Carrie laughed and smoothed the napkin in her lap. "Honestly, that part doesn't bother me. Mother is so concerned about being the biggest fundraiser in the county that if I'd thought about it, she would definitely want celebrities there. And divorce was a long time ago. I really don’t care anymore.”
Dirk cocked his head and narrowed his eyes. “The divorce didn't shock you?"
"Not really. Aside from the surprise, we weren’t really a good couple anyway. I mean, I was shocked when he ended up saying he was leaving me for Cassidy, but in hindsight, I shouldn't have been. We'd been living separate lives for a long time. Me and Bethany, him and his restaurant."
"Oh?" Dirk urged her to continue as he put a fish taco on her plate and took the shrimp she offered.
They laughed when they both reached for the extra-hot sauce at the end of the table.
"You too?" he asked with a smile.
"The hotter the better," she answered, shaking the hot sauce onto her shrimp. "I need to apologize in advance. These are pretty messy," she said as she began to peel one of the shrimp.
Dirk smiled and nodded. "I see that. Good thing we have a lot of napkins. So, maybe when you split up, it was better that way. You had grown apart, it sounds like."
"Pretty much. And after we split up, it was fine for a while. It really was." Carrie took a bite of her shrimp and butter dripped onto her plate after it had run down her chin. "Oops."
Dirk laughed and eyed his shrimp. "You're right. They're messy, but delicious."
Carrie munched on a tortilla chip and looked out at the water. It was a beautiful day—the weather still gorgeous as Labor Day had just passed, even if a little cooler. Boats large and small bobbed on their moorings and she could almost ignore that farther down the bay was Rob's restaurant. She turned back to Dirk and noticed he was staring at her.
"What?" she asked, after another bite of her shrimp.
"What made it not okay? You said it was okay for a while."
Carrie had thought she'd packed this all away. None of it was what she'd thought would happen. But Dirk seemed so interested, and she didn't have the heart to tell him she didn't want to talk about it.
She sighed. "We agreed on joint custody. I actually fought for full custody, as he was at the restaurant most of the time and I was the only mother Bethany had ever known, really."
Dirk started in on his fish tacos. "What do you mean?"
"Well, Rob and I met when Bethany was just a baby. Her mother had been young, apparently, and ran off with a surfer."
Dirk laughed. "I'm sorry. That's some poetic injustice, I guess. Hard to believe he'd do that to you after it was done to him."
Carrie had never thought about it that way, but Dirk had a point. "I guess so. Anyway, Bethany was twelve at the time, and I didn't get full custody as I wasn't her birth mother and hadn't officially adopted her. I was waiting until she was older and she could choose for herself, but if I had done it right away, things might not have turned out the way they did."
"Hindsight's twenty-twenty, I guess," Dirk said, wiping some salsa off his chin. Apparently, the fish tacos were as messy as the shrimp. "So, what did happen? If you don't mind my asking."
Carrie sighed and decided that she might as well get it all out, tell him the whole story. She'd grown fond of him over the last few months, and he seemed like a nice man. And maybe it would do her some good to say it all out loud, especially if she was going to call Bethany later, and once again put her own heart on the line.
Sixteen
Carrie decided to let it all out, trusting that Dirk would be a good listener.
"Rob was adamant that we have fifty-fifty custody. But he wanted to alternate every other week. I think a week was about all he could handle. And that way, he'd have a week off with his new bride pretty consistently."
"I've heard of people doing that. In fact, my ex-wife and I considered it for our daughter when we got divorced. But she wasn't a very organized kid, and the divorce was tough on her. It wouldn't have been a good idea."
Carrie paused mid-bite and stared at him. "You have a daughter? How did I not know that?"
He laughed. "I guess we were pretty busy with the house sale—or non-sale, as it turned out—and then the fundraiser."
"What's her name?"
"Abby." Dirk reached for his phone and got that proud dad look on his face that Carrie had seen—in other people. His smile was infectious as he flipped through a couple pictures, showing off a beautiful young girl about Bethany's age, with dark-brown hair and bright eyes.
She was on a tennis court in one picture, and Carrie was about to ask when he said, "She's on the tennis team. She would have come to the fundraiser, but she had a tournament. Her mom took a video for me, though, of her last match and she did great."
He beamed like a proud dad would, and it warmed Carrie's heart.
"She plays tennis? Bethany does, too."
"She does. So do I."
Carrie couldn't help but laugh out loud. "Me, too, but I don't play much anymore."
"I don't either. Haven't had time, but I say we give it a go sometime. Could be fun." He smiled and set his phone on the table. "I'm sorry. I interrupted you. Go ahead. What happened when you tried to split custody?"
Carrie glanced back out at the harbor. "We tried that for a few months, and it required that Bethany pack up all of her stuff and basically move every Sunday night. We had duplicates of a lot of things, but not everything—school books, her favorite sneakers, things like that. It got to be pretty difficult for her..."
Her voice trailed off as she remembered the night she'd found Bethany crying in the bathroom.
"Oh, I'm sorry," he said, covering her hand with his.
"I contacted a counselor, and she asked a lot of questions. About things that I hadn't even noticed. And I realized that Bethany had stopped eating and had lost a lot of weight. She had dark circles under her eyes, and I couldn't guess what was wrong."
"Ah. That's pretty much what we were worried about with Abby. She wasn't a very organized kid, either. That can be hard on them, moving every week."
Carrie nodded slowly. "I know. I mean, I know now. At the time, I thought it was a good compromise. Turns out, not so much. At least for us. I think some kids can handle it just fine—she just wasn't one of them."
"So what did you do?"
Carrie laid her napkin across her plate. She hadn't quite finished all of her lunch, but she’d lost whatever appetite she’d had.
"I told Rob what the counselor said, let him know I was worried about Bethany. That I thought she needed to have one house as her primary residence. You know, maybe see him every other week, and maybe all summer. The time would be the same, but during the school year she'd have a more stable environment."
"I take it he didn't agree."
Carrie let out a wry laugh. "Oh, he definitely did. But he decided it should be at his house, not mine. I didn't see that one coming."
Dirk's eyes grew wide, and he ran his hand through his hair. "Wow, that must have been a shock."
"It was. And as he was her legal parent and I wasn't, I didn't have anywhere to go with it."
Dirk let out a slow whistle. "What an awful choice. Why would he want to do that if he preferred the time off? I don't get it."
Carrie grimaced. "By that time, Cassidy had gotten her spot on the Housewives show, and Bethany was part of it. At least enough of a part where she needed to be around more when they were filming. Bethany thought it was fun for about a minute, but quickly lost interest. Cassidy didn't, though, and they needed her. It was really awful. There wasn't anything I could do." Carrie looked down at her plate and realized she was making squiggles in the salsa with a chip.
"Let me guess. You didn't let Bethany know that you'd tried to have her live with you full time, right?"
Her head snapped up and their eyes met. "How did you know?"
Dirk pushed his plate away and leaned forward, his elbows on the table. "Because that'
s what a mom who cared about her daughter's mental health would do, I think. If she was already having trouble, getting involved in a war between the two of you would have only made it worse."
Carrie paused while the waiter filled up her glass of iced tea, and topped off Dirk's.
"Well, that was my thinking at the time. What I didn't know was that she would feel like I abandoned her, and we would lose touch. She didn't want to come see me when she could—said it was too hard, and she had homework to do when she wasn't working on the show. I think I cried myself to sleep for an entire year. I couldn't believe she didn't love me anymore."
Carrie looked up again, and Dirk's eyes mirrored her sadness. "Hey, that's not the truth. That's not what happened. You're her mom. Teenagers—well, teenagers honestly are a species unto themselves, I think. It won't last forever. But I bet it was tough.”
"It was,” Carrie said, nodding slowly. "And seeing her the other day—I was just so excited. She looked miserable still, but she was a sight for sore eyes for me, that's for sure."
Dirk rested his chin in his hand as he leaned forward again, his finger tapping. "So, you're going to call her this afternoon to see what happened, why she doesn't want to go all of a sudden?"
Carrie nodded slowly. "That's what I told Rob I would do. I hope it goes well."
"You don't talk to her anymore?"
"Not really. I quit trying after about a hundred unreturned voicemails, over months. I send her an email once a week, but never get one back."
"I can imagine. Well, she's sixteen now, right? Maybe a little bit more mature?"
"I don't know. Maybe."
"And she doesn't want to go. And there's nowhere for her to stay."
Carrie stared at Dirk for a moment, then glanced over at Rob's restaurant. He had people who would cover there, and she hadn't said it outright to Bethany, but she really shouldn't miss fall semester and her entire tennis season. Last they'd spoken, Bethany was hoping she'd get a scholarship. And even though she hadn't been able to be there for Bethany in the way she'd wanted to before, she could now.
"I'm going to offer for her to stay with me," she finally said, setting her glass of iced tea with a thud.
"Oh yeah?" Dirk said, his smile wide. "That sounds like it could get interesting.
"Well, Rob wants her to go, but I bet his bigger problem is that there's nowhere else for her to stay. And he doesn't want to give up his big trip—at least that's what I'm guessing."
"I'm sure that's about right. And you guys could spend time together. Get to know each other again. Play tennis." Dirk looked so excited he was almost wiggling in his chair. "It's brilliant."
Carrie smiled at his kindness and excitement on her behalf. Just the thought of Bethany coming to live with her lifted her heart. But Carrie wished a little bit more of his confidence would rub off on her. She wasn't at all convinced that Rob would allow it—or that Bethany would want to.
But she missed her daughter mightily. The other night had made that really clear. And after she and Dirk ran through some possible ways for her to get it out, she decided that it was worth a try. In all honesty, she had nothing to lose. There was no way things could possibly get worse.
Seventeen
"When are you going to call?" Andrea asked when she returned to the office. "You have four more appointments, I think. Should be done by four thirty."
"Perfect. Rob said she gets home from school at four. I'll call after the last patient leaves."
Carrie shrugged on her white coat, scrubbed her hands and somehow got through her day. She'd tried not to be too hopeful, but even as she was working on patients, she'd daydreamed about all the fun she and Bethany could have, just like old times. Making popcorn and watching Gilmore Girls—did Bethany still like Gilmore Girls, she wondered? It might take a little bit to find out what she did like, but as the day wore on and she allowed all the happy memories they had to drift through her mind, her hopes were high.
She'd finally seen her last patient and hung up her white coat, and it was time to make the call.
"You okay?" Andrea asked, leaning back in her chair so she could see Carrie sitting at her desk, staring at the phone.
Carrie looked up and smiled, trying to gather her courage. After being steeped in happy memories all day, she wasn't sure how she'd do if Bethany said no.
Suddenly, Andrea was standing at her desk. She picked up one of the pictures of Carrie and Bethany and gazed at it, turning it so Carrie could see. "Just remember the girl you love, and do your best."
Carrie smiled gratefully and set the picture right in front of her. "Thanks, Andrea. I really don't have anything to lose, do I?"
"Nope. And an open heart is your best bet."
Carrie nodded and picked up the receiver. She took one last glance of the picture of her and Bethany—both in tennis outfits, big smiles and orange bows in their hair—and punched in the numbers.
Her heart skipped a beat when she heard Bethany say, "Hello."
She realized she hadn't actually planned what she wanted to say right beforehand, so she tried to remember what Dirk had helped her with.
"Hello, Bethany. It's Carrie." She didn't even know if that was right. Bethany used to call her 'Mom' but that didn't feel right now.
"Hello, Carrie," Bethany said.
"It was really nice to see you the other night," Carrie began, wishing Bethany would help out a little but not surprised that she wasn't.
“Uh-huh,” Bethany said.
Carrie tapped a pencil on her desk and stared at the picture. There really wasn't anything to do but do it, she supposed.
"Your dad says that you don't want to go to Europe now. And that I told you that you didn't have to."
She was met with a brief silence. "Um, yeah, sorry about that. I know that's not exactly what you said."
"No, it isn't," Carrie agreed, glad that honesty wasn't an issue. "So what's going on?"
"I guess I just got to thinking about what you said, and I really don't want to miss fall semester. Or my tennis season, either. I really like tennis. And I'm good."
Carrie smiled at her confidence. She was good. No reason to pretend she wasn't.
"You still thinking about maybe a tennis scholarship somewhere? For college?"
"I am, I guess. I've had scouts come to see me. Dad says it's not important, that I don't need a scholarship as they have more money than God."
Carrie stifled a laugh. That sounded more like Cassidy than Rob, but whatever.
"It's more fun in college if you're on a team. Easier to meet people. I still talk to my tennis teammates from college. They've become lifelong friends."
"That's what I was thinking. But he really wants me to go, and says there's nowhere for me to stay, anyway."
Carrie realized that it was now or never, if she was going to make the offer for Bethany to stay with her, and she gathered her courage.
"I've been thinking about that, too. You are welcome to stay with me. Any time. But especially now."
"Hello?" she asked after waiting a while with no response from Bethany.
"I'm here. I—I'm not sure about that."
"Oh." Carrie put the picture of them face down on the desk and rubbed her eyes. "I thought maybe we could have some fun. Like old times." Her courage faded, and she wasn't quite sure what else to say.
Bethany seemed to take another whole minute before she spoke again. "Well, I'm pretty busy in school. Between that and tennis, I'm not home a lot anyway."
"I can imagine. I remember how much time it takes."
"You have a bedroom for me?"
"Of course. And it's all cleaned out. Nobody's ever stayed in it, even. It's all yours."
This conversation was like pulling teeth. Not what Carrie had anticipated, but it had probably been a little naive for her to think it would go any other way.
"I suppose it wouldn't hurt, since I'd be gone most of the time. Just a place to crash."
"Um, well, if you want to think of i
t that way, I guess that's all right. I just wanted to be helpful."
Bethany let out a funny noise that didn't quite sound like a laugh. "Yeah, right. Okay. Thanks."
"You're welcome. See you Sunday, then, I guess?"
"I guess," Bethany said.
Carrie hung up slowly and shook her head.
"Well?" Andrea said, and Carrie was pretty positive that she already knew all of Carrie's side of the conversation.
"It wasn't exactly like she was jumping for joy, but she said yes."
"Man, teenagers. My sister has one and they're like aliens from another planet, in my opinion."
Carrie looked up, her eyes wide. She did remember that Maggy had given Faith a run for her money when she was Bethany's age, but Bethany was always a very sweet little girl. She was certain that she was just a little mad, and that everything would turn out okay as soon as she and Carrie could spend time together.
"I'm sure it'll be great. We can watch Gilmore Girls together and eat popcorn. I can help her with her homework and meet her friends. Maybe play some tennis together."
She looked up and it appeared that Andrea was trying hard not to laugh, her hand covering her mouth.
"Yeah, okay. Spoken by the woman whose mother just completely ruined her weekend."
Carrie had tried very hard not to think about her own mother, who was never there for her when she was a teenager, nor remotely interested in anything she was doing. And she was determined to continue not thinking about her mother, and try to make it different with Bethany.
But her stomach felt a little queasy when Andrea said, "Teenagers can be a handful, Carrie. Be careful what you wish for."
Eighteen
Carrie was still in shock that Bethany was actually going to come and stay with her, and she was so excited she just changed into her walking clothes as fast as she could and almost sprinted to Jen's house. She couldn't wait to tell her the news.
Jen was waiting with Daisy, who was trying to pull Jen as hard as she could down toward the water, and Carrie followed. After Daisy arrived at her destination and bit the waves for a few seconds, she took off down the beach, and Carrie and Jen fell into a rhythm behind her, the wind at their backs.
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