Wet N Wild Navy SEALs

by Tawny Weber

His mouth finally opened to hers, as he sucked on her bottom lip in return, groaning softly as he did it. She could've stood there forever, kissing Will, hanging on to him, feeling safe and sexy at the same time.

  Her senses were singing, happy as could be, no fear, no worries, nothing in the world she needed in the moment except this. She was joyful in a way she hadn't been in months. He was like a drug, the best one she'd ever had. He took everything away, except pleasure.

  Finally he gave up all pretense of fighting this. His hold was still gentle, and he didn't lean in to her body in any way. That was all her. But his mouth... that perfectly, sinfully sexy mouth devoured her.

  She knew it wouldn't go on forever. They were standing at the curb at the airport, after all, people all around them, but she was still disappointed when long moments later, he held her firmly in place and took one step back from her.

  Dark, puzzled eyes stared down at her, his head cocked to one side as, without a word, he asked her to explain.

  She shrugged, smiled. "Sorry."

  "Really?"

  "Okay, no. I'm not. I needed to kiss you."

  "Needed to?"

  "You said I needed to put this behind me, to get on with my life. I was going to need to kiss someone one day. I want that part of my life back, too. And I wanted it to be you. I feel safe with you."

  "That was not a safe kind of kiss, Amanda. You're going to have to be careful, if you go around kissing men like that."

  "I will." She grinned. "I'll keep that in mind, I mean. Being careful. I promise." Of course, there was no one she wanted to kiss but him.

  "You look very pleased with yourself," he said.

  "I didn't want you to leave thinking about how pathetic I am, crying all over you at the airport."

  He nodded, working to put that blank expression across his face. "Well, it worked. I'm not thinking about that."

  "Good."

  "Amanda, there's something you need to understand..."

  Uh-oh. She knew what was coming. She'd pushed too far, and now she was going to get the talk. "I know. You're leaving. It's what you do. You're always going to leave. It's who you are. How am I doing? Did I miss anything?"

  "I like my life this way."

  "You like it? Or is it just what you've always done? What you're comfortable with?"

  "It's all that," he said, looking as if the question baffled him.

  Well, she'd been warned about him, more than once. "Okay, forget I said that last part. I'm grateful for the time you did spend here."

  "Ahh, honey. If I was different..."

  He'd want to be with her?

  She let herself imagine that for a moment, imagine how wonderful that would be, to have him by her side always. It would be amazing, but it wasn't what he wanted. Or it wasn't what he believed he wanted. Maybe it was something he was scared to want, because of the way he grew up. But that wasn't for her to decide. It was for him. His life. His choices.

  She felt like she was watching something rare and precious, something monumentally important, slip away from her.

  Damn, if she wasn't careful she was going to cry again, and he'd hate that. She would, too.

  "Well, I want you to be happy," she said, meaning it, even if it felt lousy for her.

  "Me, too. For you. You will be. I know it. You're a smart, brave, beautiful woman." He stared at her, trying to smile. It seemed hard for him, which gave her foolish hope. "I really do have to go."

  "I know."

  "Goodbye, Amanda."

  And now came the hard part, the really hard part. Oh, it hurt.

  "Bye, Will."

  She watched him until he was out of sight, then drove away from the terminal on autopilot until she could park in an empty lot. She turned off the car and got out, ended up leaning against the door, finally giving free rein to all the emotions of that awful moment when he'd walked away and disappeared.

  She thought for a moment she was suffocating.

  Amanda felt like her connection to him was hardwired, maybe from birth. It just hadn't been activated until he'd saved her life in Buhkai, and it wasn't something that could be severed.

  She'd never felt that way about a man before, wasn't even sure she'd believed it was possible. Friends of hers fell in love, some once a month, it seemed. They'd tried to tell her how this felt, the blinding shot of light that filled their minds, their hearts, as they latched onto some man. She'd thought they were nuts. Either that, or something was wrong with her, because she'd never felt that way.

  She'd met guys she adored, guys she thought were attractive and fun and interesting. Some of them, she'd admired from afar. Some of them, she'd dated. A few of them, she'd ended up in bed with.

  But she'd never met a man who'd irrevocably changed her, changed her life, one she'd always want to be a part of her life.

  That part of her looked at Will in shock and awe. It said, He's here! Finally! He's here!

  But he hadn't stayed.

  The reasonable, logical part of her knew everything he'd said was true. They had shared an extraordinary experience, all that fear and adrenaline flowing. In those kinds of experiences, people's emotions were heightened. But those feelings didn't survive back in the real world. Multiple counselors had warned her of that, including Emma.

  Amanda looked forward to feeling normal again—or at least hoped that one day she would, that life would fall back into place. She wouldn't be afraid all the time or on drugs to help her cope. She'd rebuild some kind of life, stop living with her father and hiding in corners, stop being afraid of the dark.

  But now, all she could see was Will.

  She blinked once, then again, as if that could give her a clear vision of the world, clear her thoughts, make them make sense.

  They still didn't.

  Will made sense.

  In her mind, she could see him so clearly, looking strong and solid and so appealing. She...

  She was in love with him.

  She knew it. No questions, no doubts.

  She loved him.

  And he'd just left her.

  Chapter 18

  At her next appointment with Emma, Amanda confessed to everything about that airport goodbye except realizing she loved Will. It was still too new, too overwhelming.

  "It was awful. I'm still so embarrassed, I can hardly stand to think about it."

  Emma laughed. "It couldn't possibly have been that bad."

  "If anything, it was even worse. I'm surprised he hasn't called to warn you I'm falling apart and tell you to lock me up to save me from myself."

  "Well, he hasn't. And I know if he was honestly worried about you, he'd be on the phone to me."

  "Emma, I'm completely irrational where he's concerned."

  "No, you're not," Emma said. "You've been through a trauma, you're scared, you're mad, you're still trying to process everything, and you may be a tad obsessed with Will, but you're not irrational."

  "I think I am. I told myself not to go there. I knew it was a bad idea. I knew I'd likely embarrass myself and him, but I went anyway. Tell me that's not irrational."

  Emma laughed again. "There isn't a fraction of the spaces needed in mental hospitals for all the women who've been irrational at some point in their lives over a man. In this, you're completely normal."

  Amanda made a face. "That's it? That's all you've got?"

  "Sorry. Men are difficult. Even with a good therapist."

  "He couldn't get away from me fast enough."

  "That is not true. He was here for five weeks. I don't think he's been here that long since he joined the Navy. Five weeks for him is huge."

  "Well, I wouldn't be surprised if it was five years before he was back here again."

  Emma laughed.

  "I might not have told you the most embarrassing part."

  "Okay. Tell me the most embarrassing part."

  "I might have grabbed him and kissed him like crazy."

  "Oh. First time?"

  "That I've kis
sed him like crazy?" Like Amanda could have done that before and not talked about it?

  "That you've kissed anyone since the attack."

  "Oh. Yes, it was."

  "And how was it?"

  "Great, while it lasted. But it would be. It was Will."

  "He's still a man, one you find attractive."

  "But I'm not scared of him. I don't think I could ever be scared of him. Or scared with him. Not that any of it matters. I may never see him again."

  "That's a little dramatic—"

  "But true. I keep thinking, I don't know what he's doing, whether he's safe. Anything could have happened to him, and I wouldn't know."

  "Amanda, he had a detached retina and has been on medical leave. He has to be cleared for duty before he can do anything. He's probably in Virginia Beach and perfectly safe."

  "You're right. He probably hasn't had time to get back on active duty yet. See, completely irrational. And I didn't even know he was stationed at Virginia Beach. I don't know anything about the man."

  Except that she was obsessed with him and irrational and kept embarrassing herself in front of him. And he hadn't been able to get away from her fast enough.

  Her face burned just thinking about it.

  Emma sighed. "As far as I know, he's still stationed in Virginia."

  "That's not far. I was thinking about him being on the other side of the world."

  "No, not far. Please tell me you're not going there."

  "You know I can hardly get out my front door, so I don't think that will be a problem. The farthest I've been in ages is the airport, with him, although technically I left the state because the Cincinnati airport is actually in Northern Kentucky. And I doubt I could've gone that far with anyone but him."

  "Okay, that's probably something we should talk about."

  "I know. I come here. I go to the shelter. I go out to eat with my father when he insists, because I'm afraid if I don't, he'll worry even more. But it's hard, and it's getting harder all the time."

  "We should probably figure out how you're going to handle that."

  "I know. Em, do you think I'll ever feel normal again, sexually?" Asking even that seemed easier than talking about how difficult it was becoming to walk out of her own house.

  "Yes, but it might take time and some work."

  "Everything takes time," she said, so frustrated she wanted to scream or cry, maybe both. "And work? How does one work at that? I want to know that one day I can feel normal about sex. I don't want that man to take that away from me."

  "No, you don't. And by work, I mean you take it in steps. You've felt attracted to Will. That's a step, a beginning. You found a man attractive. So, now, take another step."

  "The man I want to take steps with just left."

  "So take some steps yourself. Try to get comfortable with your body again. Get comfortable being touched. It doesn't have to be sexual. Hug people. Sit close. If you have someone to snuggle with—"

  "No snuggle buddies, sorry to say."

  "Okay, but you don't have to have a man for this. Touch isn't just sexual. It's reassurance and comfort. Humans are hardwired to crave touch. Hold someone's hand. Get a manicure. Get a pedicure. Get a massage. Something like that would be great, a combination of stress reduction combined with touch. Start with a female therapist. Tell her what you've been through, and that you're trying to be comfortable again with being touched. With seeing it as a soothing, normal thing."

  "I do love to have someone do my hair. And when I had it cut, it felt good when the stylist washed it and massaged my scalp."

  "Okay, good. That's a big step."

  "But at some point, there's going to be a man, I hope. How do I do that?"

  "However you want. And I mean that. Think about what you want, and what you don't want. Be clear about your boundaries. It's perfectly fine to have a set of rules, what you're okay with, what's not okay. You want a man who's willing to follow your rules, one who's willing to be patient, one you really trust."

  "Gee, who would that be?"

  Emma laughed.

  "He looked so uncomfortable when all I did was kiss him. I can just imagine what he'd say if I asked him to help me get over my fears about sex."

  "Speaking as your friend and his, not your therapist, I'd pay money to see his face when you ask him that."

  "What am I saying? If I'm not going to see him again, I won't ever get to ask him to have sex with me."

  "Even if Will is gone for now, he can still be useful to you. You know what he looks like. You know the sound of his voice. You know what it feels like to kiss him. And you have two hands of your own. See what you can do with that."

  "Oh," Amanda said. "Okay."

  The man could still be useful to her.

  Will was not happy. He was stuck on desk duty at team headquarters for another couple of weeks at least. He wasn't even supposed to do PT, dammit, for fear of messing up his eye.

  How damned fragile was he? And what the hell was he supposed to do with himself if he had to sit all day and not even work out?

  How was he supposed to forget her if he wasn't allowed to do anything? He had counted on work—hard, physical work—to keep his mind occupied and to make him tired enough to sleep at night. So he wouldn't spend all his time thinking about her.

  Stuck sitting here, it was too easy to keep staring at the phone, thinking how easy it would be to pick it up, call Sam or Emma and say as casually as he could manage, "Just checking in. What's going on?"

  As if he'd ever in his life done that.

  They'd see through him in an instant.

  But they'd probably tell him what he wanted to know without him having to ask.

  Like, how was she?

  Did she miss him?

  Did she need him?

  It had seemed, during that awful scene at the airport, when she cried all over him and he'd given himself just a moment to hold her close, that she really needed him.

  He'd felt like an ass walking away, even though he'd just gone back to work. Not that he was happy here, either.

  All he wanted was to get back on a plane and go back to her. To make sure she was okay, maybe make sure she hadn't kissed anyone the way she'd kissed him. Unless she was sure she knew what she was getting herself into. Unless it was a man she knew really well and trusted as much as she said she trusted Will.

  Was there another man like that in her life who Will didn't know about? He couldn't stop thinking about that, either.

  Her kissing another man like that.

  His friend Mace walked into the office, whistling happily. He'd been pulling desk duty, healing from an injury himself, until Will had come back but failed to be cleared for duty yet. So now Mace was free to be slotted into a team in its pre-deployment work-up, preparing to go wherever he was most needed.

  "Can't thank you enough, man. Perfect timing," Mace said.

  "Kiss my ass."

  Mace laughed. "Trouble at home, honey?"

  "Nothing is wrong at home."

  "Yeah, right. Why don't you just tell me about her?"

  "Who?"

  "Whoever's got you all tied up in knots."

  "No one's got me tied up in knots."

  "Well, then you somehow managed to go on leave for five weeks and not get yourself laid. Surely you're not stupid enough to do that."

  Well, shit. He had done that. Or not done that.

  "So, tell me about the ambassador's daughter," Mace said.

  "Nothing to tell. She's back in the States with her father."

  "Yeah, oddest thing. You know what her father is doing these days? He's teaching. At a little college in Ohio. Funniest thing. It's in the same area code as that emergency call you got from home."

  Will glared at Mace.

  "What a coincidence, huh?"

  Will didn't say a word.

  "Pretty girl."

  Yes, she was.

  "Young," Mace said.

  Way too young for Will. He felt about a m
illion years old next to her. Or, sometimes, insanely young, hopeful even. What the hell was that about?

  "Whoa." Mace laughed. "Where'd you go?"

  "Nowhere. I'm not going anywhere."

  He wasn't going back to see her. He wasn't calling her. He wasn't calling anyone to ask about her. He was going to sit at this damned desk, until he didn't have to anymore, and then he was going to get back to his life.

  "Hey, seriously, we all have people we run into in this job who are hard to forget. Given what you went through, what she went through, I can understand you getting attached to her."

  "I'm not attached to her," Will insisted. "She just thinks... I don't know what she thinks. She's scared. She's been through hell, thinks I'm some kind of damned hero. She'll get over it."

  "You sure you want her to?"

  "What else could I want? What the hell does it even matter, what I want? We have nothing in common, except some of the worst hours of her life. She's an ambassador's daughter and went to boarding school in Switzerland. She has a damned trust fund."

  "And you're the man who saved her life."

  Will shook his head. "She's better off without me."

  "How do you figure that?"

  "How do you not? How many days have you been home in the last year? In the last five years? In the last ten?"

  "Okay, yeah. But I don't have anybody at home I like better than my job. Neither did you. Not until now."

  "I don't have her," he insisted.

  "Sounds like you could."

  Yeah, it sounded like he could have her. At least for a while. It wouldn't last. Nothing with him and a woman ever did. And that was not what she needed right now. She needed a good man, a patient one, a man who was going to be around for a while, a man who would stay forever.

  That wasn't him.

  So he was going to stay away, let her get on with her life without him.

  And the man she found? He'd better be a great guy. He'd better be solid, strong, faithful, patient, understanding and crazy about her. He'd better know how damn lucky he was to have her, and he'd better make sure she knew it every single day.

  Otherwise, Will would tear the guy apart, piece-by-piece.

  Six weeks after Will left, he got the chance he'd been waiting for, and he didn't even have to ask for it.