She hadn’t been either. She was surprised, in fact, that nothing more had happened between them. What was her excuse for that? She cleared her throat. “So today I’m heading over to check in on the kids we rescued. Have I ever said thanks for your help in that, by the way? I couldn’t have done it without you.” He nodded, maybe even blushed slightly. She continued. ”Anyway, I need to see how Elan and the others are doing with the school and how the search for their parents is going. What are your plans?”
“Hurry home, shower, open the shop. Nothing so noble as what it sounds like you’re doing. Maybe avoid probing questions from Kaye. Ideally get back before Kaye shows up. Sometimes she arrives early to raid my kitchen.” He finished his mug and set it on the counter. “I should be going, then, otherwise I won’t be there when she arrives and the questioning will begin and I’m afraid I don’t have the stamina to manage her endless questioning. Thanks for the drink and the space on your sofa.”
She strolled beside him through her living room.
He put one of the coats on and gathered the spare into his arms. “This one never looked so good as it did last night.”
Holly laughed. “Your coat and I had a really good time parading through the streets. Thanks for bringing us together, and keeping me warm last night.” The memories were returning.
He paused and looked at her, as though a thought occurred to him, which he kept to himself. “Of course. I’m glad you took me up on my offer of having a drink.”
As he went to the door, she found herself wishing that her plans for the day included him. But he had a life outside her, and besides, showing up at Elan’s school with Grant would invite scrutiny, and Holly still wasn’t certain what was going to happen with Elan. Or Grant.
“See you around,” he said, heading out the door and to the lifts.
She closed the door behind him and waited. When she was certain he’d gone, she returned to her bedroom and got ready for the day.
As she showered, she wondered why she’d been so indecisive about Grant. She’d run headlong to Elan and his embrace. She could have had Grant last night. And this morning. Why hadn’t she? The water coursed over her. She squeezed her eyes shut and imagined him walking through the cold, early morning streets carrying the spare coat. His black hair, graying at the temples, but stalwart against the cold, and glinting in the sunlight or catching the snow. She considered his mind, full of clever thoughts zipping electrically around his skull. Maybe some of them were for her. Maybe he wished he’d been in her bed and not on the couch.
What did she think? That she wasn’t desirable? She laughed aloud. “Of course he wants you, you ridiculous fool.” The doubt, planted there for years under the thralls of Graf, often undermined her ability to think clearly about herself.
Graf. Grant. She was suddenly aware of the similarities of their names and resolved to call Graf, Grafton. Or Grant, Iain. They were light-years apart from each other. In demeanor as well as personality—she wasn’t worried about getting them confused in any other way. She just hated that the name Grant was so similar.
Holly had always been careful. A result, perhaps, of what had happened with Grafton. The one rash decision she’d made in her life. There were reasons for that. The way they’d met—on the zeppelin and the danger, the disaster, the near death—it was of course, a terrible way to allow herself to make life-altering choices. But she’d been young. How could she blame who she’d been then, on the wisdom she’d gathered since?
Elan was safe. A known variable. Grant, Shiro, even Odeon. Comrades she loved, but was unsure about in any other setting. They would always be her friends. Teammates, maybe, for years to come. And that was for the best.
She finished showering and dressing as these thoughts weighed her down, strangely liberating yet also . . . lonely.
12
Elan’s school was on the edge of the Ice Jade District, taking up six floors on the bottom of a nondescript spire. When Holly arrived, Val greeted her with an enormous bear hug that squeezed the air from Holly’s lungs.
“Hols, I have never felt like I was doing more important work than I do right now. Action, adventure, insane get-aways at the last minute in space-fuel tankers and shit, and doing it to save some kids. I mean, for Ixion’s sake, you know?” Val shook her head as they sauntered through the hallways. Holly could tell that they’d been working hard to give some structure to the children and return their lives to something normal, something that wasn’t operating the mini hydrantium-haulers. “Look at this place.” She shook her head again. “I don’t know if I want to go back to our old school? I’m terrible, right?”
Holly laughed, watching the mix of emotions flitting across her former colleague’s face. “Not at all, Valentine.”
“Good, because you know, this work is valid. I’m needed here. These kids need me. Some of them are so afraid of everything. I’ve coaxed a few to trust me. They’re like wild animals, scared. Undomesticated. But Ixion, that sounds terrible, doesn’t it?”
They arrived at the rooms that had been turned into a sort of administrative office, where the forensic workers from Meg and Gabe’s precinct were working to track down the parents or other relatives of the children. Holly was surprised to see new faces present, most of them the various violet and lavender hues of the Yasoan race. She couldn’t blame Elan for being partial to Yasoan. They weren’t blind like the Centau often seemed to be to the moral corruptness found in some humans and Constellations, but Yasoan were generally more humane and trustworthy than humans and Consties.
“Elan brought in more people?” Holly asked Val, searching the room for Elan’s face.
“Yeah,” Val answered. “We were beginning to get desperate. It’s not quite been three weeks, but we were really getting worried about finding where some of these kids belong. Some of them seem to have no home. Maybe they came off the streets. We’re not sure”
Holly caught sight of Estie and waved as her other former colleague wove around the desks and v-screens to approach Holly and greet her. They exchanged a beso greeting, and then Estie sighed. “This is straining. On my heart and soul.”
“I definitely understand that. How’s the search?” Holly asked. “Looks like Elan brought in more help.”
“You looking for him? I think he’s in the training room—where he’s been teaching the classes on meditations and all that philosophy stuff. I’ll take you to him, unless you’re doing that, Val?”
“No, no, you go ahead,” Val said. “I have a class I’m getting ready for, so I’ll head off for that. Thanks Estie. Holly, as usual, love you girl.”
Val gave her a hug and departed in the opposite direction, as Estie continued on with Holly through the hallways. They passed children of various ages scattering through the corridors. There were often Yasoan guiding them like shepherds and delivering gentle nudges and calm words. Holly noticed that things seemed to be working smoothly and that, for the most part, the kids looked happy. Real happy, not artificial happiness, imposed on them by Yasoan song or other manipulations. Holly remarked to Estie about how things seemed to be working well under Elan’s guidance.
“It is mostly him, yes. I might have left already if not for him—I know. Not very cool of me to say, but it’s an emotional strain. Just thinking about what these kids have gone through. As for Elan, I remember that from when he was at the school with us—he’s thorough and meticulous. But he balances it well with understanding. Most of this work has been rewarding, Holly. But a few times, we’ve found parents, only to discover that they had sold their own child to the Shadow Coalition.”
Holly stopped in her tracks, feeling it like a sledge hammer to her gut. “What?”
“Sucks. Kills me every time. Some of them are poor. Working in horrible conditions on Paradise. And, as terrible as this is, their child still wants to go back to their parents anyway. We’ve been giving them choices, however. They can stay here, room and board, schooling, training, all taken care of. They can see their
parents at any time. But they can know they’ll never be betrayed by us. They’re safe here.”
Holly recovered enough to ask, “And do they take the offer?”
“Some of them, yes.”
“That’s good. I can’t thank you enough for helping with this, Estie,” Holly said. They climbed a stairway to another floor and Estie led Holly through the twists and turns of the hallways, continuing to pass bright-eyed kids on their way to various places with purpose in their strides.
“It’s been great. Hard, but I wouldn’t change it. I do need to either resign from the position at the school or stay here. Elan has offered me a permanent post here.”
They finally arrived at a wide doorway. Estie touched the door panel and it swished open. Elan was in the middle of the room, moving in a slow cadence, wearing colorful traditional Yasoan dress. “There he is. This is where he’ll be teaching his class some time today.”
Holly glanced at her former colleague. “Are you going to take it?”
“The post?” She shrugged, “I haven’t decided yet. But, between you and me, I’ll probably stay here. Or even move to the one he’s opening in Rochers Deshiketes.”
Elan saw Holly and smiled, but did not interrupt his form to greet her.
“He’s been doing this class to give the kids inner balance. Or so he claims. Seems to work, especially for the particularly troubled cases.” Estie pulled a communicator from her pocket and glanced at the time. “I have to run, Holly. Good to see you.”
Holly said goodbye and then sauntered further into the room. It was empty except for Elan.
“Holly,” he said. “The blade fly mating period has passed. The males told me they wished you had been there to see them perish in their penultimate flight.”
She smiled at him. “I wanted to go. But I had other responsibilities.”
“There is always responsibility. Just so long as you still go with me for a break. Maybe this weekend?”
“I would love that. But I can’t commit at the moment.”
Elan continued in his slow form as he spoke to her. “I will give you a proper greeting once I’m done with this form. I’ve designed it especially for the children. My hope is that it will restore their inner balance and make them stronger.”
“Totally fine. I don’t expect you to drop everything just for me. It looks like you’ve made a lot of good additions to the team here.”
“Yes. I have mainly brought in more Yasoan.”
“I noticed.”
“They work well with the kids. There is a lot of mental trauma for them to work through.”
“It’s a wise choice, Elan, I have no qualms about what you’ve done. It is why I came to you in the first place.”
“Ah yes. True. I need to return to Rochers Deshiketes. Soon. Perhaps this weekend.” He balanced on one foot, the other out in front of him, one hand out to the side, the other balanced over his extended leg. “I need to secure a property to open the second school. We already have over one hundred children that will never return to a home. The school is their home. The severe cases,l—I need a more retreat style location for their recovery. There’s a spot I believe will work. It’s a peaceful area on the edge of the lake. Then I must secure more funding. Do you think your source would help?”
“I can always ask. I know another potential donor,” Holly said, her admiration for Elan swelling. Though her past held that single choice that caused so much collateral damage—Grafton—there was also Elan. He was a beautiful choice. She never wanted to think of him as a mistake again.
“I would be immensely thankful for that.” He put his foot down, brought his hands back to center, then inhaled long and slowly, closed his eyes, and bowed, exhaling as he did so. His form now complete, Elan straightened and strolled up to her, grinning. Would he kiss her? And not just a quick beso? Her heart beat quickly at the thought.
“Holly Drake, what is the purpose of this unexpected, lovely visit?” He hugged her, wrapping her in his arms. She relaxed into him and laughed. “Finally, a proper greeting. Is that what you’re laughing about?”
“I came to see you, of course. To check on the progress of your mission to track down the rightful homes of the hundreds of children. I must say, you’ve done a better job than I thought possible.”
“I aim to please, and exceed what is expected by incredible percentages,” he laughed. “Let’s go find a cup of kasé.”
He led her through hallways, and up flights of stairs to the top floor of the spire, where he had a condo, furnished sparsely, but comfortable enough. He brewed a carafe and they sat at his modest bamboo table and sipped their drinks.
“I expect more affection for that,” he said with a sly grin, eyeing the mug in her hands.
“And I wouldn’t expect you to not expect that,” she returned.
As they drank Holly explained that she couldn’t rest until the Heart had been found, and asked if Elan had heard anything new about the organization of the Shadow Coalition. He answered in the negative, as a strange look of discontent clouded his eyes.
“What is it?” she asked.
“I suspect that you will never be at peace until you’ve disposed of this figure known as the Heart.”
“Well, yes. He’s the reason you’re now managing traumatized children.”
“No, Holly, you are the reason I am doing that. Because you have brought balance to the Universe.”
“Which was taken out of balance by the Heart and his evil and exploitation.”
“That is part of the balance. There must be forces on either side, always contending with each other. You will never be able to truly wipe out evil.”
“But I will try, until I’m dead. The person who did this to those children must pay.” She pauses. “And you’ve still heard nothing more, perhaps something by accident from a child? Something to help me track the Heart down?”
“No, I am sorry.” He gave her a sidelong glance. “And that is a dangerous mission, Holly.”
“There is no reason for me to not do it, unless you’ll stop taking care of the children.”
“I won’t do that. Your vendetta has nothing to do with them. They are innocent.”
She breathed a sigh of relief. “That's good. Thank you.”
“You can end this, by ceasing. But I understand that you won't.”
“I can’t, Elan.” She wished she could tell him otherwise, in some way. Though a part of her longed to run away from the problems and build a home with him in the north, hiding from what was happening wouldn’t make her happy. She would know what she’d turned her back on. She would know what was behind her.
“I will be here, waiting, if you ever can.” Neither of them said anything for a long moment.
13
“Can I help you?” Holly asked later that day as she climbed the stairs leading up to the floor of the precinct where Meg and Gabe were stationed. She held onto the polished wooden banister and took short breaths to avoid inhaling all the smoke. The cops loved smoking pipes and cigars, which was fine, but it reminded her of Grafton. The precinct was also where he’d worked, and there was still judgment and condemnation emanating from some of his old friends. Luckily she no longer gave a damn.
“You tell me, lady,” the cop said back to Holly. “The way I see it is, no. Since you can’t bring back the dead.”
“Ouch.” She scoffed at him and strutted away, feeling powerful for not giving a crap about what he thought.
As she walked back into the area where the detectives worked, Holly ignored the gazes she felt all over her. She expected it by now. Expected it, but no longer bothered her. They didn’t know anything about her, save what Grafton had told them, the dishonest bastard.
Meg looked up when Holly walked in. “Look what the scree-cat dragged in,” Meg said, referencing the wild cats that lived on the cliffs bordering the massive continental plateau. Holly nodded to the others on Meg and Gabe’s team, Miko and Daxan, who were at their respective desks.
<
br /> “A hero, I think,” Holly said, pretending to be arrogant. “Do you guys ever work? Aren’t there murders happening in the city all the time?”
Meg laughed, enjoying Holly’s attempt at being cocky. “I always love it when you pretend to be a cocky bastard.”
“Me too.”
“Well, good to see you. Mom has been killing me. I think it’s your turn to host her. It’s crowded with her, myself, and Lucy, and then on top of that, Gabe thinks he needs to stay over all the time.”
“Ah, does he now? I’m sure it’s all Gabe.” Holly sat down in an empty chair next to Meg’s desk. “I don’t mind if mom comes to live with me. You know I don’t. As long as she doesn’t let my odd hours keep her awake and annoyed.”
“Fabulous.” Meg fixed Holly with a level stare. “I’ll send her over as soon as possible.”
“See that you do. Now, then, where is Gabe?”
“What, you don’t want to see me? You want to just see Gabe? Anyone else you’d rather see?”
Holly laughed. “Not really. Just Gabe. Wondered if you guys wanted to get lunch.”
“Some of us have to keep a schedule.”
“I know. It’s hard, but I do manage to make time for you. Well, if you guys aren’t hungry, I was wondering if you could help me organize this information I have on the Heart. I need to find him. Or her. I have to track this down, once and for all. You in?”
“I suppose Gabe and I could do a chart with you.” Meg said, rising and leading Holly into the back room. It was closed off from the rest of the force, because even though Gabe and Meg suspected they’d caught the mole, there still could be more. Keeping their leads under cover from a potential leak on the force was exhausting, but essential. “He’ll be back soon. He just went out to grab us some coffee and pastries.”
“Healthy.” Holly sat at the table and looked at the board. “You guys don’t have a case right now?”
“We’ve solved a couple, so no. Waiting for a new murder is so fun.”
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