by Toni Aleo
He looks up at the ceiling. “’Cause I won’t be here when they are.”
My brows pull together. “Well, that’s not nice.”
“Lena, you haven’t invited me to your home until now, when they aren’t here. And this bed is way better than my tent.”
I hold his gaze, and I know he’s absolutely right. “I’m sorry. I just don’t want to subject you to that.”
He takes me by the back of the head, kissing me hard on the lips. “It’s fine.” I don’t believe him, though. His eyes tell me it’s anything but fine. Before I can say anything more, though, he is covering my body with his, pressing my legs back as he looks down at me. “They don’t matter anyway.”
I sigh happily since I was worried for a moment there. “They don’t.”
But when his eyes meet mine, they trouble me. I can’t help but think he does feel my parents matter.
And I’m unsure what that means.
Holding my ma’s hand, I watch as my da feeds her a bit of Jell-O. “Noreen, ya gotta eat.”
“Then get me food! Not this sugary shite that will add to my arse.”
My da gives her a look as he exhales harshly. “Yer arse is perfect.”
“Well, of course it is ’cause I don’t eat sugar! Please, my love, go get me something with substance.”
“Love, they want ya to eat this. It’s easy on yer belly.”
“I’m starving. I want food.”
My da looks at his wit’s end, but he gets up, leaving the room to find someone to help. When I look at my ma, my heart hurts. She still hasn’t gotten control of her face back. It is very droopy, and her arm isn’t working fully either. They shaved her head for the surgery, but thankfully, the three cuts aren’t too big. But Ma, being ever so vain, has wigs on order. They should be here today.
Though, none of that matters. She is alive, and she is being herself.
“How ya feel, Ma?”
“Well, I have a headache, and I’m hungry.”
“They may have ripped your skull open, so a headache seems legit.”
She shoots me a deadpan look. “Whatever. I’m fine. I’ll be better when I get to leave this awful place.”
“They’re saying a few weeks, yeah?”
“Yeah,” she says on an exhale. “I want my bed, and I want my food.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, and she shrugs.
“I’m alive, like I said.”
I squeeze her hand. “Ya did say that.”
She sends me a small half smile as she cups my hands with hers. “You canceled tea?”
“Yeah, to come here.”
“Oh,” she says, and I think she’s gonna fight with me, but she doesn’t. “Yer right, I’m more important.”
“You are.”
She sends me a smile. “I talked to Meredith.”
I still, watching the side of her face. “Oh?”
“She told me ya had a man in yer bed this morning.” I swallow hard. “The bartender from the pub?”
Stupid Meredith. Doesn’t she have anything better to do than talk about what I’m doing? “Yeah, his name is Jackson.”
She bites her lip. “I’m surprised security let him in.”
“They tried not to.”
She’s fuming, I can see it, but she doesn’t yell. Instead, she reaches for her iPad, holding it on her lap. “We need to discuss a few things with the schedule.”
I eye her. Waiting. Is that all she’s going to say? Carefully, I ask, “What about it?”
“We need to extend it to spring.”
My eyes widen. “Spring?”
She nods before meeting my gaze, her eyes sad. “I’ve lost feeling in my arm and leg on this side of my body,” she says, tapping my hand that is holding hers. “I need therapy since I can’t get around like I used to.”
My heart picks up in speed. I knew she wouldn’t be right back at it, but spring? “You told me that when you made it through this, I’d be off the hook, Ma, that you would take over.”
She nods. “I know, my love, but I can’t be the face of our family in a wheelchair wearing a wig. I need yer help.”
But, but…Jackson is leaving. I want to go with him.
“Until the spring, though?”
“Yes,” she says, her eyes locking with mine. “We all knew I wouldn’t bounce back right away.”
“Yeah, but the spring is almost four months away.”
“Ya have somewhere to be?”
I don’t answer her, looking away as I chew on my lip. Jackson is adamant about leaving, but surely, he can wait for me. It would only be an extra three months here. He loves it here. He loves his jobs, and he is loved by everyone.
Surely, he can wait.
“You haven’t forgotten about the gala tomorrow? Yer dress should be at the house.”
“It is, and I’m going—” I pause, watching her. I’m unsure if this is a good idea, but then, I don’t want her to find out anyway but from me. “With Jackson.”
Her eyes cut to me, her lips pressing together. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Jackson is taking me.”
“The bartender?”
“Yeah,” I say, holding her gaze. I refuse to be shy about him. I’m proud of who he is. “And he isn’t just a bartender, Ma. He is actually a jack-of-all-trades. He’s on holiday, working to pay for his adventures.”
Her eyes are narrowed, glaring into mine. “I don’t care what he is or what he does. He is not of noble birth.”
I scoff. “Neither are we! We just have old money, and someone somehow scammed this town into thinking we were royalty.”
“Lena Élodie!”
I laugh. “It was probably great-great-great-grandma Élodie.”
“Nonetheless! You will not take some bartender to the Dublin Cancer Gala. Everyone who is anyone will be there.”
“Yeah, along with Jackson and me.”
“Lena!”
“What, Ma?” I ask, and then I hold up my hand. “Please calm down, yer face is turning red.”
“’Cause yer killing me! You know better. Go with someone from the list I gave you. All good, noble men.”
“But they aren’t Jackson,” I tell her before looking at my hands. “He’s important to me. He is amazing—”
“Ah, Lena, I’ve heard this, and then the boy raped ya. I won’t have it happen again.”
I gawk at her, my heart falling into my gut. “Jackson would never.”
“And we thought that of the gobshite Casey.”
“Ma, no. This is different. Jackson is a good man.”
“He’s after ya for yer money.”
“No, he isn’t, but everyone else is!”
“Ah, Lena, if they have money, they don’t need yers.”
“He has money,” I yell, my heart pounding in my chest.
“Lena, don’t lie about him to make him seem better. I know what a piece of shite looks like—”
“He is amazing,” I sneer, and then I stand. “And for someone who wants my help, you’d think you’d treat the person I am with—”
“Yer with! What in the world, Lena? You aren’t with anyone.”
“I am with him,” I say firmly. “And there is nothing you can do about that.”
Her eyes widen as much as they can, her mouth parting as she shakes her head. “You have a duty to this family.”
“And I will honor it, like I said, but if you want me to do more than what we agreed on, then I suggest you watch how ya speak of him.”
“He is nothing, Lena. He is just a plaything for ya.”
“No, he is way more than that.”
“You’re out of your mind.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Don’t ya walk away from me.”
But I’m already leaving.
My body is trembling, my heart is in my shoes, but I refuse to let her know that her words hurt me. I thought that we were getting somewhere, that she was starting to accept I couldn’t be what she wanted me to be. But her eyes, the judgme
nt and hatred that swirl deep within them, make it clear she believes there is no other way but her way.
And that doesn’t work for me.
I don’t get far down the hall when my da falls into step with me. Grabbing my arm, he stops me, his eyes meeting mine. “Lena—”
Tears threaten to fall. I thought we had made progress, Ma and me, but no, we are right back where we were at the start. I’m sure I knew this would happen, but yet, my heart aches. Not meeting his gaze, I say, “I’ve got to go.”
“No,” he says sternly, holding me close. “I heard it all.”
Unable to hold in my tears, I say, “She’s impossible!”
“That may be, but, my dear, we need you.”
My face scrunches up. “What are you talking about?”
“She’s worse off than she lets on,” he says then, and when his eyes start to fill with tears, my heart twists in my chest.
“What?”
“They aren’t sure she’ll regain any movement in her arm or leg. They told me not to hope for the stars and moon because the damage in her brain is extensive.”
“But she is fine!”
“But it won’t be like that. With the tumor they took out, she could start to lose her memory.” I press my hand to my chest. “It’s an uphill battle from here, and I need both of my children to help me.”
“But, Da—” I start to say, but then he begins to sob.
“I can’t do this all on my own. I need you, I need you to do what she can’t, or she’ll never be happy.”
But what about what makes me happy?
Reaching for me, he holds me close to him, hugging me tightly, and I wrap my arms around his large body. Unlike when a lass hugs her da, I don’t feel safe. I feel alone. I don’t have the relationship with my da the way some lassies do. He was always so busy. Always working. My ma was my best friend before I left. Before I found myself in Dublin.
But he is my da, and I love him.
My heart aches for my ma. While she pisses me off, she is my ma, and I don’t want her to suffer. I thought we had beat this thing, but apparently, we hadn’t. I don’t know what will happen, but I do know one thing.
I can’t leave my family.
“Well, I happen to think you’re very handsome.”
I smile back at the camera as my mom grins at me. Walking around the stables to meet Lena at her house, I hold out my phone so my mom can see me. The suit Lena ordered me is the most expensive piece of clothing I have ever worn. She even had a guy to come in to make sure everything fit me perfectly.
Guess I have to look like a million bucks if I’m going to be with her.
“Thanks, Mom. I hope she thinks so,” I mutter, and I hate how nervous I am.
But I don’t want to embarrass her.
“Oh, she will,” she gushes, her face still frozen in a huge grin. “So, things are good?”
My lips quirk as I look out in the field where the horses are grazing. Pip is out there, probably getting ready to bring them in, but even that distraction doesn’t keep me from thinking passionately of Lena. “Yeah, they are.”
“Did you talk to her? About what we discussed?”
“I did,” I answer, tucking my free hand into my pocket. It’s chilly. “We worked a lot of it out, but I think we’re ignoring a lot of it too.”
“How so?”
“She wants to deal with my leaving date later. And I don’t want to think of the fact that I’m about to go to a gala with a princess, when everyone thinks I’m basically the dirt on her heels.”
My mom makes a face. “Who thinks that?”
I shrug. “Everyone. I know her mom does.”
My heart clenches in my chest. I know Lena told her mom about us going together to the gala. She didn’t tell me what happened, but when she got to the pub last night, she looked really upset. I assume it didn’t go well, and that freaked me out. What if she’s started to realize she shouldn’t be with me? But it annoyed me when I thought like that. We still don’t know what will happen when I leave. And I’m over here worried if we’ll even stay together for the next few weeks. It’s pointless and makes me pathetic. I should just enjoy the time I have with her.
“That’s bullshit.”
I laugh. “It’s how it is around here. I’m not an idiot.”
“Still, I think if you guys are happy, what is the problem?”
“The problem is, she’s an O’Callaghan. I’m a Tremblay, and believe me, no one around here knows who that is. They also won’t accept that I’m Canadian and not American.”
She laughs at that. “Eh, screw them. Does she like you?”
My heart flutters in my chest. “She does.”
“And you like her, Jackson. Everything else will fall into place. Stop stressing.”
“I just want to be with her.”
“Then be with her.”
She makes it seem so simple. “What if it’s for nothing?”
“Oh, Jackson,” she says, shaking her head. “Loving someone is never for nothing, sweetheart. We learn from every experience, relationship, and heartache we go through. I hate your father, I do, but I don’t regret being with him.”
I didn’t even realize I had stopped dead in my tracks. “I loved him. He gave me you, and he made me stronger.” She watches me, a grin on her face. “So, no matter what happens, make sure that when you’re with her, you experience everything with her.”
My heart aches. “I love her, Mom.”
Her eyes soften as she draws in a shaky breath. “Oh, honey, then love fiercely. Because this life will end, and you don’t want to ever regret anything.”
Her words rock my core.
“Howya, Jackson.”
My head whips to the side to see Declan coming toward me. “Hey, um… Hey, Mom, let me call you back.”
“Sure, love you.”
“Love you,” I say before hanging up, tucking my phone into my pocket. “How’s it going?”
“It’s going. Full day of work, off to go for a ride.”
“It’s a nice night for it.”
He nods, looking out at the field. “You off to meet my sister?”
“Yeah, we’re going to that gala.”
“Yeah, I heard.”
What does that mean?
An awkward silence falls between us, but then he clears his throat. “Well, have a good night.”
I know he wants to say more, I can see it in his eyes, but instead of questioning him, I nod my head as I start toward the house. “You too, man.”
As we pass each other, though, he stops me. “Thank you.”
My eyes widen. “What?”
“I know she wouldn’t be where she is right now if you hadn’t been there for her in the way none of us could be. I’m forever in debt to you.”
I’m taken aback by his claim. “I didn’t do anything—”
“Ya did everything.”
My heart aches. “She means a lot to me.”
“I know, and you to her. So, please,” he pleads, his eyes boring into mine. “Don’t hurt her. She’s been through some really fucked-up shite, and for once, when she smiles, I know it’s real.”
He squeezes my arm softly before nodding his head, and I’m speechless. He hasn’t said but three words total to me the whole time I’ve known him, yet he just told me I’m the reason for Lena’s happiness.
I don’t want to ruin that happiness…though I’m worried I will.
Without another word, he heads toward the stables, leaving me to try to decipher what just happened. I didn’t think he would be against Lena and me being together, but I also didn’t think he would ever want me with her. Everyone has Lena on the highest pedestal.
As do I.
Taking into account what he said, along with my mom’s words, I find myself a bundle of nerves as I head toward the house. I want to love Lena fiercely, but how do I do that and not hurt her in the end. Especially when I don’t want it to end at all.
Why is this so ha
rd?
With my heart in my throat, I walk toward the house, and when I round the corner, I find her at the top of the stairs.
I feel as if I’m going to pass out from her beauty.
“I almost thought you were standing me up!” she calls down to me, but I can’t move.
She stuns me.
Her black dress is long-sleeved and hugs her to her waist before flowing to the floor. The deep vee of the front dips to the right above her navel, showing off hints of her superb chest. The contrast of the black against her pale skin is striking. Her hair is down in huge curls, while her makeup is smoky and dramatic with a dark red on her plump lips. Diamonds drip from her like she was dipped in them, but even with every distraction of her gorgeous body, it’s her eyes that apprehend and imprison me.
“Holy fuck, Lena, really?”
Her plump lips purse as she walks slowly down the stairs. “What?”
“You’re gorgeous, and I’m supposed to keep my hands off you?”
She scoffs. “Who said anything about keeping hands off anyone?”
Coming to me, she cups my jaw in her hand before bringing me down for a lusty kiss. “I want to tear this suit off ya and have my way with ya—now. You’s a mighty fine man, Jackson Tremblay.”
But I can only shake my head. “I don’t even think I can hang with you.”
She rolls her eyes. “Shut it. I think we look great together. Heya, Tony.”
I look to where she has called to see a group of guys. Lena comes in close, setting her hand to my chest, and of course, I wrap my arm around her middle, looking down at her in awe. “Don’t we look grand together?”
A grin comes over Tony’s face. “Perfection, madam.”
“Told ya,” she says with a sneaky little grin. “I may not let ya take this suit off, ever.”
I grin down at her. “I want you out of that dress.”
“Naughty, naughty.” She laughs as she kisses my jaw before stepping away from me and going to Tony. “Take a photo, please?”
“Of course.”
When she turns, coming back to me, sashaying suggestively, I’m breathless. I reach for her, bringing her in as I gaze into her eyes. She sends me a grin before pressing her hand back to my chest and looking at the camera. But I can’t. I just want to look at her.
“Sir, right here.”
She looks up at me, laughing. “Stop staring at me!”