapon ought to have that sort of counterbalance, don’t you think? In my estimation, love will make you stronger at what you do.”
“And for kings?” Javier asked.
“A king should not be vulnerable.” Matteo turned, then paused for a moment. “But it might be the only thing that keeps a beast from being dangerous. If you are so worried about hurting others, perhaps you should think about that.”
And with that, his brother left Javier there, sitting in the bottom of the dunge
on holding on to the book. And he knew that he would find no answers there. None at all. No. The only answers for who he was, who he might become, who he needed to become, lay with Violet.
If only he could find the strength in himself.
But perhaps, until then, he could borrow strength from Violet.
Suddenly the fairy tale made sense in a way that it had not before. His fingertips burned, and he opened up to a page with an illustration of the giant, hulking beast having his wounds tended by the delicate maiden.
Perhaps he was too focused on the transformation.
Perhaps he had not looked enough at what the story was really about.
As she said, almost every culture had a version of this tale. And in it, the beauty was seen by the reader to be the weak one. Put up against a dangerous beast.
But he was the one who changed. He was the one who transformed, because of the power of her love.
In the end, it was the beauty who held all the power.
In the end, it was her love that made the difference.
And so, he would have to trust in her power. Trust that, like in the story, she was more than able to stand up to the challenge of loving him.
He was the one who had to find his strength.
She had already proven that she had more than enough for the two of them.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
SHE HADN’T GONE back to California.
Her social media efforts had begun to create more tourism in Monte Blanco, and she was working with the tourism bureau and local business owners on strengthening the market. She was still involved in her own company, with her VP holding down the fort on the local level back in San Diego.
She had begun spending more time in the city. She had rented office space and had begun working in earnest on her project to bring work to Monte Blanco. Specifically for women. She was in talks to figure out manufacturing, something that she was arranging with Livia, and she had already hired a few women that she had met at a local shelter to work on data entry.
She was having to do some training, and she had hired people to do that as well.
And all of it was helping distract from the pain in her chest, though it didn’t make it go away.