TJ watched me intently as I wandered the space, but I kept my eyes averted, not wanting him to see the way being here was affecting me.
I hated it.
I hated the thought of TJ moving here. I didn’t want him to move five seconds away, let alone fifteen minutes. I wanted him in my home, and in my bed. Permanently.
How could I tell him that now? Now that our time was almost up and he was getting ready to leave. I’d promised to tell him if I was getting to serious, but in my defense, it just sort of happened. Now I was stuck with the realization that I was about to lose him.
I didn’t want him to see my despair, which I was certain would be apparent if I looked at him, so I mumbled about fixtures and flooring, rather than begging him not to take the apartment.
Chapter 23 – TJ
I could tell she hated it.
I’d asked Sasha to look over the apartment that Brock had told me about at dinner. I figured she’d be able to tell me whether or not it was a good deal for the location and the size, it hadn’t even occurred to me how I’d feel having her in my future living space.
Sasha had never been to a place I’d lived in. Not in high school or as an adult. I’d always met them somewhere else, so she’d never been subjected to the way I lived. I could see the way she walked around mumbling that she was uncomfortable being here, and this was much nicer than any other place I’d ever lived.
I looked around and tried to imagine this place the way that she would. Yellowing linoleum, cracked paint on the cupboards, chipped tile in the bathroom, and old worn-out furniture. This was not the kind of place that Sasha would ever live, or would ever have to. Compared to her upscale, stylish home, this tiny apartment was a hovel.
Of course I already knew that we were from two different worlds, but I’d been able to forget that over the past couple weeks, staying with her. We were happy together, in her world of nice and expensive things, but it was time for me to stop living a fantasy, and come back down to reality where I belonged.
This place would fit me perfectly, and I decided to take it, but first, I wanted to enjoy the fantasy a little longer.
Chapter 24 – Sasha
“Can I take you to dinner?” I asked TJ when I finally got my shit together and could look at him again. I needed to get out of the apartment before I dissolved into tears.
TJ pushed himself off of the counter he’d been leaning on and nodded. “Sure, sounds good.”
I rushed out, eager to put distance between myself and what I’d so childishly begun thinking of as the place that was taking TJ away from me. I needed to stop being crazy, and enjoy my time with him.
“What are you in the mood for?” TJ asked as he pulled the El Camino out of the driveway.
“Jake’s,” I replied. Jake’s was a bar and grill not too far down the road that our gang liked to frequent. They had the best burgers and over fifty beers on tap.
“Are you sure?” TJ asked, sounding skeptical, which caused met to turn and glance at his profile.
“Yeah, why not?” I asked confused. “I like Jake’s.”
“I just figured you’d want to go somewhere more upscale,” TJ muttered.
“Nope,” I responded lightly, trying to mask my hurt. Where had that come from? I’d never been one to drag my friends to the kind of places I went for business, or that my parents dragged me to. Maybe I needed to stop being so sensitive and reading into things. TJ was going to be counting the minutes until he could move out if I kept this up.
I vowed to push my insecurities to the backburner and enjoy the rest of our evening together.
When we got to Jake’s I secured our booth in the back corner while TJ went up to get a pitcher. I grabbed the menu off of the stand on the end of the table and looked it over while I waited, even though I almost always got the same thing.
I glanced up with a smile when TJ slid a frosty glass in front of me and began pouring beer into it, then sat across from me and filled his own. He took a long drink from his glass, and I became momentarily mesmerized by his Adam’s apple bobbing as the liquid hit his throat.
Was there nothing that didn’t turn me on about him?
“God, that really hit the spot,” TJ said as he placed the mug on the table in front of him.
I took a small sip of mine and slid the menu toward him. He glanced down at it, then looked back up at me.
“I went out with Cal to the site of the new shop,” he began.
“Oh, how’d that go?”
“Great. The place really is perfect, and as Cal walked through and explained what he wants to do, I could really see his vision.” TJ’s voice got excited as he talked. “I can’t wait to start looking at equipment, and we even have our first customer for restoration. Brock’s brother, Brady, just picked up a 1966 Chevelle Malibu, and wants me to take a look.”
“That’s wonderful,” I gushed. It was wonderful to see TJ get so excited about the prospect of getting back to doing what he loved. “Gwen did mention that Brock had brothers, but I’ve never met them.”
“He has two of them,” TJ said, then paused to put in his order when the waitress came over. Once we’d both ordered our specialty burgers and fries, he turned back to me. “Yeah, um, Brock has two brothers, Brady and Brendan. He’s the oldest and pretty much raised them after their parents died. I think Brady is two years younger and Brendan is three, something like that. They sometimes come out to help with jobs, so I’ve gotten to hang out with them a lot more recently. They’re good guys.”
“Oh, I didn’t know about Brock’s parents, that’s horrible.” I drank some more and asked, “Gaby also mentioned that Brock plays guitar, did you know that?”
TJ chuckled and leaned back in the booth to get more comfortable.
“Yeah, he plays guitar, Brady plays drums, and Brendan sings. Cal and I like to fuck with them and call them Hanson, but they’re actually pretty good. They have an alternative rock sound. I’ve seen them play a couple times. They usually pick up a local gig a couple times a month.”
“That sounds awesome, I’m surprised I never knew that before,” I responded. I’d thought I’d known TJ so well before, but I guess I’d only known stuff that pertained to our group.
“Yeah, well, you’ve never really hung out with Brock, and the only times I’ve seen him play, it’s been just me and Cal. I can let you know next time I’m going to see him, if you want,” he offered.
“I’d really like that,” I said with a smile as our food arrived. I busied myself with putting toppings on my burger, but my mind was working overtime. Did that mean he wanted to see me again in the future … after our allotted time was up? Or was he just asking me as a friend?
“I’m going to tell Brock I’ll take that apartment,” TJ said between bites, dropping a bomb in the middle of our meal. “I don’t think I’ll find another place for that price, and in that location, fully furnished, that rents month to month. It’s probably too good of a deal, and I’m sure Brock has something to do with that, but I’d be foolish not to take it. Plus, I can get in right away, and I won’t break our twenty-one-day deadline.”
“Oh, you know I don’t care about that,” I said, trying to keep my voice neutral. “If you need to stay longer, you’re more than welcome to.”
“I can’t.” TJ’s eyes seemed to drill in to mine, then he broke contact and looked down at his remaining few fries. “And with this place, I won’t have to. I said I’d get my shit together in twenty-one days, and it looks like I actually will. But I can’t thank you enough for being there when I needed you.”
“Always,” I said softly. I threw money on the table to cover the bill and tip, then took the hand TJ offered and got up from the booth. I followed him outside and sat quietly as we drove to my house.
I felt a myriad of emotions.
Proud of TJ for getting himself back on his feet.
Sad at the thought of him moving out of my house.
Scared of how our relationship would change aft
er he left.
Happy that I’d gotten to spend these last few weeks getting to know him in ways that I never thought possible.
Hopeful that some small miracle would occur and he’d stay with me.
I walked inside and straight into my bedroom. I went to my closet and took out candles, placed them around my room, and lit them. Then I picked up my iPod and put on my Harry Connick Jr. playlist, placing it on the docking station with speakers and letting his smooth voice fill the room. Finally, I opened my drawer and took out the new emerald green satin nightgown that I’d bought with TJ in mind. I took it with me into the bathroom to do a little primping and pampering.
I came out a few minutes later and glanced around the room with a smile, then walked out and down the hall to where TJ was standing with his back to me. He must have heard me enter, because he turned and started to say, “You know, Sasha, we don’t have to …” His words fell off when he saw me standing before him.
His eyes flashed and he set down the phone he’d been messing with.
“You look beautiful,” he said softly as I walked up to him. I stopped in front of him and brought my hand up to take his so I could lead him down the hallway. When we got to my room, I shut the door behind us and ran my hand slowly from his back to his chest, where I paused and leaned up to meet his lips.
His kiss was soft and sensual; there was no rush, only sensations. I brought my arms around his neck, pulling him closer, angling my lips so I could take more. Give more.
I pulled back slightly and reached down to the hem of his shirt so I could pull it up. When I had it up, over his chest, TJ took over and whisked it the rest of the way off, throwing it to the floor at our feet. I ran my hands along his chest and shoulders as my mouth found his throat. I licked his salty skin and my heart raced when he moaned deep in his chest. His hands ran over me, the feel of his rough hands through the silky material wreaking havoc on my body. I brought my hands down to follow the soft dusting of hair that trailed down his abdomen, his muscles contracting as I got closer to the top of his jeans. I snapped open the button and his lips found my jaw. As I unzipped his jeans slowly, he ran his teeth just as slowly along my jawline, pausing to nip my earlobe before changing course to follow the line of my throat.
When his pants were finally undone, I reached my hand inside to caress the length of him over the fabric of his boxer briefs. Taking his quick intake of breath as a sign of encouragement, I pushed his jeans down and quickly grabbed the waistband of his briefs to push them to the floor as well. When TJ stepped out of his clothes, I brought my arms around him and swayed gently, enjoying the feel of his hard, warm body against the satin of my gown. He growled roughly and brought his hand up to fist the back of my hair, pulling my head back and up, so he could access my mouth. Our lips fused and our tongues danced as I pressed myself into him.
He began to walk me slowly backward until the back of my knees hit the bed. He broke the kiss long enough for me to sit down and scoot back, then he was upon me, his body covering mine as his lips and hands caressed every inch of exposed skin. My body arched when his lips found my taunt nipple through my nightgown and he sucked it into his mouth. I was torn between wanting to pull the gown over my head, or just hike it up and let him have his way with me.
TJ must have been feeling the same frustration, because in one swift move he shifted away from me and brought the nightgown up and over my head. I lay before him, as naked as he, my body burning as he ran his eyes over every inch of me. He lifted my foot and kissed it softly, then trailed his hand up my thigh, causing me to squirm as my blood seamed to liquefy. He leaned his head to my breast and began to kiss me sweetly as his fingers continued their ascent. I was awash with pleasure, and I wasn’t sure what to focus on: his mouth, or his fingers. His fingers won out when he slowly pushed one inside me.
I became aware that TJ’s mouth had made its way back to the sweet spot under my ear when his rough and sexy voice said, “I love that you’re so fucking wet for me.” I whimpered as a second finger joined the first, and he began to pump them in and out of me slowly. I turned my head to kiss his swollen lips and look into his hooded eyes. “I want you inside me,” I pleaded softly in between kisses.
I cried out in dismay when his fingers left my body, but was quickly rewarded with TJ’s strong, lean body, wonderfully heavy on top of mine. I opened my legs wider and tucked them around TJ’s as he teased me with the tip of his cock. He grasped my hands in his, linking our fingers as he brought them up over my head. I watched as his muscles flexed, then kept my eyes on his as he entered me, inch by inch. My breath caught as pleasure flowed through me and he began to move inside of me. It was like stoking a fire, and watching his face as he thrust in and out of me brought forth feelings and a fullness that I’d never felt with another man before. As my passion began to build, I threw back my head and closed my eyes, then TJ bent his head and asked, “Keep your eyes open for me, Red. I want to watch you.”
I bit my lip and nodded, then when he shifted up and I felt him hitting my g-spot with each thrust, I moaned, “Right, there, TJ,” over and over again, until I came with his name on my lips. I kept my eyes on him as my body contracted around him; he pumped faster, in and out, his eyes never leaving mine, his hands holding mine tightly, as I watched him reach his release. He’d never looked more beautiful to me than he did in that moment.
His head dropped to my shoulder as his body continued to shutter, and when he let my hands go, I brought them to his back and caressed him lazily. We lay there for a few moments before he rolled over to his side and pulled my back against his chest. I listened to his breathing even out and surrendered to the feeling of peace and contentment that led me to sleep.
Chapter 25 – TJ
I zipped up my bag and looked around the room to make sure I had everything. Satisfied that I did, I walked out of the bedroom and took my bag out to place it by the door before turning to go find Sasha. I found her standing in her robe at the kitchen counter, a steaming cup of coffee in hand.
“Morning,” I said softly when she lifted her gaze to meet mine.
“Good morning,” she replied, then asked somewhat sadly, “You all packed?”
“Yeah.” I walked over and placed my arm around her waist, suddenly feeling awkward and unsure. “Thanks again for taking me in, I really appreciate it.”
“Of course, TJ,” she leaned into me and sighed. “You can come to me whenever you need anything.”
I stroked her hair and was surprised at how much I didn’t want to leave. The last few weeks had been nice … better than nice. I’d been content, and happy to come home to Sasha every night. I’d gotten to know her in ways that I never would have imagined, and I knew our relationship was stronger because of it.
Sasha leaned back to look into my face, and breathed in deeply before asking, “What if you stayed?”
I don’t know what I’d been expecting her to say, but it hadn’t been that. I looked down at her, and she looked so open and hopeful that I wished I could tell her what she wanted to hear.
“Sasha,” I began, “the plan was for me to stay for twenty-one days while I got on my feet. Well, I have, luckily, and now I need to get my shit together and support myself. I’m tired of living like a transient. I need to grow up.”
“You’re grown up,” Sasha argued. “You can stay here and still be self-sufficient. I love having you here.”
I dropped my hand and backed up a step.
“I’m not looking for a roommate, Red. I need to have steady work and a roof over my head, so that I can build a life for myself. I won’t be able to do that living in your guest room.”
“You’re opening the shop with Cal, so you will have a steady job. Why does it matter where you live? You can build your life here, just as easily as you could in the apartment. Aren’t you happy here?”
“Yes, Sasha, I was happy here, but you’re not getting it.” I ran my hand through my hair, frustrated and not sure how to make her und
erstand. “Look, you’ve never had to worry about having a roof over your head, or where your next meal was coming from. You’ve always had those things, and that’s wonderful, I don’t begrudge you that. But I haven’t always had those things, and I’m working really hard to make sure that my future is stable. I need to do these things for myself, and I can’t live with you like some charity case. I won’t.”
Sasha stood tall and placed her cup on the counter with a thump. I could see her face getting red and knew she was getting pissed at me.
Good.
Pissed Sasha was much easier for me to handle than sad Sasha.
“Charity case?” she sputtered angrily. “I don’t think that. And I know you had a rough time as a kid, and that I can’t even imagine what it felt like for you, but what I don’t understand is why you view living here as an act of charity. We get along great, and I have the room. Would it be so bad for you to stay here and save money, rather than go spend it on an apartment that you don’t need?”
“Like I said, Red, I’m not looking for a roommate,” I spat out the words as my level of anger rose to match hers. “This isn’t me,” I said, waving my arms around the room. “I’m not the kind of guy who would live off of another person. Man or woman. I’d think you’d know me well enough by now to know that. I can’t afford to live in a place like this, and still afford to buy food and pay my bills. It wouldn’t work.”
“But I don’t expect you to pay anything …” Sasha put in quickly.
I held my hand up to stop her, before she could say something that was going to really make me lose my mind.
“So, what, Red, you expect me to be a kept man. Your boy toy perhaps?” I guess maybe I’d already reached that point.
“That’s not what I’m saying.” She placed her hands on her hips as she glared at me. “You’re twisting everything around. Would it be so hard for you to live here with me, as happy as we’ve both been these past three weeks? I don’t need a roommate either. I don’t pay rent, so why would I expect you to? And I can cover the bills and whatever else. It doesn’t matter to me; it’s just money, TJ. I don’t understand why you’re making this so difficult. I like having you here. You like being here. Who cares about the rest of it?”
21 Days Page 11