“Big, okay?” I admitted.
Her mouth made a big O, and then she burst into a brilliant smile. “I knew it! You lucky bitch!” she exclaimed with a laugh. “Tell me everything!” Michelle sat back down on the couch and patted the seat next to her. “Every juicy detail!”
“I will, after my bath, okay? But you have to swear to secrecy. I’m not supposed to tell anyone.”
“I would guess not! Oh my God, I’m so friggin’ jealous!”
“Well, I’m scared. I slunk away when he was in the other room like a scared rabbit. He might not want anything to do with me again, and I’m not sure I can handle it anyway.”
“Girl, get cleaned up and then you, and I will talk! I want to know everything!”
For the second time this evening, I was running away. This time to hide in the bathroom and linger as long as I could. I wanted to keep the evening to myself and not share it with anyone. Not just because I’d promised the beautiful man who was already important to me, but because, somehow, it would mean more if it was only between Jax and me.
I ran the water and looked in the mirror. “Ugh,” I moaned at my reflection. My hair was a mess, some of the pins I’d used to hold it in the loose upsweep were still clinging to wayward curls here or there, but the rest had been pulled free from their confines. Plus, my face was flushed, and the skin around my chin and mouth was slightly chaffed from his light shadowy beard and my mouth was swollen. I picked the pins out and picked up a brush to comb the tangles free before using a scrunchie to pile it back up for my bath.
No wonder Michelle didn’t accept my story. I mean, look at me. It was obvious what I’d been doing for the past couple of hours, and it wasn’t having a leisurely dinner and discussing books. I slipped out of my dress and almost laughed. My panties were ruined. The entire crotch missing and the rest barely clinging in rags from my hips.
Heat seeped into my cheeks. He still had that part he’d fisted around and ripped free. It was hotter than hell at the time. No one had ever made me feel more wanted in their urgent desire, but now, I was embarrassed. I huffed out my mortification as I removed them and my bra, leaving both in a heap on the floor.
What must he think of me? That I was a slut who let men rip my panties off on the first date?
How would I face Jaxon on Monday?
* * *
“Well?” Michelle asked eagerly before I had even come through the door I’d just opened from the bathroom. I was wrapped in a towel as I padded across the somewhat worn carpet to the dresser we shared and opened the bottom drawer to pull out a T-shirt and a pair of black spandex shorts; my typical bedtime attire. I was in no hurry to answer her as I dressed. The apartment was much too small for modesty.
“Well, nothing. He’s sexy. We wanted to talk about my manuscript, but it was clear we had chemistry between us. He said he was turned on by my words, and I’ve read a couple of his books and he had the same effect on me. After dinner, we ended up at his place.”
“So, you swooned just like the rest of us,” she said, matter-of-factly.
I was annoyed and went to get a can of Diet Coke from the small refrigerator after I pulled on some socks. “Who wouldn’t? Up close and personal he’s even more devastating.”
“I can imagine,” she said, using the remote to turn off the TV. “How come you sound like your dog died? I’d kill to fuck him.”
“I’m sure you would. Because, Michelle.” I sank down on the couch and put my feet up on the old olive-green trunk we’d purchased at a flea market and used as a coffee table that doubled as much-needed storage. “I’m not an idiot. If I let this go on, I’ll develop feelings. I know myself and it won’t end well for me. My eyes are open. He’s so larger than life, and I’m just… average me.”
“Oh, come off it, Addy! You’re beautiful and talented, and you don’t even know it.”
“Whatever. He is used to sophisticated women, and I’m not.”
She sighed, exasperated. “What’s he like?” She shifted, turning toward me and pulling her knees beneath her.
“Amazing. But how can I trust it?” My heart started to ache. I desperately wanted to trust him. I had when he was with me, but I’d panicked. What if I was just another in a long line of women. “He said he hadn’t done this before, but I don’t know…”
Michelle’s gaze held fast. “Addy, it would have been in the news if he made a habit of dating his students.”
Should I tell her that he wanted me to sign an NDA? Maybe there were several women with NDAs hanging over their heads. I hated that I doubted him, but I couldn’t be stupid, either. I decided to keep that part to myself because to anyone else Jax might come off as an asshole or it would definitely point to more students in his past.
“He’s had a few girlfriends, but not a ton. He dated his agent for a while, and apparently they’re still friends.”
“Doing more research, I see.” Jealousy surged inside me. Why did Michelle’s interest make me feel that way? I didn’t want to. Definitely not.
She closed her eyes, then opened them, blinking at me as if to say yeah, so? “Who wouldn’t? The man is on fire!”
If she only knew.
“Isn’t he?” she persisted. “I told you, I want details!”
“I feel like hell already, Michelle. I ran out on him.”
“What?” she asked incredulously. “Why?”
I stood up impatiently, almost spilling my soda. “Because! I don’t want to fall in love with him and then he moves on and I’m left with nothing!”
“Is that where you really left your purse?” She was way to astute.
“Yeah,” I admitted. “Now I don’t know what the hell to do. I’m dreading Monday.”
Something dawned on her. “Did he demand sex in exchange for helping you publish? That bastard!” She was good at jumping to conclusions.
“Michelle!” I had to make her understand. I shook my head adamantly as I paced back and forth in the small space. “No! In fact, he left it up to me. I was just too weak to resist. I mean… he said all the right things and smelled so good, and then he touched me, and it was over.”
“The man is a god, Addy! No one would blame you! Every woman practically falls over with their legs in the air the minute he walks into the auditorium.”
“Gee, thanks.” I grimaced. “That makes me feel a whole lot better.”
“He could have anyone, and he chose you! Are you missing that? Holy shit! It’s huge!”
I wanted to believe it so badly.
“Speaking of huge, tell me about the sex!”
I couldn’t help but smile at the expectant look on her face. “He fingered me in the alley outside the restaurant,” I blurted.
Her mouth dropped open and she huffed out an incredulous laugh. “Did he make you come?”
I nodded. “Yes,” I said, sinking to the floor with my soda. My body unfurled just remembering. “I can’t explain how hot it was. I just… forgot where I was.”
“Dude, I’m dead,” she said, falling over and burying her face in one of the pillows sitting on the couch and screamed at the top of her lungs. I couldn’t help the laugh that burst from me. Michelle did make me feel better and my mood lifted. She popped up with an anxious face. “Okay, tell me about his dick and how you guys did it. Did you make it to the bedroom?”
I laughed again, somewhat embarrassed by her enthusiasm. I could literally feel my face flush. “Yes, he’s well… very well endowed, and he knows how to… use it.”
“Of course, he is! I could tell by looking at the bulge in his pants. Flaccid he’s big enough. So, oh, God! Erect, it must be a monster!”
My eyes widened. “Michelle!”
“Oh, what?” she said drolly. “Like you didn’t look at his crotch during class?”
I had, but I’d never admit to sinking to the level of every horny female in our class. I bit my lip.
“I knew it, Addy. You’re all ‘I’m so pure and proper’ but a man like Jaxon Michaels in
spires the slut in all of us!”
“You’re just way too enthusiastic about my sex life,” I pointed out.
“So, did you do it in the bedroom? What’s it like? I bet his bed is huge! A man like that needs room to move.”
I rolled my eyes. “We didn’t exactly make it to the bedroom. We were so worked up from the alley and the cab ride, we started in the entryway and ended up on his couch.”
“I can imagine it so vividly! Pound town on the couch with Jaxon Michaels!” She sighed dreamily, clenching her thighs together. “I think I need my vibrator. I’m sooooo fucking jealous. Brenda would come in her pants if she knew!”
“You can’t tell her or anyone! Promise me, Michelle!” I was terrified of someone finding out and more afraid of Jax’s reaction, should he discover I told, even my best friend. “He made me promise not to tell, even you! It will ruin everything!”
“So, now you want the relationship with him?” She shook her head in disbelief. “You said you were afraid of your feelings.”
“I am!” I answered, then sighed deeply. “But what if I’m missing out on the chance to publish?”
She crossed her arms across her chest. “This doesn’t have a damn thing to do with publishing, and you know it.”
“I do want to publish.” It was true, I did. It was a dream, but right now, I wanted him more. I had to admit it, but would it be wise. I was already starting to fall in love with him. Maybe it didn’t matter anyway? I could have blown it by leaving and being so wishy-washy, but this was something I never thought I’d experience. Not in a million years, and I wasn’t prepared.
“I wish I were you, Addy.”
“Why? It will be miserable to hide it, or worse, he might be so mad he won’t want to sleep with me or help my career.” Suddenly, I was feeling like shit again. What had I done? I’d probably ruined things by leaving without saying goodbye.
“Yeah, it’s not like he has women running away screaming on a regular basis.”
“Not helping,” I said, staring at the can of Diet Coke in my hand until it blurred in front of me.
“Text him and apologize.” Michelle made it sound so easy; as if this happened every day.
“I can’t, even if I wanted to. My phone is in my purse. In his apartment.” I cringed.
Her eyes widened. “You’re in a bind, girl. Looks like you have to go get it. Just tell him you panicked and ran, but you’re sorry.”
I set the Coke down and dropped my head into my hands. Somehow, I didn’t think it would be that easy.
3
I had her purse in my office. If she wanted it back, she’d have to see me after class. I wanted an explanation for why she ran away after we’d just had the most mind-blowing sex that I think I’d ever had. Didn’t I make it clear that it was completely her decision?
Instantly my eyes went to the front of the room where I’d told her to sit. I’d gotten into the auditorium early and was seated behind the desk as students began to wander in. I sighed heavily, trying not to be conspicuous as my eyes moved between the two entrances at the top of both rows of stairs. I was freaking out, and I had been all weekend.
When I tried to call her and the phone rang in my apartment, I’d discovered she’d forgotten her purse. At the time, I’d been equally pissed and grateful at the same time. No one ran out on me. Ever. I’d been a gentleman all evening, even when we were talking about going back to my place. I’d made her come harder than hell, and I’d put off my own orgasm until I’d done so, so she must have freaked out. I didn’t expect it, and I felt helpless when I couldn’t call her. There was no way in hell I was going to run after her like some horny adolescent. I reminded myself that I was who I was, and I’d never reduce myself to that. I had to maintain a certain amount of dignity, even if my dick was acting like a compass and Addison was true north.
I didn’t like how I felt even as I tried to figure out what I was feeling. My chest was constricted, I couldn’t sleep; even booze hadn’t dulled the anxiousness I felt. I called my brother, but he was no help. In his offhanded way, he just told me to go bang someone else. He was a high-powered lawyer, yet he was always so crass when talking about the fairer sex.
“Dr. Michaels?” The redhead who sat in the front row and always batted her eyes had come up onto the platform and was standing in front of me. My eyes flitted over her tight shirt that emphasized her over-done boob job and mini skirt briefly. I was hard-pressed not to roll my eyes at the comparison my mind made between her and Addison.
Why did some women act like wanton idiots? I wondered. As if that would attract me. The idiot part being the operative portion of my mind’s definition of the young woman. Clearly, I could see she’d be willing for the simple banging my brother prescribed. I chided myself for even sharing with the asshole. He was too shallow to experience anything as profound as the connection I felt with Addison. I sighed and met her eyes. “Yes?” I couldn’t remember her name. I was annoyed that she was distracting me from my task of making sure I knew when Addison came in and where she chose to sit.
“Um, well… I was wondering, since I didn’t do very well on the last assignment if I could come in and talk to you about what I needed to do to improve?” Why did this woman rub me the wrong way? Why did her voice make me want to cringe like listening to fingernails scraping down a chalkboard?
I wanted to take her seriously, I really did, but the way she stood in front of me, shifting from one foot to the other and breathing hard enough so that her chest rose and fell, well… forget it.
“Have you looked at the bulletin board outside my office? There is a list of writing tutors, and there is a writing lab twice a week that my TA teaches. Have you signed up for that?”
“Well, not yet, but I wanted to get your help, personally. I’m trying to write a novel, Professor.”
My lips pressed together. “Uh,” I raised my eyebrow at her in question.
“Stacia,” she supplied.
“Stacia, yes. You have a way to go before you’ll be good enough to publish anything. You’re just at the beginning. I recommend that you attend Luke’s study sessions for a couple of weeks and if you’re still struggling, then get a private tutor.” I hoped my voice wasn’t coming across as condescending, but I knew what she was up to. She didn’t have the skill necessary to craft a novel, not at this point, at least, and I couldn’t spend one-on-one time with every horny woman who asked for it. I had serious doubts that she had any aspirations toward writing at all.
“But, Dr. Michaels,” she began, but I put my hand up to stop her.
“Stacia, what is your major?”
She had the grace to flush; color began to seep up into her cheeks giving them an embarrassed glow. “It was business admin, but after taking this class, I think I want to be a novelist. I’m thinking of changing my major.”
My mouth formed a stern line. I wasn’t buying her bullshit; she’d have to take a lot of lower-level classes to get a degree in writing and anyone who wanted a decent grade from me, had already done so. I wanted so badly to tell her, point-blank, that she had no hope of my fucking her, and she should stop making an ass of herself. “I would suggest taking a couple more writing classes next semester if you’re really serious about writing, but it would be silly to chuck your business degree at this late date. Isn’t this your fourth year?” When she nodded, I continued. “You’ll need a fifth year in order to take the required courses.”
She looked disappointed, but I didn’t have the time or willingness to change it. It was close to the start of class, and I glanced at my watch. Stacia kept looking at me, hovering. It was apparent she was trying to think of something else to say to change my mind, and she stood in between me and my sightline and my search for Addison.
“Take your seat. Class is about to begin.”
Her mouth opened then shut, and then she nodded, turning and returning to her usual seat in the front.
My eyes skimmed the seats, looking for the object of my interest
. I was seriously fucked up. I told myself I wasn’t some horny teenager and I was in complete control of myself and the situation with my beautiful student, so why was I acting like I’d lose it if I didn’t see her walk in?
I got up and turned on the equipment. Luke had already hooked up my laptop getting ready for the lecture, but I double checked the connections, mostly as a distraction as the last of the students took their seats.
The hair on the back of my neck stood up and I knew she’d entered the room. I straightened and turned around, pulling on the cuffs of my shirt sleeves underneath my jacket. Addison and her friend were coming in the left entrance and took a seat near the back.
Coward, my mind railed. I wasn’t sure why I was so angry. I understood why she’d be nervous, but she’d had plenty of opportunities to bail. Then, the entire weekend passed without a word. Not even to retrieve her purse. Did I imagine the connection? I’d never felt this unsettled after sex before and I didn’t like it one bit.
“Take your seats,” I said. The miniature microphone clipped to my lapel made it easy for the students to hear me and instantly the din of chatter quieted. I tried to ignore the part of the room where I knew she was because I didn’t want her to see how much I was bothered by what happened. “Today we’re going to discuss plotting and making a book map. At the end of the session, I’ll have a very special assignment for you.”
I was fidgeting in my seat. I tried to concentrate on his lecture, but the sound of his voice only made me remember how he’d sounded when he was inside my body. I ran a nervous hand through my hair and bit my lip.
“He can’t see your face from this far away, so why are you acting like you’re starring down the barrel of a gun?” Michelle leaned over to whisper.
My hands were shaking as I tried to type in my notes into my computer. That idiot, Stacia, was all up in Jax’s grill when we came in, shaking her boobs in his face. I felt ill thinking that with the snap of his fingers she’d be in his bed, bouncing up and down on his dick and mewling like a cheap porn star.
Smut University: Part 2 Page 3