She was so willing to ignore her own wounds in an effort to feel better.
Rodrigo wanted to laugh at how accurate that was. He’d been doing it since the day he’d been changed. He shoved aside his beast. Ignored its pleas and needs. All he wanted was to feel human again. He did everything in his power just to feel normal, to the point where his pain had festered while he wasn’t looking.
That was why he lost control.
Not because his beast was too strong or too frightening, but because he willfully ignored this new side of himself. It had to grow out of control, louder than life, just to be heard.
“I saved a few more years of pain, and you know it.” Rodrigo jammed his hands into his pockets. If he didn’t, he might be tempted to pull Lily in, to kiss her in an effort to show her how he felt.
Not yet. He scanned the parking lot, trying to see if anyone was watching them. Plenty of people in the drive thru watched like it was the only show on television. Lily threw them all a glare and spun on her heel.
Rodrigo didn’t know if he should follow or leave her alone. He had volunteered for this mission, to find the kidnapper. That was what he was supposed to be doing. Not falling for this small human woman. Their lives had intersected at the strangest time in his life. He was getting his beast under control, finding peace in her shadow, and yet having it all ripped to shreds by fear.
Fear of losing her.
Fear of failing his pack.
Rodrigo only wanted to prove that he could be trusted. His pack had done so much for him. Their patience, their perseverance when it came to his live, all meant so much to him. He’d wanted to do something selfless for them.
And now he was following his selfish heart. He walked beside Lily as she stalked down the street. He noted that the cup in her hand wasn’t from the coffee shop they’d left. It was for a local business downtown.
“Look, I have a job I’m supposed to be doing…”
“Then go do it,” Lily snapped.
“Wow, I feel the love.”
It was a joke, but she quickly became defensive. “I don’t love you. I couldn’t…”
“There’s still time for that,” he warned her. “I think I could make you fall in love with me and forget all about what’s-his-dick.”
This brought a laugh out of her, but she seemed to realize that it was inappropriate because she covered her mouth with her hand and cut him a sidelong glare. He grinned back, hoping the tense moment had passed.
***
Lily had given him one chance already.
She bit her lip. Too much was going on all at once. She couldn’t deny her attraction to Rodrigo, but she had so much history with Brock. If only they could get on the same page, then they might be able to make things work.
But it would never be anything like the chemistry she felt around Rodrigo.
Would that flame flash hot and bright only for a short while? Or would it burn eternally like the happily ever after in romance books? There was no way to know. She couldn’t foresee the future or read the stars. She didn’t even know if fate was real or if everyone bumbled through life until they found someone to attach themselves to.
Her loneliness became crushing again. All she wanted was to know that she was loved. Her family was no help. Her dad had passed away from lung cancer years ago. Her mother had developed a drinking problem and pushed all of her children to different points of the country. Lily had siblings in other states, but she hadn’t heard from them in such a long time that they felt more like past roommates than siblings.
“I think I’d fall for anyone who would give me attention,” she confessed, feeling tears begin to close her throat. “But I can’t endure the fallout when that attention is gone.”
He sighed, a deep sound filled with emotion she couldn’t understand. She wished he would just use his words. If he would tell her what he wanted, then maybe she would know how to navigate their chemistry. Until then, she tried to keep space between them. If he ran away again, she wouldn’t know what to do.
“I don’t think it’s about the attention,” Rodrigo said, his voice soft between them. He reached and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. It was such a gentle gesture that made her stomach do backflips.
She shrugged, trying not to let her heart lead her into disaster again.
Rodrigo looked up, eyes narrowed as he thought. When he looked back at her, a grin had split over his face. There was a dimple in one cheek. Just one. She wanted to touch it, to feel the indent with her finger and know that grin was because of her.
“There’s still time left in the day. How about we try to have a little fun. I’ve been working too hard anyway.”
“I’m not sure if I’m going to like your definition of fun.” Lily was hesitant.
But Rodrigo was already forging ahead. He stopped and turned back, beckoning her forward. She felt the moment like a hinge. If she stepped forward, it would be into a new life. If she stepped back, things would remain the same. Going back, her life would be familiar, if a little broken, but going forward would be new and frightening. And oh, so exhilarating.
“So? What do you say? Do you want to make the best of your day off?” He grimaced. “I’m assuming that it’s your day off, but you might have to work soon.”
She shook her head. “No. No work for me today.”
“Great! Then it’s decided. We’re going to the batting cages.” He turned away from her, already marching toward his destination.
“The what?” She shouted and chased after him.
Chapter Nine
Lily certainly wasn’t dressed for this.
Rodrigo was folded around her back, his arms along hers and his hands over hers as she gripped the baseball bat. A machine whirred and she tensed. Rodrigo must have felt it because he laughed.
“If you’re not sure you can hit it, don’t be afraid to let it fly past you.” His breath whispered over her ear and sent a chill down her spine.
The machine spat out a white ball. It raced toward her, cutting through the air. She tensed but had no idea when she should swing.
Now?
…
Now?
Rodrigo flinched. She swung. The ball glanced off the edge of her baseball bat and soared into the net above. She yelped and cowered when it came raining back down. Rodrigo laughed and swatted the ball away with his bare hand.
“Oh sure. You’re a big strong shifter. You’re not afraid of a baseball.”
“I’ve been hit with plenty of baseballs in my life,” he told her. “All before I was changed. I played in high school. Even got my team to regional championships.”
“That’s pretty impressive. Why did you stop playing?”
He turned away from her, halfheartedly swinging the bat in the air. His gaze was on the floor, his mind probably somewhere other than the netted cage. She wanted to apologize, but the words stuck in her throat. It was like the air around them was suspended. She didn’t know how to move forward, and she definitely couldn’t take it back.
“It wasn’t the change, if that’s what you’re thinking,” he said. He turned to her. A jolt of electricity raced through her when their eyes met. “I had a rough couple of years after graduation. Fell in with the wrong crowds and got a few notches on my record. Colleges didn’t want me after that. No college exposure, no big leagues.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. It didn’t feel like enough. She could have commiserated, could have spoken about her mother’s descent into alcoholism or her fear of student loans that kept her from college.
“Whatever,” Rodrigo continued with a shrug. “That path brought me here. I’m pretty happy with where I am.”
He beamed down at her, like she was the only thing he could see. It brought a heat to her cheeks that made her grin like a fool. She turned away because she couldn’t do anything else to hide the smile. Rodrigo probably meant that he was happy with his pack or with his current job. He didn’t mean he was happy here with her.
She stared down the machine and heard it whir again. “Nope. Not at all.”
He shook his head, his smile never disappearing. He stepped up to the plate and years of practice took over, directing his posture. The tip of his toe hit the pressure plate that summoned another ball. The machine spit at him. The resounding ring of the ball against the bat reverberated through the small space. She sat, stunned.
The ball disappeared.
Rodrigo held his hand over his eyes to shield them from the sun as he tracked the ball. Could he see farther than the average human? Did he know where his ball would land?
“I don’t know if this is considered rude, but I don’t know what your animal shape is,” Lily began. “Are you the kind of creature to chase a ball?”
She tossed a baseball in her hand, the one she’d failed to hit any further than where they were standing. It wasn’t that she wanted him to shift and play fetch, but she wanted to know more about the man she was with. They’d swapped spit already. It was fair that she learned a bit more about him.
“I wasn’t, ah, graced with a conventional beast. The pack has a number of bears and wolves. That would have been nice.”
“If you told me you could shift into, say, a Komodo dragon, then I’d consider that weird. I don’t think you’re cold blooded, though. You don’t come off that way.” She took him in, trying to see past the man before her to see what could lay inside.
“I’ll give you five guesses. If you can’t figure it out in five guesses, then I will never tell you.”
“That seems kind of unfair. What if this date evolves into a lifelong affair? You won’t tell me even on your deathbed when you’re old and have lived a full life beside me?”
He seemed stricken by her words. Then, a slow smile curled over his lips, as if he stepped into the hypothetical image and liked what he saw.
“Alright. Do I get to ask a few questions then?”
“Go ahead and do you best. I can almost guarantee that you won’t figure it out.” He tapped the pressure plate and the machine spat out another ball.
While Lily considered her course of action, Rodrigo hit three more balls into the distance. The company was never getting those balls back, but the consecutive balls were hit with much more practiced precision. Like he was learning just how much muscle to put behind each swing so that he appeared more human.
“Let’s start with the obvious,” Lily said. “Is your beast a mammal?”
Rodrigo nodded and hit another ball. Lily tilted her head to the side. That really didn’t narrow down her selection by much.
“Is your beast a predator?” That was a dumb question. She’d never heard of a shifter that wasn’t. Then again, she was just a human who happened to live around shifters. That didn’t mean she knew anything about them. There could be squirrel shifters for all she knew.
Though she highly doubted it. And Rodrigo didn’t look like his massive form could become anything smaller than what he already was. Whatever was hidden inside him had to be a large creature. With teeth. With a predatory instinct.
His attention was on her now. She was mesmerized by his eyes and the way they focused on her. As if she was the only person in the whole world. He had a knack for making her feel unique, like he could search the world over and would never find anything quite like her.
She tried to summon another question, but her throat wouldn’t work. Not while he approached her. She had to tilt her head back to look up at him.
“Yes, I’m a predator.”
She could tell. He looked like he wanted to eat her whole. Lily thought she might not mind being his snack.
“What country is your beast from?”
He laughed. “That’s not a yes or no question.”
“You never stated that they had to be yes or no questions.”
Their knees were touching now. Lily hopped up to sit on the ledge behind her, and he pushed forward to stand between her legs. His heat washed out over her. It reminded her of the summer sun, even though there was little light under the canopy above.
“Fine, but you won’t like the answer.”
She frowned. Her hands gravitated toward his chest. She couldn’t escape his warmth. She soaked it in and felt each muscle relax in his presence. Muscles that had been tight for years suddenly loosened. It was like taking a deep breath for the first time.
“You can find my beast in parts of Europe, Asia, and Africa.” There was a glint of mischief in Rodrigo’s eyes.
“That is…quite a large span of area. You said you’re not a bear or a wolf already, so I can cross those off the list.” But what did that leave her with? Lily was woefully lacking in her understanding of geography. Even worse when it came to the animals that lived there.
She knew lions lived in Africa and that there were tigers in Asia, but she didn’t think there was a feline inside Rodrigo. It was in the way he moved. It wasn’t languid, but purposeful. She would have said wolf had it not been for his earlier admission.
Still, Lily was drawing a blank. What kind of predators lived in all three continents?
Rodrigo was leaning into her. His hands travelled up her thighs. Her brain scrambled. The list of animals she’d drafted scattered into nothing when his breath washed over her shoulder.
How was it that she’d considered getting back together with Brock earlier when this was still a possibility? Everything about Rodrigo made her feel alive. Not just that, but that she was alive for a purpose. Every atom of her being was supercharged when Rodrigo was near. For what purpose, she still didn’t understand.
She put a hand out to stop him just as his lips were about to reach hers. She was already breathless and had to fight for air. “I’m supposed to guess what your beast is.”
“You can do that later.” He placed a hand over hers and she could feel her resistance melting.
She shook her head and tilted her chin up so she could look at him. Her eyes sparkled with more mirth than he’d ever seen in her before. It was glorious, sending a thrill through him because he knew he was the cause of it. He was the reason she smiled and laughed. The way she leaned into him told him he was capable of doing something good.
Ever since his change, Rodrigo had only ever craved blood and violence. It made him a great bouncer at the bar, but he felt the stain of blood on his palms and the bruises of his shattered knuckles. It weighed on him until he wondered if his soul was capable of anything else.
In Lily’s presence, when she smiled like that, he was capable of anything.
But he couldn’t kiss her. Not yet. Carol had returned and brought with her a danger that needed to be dealt with. This danger threatened to spill out into Rodrigo’s life and take away from him the one thing that gave him hope. He didn’t know how to tell her without frightening her and taking away every bit of safety she’d ever felt in her own town.
He couldn’t do that. Not any more than he could kiss her.
Rodrigo forced himself to step back. Confusion flickered over Lily’s features. She nodded and turned away from him, pulling her thin kimono tighter around her body. It pained him to watch her shut down like that. Every word he wanted to speak sat on the tip of his tongue, but he swallowed them back.
Her life was in danger because of him. He wasn’t going to go and make it any worse. Pain blossomed in his chest and threatened to sunder his heart. He’d endured worse, the change and the loss of his former life.
“Back to guessing your animal,” Lily muttered. Sadness hung around her like a grey cloud. Her eyes were distant, on something out in the field.
“You don’t have to guess. I could just tell you and save you…”
She held up her hand, lips pursed as she thought. Rodrigo wanted to leave and to go to her all at once. He didn’t know how to make this situation any easier. It was obvious she thought they were moving somewhere, particularly somewhere romantic. Each time they took a step int hat direction, Rodrigo had to rem
ind himself that he needed to find the kidnapper first.
The phone call threatening her life rang in his ears. The voice over the phone crept in and took up space in the back of his mind. While her confusion softened and faded, his panic reared its ugly head. She changed before his eyes, skin paling and turning blue. Blood washed over his vision and blanketed her body with bruises, clouding her eyes with the fog of death.
His stomach pinched tight. His breath came short. The beast in him rose and pushed toward the surface. It brought with it a needling sensation as it tried to break free of his skin. The only way they could protect her was with sharp claws and vicious teeth. Only the beast could protect her.
“I’m probably way off base here, but could your animal be a hyena?”
The world stopped. Rodrigo’s heart paused. Slowly, he turned toward her.
“What did you say?” Rodrigo straightened. His beast fell back until its voice was nothing more than a distant whisper.
Lily’s face screwed up with disappointment. “You’re right. That’s got to be wrong. I just can’t figure it out.”
He let out a laugh, mostly filled with relief but with a touch of disbelief. Her guess was uncanny. He had given her no real clues and yet she’d managed to hit the nail on the head as if she could see right through him. Could she also see why he had to pull away from her? That he wanted her with every ounce of his being, but feared losing her so much more?
“You’re right. I didn’t think anyone would even guess hyena, but you got it. You actually figured it out!”
Lily laughed with delight. Rodrigo wished he could play that sound on repeat. If he could find the kidnapper and stop him before Lily went back to her ex, then maybe there was a chance he could. He wanted to find out. Already, his heart swelled with affection for her.
Did she feel the same? Would she become his mate when all was said and done? When their town was safe again and he had the time to properly woo her?
He wouldn’t know until he finished his job.
The Hyena's Hope Page 7