“Stop it!” Ari yelled, turning to Darduk. “If you want me, make them stop.”
Darduk held his hand up and the blows stopped.
“Okay, here’s the deal,” Ari said. “I won’t fight you. But until I’m dead, none of them are to be harmed. Got it?”
“You’re going to be dead in ten to fifteen seconds,” Darduk said with a confused expression on his face. “What does it matter?”
“It matters,” Ari said. “On your honor. If you still have any. While I am still alive, you don’t touch them, period. Not a single blow. That includes while I’m being chewed, swallowed, and digested.”
“Ew,” Soda said. “Hey, Darduk, don’t listen to her. None of what she says counts. She’s obviously had too many blows to the head.”
“Shut up,” Darduk yelled at her. The Viking holding Soda raised a fist at the Cephalopod, but Darduk held his hand in the air. “On my honor.” His voice carried across the courtyard. “Not a single blow.”
“Okay,” Ari said. She crossed the last few feet between her and Darduk in a few steps and then stopped. She waited for the end.
23
Darduk’s head became enlarged again. The teeth sprouted and protruded from the outside of his mouth where his chin had been. It horrified Ari and yet she found she couldn’t look away. Drool pooled out of the corners of his mouth onto the grass.
As he lurched forward to devour her, she reached into her pocket to grab the Stingr Sword that Kirian had given her. Then at the last moment she yelled, “If I don’t make it through this, tell Demon Yoda he sucks.”
The cavernous mouth came down and swallowed her, down to her waist. She knew what was coming next, the chomping of the teeth. She knew the ring didn’t have enough magic left to bring her back from the dead again. She got an idea. The idea was a very counterintuitive reaction to the primal fear of getting chewed, swallowed, and eaten alive. She pulled her legs in quickly and fully disappeared into the giant mouth.
Everything went dark as she pulled herself into the disgusting, slimy maw.
Once inside, she realized that there were upsides and downsides to her plan. On the plus side, she was intact, for now. On the minus side, even though she had the Stingr Sword, she couldn’t see in the dark. And another negative was that her legs were being sucked down into Darduk’s gullet. Also, it was so slimy that it was nearly impossible for her to move where she wanted to.
It was a claustrophobic’s worst nightmare. She struggled and squirmed, trying to stay upright and away from the stomach area that was trying to pull her in. She frantically looked for the tooth with the magic ring on it. Then she remembered something. She activated the Stingr Sword toward Darduk’s cheek.
The sword sprang to life, cutting a hole through Darduk’s face. Then, she deactivated the sword. That was very satisfactory for a few reasons. One, screw him. Two, so she could yell, “I’m still alive, for the record.” And three, because now there was just enough light coming in through the hole in his face to orient herself and look for the ring.
Darduk roared and screamed.
His stomach was still trying to pull her down. In fact, her left foot had fallen over the edge and she couldn’t pull it back up. Whatever was down in his stomach must have been even worse than the slime in his mouth. Ari’s foot screamed in pain like it was on fire. If Ari had to guess, it would be that the main stomach area probably held an acid type liquid.
The pain forced her to focus on the task at hand before the rest of her got sucked in. Now that she had some light, finding the magic ring wasn’t difficult. There, in the back. More of her leg got sucked in, making it difficult for her to get the leverage she wanted now that she had located the ring. She held the Stingr Sword in her hand, at the ready. Darduk’s stomach was gaining ground, it was now or never.
She closed her eyes. Then she could have kicked herself. With her physical eyes closed, the ring shone bright as a star. It was impossible to miss. More of her leg got sucked in and she screamed in pain, but now she could see the ring. She activated the sword again. She would probably have been able to cut it away in a simple, small loop, but that plan would have been hard to pull off and wouldn’t have been as satisfying. Ari carved a giant hole in Darduk’s face from the inside. She could hear him howling and screaming. The blood from his face dripped into his mouth, making it even slimier.
Then, at long last, the ring dropped off of the decapitated molar and into her hand. Just as it did, her other leg got sucked into the stomach. This was it, she thought. But she couldn’t even concentrate on her death, because the ring, Darduk’s ring, was screaming at her. It wanted her to put it on. It didn’t want to go dark. It yelled and begged, and pleaded and bribed, and threatened. Put me on, the ring said, and together we will rule the universe.
Ari hated the ring. She felt sorry for it, too. She couldn’t stomach the thought of wearing something like that. Of participating with something so evil. She wanted to throw it away, but she knew it wouldn’t work. Another Viking or even worse would just pick it up.
Still, it was in her hand and demanding an answer. “Sorry, not sorry,” she said, shoving it down into her pocket for safekeeping until she could figure out what to do with it. “I’ve already got a magic ring. A good one.”
Once she shoved the ring in her pocket, it went silent. As soon as it did, she could hear the still howling Darduk. She still had the Stingr Sword in her hand, and it was still cutting his face. In the confusion with Darduk’s ring, she had forgotten all about it.
“Right,” Ari said. She pulled the Stingr Sword out of his face and sliced open his mouth, causing her to spill out onto the ground in a giant wave of blood and saliva. The moment she hit the ground, she rolled over and retrieved the Stingr Sword. She deactivated it so she wouldn’t accidentally slice something off of herself and put it in her pocket. A quick glance around revealed what Demon Yoda said to be true, the Pokémon-Looking-Monsters and the ghost drones were gone. It was just the Overlord Alliance and the Vikings now. And the Vikings were sans leader with a magic ring.
In front of her, Darduk gurgled and dropped to his knees. He was seriously injured, and he no longer had the ring to heal him. That realization must have made him desperate. His giant arms reached forward and grabbed Ari by the neck, choking her.
“Seriously?” she said, but nobody heard her since she couldn’t breathe. She had been through this before with Soda and she wasn’t a fan. She may not have been able to breathe, but she was still conscious. She raised her good ring hand toward Darduk and fired. The blast of magic knocked Darduk several feet backward. He hit the ground on his back. “Just die, already, Darduk,” she said once she could breathe again.
Darduk sat up and sneered at Ari. Then he pulled out his axe. “Okay, but I’m taking you with me.”
Ari heard footsteps behind her. She tried to turn to see if it was friend or foe, but everything hurt. Then she saw Kirian sprinting past her.
Kirian pulled out her sword and pounced, slicing Darduk’s head clean off. It rolled into the grass in a pool of blood.
Ari slowly turned her injured body to see the confused looks on the other Vikings’ faces. This was not how they expected it to go. “You guys have ten seconds to get back through your crack in the sky or I’ll let my friends finish you off. Then my magic ring will seal it up. If I ever see any of you again, I’ll kill you where you stand.”
She laid back down again to count to ten in her head. Then she decided to do it out loud instead. She couldn’t wait for them to be gone. When she got to four, she cracked an eye open and glanced around. The goth Vikings were gone.
“Good. Four, three, two, one, go,” she said. Then she pointed the ring at the interdimensional crack in the sky in the middle of Arcturis Square and wished it away. The ring was happy to comply. It was happy with Ari. It didn’t have to tell her it approved, she already knew. Together, they had done it. Ari tilted her head back and laughed. A long, loud, exhausted, maniacal laugh that felt
good when it was over.
The Overlord Candidates plus Fleek and Kirian gathered around her, and by the time she finished laughing, they were casting sideways glances at her.
“Sweetie?” Soda asked, clearly worried. “Are you okay? Because you sound, kind of, well, like you’ve lost it. But you won, so I will give you a break.”
That brought another round of laughter. Ari laughed until tears were streaming down her face. She felt a warm tingling in her legs; the ring was healing them. “I’m okay, Soda. Never better, actually. And you’re right. We did it, we won.”
“Yes,” Ray said. “We won. Although I will feel better when those portals are gone.” He helped Ari up.
Ari pulled out several pixie sticks and dumped the beautiful, sugary, green powder into her mouth. “Give me a minute.” It helped immediately. She grabbed more and felt even better. “Okay,” she said at last. “Now I’m ready.” She went around the square, blasting portals with her Staar magic and adding pixie sticks as needed. Until she finally got to the last portal. She held up her hand at it, but just before she pulled the trigger on her magic, something jumped through.
24
“Holy hell, what now?” Froggy asked. “Haven’t we been through enough?”
Ari wondered the same thing, and nothing could prepare her for what had walked through the portal. It was a seven-foot high purple spider with a thousand eyes. It twitched in all different directions at Ari and friends, stopping at last to stare at Ari suspiciously.
The spider took a cautious step toward Ari. “Darduk says your name is Spectra. Give me the treasure or die a horrible death, bitch.”
Fleek passed out.
Ari tried to pass out, but the ring wouldn’t let her. “Darduk’s dead. And who the hell are you?”
“My name is Marrow,” the spider said. She waited for a response as if Ari was supposed to know who she was. “I am Hella Marrow, Queen of the Quasar Galactic Alliance.” She grabbed Kirian with an antenna and held her up in the air. “Hand it over, or she dies. One by one, I’ll kill every last one of you until I get it.”
Ari pointed her magic ring hand at Kirian and released a burst of energy, freeing her from Hella’s grasp.
Kirian scrambled back, and this time, she got behind Ari.
Ari had had enough threats for one day. She pulled the orb out of her pocket. “Are you talking about this?”
All the spiders’ eyes lit up greedily. “That’s what I’m here for,” Hella said. “Hand it over and I’ll leave you alone.” She twitched even closer to Ari, who didn’t flinch.
All of her friends got well behind Ari, out of the spider’s reach.
Ari put the orb back into her pocket. “I don’t think so. I’m done being ordered around today.”
Hella screamed at her. It was an inhuman sound that hurt her head on more levels than she ever imagined. She knew she could never get the memory of that sound out of her head.
When the scream subsided, Ari took several steps toward the spider.
The spider backed up.
“You did this, didn’t you?” Ari asked. “All of this. The invasion, Hitherware, Darduk. This whole thing was just a ruse for a thief.”
“Blasphemer!” Hella cried. “You can’t talk that way about me. I rule galaxies.”
“Welcome to the club, sister,” Soda said.
Out of the corner of her eye, Ari saw Demon Yoda wake up. He pulled a communicator out of his pocket and tapped away. “Your time’s almost up, Hella,” he said. “Any minute now, civilized troops will come in. I just broke through your blockade.”
“I’m not leaving without what I came for.” Hella took a step toward Ari. She caressed Ari’s face with one of her hairy legs.
The terrifying eyes were inches from Ari’s face. She had to fight the urge to run away. She closed her eyes for a moment, and then she knew. She reopened them and smiled. “You can’t take it, can you, Hella? You did all of this to take what I have right here in my pocket. You sent an entire alien invasion just to get it, which can’t be legal. But it doesn’t matter because in the end, you failed.”
“I say what is and isn’t legal around here,” Hella said. “And I guarantee you will regret not giving me the Orb of Osiris. I will torture you until you and the rest of your galaxy until you beg me for death. Welcome to intergalactic politics, pathetic galaxy of Arcturis. Um, wait. Who’s actually in charge here, anyway?”
Every one of the Overlord Alliance fingers pointed to Ari.
“Very well.” All of Hella’s eyes gave Ari a death stare. “I’ll be seeing you soon, Overlord Ari. Intergalactic politics is my turf. Believe me when I say when I get through with you, you will wish Darduk had eaten you.” Then she turned and went through the last portal.
Then, without hesitation, Ari blasted it into oblivion. Then the sun came out.
25
Space ships streamed into the atmosphere, descending into the square. The cavalry had arrived. Ari went to greet them, angry that any of it had happened in the first place.
Though, legal and moral ended up being two entirely different standards. And none of the legal minds in the surrounding galaxies could come to a conclusion about what had happened here, especially without what they considered proof, which meant paperwork. Idiots. The result was Arcturis being moved up a few levels in the intergalactic pecking order because of the orb.
“Welcome to the big time, Overlord Ari,” one ambassador told her after hours of otherwise boring meetings that were held in the Galactic Ambassador Crown Conference Room. That revelation was followed by, “I’ll tell you what, we’ll be taking the intergalactic fugitive off of your hands for you. That ought to count for something, right?”
Ari frowned at the bearded ambassador in the gaudy suit. “What are you talking about?”
“The space Kracken. She’s very powerful and very dangerous. Wanted across the universe. There’s a huge bounty on her head, too. Sixty-five million galactic credits. That’s more than enough to rebuild all the damage done here.”
“Are you talking about Soda?” Ari asked.
“I guess,” he answered, “her real name is Tsooodakaeharaaar.”
“I want to see her,” Ari said.
The boring bearded ambassador led her to one of the larger spacecraft. On board were special jail cells, presumably with teleporting blockers, because she was still there, sitting dejectedly. In front of the cell were half a dozen Staar bounty hunters standing guard smugly as if they had really captured her instead of taking advantage of her when she was injured and exhausted.
“Let me get this straight,” Ari said, wiping her face in her hands. “You idiots couldn’t be bothered to come and help us when we were in danger of extinction. When you heard our distress call. When every life in our galaxy was at stake. But you can waltz in here and secretly take one of our Overlord Candidates Prisoner?”
“What does it matter?” the ambassador asked. “She didn’t win. She’s useless to you, just another future competitor.”
“Let her out,” Ari announced. It wasn’t a request.
Several Staar bounty hunters got up to stand between Ari and the cell door.
“Yeah, yeah.” Ari said. “Now you spring into action.”
Bearded ambassador looked very surprised and unhappy at the turn of events. “I was sure you’d be glad we were taking her off of your hands.”
Ari turned her back on the Staars to face him. “So happy that you didn’t bother to tell me until you were about to leave?” She raised an eyebrow at him.
“Well, yes,” he huffed. “But she’s an intergalactic fugitive.”
“I can’t believe you people,” Ari said. “I’m sure that arresting official Overlord Candidates constitutes meddling in local galactic politics. I’d hate to have to file a complaint.”
“Now look here, you and I will share that bounty.” The ambassador looked at her and sighed. “Fine, I need the money. I’ll tell you what, I’m willing to make it a sixty-forty
split. Since I did all the work. Eighty million galactic credits. That’s my final offer.”
“Unbelievable,” Ari said. “Now let me give you my final offer.” She held her magic ring hand up at the bearded guy. “Tell them to let her go or I’ll destroy this entire ship. And then I’ll report you to the Intergalactic Political Policing Authority. Not that any of you idiots follow any of the rules. What the hell is wrong with everybody? It’s like you’re all just a bunch of political space pirates.”
The ambassador harrumphed and crossed his arms. “No,” he said. “I think I’ll keep it all for myself. Maybe you’d like to join her in the cell.” He signaled to the Staar bounty hunters, who rushed at Ari.
Ari met them swinging. She threw two of them through and out of the spaceship. They left Staar bounty hunter sized flaming holes in the hull. Then she pinned the last Staar bounty hunter to the ground.
“How are you doing that?” the ambassador asked. He looked at Ari like she was a freak.
“My real name is Spectra, asshole. I’m part Staar, I have a powerful magic ring, and the Orb of Osiris. I killed Spika. You remember him, don’t you? I assume he was also doing your dirty work. Well, it’s all over, Ambassador. I could kill you and all of your little bounty hunter friends too. And do you know what? If I did, then you couldn’t do a thing about it except file a complaint. Hey Soda, I think I’m getting the hang of politics.”
Soda nodded at her. “That’s it in a nutshell, yes.”
“But I don’t want to kill you,” Ari continued. “I want to go eat a feast at the Galactic Ambassador Hotel. Where I plan to buy unlimited drinks for everybody who helped me today. And that includes Soda.” Then Ari thought about it. “In fact, for being a giant pain in the ass today, you, Ambassador, will buy the drinks. Unlock her and hand over cash.”
He crossed to the cell and pulled a key out of his pocket. “I’ll let her go,” he said, “but you’re robbing me? How uncouth. Although, if I’m buying drinks, I love a good party.” He opened the door and Soda slithered out.
Overlord Alliance: Book 2 of the Neon Octopus Ally Series Page 15