by Tawny Weber
“Sophia, are you going to be all right?”
“Yes,” Sophia said automatically.
“Frannie, every time I ask Sophia why she’s so upset about the boxes, she says it’s nothing. But it’s obviously something. What is it?”
“Billy!” Sophia looked at her brother, more than a little surprised at his blunt question.
“Well, I want to know. Frannie was with you a lot when Mom was so sick. I wasn’t. I was with the Bards,” Billy said, referring to his foster family. “Honey, you went to the funeral with your sister, I remember you being so little. I can’t even fathom you being the same boy.” Billy looked uncomfortable. “That asshole of a father didn’t even come to your mom’s funeral, do you remember?”
“Frannie, let’s not rehash the past.” Sophia put her arm around Billy’s shoulder so they could go.
“The young man asked. Billy, do you remember how hard you were crying?” Sophia looked up at her brother, worried he would be upset, but Billy seemed to be looking inward trying to remember.
“I don’t remember a lot about that day. Tell me more.”
“You were about ten or eleven and I swear if it were possible Sophia would have picked you up and held you in her arms. You were inconsolable. She never once cried, all of her attention was on you.” Frannie turned to Sophia.
“All of your care had been on everyone else. Your mother and then on fighting to get Billy. When did you take the time to mourn?”
“I mourned every day. You of all people should have seen I was a basket case,” Sophia protested.
“Are you out of your mind? You were a rock.” Sophia gave a short laugh.
“I don’t know who you saw, but I was barely coping.”
“And coped, and coped, and coped. That’s exactly what I’m talking about, girlie. You coped. You never once took time for yourself. Billy, you asked me a question. You wanted to know why Sophia is so upset about these boxes. This might be her first real moment to mourn.”
“I think you’re both blowing this way out of proportion. Here’s what really happened. Mason asked me why I didn’t have anything from my past. No old pictures of me as a child. He was right, I should have unpacked these boxes two years ago. That’s all. End of story.” She stared the two of them down daring them to say anything else.
“Sorry, sis, I was just worried.”
“Yeah, well don’t,” Sophia said.
Frannie frowned. “If you need me, you know where to find me.” She hugged both of them and whispered something in Billy’s ear.
“Are you mad at me?” Billy asked as they drove back to the house.
“Frustrated. Just frustrated. Seriously, Billy, I wished you would have taken me at my word.”
“You never do when I say ‘nothing.'” Sophia barked out a laugh.
“Okay, you win on that one. Look, I can’t even remember most of the things in the boxes and it breaks my heart. How can mom’s life be distilled down to two boxes, and I can’t even remember what’s in them?”
“Don’t you mean our life?” Shit, the kid, was too smart for his own good.
“Let’s just get home.”
Billy had set the boxes in the living room but Sophia had insisted they have an early lunch before opening them up. She wanted to dig into them before Mason got home but part of her would be fine waiting until after Billy graduated from high school.
“Come on Sophia. I remember there being some cool pictures of us. I would love to have those up on the mantle.”
He was right. She watched as he opened the first one. She had carefully wrapped everything in newspaper and then in tissue paper. She vaguely remembered doing that. Frannie had been right she hadn’t cried once. What would have been the point? Mom was gone and her sole focus had been figuring a way to get Billy out of foster care and to live with her. She hadn’t had time for tears.
The first thing Billy unwrapped was a picture of their maternal grandparents at their wedding.
“Better check this out sis see if there is anything you need to do for your wedding.” Billy let out a big laugh. Sophia grabbed the picture frame out of his hand.
“Hey, this is beautiful,” she protested.
“You can barely see her she’s so covered up. And look at those suits. Mason is wearing his uniform right?” Sophia’s heart skipped. The idea of seeing Mason in his dress whites took her breath away every time. “Earth to Sophia.”
“Huh?”
“Never mind.” Billy was taking the next couple of things out of the box and carefully opening them. They were obviously pictures. “This is the one of all of us at the Grand Canyon. I’m surprised Mom kept it.”
“She kept everything with the two of us in it. It didn’t matter if Dad was in the picture or not.” Sophia traced her finger over her mom’s face. She looked so vibrant in the photo. They got their smile from their mom. She took a deep breath.
“I think this box is nothing but pictures. Right?” Billy asked.
“Yep.”
“Hey look, there are two photo albums.”
“I completely forgot about those. Mom made those for us when she was getting sick at the end.”
“How could you forget? That doesn’t make any sense.” Billy shot her an almost accusing glance.
“I never told you how bad it got, are you sure you want to know? I guess if you look at your album, you’ll know.” Sophia let out a sigh. “Mom’s cancer went from her lungs to her brain. She had a lot of trouble remembering things. Doing things for herself.” Fuck, she didn’t want to tell Billy this, but he was already opening up the photo album that had his name on the front.
“Sophia, everything is crooked. It looks like a little kid put this together.” She watched as he turned the pages.
“It was the best she could do, Billy.”
“She put in every one of my class pictures, and they aren’t even in order. Her handwriting is so hard to read. Words are misspelled.”
As he turned another page, an envelope fluttered to the floor. It wasn’t sealed, and it had his name written on it. Even that was hard to read.
“Soph?”
“I didn’t know anything about this, Billy. If I had, I would have given it to you two years ago, I swear.”
He opened it, there was one lined sheet of paper. The words didn’t even manage to stay between the lines. Sophia read over Billy’s shoulder. There wasn’t much. Caroline Anderson was confused about the age of her son, that was clear, she wrote to him as if he were still in first or second grade.
She told him how much she loved him and how proud she was of him.
I wish I could have held you in my arms one last time. You and your sister were the two best things I ever did in my life. I know you’ll grow up to be a man I’ll be proud of. I wish I could be there to see you grow up. I want you to live a full and happy life. Find love, Billy. All the rest doesn’t matter, as long as you are happy and find someone who you love and loves you.
“I wish I could have been there with you both. I wish they hadn’t taken me away.” Sophia was thankful they had, this way Billy had only good memories of their mother.
“How bad was it? How long did you have to deal with her like this, Soph?” he asked, pointing to the disorganized photo album.
“Not long.”
“How long?” Billy wouldn’t be put off.
“Probably three months.”
He shoved his album aside and pulled her in for a hard hug. “Sophia, how did you manage to cope? She was so lucky to have you.” Then he started to cry and she held her brother, who really was still a boy no matter how big his body might have gotten. He was still only fourteen.
Finally, he calmed and gave an embarrassed laugh. “Let’s open your album and see if you got a letter.”
“Billy, is it okay if I read mine in private?” He gave her an assessing look and then hugged her.
“Sophia, whatever you need. What about the other box?”
“Can we get to it la
ter? Maybe tomorrow, okay? I feel like baking.”
“Want some help?”
“You’d still do that? I thought you were getting to old for baking with your sister.”
“Not if I could get some chocolate chip cookies,” Billy said with a grin. They got up off the floor. Billy picked up three different photos, two he put on the mantle and one he put on the side table beside a grouping of other pictures. Sophia left her photo album on the coffee table, excited at the prospect of baking with Billy. It had been a long time since he had wanted to do that with her.
Chapter 7
“So I’m getting Anderson cookies and what else?” Mason asked as he came in the kitchen door.
“Sophia went all out. There’s even banana cream pie and apple brown betty.”
“So who’s coming over for dinner?” Mason asked as he snatched some cookies off a plate and stroked Sophia’s hair, then tipped her head up for a kiss.
“Nobody. I’m taking half of everything over to Jack and Beth’s house. Jack wants another surfing lesson tomorrow morning, so they asked me to spend the night.” Jack Preston hadn’t pressured him the other night about Sophia, but he sure was clearing the decks so they could have some one-on-one time in case they did want to talk. The man was a sneaky bastard.
“Well I’m at least feeding you first,” Sophia insisted.
“No, you’re not. They promised pizza as long as I promised to bring dessert.”
“Do you have any idea how much you eat?”
“Jack’s even bigger than Mason. He’s huge.”
“He’s got you on that one, honey. You might as well let it go.” Mason gave Billy a fist pump.
“Oh, go get your stuff ready, I’ll make sure the food is packed up. What time are they getting here?” The front doorbell rang.
“I guess that answers that question.”
“All my stuff is ready to go and set out near the front door. Do you need help with the food?” Mason watched in awe as Sophia closed the last Tupperware container and put it into a shopping bag.
She handed it to Billy.
“Be good.”
“Always.” He looked between the two of them. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” They watched as he left through the front door.
“Three, two, one,” Sophia said. They waited and the door crashed open. Mason laughed.
“I forgot my phone,” Billy said as he raced to his bedroom. Sophia and Mason walked out to the porch and waved at Jack, who was waiting in his SUV. Billy gave Sophia a quick hug and then jumped off the porch and was in the car before they could say goodbye again.
“I think this means we have the house to ourselves.” There was a smudge of flour on Sophia’s cheek. He loved when she’d been baking. Baking always made Sophia happy. “Let’s get you inside, it’s chilly.”
“It’s not chilly the weather’s perfect.”
“Okay, how about if I said we’re too exposed for what I have planned for you, young lady?”
“I would say God Bless Jack and Beth.”
“I would agree.” He put his arm around her and guided her towards the kitchen. He perused the stove and oven and made sure everything was turned off before moving them down the hall.
“You mean we’re not going to make out in the kitchen?” Sophia pouted.
Mason stopped and made to turn around, causing her to laugh. “Never mind, I think we need the flat surface the bed offers. I still have cookies cooling on the island. Otherwise, I might take you up on it, handsome.”
“We’ve had some good times in that kitchen as I recall.” He watched as she blushed. Despite being alone in the house, Mason still closed their bedroom door. It would be just like the kid to forget his damn wetsuit or some such shit.
Then Sophia took off her T-shirt and every thought flew out of his head, save one.
“My God, you are beautiful.” She blushed again.
“Now you.”
“Huh?”
“You take off your shirt.” She walked up to him, and tugged at the hem of his black shirt and he pulled it over his head. She kissed him in the middle of his chest and he felt it down to his toes.
No matter what went on in her life, intimate time with Mason made everything else disappear. Her whole world tipped right side up and then narrowed so it was just the two of them encased in a bubble. She slid her arms around his lean waist loving the hard solid heat of his chest as it met her breasts.
“God, I’ve missed you,” he murmured into her hair. She giggled.
“Hey, you aren’t supposed to laugh at the man you’re going to marry in four days.”
“Mason, we just made love this morning. How could you have missed me already?” she asked reasonably.
He tilted her chin so blue eyes met green. “Didn’t you miss me today?” He grinned down at her knowing the answer.
“I guess it’s a good thing we’re getting married.” She stood on her tip toes and nipped the dimple in his chin. Then groaned as he cupped the back of her head and kissed her. God, the man knew how to kiss. Slow kisses. Soft kisses. Melt your toes kisses. The list went on. Then she was lying on the bed naked.
He nibbled her jaw and she sighed.
“Wife.” He whispered. “That’s my dream—to be able to call you wife.” His hands played music down her body.
“My Mason.” She could barely get the words out she was so choked up. “You’re my Mason.”
She tried to push him over wanting so much to make love to him. He shook his head. “Some other time,” he promised. “Let me love you tonight.”
“You always do.”
“I need this, Sophia.” Again she looked into his sapphire blue eyes and saw his truth and nodded.
His left hand cupped and molded her breast, his thumb teasing her until she begged for his mouth. He claimed her. She arched upwards. He was so much more forceful tonight and she reveled in it. Sophia grabbed his hand and tried to move it towards her thighs. He easily clasped her wrists and placed her hands above her head.
“Keep them there,” his voice was low and rumbly. She shivered and nodded. This was not the man she made love with that morning. He dipped his head and savored her other nipple like a long denied treat, at the same time parting her legs. He softly caressed her folds, and she could feel him smiling against her breast.
“Don’t tease,” she wailed.
He thrust two fingers inwards and she moaned in satisfaction as he twisted and found just the right spot.
Sophia wanted to beg him not to stop, but words were beyond her. He must have read her mind because he continued, and then he brushed his thumb over her bursting clit and she found a voice that only knew his name. “Mason,” she cried over and over.
Sophia woke with a start. Dammit, it was the same dream. She wished she could remember it. Then she looked over at Mason and smiled. She stretched and winced. Then she smiled again. God, the man was a fantastic lover. If she were smart, she would marry him. She laughed to herself at her little joke. Then she got up, picked his shirt off the floor, and pulled it on as she walked to the kitchen to get some milk and cookies. She was hungry for what seemed like the first time in days.
She thought about her dream again. It was filled with regret, loss, and guilt. Maybe Frannie was right. Maybe she still hadn’t dealt with the loss of her mom. The cookie suddenly tasted like sawdust as a wave of guilt hit her. It was the overwhelming sense she always woke with after her dreams and she knew why. She set down the food and went out into the living room so she could look at the picture of Billy and their mom that Billy had set on the mantle.
That was when she saw the photo album her mom had made for her. She carefully picked it up and opened it. Her album must have been made first because it was much neater. Her mom had started with her birth certificate. Then there was a picture of her at her first communion. It wasn’t until her middle school photos that things started to get crooked. As she got to the last page, she found the letter.
“Ah Mom, why di
dn’t I know you had written me a letter?” Sophia felt like a piece of garbage that in those many months together in the tiny trailer, she hadn’t realized all of the time and effort her mom had put into making these photo albums or the fact she had written these letters.
“I suck,” she said. She blew hair out of her eyes and tried to hold back the threatening tears. She bit her lip and opened the envelope, it was dated two weeks before her mother died. It was hardly legible, but Sophia could read it.
Sophia,
No woman could be prouder than I am. You are the best daughter in the world. I know you are going to try to deny this but I need you to listen. Really listen. Long before I got sick I thought you were wonderful but now I know how truly exceptional you are. You are such a kind and loving girl. You don’t see yourself clearly, but I do, and all of us who have been gifted with your presence in our lives are truly blessed.
There hasn’t been a day that has gone by that you haven’t made me feel loved and cared for. Considering the fact you have had to care for me like I was a baby makes you a very special woman, Sophia. I love you more than words can say.
I know that even with my passing you are going to take on a monumental task of raising a young boy. I know Billy couldn’t have a better person to raise him. But remember to love and care for my daughter. She deserves all of the good things life has to offer. She deserves love and happiness because that is all she has ever brought to anyone else in this world.
Find a man who will love and cherish you. I wish I could be there to see you shine on your wedding day, and to hold my grandchildren. I know you will be an extraordinary mother. Know that every day I will be watching over you from Heaven.
I love you,
Mom
“Oh Mom, I hope you’re watching right now.” Sophia re-read the letter three times and then curled up on the floor.
“I love you too, but you can’t love me. You can’t mean those things.”
She knew how she had been at the end. Her mother had been a burden. Sophia had tried not to show it. She had tried to be good and loving and supportive. But sometimes it had all been just too overwhelming.