The black-painted brick of the venue was fading and chipped, kind of like my heart. I knew eventually someone would shock it back to life. I was done feeling this dark cloud surrounding me. As much as I was hoping this tour was going to be a welcome distraction, it was proving to be harder for me than I could have anticipated.
I felt the need to go into seclusion and sweat out whatever was eating at me. I was over being a downer. I would find the cure to picking up the pieces. So what if what I thought was my life unraveled in front of me in a matter of days? It's obvious that it wasn't my intended destination. I still had more than most people. Most important, I had my family and friends. I owed it to them to stick it out and do my best on this tour.
And with my mind set, I killed it that night.
After the show, backstage was in full party swing. Booze and girls were everywhere. Grabbing a beer, I took one of the only available seats next to a girl with long black hair. She eyed me skeptically. I returned the gaze, contemplating striking up a conversation. She chewed on the corner of her bottom lip. Most girls back here were brazen. Even the occasional cat fight broke out over getting attention.
Deciding the silence was awkward, I turned to her and put my free hand out. "Hi, I'm Kevin."
She placed her hand out and shook mine. "Holly, with an I."
"Well, Holli with an I, it's nice to meet you. Are you enjoying yourself?"
"I'm babysitting my younger sister, Jess," she said with an eye roll.
"Oh." Yeah, I had met Jess earlier. She was taking turns making out with Joel and Mason at the moment.
"Don't worry, she's legal. Barely." She looked at her hand and started chewing at her thumbnail.
Deciding I wasn't cut out for this tonight, I excused myself and headed for the bus. I knew there was a good chance if I tried to pursue Holli with an I that I could have had her do the walk of shame; I just wasn't up for it yet.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CURE MY TRAGEDY
KEVIN
After a long, grueling tour, we finally made it back to Smithville. I was never more grateful for the Tempurpedic mattress I was currently lying on. Since getting back, Zach reconciled with Peyton. They were spending all their free time together, and their sex cut off was midnight from now on. That girl was a fucking screamer. I could appreciate a good orgasm just as much as they next guy, but the whole neighborhood didn't need to know your business. It was a conversation I was hoping to avoid, but I liked my sleep.
Tomorrow was Thanksgiving and like every big holiday, we'd all be over at the Parker's. I thought about flying home to Phoenix, but my parents decided to take a last minute African safari. It was just as well. It would have been nice to see Kennedy and Sky, along with enjoy some warmer weather but this was home now.
Wanting to attempt to make something for dessert, I got up and headed to the grocery store. Biggest mistake. Ever. You would think that the zombie apocalypse was coming. People were arguing over marshmallows, potatoes and turkey. Who waits until the night before to get a damn turkey anyway? With my small list in hand, I grabbed a box of Golden Grahams, a bag of chocolate chips, and a bag of marshmallows. I all but sprinted to the front of the store to check out. The lines were wrapped around the entire front end, so I decided to go to customer service and pray that they would ring up my three things.
An elderly lady, who had to be at least eighty, sat there counting out change for her brown paper bag of food. I was growing impatient. Leaving the house today had been a bad idea.
"Ma'am, you still don't have enough." The pizza-faced, teenaged boy behind the courtesy desk said.
The elderly women reached into the bag and started taking things out. As annoyed as I was becoming, I was not going to let that happen. Positioning everything under my arm, I pulled out my wallet. Taking out five, crisp, one-hundred dollar bills, I tapped her shoulder and handed them to her.
"I think these fell out of your wallet."
Shock spread across her face. "I can't accept this," she cried.
Playing it off, "I don't know what you're talking about. It was on the ground. I saw it fall out of your wallet."
Looking like she wanted to say more, "thank you, Son."
She handed the money to the kid and put her things back in the bag. Her hand reached up and touched the side of my face before walking away. It was close to the other holidays, and I hoped it would help her get something for herself, or someone she loved.
"Yeah, that totally didn't fall out of her wallet." He said annoyed.
"Listen, you're young. You probably hate working here, but you don't know her story. Just like you don't know my story. You shouldn't walk around being so judgmental. You'll miss out on a lot."
I could already tell he wasn't going to heed my advice, and it was too bad. "That will be $9.94."
I handed him a ten dollar bill, took my bag and walked away.
As I was turning trying to get out of the way a blonde stopped and grabbed my arm. Confused, I looked at her. She was probably the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. Her touch sent a jolt through me. Damn static shock.
"I saw what you did. I wish there were more people like you. Happy Thanksgiving."
And just like that she was gone.
The next day, I got ready and with s'mores bars in hand, I made my way across the lawn. Even though I wouldn't eat the ham or turkey, I was slowly introducing foods I didn't usually eat back into my system. The main reason I went vegan was because Bryn was, so it made eating easier. Sliding the door open, I headed straight for the kitchen.
Aubrey was flitting from one end to the other looking awesome in a cream colored sweater dress and black leggings. She still had her platinum, black and pink hair. It was her signature look. Knowing her, she'd probably still be rocking it at Granny Jean's age.
The massive kitchen island was set up with three warming stations. She had chalkboard signs in front of each saying what was inside. You would think we were feeding an army, I guess in a way we were. She had green beans, glazed carrots and pearl onions in one. Next were mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese and cauliflower gratin. The last was all the meat. White meat, dark meat and ham. Baskets sat filled with rolls, bowls filled with stuffing and boats filled with gravy.
Since last year was such a disaster, everything being passed from person to person, she opted to go buffet style this year. Plates and bowls sat at the far end. The counter was lined with decadent desserts. Cheesecakes, pumpkin pie, apple pie, brownies, cookies, and petit fours. Jake came and stood behind me. He had that look in his eye. Only two things gave him that look, Aubrey, and food.
The twins ran around the dining room, which had an extra table set up since most of the GT guys would be joining us too. Jameson had his hair in a faux hawk and was a mini, spitting image of Jake. He had on these wicked plaid pants with a white shirt, black sweater vest and skull and cross bone suspenders. He playfully chased Violet in her gray and pink polka dot dress. Her pigtails bounced with each leap.
At that moment, realization hit me. Was this what I was missing in my life? Getting so freaked out at the thought of becoming a dad almost seemed laughable now. If Jake and Blake can do it and love it, there's no way it wouldn't be the same for me. Eventually, with the right girl, all of this would be in the cards for me too. For some reason, the face of the blonde in the grocery store popped into my head.
"What a year, huh?" Jake joked.
"You can say that again."
He clapped me on the shoulder. "I don't know what it will be yet, but something big is going to happen to you. Just a gut feeling."
He left me and went to grope Aubrey.
Within an hour, the tables were filled, along with plates piled high. Jake sat at the head of the table, holding up his beer in a toast.
"This year we have a lot to be thankful for. First and foremost for my exceptional, very sexy wife. She's been working around the clock to prepare all this food. For being able to give our old label a big 'ole middle
finger and start up Ripped Legging Records. For the guys at GT for giving us the opportunity to sign them. And to friends turned family. I fucking love you guys! Let's eat."
It was mostly quiet, except for the sounds of everyone eating. Scanning the table with a mouthful of mashed potatoes, Derek was being affectionate with Joss. Blake was shooting him looks. Piper kept leaning over and whispering in his ear. Whatever it was seemed to please and calm him. Austin sat on my right and started doing the same thing out of humor, earning chuckles from all around.
Sometimes the weak become the strong. It was a long road getting here, but I finally realized who I wanted to become. All I needed to do was believe in myself a little more and let things fall into place.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
FIGHT INSIDE
I've done my best to get to a better mental state over the past couple weeks. Feeling somewhat renewed and accomplished, I still had one thing left to do. Christmas shopping. With that in mind, I got dressed and trekked to the mall.
Turning the key, the engine roared to life and Seether blared through the speakers. After finding an available spot, which wasn't an easy feat two weeks before Christmas, I made my way to the automatic doors of hell. I shouldn't say that, under normal circumstances, I didn't mind shopping. Sometimes I even enjoyed it, but this year was different. With the holidays quickly approaching, I was starting to feel the void of being alone. There were far worse things than being alone, but I wanted someone in my life. I craved it. Thirty was coming up fast, and all the other guys were settling down.
Making my way from store to store finding what was on everyone's list and then some, I decided to hit Bath and Body Works to get some pampering stuff for the ladies in my life. Also known as the guy's wives and girlfriends. The saleswomen handed me a bag to fill, and I started smelling the different lotions, sprays, and washes. Nonchalantly, I filled it up before accidently bumping into someone standing behind me. I nearly dropped the bag when I saw Bri standing there.
She stood there tapping her foot and rolling her eyes. "Gah, what is it with you and bumping into people? First with your stupid bus and now with your big body." Despite her outward annoyance, a small hint of a smile played on her lips.
"Maybe it's you always being in the way," I smirked. "What are you doing in my town anyway?"
"I live here now too. I sold my grandpa's house and moved in with my cousin, Madison." She motioned to a taller blonde on the other end of the store.
Holy shit. No fucking way! It was her! The girl from the grocery store that I couldn't get out of my head was none other than Bri's fucking cousin. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my entire face. To me, she was the most gorgeous girl I ever laid eyes on. There was just something about her. She put off these calming, sincere vibes that I was receptive to. And that was what I felt in the ten second encounter we had.
Her long legs went on for miles, as she sauntered over to where we were standing. Her megawatt smile made my heart skip a beat. I think I just fell in love. Not really, but I had definitely been lusting after her in my head for weeks now.
Wearing leggings and a North Face hoodie with her hair pulled up into a messy bun, she still carried herself well.
"Madison, meet Kevin. He's the one that rear ended me at Starbucks with his stupid bus. He's also the guitarist of Battlescars, which he neglected to tell me. I'm still not sure whether he hides bodies." She gestured her hands in introduction. "Kevin, Madison."
I extended my hand. "So nice to meet you."
Recognition slowly crept across her face. "Likewise," she smiled.
Those fucking eyes, man. They could make a man do crazy things. Trying to prolong in any way possible, I devised a plan.
"So...I'm pretty much finished shopping, and I'm famished. Could I interest you lovely ladies in lunch? My treat."
Bri shot daggers at me, but luckily for me Madison smiled and nodded.
"I'm so hungry. You read my mind! This shopping shit is exhausting."
Grumbling something under her breath, Bri plastered on a fake smile and walked with us to the register. I placed the bag on the counter and watched the total keep going up and up. Damn, this shit was expensive.
Three hundred and four dollars later, we were on our way to Jack's Grill It was one of the nicer, sit-down places without leaving the mall. I thought about bringing all my shit to the car, but I feared Bri might talk Madison into making a run for it, and I just couldn't risk it. I held my hand out to take the handful of bags that Madison had been carrying. She handed them over with a smile and thanked me. I wondered if she bought someone a bowling ball because one of these bags was fucking heavy.
She strode next to me, keeping pace with her long legs. She chatted happily about how nice it was to have Bri living with her. Madison just started a job interning at a law firm and was waiting for her test scores to come back from taking the bar exam. Smart and pretty, exactly my type.
Involuntarily, my dick twitched. I was not expecting this reaction. The entire tour and weeks since, I've had little to no sex drive, but this girl was like a shock to my system. I loved the way she moved her hands around when she spoke, and the little dimple right next to her left cheek that was prominent when she smiled. It wasn't one of those fake smiles; it was pure soul-searing, genuine, angels weeping, fucking dazzling. I was never a believer in love at first sight, but Madison may have just changed that. The energy that flowed between us was electric.
I held the door to Jack's open with my free hand and followed them inside. Of course, it was busy, but it just meant more time with her, and Bri. I didn't get what her deal was. Not wanting her to feel like a third wheel and knowing we were going to be waiting a while, I texted Austin telling him to get his ass here. Stat. His reply was almost instant, informing me that he had just walked in the mall and would be here momentarily.
After we had got back from touring, Zach reconciled with Peyton, at least for the time being, so he was staying with her. It seemed like the obvious choice to have Austin move into the spare room at the guest house. We had become close and now I thought of him as one of my best friends.
When he strode in, the look on his face when he saw Madison made me want to growl. As if he sensed it, he looked at me then at her, then back at me and gave me a knowing look of approval. If he only knew in the fifteen minutes, I've been with her that I knew I would marry her one day. Bold statement, I know, but oh so true. I introduced him to the girls and was surprised when Bri seemed to be a little warmer toward him. I wasn't so sure she had it in her to be receptive towards anyone. The thought made me laugh.
The hostess called us and led us over to a booth by the window. Snow was starting to fall and the holiday season just took and unexpected turn. Maybe this was the reason for my encounter with Bri all along.
Bri slid in next to Austin, and I slid in next to Madison. We had browsed through the extensive menu selection before I decided I was ready to make some more changes. I was getting a burger. Not just any burger, a big, greasy bacon, cheddar burger, and a chocolate shake. I'd lost a few pounds from being on the road and being in a funk, and I was ready to take back my life.
I was ready to be the new improved Kevin, mixed with a little of the old. This had been a year of revelations for me. Some good, some not so much, but all of which were making me a person I was proud of. I spent way too many wasted years striving to fill voids, fit in where I didn't, and for what? I wasn't happy, it was a mask that I kept firmly in place afraid of being who I was. I was different. I embraced different. I liked to be a little on the edge, but a safe enough distance away that I didn't hurt myself or others around me. That didn't exactly work out well in the past, but I knew better now.
For the first time in my life, I was ready to live for me on my own terms. With any luck, I'd have the beautiful girl sitting next to me by my side.
MADISON
Holy shit! Sweaty palms, racing pulse, inability to think straight. What the hell was wrong with me? F
rom the second I locked eyes with Kevin, it was like my entire universe shifted. I couldn't believe I saw him again. The day before Thanksgiving, I had run out to get more eggs for my mom. I was using the courtesy checkout to avoid the long lines of cart filled maniacs. He did the sweetest thing, and it stuck with me. In a way, it restored a little bit of my faith in humanity. Going to law school and seeing some of the things I've seen, it can make you cynical at times. I've thought about him a few times since then, and now he was sitting next to me.
As a girl that's always been somewhat timid around guys, I couldn't seem to shut up around him. There was an instant level of connection and comfort with him. I wanted to sit and spill my guts to him. Again, so not my MO. All my life I've been focused and driven. I hit a few bumps, but managed to overcome them and come out stronger. My biggest achievement so far was graduating with honors from law school. It was something I wanted to do ever since I was little. Since I couldn't stand the sight of blood and wanted to help people, law seemed like the next best option.
As we all ordered our lunches, I ordered what Kevin was having and was curious about the look Austin was giving him. Maybe he was diabetic or something? Kevin explained that he used to be a vegan and that he was over eating tofu for a living. Laughing, I touched his arm and felt a jolt travel through my system.
Seriously Mads, get your shit together. You're going to scare him.
We spent over three hours sitting there, eating and talking. I didn't want it to end. What happened if he didn't want to see me again after tonight? My gut clenched at the thought. I pulled out a receipt from Victoria's Secret and scrawled my number down, triple checking to make sure it was legible. Sliding my hand next to his, I placed it in his palm. He closed his hand around mine, and I felt home. It was crazy. Even in my head it felt insane, insanely right.
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