by Roberts, Liz
She’s not here. Casey had expected her to be here, on the roof, where they would have their nightly talks. For some reason this bothered Casey, and instead of following his instincts and staying away, he sought Jill out. He wandered the sleeping store, outside around and by the gates, he even asked a few people if they’d seen her. After some pointing in the right direction he spotted her, sitting over in the lumber yard on a stack of 2 x 4’s, with her feet dangling over, just looking down with her head in her hands.
“What gives?” Casey said as soon as he was within distance. Jill had obviously been in deep thought because she was clearly startled by his shout.
“Oh …nothing.” She croaked out a voice barely audible. A slight drizzle had begun, but they were covered by the lumber shelters.
“You weren’t on the roof.” Casey stated this obvious fact and regretted it right away.
“I just had to walk around some. No biggie.” Jill said looking back down at her feet.
Casey could feel himself asking the question, one he knew he didn’t want the answer too. Why oh why did he have to set himself up like this.
“What’s wrong?” He said before he could stop himself. Praying to god Jill would give the normal woman response and say nothing.
“I just had a bad dream is all.” She said.
“About what?” Casey mentally kicked himself again.
“Do you really want to know?” Jill giving Casey the out he was looking for, because she didn’t want to talk about it anymore than he wanted to listen.
“I wouldn’t have asked otherwise.” Stupid stupid stupid, Casey repeated in his head.
“I just have issues I guess, like most people left alive today.” She was quiet again, and Casey came to sit next to her and just waited.
“Its survivor’s guilt, I guess you could say. Everything, why am I here and not someone else? I’m sure you lost someone close to you, a girlfriend, a wife, how do you not look at me and think why is she here when the person I loved is not.” Jill finished and they were quiet again. Casey couldn’t believe Jill had said what he had thought many times over, not just in reference to her, but countless others. It just didn’t seem fair. Whole families had survived, why not his. It made him feel like he wasn’t good enough, like he didn’t deserved to live. The rain started coming down pretty steady, they could really use it too.
“Now you’re quiet. I’m sorry, I upset you. I’ll just go now.” She said and started to rise.
“No wait, at least until the rain slows.” He grabbed her arm to keep her seated. “You’re partly right, I’ve had those thoughts before, but more about myself than anyone.” Casey couldn’t elaborate further, he felt too many emotions all at once suddenly and couldn’t talk. “So what was your dream about?” he asked quickly.
“Always the same. I’m running, . . never fast or far enough. Then it switches, and I’m home.” She was quiet. “I go running into the house. Every time, it’s the same way. I see my family, their skeletal remains posed in positions as if they were alive still.” A tear went down Jill’s cheek. “Then I’m in that house again. It’s cold and dark, I’m all alone, that man has been shot, and his dead eyes stare right through me and his wife is nowhere around. And it’s not that wife those creeps are dragging out of there, it’s me, and I’m screaming.” She looks up at the ceiling and uses hands to try and get the emotion out. “Screaming for her to help me, and I can see her hiding in the bushes, watching this happen. Why doesn’t she help me, I keep thinking.” Jill was quiet again, they both were. “Please say something.” She asked Casey.
“Are your folks dead?”
“I don’t know. We lost contact a couple days after the initial chaos. I was in California on a business trip. I’ve been trying to get home ever since. It’s taken a long time obviously but I’ll make it one day.” They were looking at each other, clearly both wanting to say something, but what could you say.
“What about you? How did you end up here?” Jill asked, now feeling raw from having spilt her guts about her inner demons. Stuff she hadn’t told anyone ever, because there was just no one to talk to about stuff like this before. This particular question though, was the wrong question to ask Casey, and she knew it right away. Immediately she could see his shoulders hunch up a bit and his face turn grim.
“There’s nothing to tell.” He said in a surly manner. Jill immediately understood what was happening, he was done with her, she hoped up off the wood pile.
“Got it. Enough said.” Jill now visibly upset, feeling slightly foolish for what she thought was happening but clearly wasn’t, she got up and started to walk in the rain back towards the building where she would go and lock her door, put her pillow over her head and scream in embarrassment and frustration.
“Wait Jill don’t leave upset.” Casey said halfheartedly. Not really putting much effort to call her back, what would he say to her? While it was great talking to her, hearing her stories about surviving and the occasional antic dotes about growing up, he didn’t want to get into his past or talk about his family. He just didn’t understand why it was such a big deal, discussing one’s past. Tom or Kurt never made it an issue. Why her? And why was it bugging him that she was upset now because of his holding back.
Chapter 3
Days continued to roll by, it had almost been a month since Jack arrived, and he really liked this place. Especially Meghan.
“Hey Meghan!” Jack came jogging up to her side. “What are you up to?”
“Loading the truck with supplies for the kitchen, green house, and Andy asked me to deliver some more of these propane tanks to the front gate.” She said as she was putting cans of soup and other mixed things in a box to load. “Did you want to help me?” Please let him say yes. She had been trying to get some sort of one on one time with Jack for a bit now. He was her age, kind of, and he was cute, what else was really around here? Plus he was funny, and nice, and Jill really liked him and that was a big endorsement in Meghan’s eyes.
“Oh yeah, sure no problem. Here let me lift those tanks, they look really heavy.” Jack said trying to take the tanks Meghan chose at that moment to lift also. Their hands brushed and Jack blushed right away.
“Thanks. You’re really sweet.” She said.
“Oh it’s nothing really. I just want to help where ever I can.” He replied. They continued working, stacking and talking, until finally the pickup truck was loaded.
“Now I’m off to make deliveries, did you want to come along for that?”
“Yeah sure.” And Jack hopped in to the passenger side of the truck. They drove over to the green house, with summer coming they were really surging on planting vegetables, and they had a nice little plot of area they were able to dig up the grass and use to plant bigger things like corn. After unloading the soil and seeds, they headed over to the main entrance. Andy and Mike were out there talking to a few other people. They seemed to be always strategizing, Jack really wanted to be a part of that. He felt like he could contribute decent ideas and help. They each got out of the truck and started unloading the newly refilled propane tanks.
“Here you guys go, is this enough or do you need us to make another trip?” Meghan was asking Mike while Jack continued to unload the back of the truck.
“No this looks good. Hey can you go grab those empties to refill?” Mike said pointedly to Jack. Jack kind of just stared at Mike for a minute and Mike gave a nod with his head to the side. Begrudgingly Jack went over to get the empties and had to walk out of earshot, he could tell by the Mike was leaning towards Meghan that there was possibly something between the two. Mike was tall, has some thick wavy blonde hair that apparently didn’t know there was zombie apocalypse because his hair always looked good. Like GQ good, he was slim like most but also muscular. Jack didn’t feel like he could compete with him, Mike had been caught up in the first explosion from the propane tanks, when the zombies breeched, he was on the roof above, and his only scars were on the inside. Something about all
the smoke inhalation and heat had messed with his vocal chords and it only improved him by giving him a deep gruff sexy voice, or so he had heard from most the women around.
As he came walking back he saw Meghan laughing at something Mike had just said, man did that burn him up. He loaded the tanks and slammed the tailgate shut hard.
“I’m done.” He said and got in the cab in an obvious huff. Meghan and Mike said good bye and they were off to the kitchen.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing.” Jack said in such a way that it was clear something was bothering him. They stopped at the kitchen, really just the backside loading docks of one of the pick’n’save, it was just easier getting things in this way. Jack unloaded in silence while Meghan chatted with the others helping. But she kept looking over to try and get Jack’s attention, he wouldn’t even make eye contact. Saying goodbyes and now off to return the truck, Jack slammed his door when they got back in. Meghan drove to a slightly secluded area and shut the car off.
“Ok what’s your deal?” She turned to ask Jack.
“Nothing.” Jack said yet again, but less surly as before.
“You know, if you didn’t feel like doing any of the work you didn’t have to come with me, it was completely voluntary.” She was now getting ticked that he was acting so immature and pouting.
“It’s not that.” He told her.
“Then tell me what it is?” She now demanded, irritated that this had gone on this far.
“I …” He started and stopped. Running his hand through his hair, she was still continuing to look at him, waiting for an answer.
He chuckled. “I’m stupid ok. I thought maybe something might happen … between you and I.” He said in a soft tone with a hint of embarrassment. “But when I saw you talking to Mike, it was clear. And I apologize for acting so stupid and huffy.” Sitting there in silence, Jack didn’t want to look over, he feared he’d see some form of pity from Meghan. Slowly she put her hand on his shoulder, Jack looked over at her, ready for rejection.
“What would make you think anything was going on between Mike and me?”
“Well, he was leaning.”
“What?” She asked incredulously. “Leaning? I’ve never heard of this before.”
“Guys lean, he was close to you, implying an intimacy between you guys.” Wow that was the last thing she expected Jack to say.
“Mike and I are just friends.” She said.
“Really?”
“Yeah.” Meghan scooted closer to Jack and started to lean in on him.
“What are you doing?” He asked.
“I’m leaning.” Meghan could see the wheels in his head spinning fast, she leaned farther forward and kissed him. It was just something innocent and quick, she stared at Jack waiting for some sort of reaction. Not totally sure what else to do, Jack leaned forward and kissed her.
Jill was finishing up loading lumber for a new project in to the bed of a truck when Vikki startled her.
“Oh! You scared me!” She put her hand on her chest.
“Sorry Jill. I just wanted to talk to you quick. I know you’ve been assigned to some inventory jobs with Cindi, I was just curious, have you noticed anything strange with her?” She was very concerned and couldn’t hide it.
“Actually she hasn’t shown up the last couple of times we were scheduled to work together.”
“Wait. What?” Jill was suddenly uncomfortable, and felt like she was ratting the girl out. But she really liked Vikki, she’d been nice to her since the day she arrived, she wasn’t going to cover for Cindi. Maybe a little motherly discipline would do her good.
“Yeah, she’ll either not show up at all or take off after I get there.” She had another bit of info, but she wasn’t sure if she should divulge or not. “And . .” She started and stopped. Vikki was waiting. “I’ve noticed Tyler seems to be lurking around a lot.” That’s all Vikki needed to hear. She was wondering about those two. She turned to walk away and stopped.
“Hey what’s going on with you and Casey, did you guys have a fight or something?” Jill blushed immediately.
“Why, what have you heard?”
“Oh nothing, but I just noticed you guys aren’t even talking.” She smiled at Jill. “And I’m not blind, I can see what’s happening between you guys.” She just continued smiling. Jill bent to finish her work and avoid eye contact with Vikki. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Come on Jill, I’m a woman, I know things. You can talk to me.” Jill stood and paused.
“I don’t know what’s going on. I thought one thing, but I guess I was wrong.” She took another pause. “He just doesn’t share things with me and it gets frustrating.” Another pause. “I guess I’ve just been away from human interaction too long. I don’t remember how the girl and guy dynamics work anymore.” Vikki put her arm around her.
“Oh no honey, he’d just been through a rough time like most, he just hasn’t had anybody to share stuff with. You know?” Jill kind of did. She shrugged and thanked Vikki.
“You come talk to me anytime, I’ll always listen.”
Mid-day was usually pretty full of hustle and bustle. Oscar was up in his usual posted area on the roof. Him and his crew had been pulling watch duty on and off for the past 48hrs. They’d take turns breaking briefly for sleep and food, but otherwise they were around the clock here. With the zombies increasing in number every day Oscar felt stressed. Casey was often up here with them, he was very impressed with Casey, having no military background he gave orders easily and followed them as well. It was no wonder people turned to him for guidance.
“How’s your day going?” Kurt carrying a plate asked Oscar.
“It’ll be better once the next shift starts. Man I’m tired, last night was rough.”
“I heard a pack of them came up through the tree line there and surprised you.”
“Man I was almost pissing my pants.” Oscar said jokingly. “What you got there?” He inquired about the plate Kurt was holding.
“Oh it’s what was for lunch. They made dough and attempted pizza with the fresh tomatoes. Do you know parmesan doesn’t seem to really ever expire?” Kurt said as they took a couple of seats, handing Oscar the plate of pizza their fingers brushed, and Kurt did his best not to react. Most everyone already had a break, now it was Oscars’ turn. He just wanted him to be comfortable and get some rest, not worry about his own over active imagination.
“So I heard you’re going out with them on the run.” Oscar asked while taking a large bite of pizza.
“Yup, it’s my turn, Tom is staying behind on this one. Why do you ask? Gonna miss me?” Kurt tried to keep it light and joking, but secretly he did want to know how Oscar would feel.
“I heard the kid is going too.” That’s how Jack was slowly becoming known amongst the older people, the kid. “What about the Barbarella? She going?”
Kurt laughed. “Are referring to Jill?”
“Of course, who else?” Oscar asked clearly shocked Kurt didn’t like his description of Jill. Kurt was still chuckling. “No. Last I heard Casey wants her to stay put.”
“Why?”
“No idea.”
“Come on, tell me. You can’t shit a shitter Kurt. There’s nothing that doesn’t happen in this place that you don’t know about.”
“Well….. my theory is Casey has the obvious hots for her and can’t bring himself to admit it. I being a close personal friend of both already know she likes him.”
“She told you that?”
“Not in so many words, but it’s obvious.” They guys were interrupted by squawking on Oscars’ radio.
“Hey Oscar, Lucy here.” His radio chimed in.
“Go ahead.”
“You said you wanted updates on JT, well they are over by the cars now, and seem to be having a pretty heating conversation.” The radio crackled.
Kurt was listening to her and gave Oscar a questioning look.
“Can you see w
hat they were doing?”
“Yeah they were looking in all the cars” there was a long pause. “Call me crazy, but it’s as if they were looking to buy, if you know what I mean.”
“10-4. Keep an eye out, make Ben aware too.” They both signed off.
“So who’s JT and why are you spying on them?” Kurt asked.
“Jeff and Tyler. There’s something about those guys. The way they have girls around them, always asking questions, seem to be creeping around here. Casey told me to keep an eye on them. So I am.”
“What was she meaning, looking to buy?”
“I think they’re trying to decide on which car they would like to take for their trip outta here.”
“Oh I didn’t know they were going anywhere.” Kurt didn’t remember hearing anything about them leaving.
“Oh they’ll be going somewhere, can’t guarantee it’ll be there choice either.” Oscar chugged up his water, thanked Kurt for the break and got back to work.
“Where are you going?” Casey said exasperated.
“NO where!” Jill said over her shoulder, trying to get back into the main building and away from Casey.
“Wait Jill, this is stupid, can’t I apologize? I thought we were just talking the other night.” Casey said trying to get her to stay, or at least slow down. It had been days, since there argument from the other night, and Casey didn’t like this strain between them.
“Fine. Its fine, you don’t have to tell me anything. I just thought we were becoming friends. I just thought… . nothing.” She shook her head. “Because I’m stupid.” She was now moving fast across the lot, just hoping to make a quick get away from the awkward situation that seemed to be constantly following her around. Today started out so nice too, she helped with some planting, Andy had been showing her how to clean some of the guns and they talked about weapons. After evading Casey for a couple days, he’d finally tracked her down and instead of just forgetting about what happened he wanted nothing more than to talk about it. Deep down, she was ashamed of herself. She had been letting herself get carried away, with this place and with Casey, like she was playing house or something. She had started making friends here, and that was a bad idea.