by C. B. Stagg
“Hey—” I said, when they both looked my way.
“Boy, we need to talk.” Lillie’s hands flew to her hips and she cocked her head to one side, daring me to defy her order.
“Woman, you need to leave that boy alone.” Chance turned to me. “My lovely wife here is having cold feet by proxy.”
I took a few more steps into the room, walked right up to Lillie Lowe, and placed my hands on her shoulders.
“I’m listening. Say your piece.” I knew what was coming.
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Her pinched brows were so sincere and my heart swelled with love for these two people whom I now considered family.
“No, I don’t. But when I was in the second grade, I pushed Brooke Kirby on the swings every day for two weeks before asking her to be my girlfriend, and you know what? She said no, because one time the year before I got a better grade on a spelling test than she did.” I sighed, wondering what ever happened to that uppity little girl. They both just stared at me.
“That makes no damn sense.” Lillie was hacked. I’d never heard her cuss before.
“Yeah, it does, baby… ” Chance glided around and wrapped his big arms around his wife. Their size difference was just unnatural and I didn’t think I’d ever get used to it. “Because even if things don’t go his way, he’s still a winner. It takes bravery to walk into something terrifying, unsure of the outcome. The boy’s got guts, you’ve got to give him that.” He checked his watch and tilted his head in the direction of the back door.
“Lillie, my instincts have never failed me.” She glanced down at my leg, then cut her eyes back at me. “That doesn’t count. My instincts knew exactly what I was getting myself into, but I did it anyway. I have a good feeling on this one… plus, what’s the worst that could happen?”
“She could say no.” I swear there were tears in her eyes.
“She could,” I agreed. “But I got through it once, I’ll get through it again.” I gave her a wink and headed out the back door.
As usual, I heard her before I saw her.
“I’m so sorry I’m late.” And then a few seconds later, “Just let me get my apron.” Followed by, “Where the hell is my apron?” Sometimes that girl could go from sweet to pissed in the blink of an eye, especially when it came to that goofy apron. “Grrrrrrr.” I heard her growl, before another muffled response, then, “Outside? Why would it be outside?” She yanked the door open to find me standing by the dilapidated picnic table. I’d managed to use a few wood scraps from the job site down the street and some screws to temporarily stabilize it. But there wasn’t much I could do to fix a table that had probably been around since Texas was its own country.
“Looking for this?” I pulled her apron from behind my back and her face instantly softened. Still standing in the doorway, she took a small step back when she spotted the picnic basket.
“Bennett? What’s going on?” She was side-eyeing the table, then shifting back to me. That happened a few times before I laughed out loud.
“Do you believe in love at first sight, Princess?” I asked, holding my hand out to her. Reluctantly, she closed the few feet between us and took it. I guided her over to the table and we sat just as we had four months ago, on what I secretly considered our first date.
“No, but I believe in annoyance at first sight.” She chuckled at her own joke, and I did too.
“I’m starting to think those two things go hand in hand.” And I pulled her hand, the one I was still holding, to my lips and kissed her knuckles.
She tipped her head to one side, no longer laughing, and stared into my eyes. “What’s this about, Bennett?” Her voice lacked the confidence that had been bred into her. She was worried.
“A few months ago, we spent a few hours out here, just talking and getting to know each other. And that night, as you dropped me off, you thanked me for sharing my story with you.”
A soft smile graced her face and she nodded. “I remember like it was yesterday.”
“Well, there’s more to the story, and I’d like for you to tell me how it ends.” She held my gaze for a long time, different emotions flashing across her face.
“How?” she asked. She’d scooted so close, our knees touched. It was the most intense eye contact I’d ever been a part of and solidified this life-changing and somewhat sudden decision even more.
“Jill, I came to Texas A&M to heal, but that didn’t really start until I met you.” She drew a sharp breath and shook her head with conviction.
“No, Bennett. There was never anything wrong with you. If anything, you healed me.” I scooted closer to her on the bench. She was practically in my lap.
“You have no idea, do you? You have no idea that, before you, I was battered and broken. And I’m not just talking about my leg, I’m talking about all of it. My mind was trapped in the hell of my past, my soul was haunted… my perspective was completely twisted. But, when I was with you, I could breathe again. My heart remembered to beat. You did that for me. First by pissing me off, then by trusting me. You gave me a purpose.”
“And what purpose was that?” I’m nervous, like the heart-pounding kind of nervous. All of the sudden, I feel like I’m about to take the first step down a dangerous, uncharted road, completely unarmed. Because, how do you prepare for your heart to possibly be torn from your body?
“To be the kind of man who deserved the kind of woman I knew you could be.”
“Bennett… “ But I held up my hand. I wasn’t finished and if I didn’t say what I came here to say, I may never be brave enough to try again.
“I’m a simple man. I can get by with practically nothing, you’ve seen that. I wanted for nothing, but then I kissed you, and it was like we just clicked into place. Now, there’s something I don’t just want, but I need.”
“What?” She scooted into my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck, sitting higher, so I had to look up at her.
“Us. I want us. And I want it forever.”
Her mouth crashed down onto mine and I held her so tight, I could feel her heart beating against mine. Pulling back, the broken connection was almost painful, but this was it. I stood, swinging one leg and then the other, over the bench, and pulled her up to do the same. Once we’d untangled ourselves, I pulled her in for one more kiss, then carefully, got down on my left knee and held out my open palm, which contained a simple gold band that housed a modest diamond.
“I am about as far away from Prince Charming as you’ll ever get, but I want the rest of my story to be, and they lived happily ever after. So, Jill Walker, will you marry me?”
Chapter 34
Jill
May 1993
SUMMER IN TEXAS was literally hot enough to bake cookies on the dashboard and fry eggs on the sidewalk, but a Texas spring is what made life worth living. And our wedding day didn’t disappoint.
The chapel on campus was small, but it was all we needed. On the groom’s side were Rosie and Doc, Bennett’s foster parents and partners in the ranch they now owned together. And on my side were Lillie and Chance Lowe. Our friends from the library and the guests from the cafe were spread equally between the two sides. I hated they had to pick a side at all. We were all one big family.
I checked the clock. Twenty minutes. A knock on the open door made me jump. “Ms. Walker?”
“Yes?” I knew this woman, but I couldn’t place her for the life of me.
“You may not remember me. We met about a year ago. You were a guest in my courtroom.” The older woman smiled and so did I, as I walked to her and took her hand.
“Judge Kirby, I can’t believe you’re here.” She laughed.
“Well, to be perfectly honest, Lillie Lowe called me. We’re old friends and I’ve been keeping tabs on you. When Lil casually mentioned you were getting married and needed an officiant, I stepped up.”
“I guess that explains why she all of the sudden said she had it covered.” I chuckled, fiddling with the satin edge of the bea
utiful vintage veil Bennett and I had found at an antique festival in one of the neighboring towns. That was something we loved doing together: turning other people’s trash into our treasures.
“I don’t feel like you’re the same girl who stood before me a year ago.” Hand on her hip, she was looking me over with a skeptical eye.
I nodded. “That’s probably the best compliment you could give me.” Looking back, I hated the person I’d been before. That petty, egocentric girl didn’t deserve Bennett Hanson and, more than anything in the world, I wanted to be worthy of his love.
“And I hear wonderful things about this man you’re marrying. You really are a completely different person, aren’t you?” Her soft smile said she approved of the woman standing before her. I nodded again.
“Thank you, not only for being here today, but for your tough words the last time we spoke. It may have taken a while to sink in, but you were right. About me, about my attitude. Everything.”
“Well,” the judge said, smoothing her grey pantsuit, picking off a piece of imaginary lint from her leg. I think my praise made her uncomfortable. “I guess I better get into place. But Jillian, I want you to know, I don’t regret letting you off with a pathetic slap on the wrist.” She grinned.
“That pathetic slap brought me to the love of my life.” She tipped her head with a quick nod and walked out the door. My heart was so full.
I checked the clock again. Ten minutes until the ceremony and Bennett promised to come in beforehand. I’d made the request knowing I’d lose it the first time I saw the man I loved in uniform.
“Jillybean?” I spun around as Jerome and Nanny B entered the bride’s room.
“Oh my gosh, I didn’t think you were coming!” I could hardly breathe at the sight of the two of them. They exchanged a look I’d need to investigate, but for now, I was just so damn happy to see them. My parents had marked the invitation Return to Sender. Not that I was really surprised. They were appalled that I’d ejected their dreams from my head and had chosen to follow my heart.
“We wouldn’t have missed it for the world, especially since I’m close personal friends with both the bride and the groom.”
Wait. What?
Then I heard footsteps unique to Bennett. “Biscuit! Mrs. Botts! So glad you made it!” Bennett rounded the corner, clapping Jerome on the back. “It sure is good to see you!” I wanted to razz my future husband for keeping such a big secret and ask him how he’d connected the dots, but I had no words.
It was hard to believe the man standing in front of me, with his magnificently tailored suit and his shiny brass buttons, was the same man who’d come to the cafe for a free meal six months before. It was even harder to believe that in just a few minutes, he would be my husband.
“Wait, you’re Biscuit? Now I feel like a complete idiot.” I heard his momma call him Biscuit from time to time, but I thought it was because he ate biscuits and sausage gravy with the same frequency most people drank water. “From everything Bennett’s told me about his buddy, Biscuit, from the hospital, I can’t believe I never connected the dots.” I shook my head, choking back happy tears as Bennett caught my eye over Jerome’s shoulder.
“I love you,” I mouthed, words spoken from my heart to his and meant for no one else to hear. He stepped further into the room and collected me in his arms.
“And I love you.” He whispered into my ear, sending sparks throughout my body. He was perfect. Absolutely perfect.
“Miss Jillian?” The woman came toward us and I grabbed her tiny, curled hands in mine.
“No, it’s Jill. Just Jill from now on, okay?”
The woman nodded, a soft smile gracing her lips. She was getting old, it was hard to deny, but she had the same spark she had back when the three of us were running around the estate together. I looked to Jerome and knew he felt what I did; the gaping hole where CJ should have been.
“I’ve got you, girl.” Jerome said, patting my back a few times. I nodded, trying and failing to stop my tears as Jerome pulled out a framed 8x10 picture of CJ, looking so smart in his uniform. I would have given almost anything to have him by my side. “Now, I know it’s not the same thing, but how about I set this up right beside me in the church. He would be thrilled to see how happy Bennett makes you.” He turned to face my groom, but something was terribly wrong. Jerome’s face fell. “Hanson, man… you okay?”
Bennett looked like he’d seen a ghost. “Who is that man?” His wide eyes filled with tears and, with no shame whatsoever, slid down his cheeks.
“This is CJ Lacey. He was our best friend growing up. He came to his grandma’s house every summer and the three of us did everything together.” He knew the stories, because we’d spent hours talking about our childhoods, mine more than his. He knew more about CJ than he did his own parents. Bennett took the picture from my hands, pressed his head against the glass, and completely lost it.
“Ben?” I was running every possible scenario through my head to explain what was happening, but I came up empty. I’d tried to learn all I could in the months since we’d been together about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and for a moment, I thought the soldier in the picture had triggered some memory.
“Chance James.”
I looked at Jerome, but he just shrugged, as baffled as I was about Bennett’s odd mood change.
“That night when you were telling Raf about your two best friends, you said that CJ never told you what the letters stood for. It’s Chance James. We usually went by our last name out there. I was always Hanson, but he hated his—said it sounded too feminine—so we just called him Chance. We met in basic. Went all the way through together. We were two halves of one whole.”
No one knew what to say or where to look. lt was like someone pushed pause in the room and we all just stood there, waiting for someone to unpause us. But there wasn’t a dry eye to be found.
“He saved your life.” I knew the story, almost as if I’d been there too. With the help of Paul, his pseudo counselor, Ben finally told me what he saw in his nightmares. I’d never tell him, but I sometimes had the same nightmares after hearing about the horrors he witnessed. The human mind wasn’t made to handle such tragedy.
“He threw his body over mine and took the brunt of it.” His tone was so somber and as he spoke, he looked at nothing and everything all at once. “If he hadn’t been there that day… if he hadn’t done what he did… I’d be dead.” This was a lot to digest five minutes before walking down the aisle.
“Nobody better ever try to tell me there isn’t a Jesus. This is a miracle, right here.” Nanny B wiped her eyes with a hanky and pulled Jerome out of the room to take their seats, leaving us alone.
Bennett’s face was drying, but he wouldn’t meet my eyes. He was scaring me. It was like he had something else on his mind, but didn’t know how to say it. “What is it?” I’d come up behind him and laid my head between his shoulder blades. Sometimes, just getting close to him was enough to pull him out of the darkness.
“There’s something I—” He turned to face me. “This is you, isn’t it?” He handed me a scrap of paper he’d pulled from his wallet. Taking it, I smiled, bigger and wider than I had in my life.
“Yes, that’s me. We took that with my new Polaroid camera right before he left one summer.” The photo was worn, torn, charred in places. I could see why the person smiling at the camera was hard to recognize. I handed it back.
“He carried this picture with him wherever he went, always in his shirt pocket, right over his heart. He’d always tell us when he got back he was going to marry that girl one day, even if he had to take her kicking and screaming.”
That made me laugh. It was something I’d heard a time or two as well. “It was never like that with CJ. We were friends, only ever friends.” I thought back to all the times he’d asked me out and all the times I told him no. It wasn’t just because of Gareth, either. I just didn’t feel for him what he felt for me and I hated that for him.
“
You were his Golden Girl.” That broke my heart.
“No, Bennett. I was never anybody’s anything until now. From almost the very moment we met, I’ve been yours and yours alone. No one else has ever had a piece of me.” I wrapped my arms around his midsection. “I promise marrying me isn’t breaking some best army buddy code.” He continued to look at the picture, but at least that put a smile on his face.
“Speaking of getting married, are you about ready to become Mrs. Jill Hanson?”
That was easy. “More than anything else in the world.”
Chapter 35
Jill
October 1999
IF WISHES WERE HORSES, beggars would ride… isn’t that how the saying goes? It was true though. I could throw pennies into fountains all day and wish on every star in the sky and not ever get the one thing I’d wanted since the first time Bennett Hanson placed his lips on mine.
I stirred the pot of spaghetti sauce, letting my soul take a breather from the whirlwind of emotions I’d experienced over the last few days. I gasped when big, strong arms snaked around my waist from behind, pulling me out of my fog.
“I was gonna go grab a shower, but this smells way too good. I just realized I’m very hungry.” Bennett’s words—practically growled into my ear as he rested his chin on my shoulder—sent sparks coursing through my veins. Because he’d buried his nose in my hair and pulled my body tight to his, I was fairly certain he wasn’t talking about food.
“Down boy.” I used my hip to bump him away. “I’m hungry for food and dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes. Go grab your shower, let me feed you, and then… who knows?” I cocked my eyebrow, faking enthusiasm. Bennett was trying, bless his heart. I knew he felt the same way I did, but instead of feeling sorry for himself, he was trying to get me out of my funk. But I was heartbroken. And nothing could ever fill the now permanent hole in my heart.