Suddenly and violently her own body began to splinter and fall apart. During her shuddering convulsions he lay rigidly still inside her, giving her maximum pleasure, letting her feel the full impact as each trembling wave washed over her. She keened a quiet, soft cry of rapture as he brought her to an ecstasy far beyond the one of moments before. Finally he could no longer hold himself back, and poured his stream of life into her, his heart pulsing violently. In that final moment he experienced fulfillment, contentment and blazing passion beyond anything he’d ever imagined.
She held him to her with all her strength while violent shudders rocked his powerful body. For an undetermined time she was aware of nothing but his fullness inside her and his weight on her body. Then she floated back to consciousness and found her hands moving across his back, feeling the smooth shifting pattern of his muscles as he moved, feeling his breath on her cheeks. Then she heard the hoarsely whispered, shakily spoken words in her ear.
“You are more, far more than I ever dreamed a woman could be. I feel as if I had come home after a long lonely voyage.” Slowly he pulled himself out of her and slid down her body to lay his dark head on her breast.
He lay quietly and she stroked his hair. Love for him filled her heart. Now that she knew of this pleasure she could give him, and he her, she would banish the hungry look from his golden eyes.
“Am I too heavy for you?”
“I want to keep you here forever.”
“I’m so sleepy.”
“Rest, darling, I’ll hold you.”
She reached for a bedcover, pulled it over them, and brought it up to cover his back. She delighted in the sensation of his warm body on top of hers. The cover closed them in their own private world. Never, never had she felt so safe and so complete. And never had she been more determined that nothing or no one would take him away from her.
* * *
When Vanessa woke Kain was sitting propped against the headboard, studying her with an ineffably tender expression, his fingers entwined in her flaming tresses spread out on the pillow. He reached over and smoothed the tight curls from her forehead, and trailed his fingertips down her cheeks, rosy from the roughness of his face.
“Morning, sweetheart.” He put out his arm, inviting her to move up beside him. She did so, leaning her head on his shoulder. “I’ll have to be more careful. My whiskers have scraped your soft skin.” He kissed the top of her head and his hand moved beneath the cover and spread over her soft belly. “Are you sore?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t moved enough to find out.” Aware that she was naked, she pulled the cover up and over her breasts.
“There’s no need to close the barn door after the horse is gone, sweetheart.” He laughed and his arms tightened.
“You’re right, of course.” She let the cover fall to her waist and grinned at him.
“Brazen hussy!” he chided with rough tenderness. “We can ride in to the preacher today, sweetheart. We don’t need to wait until Sunday.”
“There’s no need. Standing in front of a stranger so he can say the words won’t make me your wife any more than I am now. We’ll be married on Sunday. Aunt Ellie is looking forward to it.”
“And you?”
She turned her head and pressed kisses along the smooth warm skin of his chest. “I’m looking forward to every night between now and then.”
“I was hoping you’d say that.” He lifted her face and kissed her parted mouth. “Thank you for making me happier than any man has a right to be.” His smile fired her with new tenderness. She slid upward in his hold and kissed the corner of his mouth.
“Thank you . . . for showing me that mating with the one you love can be the most precious gift God gave to us humans.”
“I brought warm water from the kitchen for you to wash in. I’ll fix us some breakfast while you get dressed. It will be a while before everyone comes in.”
“Kiss me first. It will have to last for at least ten minutes.”
* * *
The hours of the day disappeared as if by magic. An air of gaiety permeated the house and all its occupants. Clay went to town to get a steer to barbecue. Jeb and John began clearing the weeds around the house and repairing the gates. Ellie made list after list of things to do, things to buy, things not to do, and things not to forget to do at the last moment. She set Henry and Mary Ben to unpacking the good dishes they had brought from Springfield, and when that was done they took down the heavy, velvet draperies in the parlor and hung them on the line so the wind could whip the dust away.
Before John left the kitchen after breakfast he motioned Ellie to follow him outside. He pressed several gold pieces into her hand.
“When ya go to town, buy shoes ’n ribbons ’n all them folderols fer Mary Ben. Is that enuff?”
“It’s more than enough, much more. One coin will do, with enough left over for dress goods.” She took his hand and returned all the coins but one ten-dollar gold piece. “John, I don’t know how you feel about Henry, but I want to assure you that he’ll always be kind to Mary Ben. He has his limitations, but there isn’t a mean bone in his body.”
“I ain’t got no doubt of it, ma’am. That little gal’s had it mighty hard. She ain’t ne’er had nobody. From what I hear her ma was pert nigh mindless at the end. It jist might be she’ll be the makin’ a Henry ’n him a her.”
“You’ll always be welcome. I want you to know that, and I hope you’re with us for a long, long time.”
He took off his hat and scratched his head. “That’s mighty good a ya, ma’am. I’d kinda figgered to stay round.” He slapped his hat on his head. “I figgered somethin’ else out. I’d better get ta workin’ on that ol’ wagon a mine. Clean it out ’n fix up somethin’ decent to carry you women to town in. I’m thinkin’ of goin’ along ’n buyin’ myself a new shirt fer the weddin’.”
Kain came out of the house with his hat and vest on. “It’s not safe in there, John. We men better stay outside or we’ll get swept up in all the doings. My woman tried to set me at the table to run the flat iron over ribbons for her hat. That’s when I remembered I had things to do, like stretching my legs.” His smile was spread all over his face.
“Don’t stretch them too long or too far,” Ellie cautioned and went back in the house as Henry came out. “Don’t run off, son I need you to bring down that mattress from the attic.”
“I won’t. I want to talk to Kain.”
“Come walk with me. I’m going out to the gate and back. I can stand just so much sitting around.”
“Ain’t it something, Kain? We’re going to get married on the same day.” They were walking side by side down the two-wheel track, the yellow dog at Henry’s heels.
“Sure is. Things have happened in a hurry.”
“I don’t have to ask you so much now that I’ve got Mary Ben. She tells me most everything I want to know. She told me what a whorehouse is and why the man said he come to knock off his rocks. Mary Ben knows about a lot of things.”
“I’m happy for you, Henry. She’s a fine girl. She’ll make you a good wife.”
“There’s something worryin’ me, even if Mary Ben told me not to worry about it. She’s such a little girl, Kain. She only comes to my shoulder. I just worry that when I’m all worked up, you know, that I’m too big for her.”
“You’ve talked to her about it?”
“Oh, sure. We talk about everything.”
“If she told you not to worry, don’t worry.”
“But I can’t help it. I’m afraid I’ll hurt her.”
“I see your mother has a large jar of plain salve. Dip some out and put it in a small can and keep it in your room. If you’re afraid you’ll hurt Mary Ben, use some of it, and you’ll be able to enter her more easily.” Good God! Kain thought. He was actually giving a lecture on sex. Was that what he would have told his son someday?
“Put it where?”
“On yourself . . . or Mary Ben. There’s one thing I’d better tell y
ou. It’s something Mary Ben might not know about. You be sure that when you’re with her you give her as much pleasure as she gives you.”
“How can I do that?”
“By going slow, holding back. It will take longer for her to feel pleasure than it will for you. Once you’ve let yourself go, that’s it for awhile. So hold off as long as you can.”
“I will, Kain. I want Mary Ben to be happy. More than anything I want her to be happy.”
They reached the gate and started back toward the house. Henry was silent for awhile.
“Mary Ben told me she’d killed a man for hurting her ma. She said she’d shoot somebody for hurting me. I’ve got to take care of her, Kain. I’ve just got to. I’ve got to work and make a home for her and Ma.”
Kain looked into Henry’s tormented eyes, realizing Henry knew his inadequacies. Kain stopped and put his hand on his shoulder.
“You can do that right here. There’s not a doubt in my mind that you’ll be able to do it, Henry. You’re a good man. You’re not lazy, you take direction, and with Mary Ben beside you you’re going to make it a hell of a lot better than most folks.”
“Do you think so?” Henry began to smile. “I wish I’d known you a long time ago, Kain.”
“I do too, but wishing doesn’t change things. I’m proud to know you now.”
* * *
Kain was seated at the table when the sharp pain made itself known to him and he felt the familiar sickness rise up in his throat. He had been forced to lounge about the house because Ellie and Vanessa watched him like hawks to see that he didn’t overexert himself. He had drunk cup after cup of strong black coffee, idling away the time while everyone else was busy. Now the coffee was like bitter gall in his mouth. He set the mug on the table, put on his hat, and murmured something about seeing to his horse.
“Kain?” Vanessa called as he headed for the door.
Ellie saw the drawn look on his face. “He’s going to the barn, dear. Will you help me put the draperies back up in the parlor?”
Kain went quickly down the path to the barn, swung open the door and went to Big Red’s stall. He stood there, arms folded on the heavy timbers, breathing heavily. Damn! Damn! He had thought his stomach was better lately. The pains had not bothered him so much. Perhaps this was the onset of that feeling of well-being he remembered had struck the sheriff several times before the end. It was something about the cancer eating through one place, and pausing before going on to another.
It was only at times like this that he really believed he was dying. At other times, there was the faint hope he would cheat death. But it was inevitable, or so the experts said. There was no cure. Still he had read of miraculous recoveries despite all the medical prophecies. He considered that for a moment. Were the miraculous cures proof of mind-over-matter? Could faith in God win over cancer? Or was there some strong force within the body that could be summoned forth and set to working against the disease?
Men critically wounded had survived against all odds during the war. Was it the will to live that saved them? Did they have something as precious as he had to live for? He had the will, but would it be strong enough to defeat his illness?
While he was thinking the pain subsided to a dull ache, but the sickness remained. He swallowed repeatedly so that he’d not retch. Beads of sweat formed on his brow and his face felt clammy. He rested his forehead on his crossed arms and stared down at his feet, willing the sickness to leave.
If he died today, he thought, he had already had more than most men. Vanessa . . .Vanessa, his sweet, sweet woman. He had slept little last night after the first hour of deep slumber. The rest of the night he had lain awake, holding her in his arms, vainly wishing he could see her with her belly swollen with his children and when silver streaked her fiery hair. He wanted to grow old with her, sit in a porch swing holding her hand and reminisce about the time she hit the young bully over the head with the shovel and later worked him over with the end of her shotgun. He wanted to tell their grandchildren about her wearing britches on the trail when as few as a dozen women had dared to be seen in men’s attire. Most of all he wanted to sleep every night with her in his arms, even long after the urge to procreate had left him.
The barn door creaked open. He raised his head to see Vanessa standing there, the late afternoon sun behind her. She came quickly to him. He held out his arm to pull her close.
“Are you all right?”
“Of course I’m all right. I came out to see Big Red.”
“I was afraid you’d hurt your side or your shoulder. You had a lot of exercise last night.”
“Ah, sweet woman! That was the most wonderful night of my life. I’m thinking about a repeat tonight.” The last words were whispered in her ear before his lips traveled around to place a lingering kiss on her lips.
She wrapped her arms about his waist, being careful of his side, and buried her face in his shirt. “Kain? I can’t bear to let you out of my sight. I’m so afraid! Please tell me why we can’t plan a future together. Everyday I’m dying a little inside not knowing. Is someone coming to kill you? Why are you so fatalistic about it? You weren’t that way about Tass. I’m hoping, praying something will happen, that . . . you are mistaken, that we can get help from your friends if you think we can’t handle it here. Please don’t put me through this hell of not knowing.”
“Sweetheart . . . you promised to not think about it.” He almost choked on the words. “Please, please don’t ask me. If I thought it would make you feel better I’d tell you.” He held her tightly against him and stroked her hair.
Vanessa squeezed her eyes shut as tears welled. Her heart constricted and she struggled to keep the sobs from breaking loose. When she raised her head to look at him there was a smile on her face, but her lashes were wet. She took a deep breath.
“I can’t promise I won’t think about it.”
The look she saw in his eyes, the look of love, adoration, and utter helplessness brought a great swell of emotion within her. She clasped her arms about his waist and her lips gently brushed his chin.
“I love you. It will make no difference if we are a million miles and a million years apart. Always remember that I love you.”
Chapter Sixteen
On a cool, still autumn day John drove the team with Henry beside him on the wagon seat, and Kain rode alongside the wagon on Big Red when the trail widened to permit it. Jeb and Clay stayed behind to slaughter one of the two steers Clay had brought out from town.
“It’s best,” Clay had said that morning at breakfast, “to let the meat hang fer a day or two. ’Sides, it’ll take Jeb that long to dig the hole to cook it in.”
The sense of humor the Texans concealed behind their quiet faces came out more often now that they felt more at ease around the women.
“If’n I got to dig it by myself, I jist might dig it out by the outhouse,” Jeb retorted, then turned brick-red when he realized what he had said. When Ellie paused on her way from the stove to the table to look at him, he said, “I’m jist joshin’, ma’am.”
“Course you are, Jeb. I never thought for a minute you’d do such a thing.”
“Hogwash!” Clay snorted. “I remember the time we was at a shebang down on the Red River. The ramrod we was workin’ fer was half sloshed ’n meaner ’n all get out. He was sittin’ there shootin’ off his bazzoo ’n Jeb put a frog in his whiskey jug. He took a swig a that whiskey ’n that frog dang near choked ’em to death.”
“Oh, my goodness! You men must have ironclad stomachs!” Ellie exclaimed and shuddered with revulsion.
Jeb sent a quelling glance at his brother, gulped his coffee, and got to his feet. “You’ve run off at the mouth enuff, Clay. Get outta here afore Miss Ellie throws ya out on yore ear ’n I got to skin that steer all by my ownself.”
Thinking about it now as she sat behind John and Henry with Vanessa and Mary Ben, Ellie recognized how fortunate they were to have such good friends. John had worked most of the day takin
g the top off his wagon and building a seat in the back for them to sit in. And Kain . . . when she thought of what awaited him and the pain Vanessa would have to endure, her heart felt like a rock in her breast.
* * *
Vanessa pulled the gray wool shawl tighter around her shoulders when they left the shelter of the timber. A cold wind coming down from the mountains made her aware that winter was but a month away. Her dark print bonnet allowed wisps of copper colored curls to show around her face, making the skin of her face appear all the whiter, her eyes bluer.
As they approached town, Kain reined in and waited for the wagon to catch up. “I’m going to turn off here and go on to the preacher’s house. I’ll meet you at the mercantile in about half an hour.”
“Oh, please! Don’t go off by yourself!” There was a kind of desperation in Vanessa’s voice.
“There’s nothing to worry about. Believe me, honey. I’ll see you in a little while.” Feeling the warmth of her concern, Kain’s eyes were reluctant to leave her face. Here was the consummation of all the yearning dreams he had had through the years of empty waiting. Her smile told him she had received the message of love and assurance that he had sent with his eyes, and her lips formed a kiss that he carried with him as he turned his horse and rode away.
A freight wagon took up most of the space in front of the store, so John turned the corner and went a good way beyond the saloon before he pulled up. Henry jumped down and helped the women from the wagon while John tied the team to an iron ring in a post.
“It isn’t a very big town, but it’s busy,” Vanessa remarked, and moved back as another wagon rounded the corner.
“It’s cause towns is scarce out here. Go on, Mary Ben, go on with Henry,” John said when she stood uncertainly beside the wagon. “I aim to be here awatchin’ the sights ’n keepin’ my eye on the wagon.”
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