“Why?” she whispered. “What did we do that was so bad?”
Ryan desperately wished he had answers for her, but he didn’t. So he did the only thing he could do. He held her while she cried, his heart breaking for her. He understood, sort of, what she was going through. His mother had died of breast cancer when he was small. He’d been confused for a long time, wondering why God would take his mother away.
He texted his dad, letting him know that he was going to stay with Cynthia tonight, then he toed off his shoes and slid into bed beside her, pulling the comforter over them both. She did manage to sleep, but woke up several times during the night crying. Every time, he tightened his arms around her, just holding her. He didn’t tell her that it would be okay. He knew that her life had changed forever today. Even if her father came back tomorrow, this night had still happened. Even years later, he sometimes got angry with God for taking his mother away. During those times, his dad would say to get angry with God, because God could take it. Yelling at God made him feel better, sort of, but it wouldn’t bring his mother back. Maybe God was doing the same thing during those times that he was doing for Cynthia right now. Ryan didn’t know if that would help Cynthia. Probably not at the moment.
Instead, he held her, running his fingers through her hair when she stirred. He knew that she loved it when he touched her hair. It seemed to soothe her tonight. Around two in the morning, he heard Cynthia’s mother slip into the room. She must have noticed his presence, but she didn’t say anything. She simply closed the door and walked to her own bedroom.
Chapter 5
Cynthia only stayed home from school for two days. The first night was the worst. She’d woken up in Ryan’s arms, remembered what had happened, and had burst into tears again.
By the third day, she got up and dressed, needing to get back to school. Needing to get back to her life. She wouldn’t let her father’s departure hurt her grades. As an honor role student, she took a great deal of pride in her grades. Besides, she needed the distraction.
“Are you sure, honey?” her mother asked warily. Mona was pale, with dark smudges under her eyes, as if she hadn’t slept much lately either.
School. Work. She needed to get back into her regular routine.
Cynthia forced herself to smile. “I’m sure. Dad’s gone. He hasn’t even called. It’s time to get back to school and life.” she announced, even though there was a small crack in her voice.
“I completely agree,” Mona replied, hugging her daughter close. A cloud of gravel dust kicked up outside the window. “Your chariot, my dear,” she said, referring to Ryan coming to pick her up for school.
Cynthia looked out through the window and smiled. “Yeah, he’s early. He probably has breakfast for me.”
Mona laughed as she watched her daughter leave. Cynthia was right. She needed to get back to her own life. No more moping around. Since Brian was gone, she had to get this place going. She needed to make some money too, or they’d go out of business. Previously, the mortgage had been paid off, but her ass of a husband had taken out another mortgage about six months ago, and it was already delinquent.
“First things first,” she said out loud.
Grabbing her purse, she picked up the papers she’d gathered and headed out. Five minutes later, she knocked on the door. The man looked up and smiled. “Hi there, Mona. Ready?”
Mona took in a deep breath and nodded. “Yes. Ready,” she whispered.
The sympathetic attorney smiled gently as he led the way into his office. “Good. We’re filing for separation. Colorado is a no-fault divorce state, so your husband’s abandonment won’t be considered during the divorce proceedings, but we will request full ownership of the bar in the settlement. I have to warn you though, that means that you accept full ownership of everything, including the debt.”
“Fine. Do it!” she said, ignoring the pain stabbing at her heart.
Chapter 6
One Year Later…
“I’ll be back this weekend,” Ryan promised.
Cynthia sniffed as she shook her head. “No Ryan. You need to focus on school.” He was leaving for the University of Colorado in Boulder. She’d had a good time with Ryan but their time together was over. Things always ended but…she sniffed again, fighting back tears. Some doors closed but others opened. Ryan had been her first love. The way she felt about Ryan…well, she’d get over him. Eventually.
She had to! Because this pain was really bad!
Ryan’s arms tightened around her and she held him close, savoring these last moments in his arms.
“Cynthia, I want to…”
Pulling back, she summoned all of her strength, trying to be strong to help him, as well as herself. “Ryan, you know that you’ll have football practices during the afternoons and games on the weekends. Plus you need to study. I’ll see you when you come home for breaks, okay?”
She could see that he wanted to argue, but she stood on tiptoe and kissed him. “This is goodbye, Ryan. We knew that this was going to happen. You have to go to college and you have to follow your plan, your dreams.”
He bent down low, trying to look into her eyes. “That doesn’t mean I want to break up with you,” he told her firmly. “I want to see you, Cyn. I’m just going to college, not leaving forever.”
She smiled through the tears. “I know. But you need to focus. Go off to school. I’ll be here at Christmas and during the summer months.” She knew that she wouldn’t, though. She had plans. She had to let Ryan go. It was for the best and they both knew it, he was just being stubborn about it. Holding on to the hope that they could work things out was ridiculous. He’d be around others who would give him more. Even though she loved him with all her heart and this was hurting her more than she’d thought possible, Cynthia knew that she wasn’t ready for sex. She and Ryan had…experimented. But they’d never had sex. With him being in college, he’d want that. His friends would tease him and he’d give in to peer pressure. Cynthia knew this was the way of the world and she had to let him grow and be himself.
“Go and find someone new,” she whispered to herself.
With that, she dove back into the car she’d borrowed from her mother and raced off, leaving him at his father’s house. Cynthia refused to look back. Not once did she look at Ryan in the rear view mirror. Instead, she stared straight ahead, ignoring the tears that slid silently down her cheeks.
It had been wonderful while it lasted, but her and Ryan were never meant to be, she told herself. The last year had been blissful.
She pulled over, furiously wiping tears from her eyes. She loved him more than she wanted to admit, and she didn’t know how to handle the pain of him leaving for college.
The University of Colorado was a wonderful school and Ryan was a great guy. He deserved to be unencumbered, no responsibilities or obligations back home
This was for the best, she repeated on a loop. She parked her mother’s car behind the bar, but instead of heading inside, she headed down the trail, then out to her favorite place in the mountains. It took over an hour of hiking to get there, but once she stepped through the trees and climbed up to the highest boulder, she sat down, looked out at the mountains and cried. Without anyone around to hear her, she cried her heart out, screaming about the unfairness of life and men, and hating that she’d fallen in love with Ryan. Why had he done this to her! Why couldn’t he just have let things go on as they had since kindergarten? She didn’t want to feel this! She didn’t want to hurt like this! Screaming again and again until her throat was raw, she tried to release the pain, to get it out of her system.
But nothing helped. Nothing worked! When she couldn’t scream anymore, she still felt the brutal ache in her heart. Love sucked! Love was miserable! Why had she gotten into his car that day? Why?!
For hours, Cynthia just stared at the mountains. When the sun began to set, she knew she’d have to hurry in order to get home. It was a bad idea to be out in the mountains in the dark. There were no
lights along a mountain trail and not even the moon or stars could penetrate the thick canopy of the Rocky Mountain forest.
The last portion of her hike was in almost total darkness. It was with relief when she saw the lights of Minneville up ahead. The bar was already packed with customers, both locals and tourists. There was still the mortgage to pay off and Cynthia did the accounting. But six months after her father had departed, they’d gotten things back to normal again and the sales kept increasing. Her mother’s divorce would be final within the next few weeks, and unless her father showed up to protest the divorce and settlement, the judge awarded all assets to her mother in the divorce. So there was a small silver lining after all.
“I’m back, Mom,” Cynthia called, poking her head into the kitchen.
Mona turned and smiled with relief, then hurried over, hugging Cynthia gently. “Are you okay?’ she asked softly.
Cynthia nodded. “Yeah. I’ll be okay.” Her throat hurt from crying and screaming. “I have a plan. Ryan needs to get on with his life and I need to live mine.”
Her mother pulled back, her eyes worried. “What are you saying, honey? I thought…”
Cynthia grabbed her apron, ready to start her chores, even though she was a few hours later than normal. With a sigh, she looked at her mother, not even trying to hide the fact that she’d been crying. Her throat still hurt, but she’d heal. Eventually
“He’s in college now. He needs to date college girls.” She smiled and took a deep breath. It was all a façade though. Her mother was worried and Cynthia didn’t want anyone to worry about her. “It’s going to be okay, Mom. I’ll find someone else. Only two percent of high school romances last. I doubt I’m lucky enough to be included in that number.”
“Oh, honey!” Mona sighed. “Don’t worry about your chores. I took care of everything. I figured you’d need a break today.” She pressed a kiss to the top of Cynthia’s head. “Why don’t you go on upstairs and make yourself a cup of tea? Your voice sounds like you’re coming down with a cold.”
Cynthia smiled, relieved that she didn’t have to be around people tonight. She wanted to…well, maybe just…
“I’m okay. Promise! And we have a full house, and I know you have to work. I’ll be fine.”
Mona watched her daughter race up the stairs, knowing that she was hurting. Hurting and angry and her beautiful girl still hadn’t recovered from her father’s abandonment.
Damn him! Damn all men! She stomped back into the kitchen and leaned against the countertop. It wasn’t fair! Brian should have stuck around and faced his responsibilities! He should have faced her! He should have been here to explain to his daughter that life sucked, not leaving all of the dirty work to her!
With a sigh of frustration, Mona turned back to face the bar, wishing she could wrap her beautiful girl up in a protective bubble. “Life sucks, sometimes,” she muttered.
Chapter 7
Four months later…
Ryan jumped out of his Jeep, racing into the bar. “Cyn!” he called eagerly, racing up the stairs. He’d been waiting to see her, desperate to hold her. It had been months since they’d talked and he wanted to know why she refused to answer his texts. She loved him, so why was she being so stubborn?
“Ryan?” Mona called out from the back of the kitchen.
Ryan turned and smiled. “Hey Ms. Hemmings. I’m looking for Cynthia. Is she around?”
Mona wiped her hands on her apron, frowning faintly. “She didn’t tell you?”
Ryan’s stomach clenched. “Tell me what?” he asked, but from the look in Mona’s eyes, he knew that he wasn’t going to like the news.
“Cynthia took a job up at the ski resort up in Jackson Hole with a friend for the winter break.”
Ryan blinked, not sure what to say. There were several ski resorts in that area. Hell, the skiers were a major source of revenue for their town over the winter months. Cynthia could have gotten a job and still stayed home during the winter holidays. Yet, she’d chosen a resort eight hours away. Eight hours!
She’d told him to move on, find another girlfriend. Her new job, so far away from home, was her sending a message loud and clear.
“I see,” he muttered, his shoulders drooping. “Well then…” he tried to think of something to say, but words were difficult at the moment. “I understand.” He turned around, walking slowly out of the bar.
For the rest of the break, he wandered through the hiking trails, trying to figure out how to handle Cynthia’s rejection. She’d told him over and over again, through words and actions, that he should move on. But he hadn’t believed she really meant it. Not after all they’d gone through over the previous year. He knew she loved him! Damn it, why was she being so stubborn?!
The mountains had no answers for him. When he returned to school after the winter break, he tried to date someone else. He wanted to! Hell, he even started looking at the other women on campus. But they weren’t Cynthia. None had her sense of the ridiculous. And none could stand up to him like she could.
Cynthia stared up at the ski lift, thinking that it was good to be out in the cold, mountain air.
“Really high up, isn’t it?” a worried, feminine voice called out.
Cynthia looked down and grinned at Eve, her roommate for the season. “Yeah, it’s a good bit higher than the ones near my home.”
Eve cringed. “I live in California and I’m not near any of the ski resorts. I thought it would be exciting to work here, but I can’t even get on that thing,” she said, referring to the ski lift that took the skiers to the top of the runs.
“Why not?” Cynthia asked. She and Eve had been sharing a room at the resort’s boarding house for the past week and got along amazingly well. Most nights after work, Cynthia and Eve stayed up late talking and laughing about their days. They had a lot in common, although they were pretty opposite in appearance. Eve had dark, curly hair that framed her face like a dark halo. She was also shorter in stature and not as big in the breast area, but had a lush figure that Cynthia envied. With her cute leggings and vivacious personality, Eve had the male staff members clamoring to hang out at their table during meals in the staff cafeteria.
“I hate heights,” she admitted quietly.
Cynthia stared wide-eyed at Eve for a long moment. She looked up at the ski lift, then down at her friend…and burst out laughing.
“Eve, why in the world would you sign up for a job at a ski resort when you don’t like heights? It’s on a mountain!”
Eve laughed as well. “Because I wanted to take pictures on the top of a mountain. And I didn’t think that I was this afraid of heights,” she finally admitted. “I thought I could overcome the issue with a bit of…well, by just ignoring my fears.”
Cynthia smiled and linked her arm with Eve. “I’ve seen your photos and they’re great! So if you want to get to the top of the mountain, we’re going to get you there. Somehow!”
Eve smiled, but doubted she’d ever work up the courage to get on the ski lift. It wasn’t just that the ski lift was high, it was also long. Really long! Like…way too long for her to ignore the distance from the lift to the hard ground. She couldn’t fool herself into believing that the snow would cushion her fall either.
On the other hand, she’d probably have a heart attack before she hit the ground, so maybe she didn’t need to contemplate the lack of cushion from the thick layer of snow.
A silver lining, she thought with a cringe.
“So, what do you think you’ll do when you finish school?” Cynthia asked as they made their way to the ticket area. Except for the dining room staff and ski instructors, the resort staff rotated around to various positions that didn’t require a specific skill. The best days were when they got to work at the bottom of the ski lift, helping the skiers load onto the chairs or working the snow machines. Working in the ticket booths was pretty good, although it wasn’t outside in the sunshine, which Cynthia preferred. But regardless of where one worked, the worst part were t
he mornings when the majority of the guests arrived, demanding services quickly and impatiently so they could get onto the slopes.
Eve and Cynthia discussed career options while they worked their way through the maze of staff hallways. Cynthia suspected that Eve already knew what she would do with her life. The woman carried her camera everywhere she went, snapping photos of the resort, kids, people coming down the mountain, and anything else that caught her eye. Eve was good. Really good! The resort had even bought a few of Eve’s photos to display in the lobby.
As for Cynthia’s career, as much as she’d like to do something else with her life, she’d probably end up helping her mother run The Bull Frog, the name she and her mother had come up with a few months ago, renaming the bar and adding a bit more character to the place.
“You’re doing better,” Eve commented, as they slid onto the tall, swiveling chairs that would position them at their ticket counter positions. “You’re finally smiling a bit.”
Cynthia glanced at her friend, surprised by the comment. “I’m…better?” She didn’t feel better. She felt as if her heart were aching. She’d applied for the job here at the ski resort in order to let Ryan come home during his winter break without worrying about running into her around town.
So no matter how desperately Cynthia wanted to see Ryan during his winter break, it was better this way. Her mother had mentioned that he’d come by to see her. Cynthia suspected that he’d wanted to thank her for breaking up before he’d gone off to school. Oh, they might have gone out on a few dates while he was in town, but he’d figure out that college women were much more fun than a high school teenager.
So yes, it was better this way. Better to make a clean break and move on with each of their lives.
“I didn’t know that…I thought I was doing okay,” she whispered, embarrassed at her apparent transparency.
Second Chance Temptation (Sinful Nights Book 4) Page 5