James maintained that she needed to attend New Member Orientation like the rest of the new Patroni, while I argued that we could do the same thing ourselves in half the time. She didn’t need to go away to some boot camp-like facility to learn our history and how to protect people. We were all old enough and had enough experience that we could do it in half the time. Plus, then she wouldn’t need to leave my side.
Last month, we tried a painful experiment. Since she had come to our realm, not a single day had gone by where I hadn’t spent at least a few hours at her bedside. I found that my body would become restless and feel…unsettled if went too long without seeing her. I would find myself sneaking into her room at dawn, just to say good morning. Or skipping lunch so I could spend the extra time with her.
I sat, holding her hand, and talked to her about everything, and even though the conversation was obviously one-sided, it brought me great comfort to tell her all about me—the good, the bad, and the “I can’t believe I actually did that.”
When James found me sneaking out of her room in the wee hours of the night once, he confronted me about all the time I spent there. I confessed that I’d been doing it for a while, and James grew concerned. He thought the possibility existed that due to our bond being stronger than most, that there might be…side effects of being apart.
An experiment ensued. James forced me to stay out of her room and out of the hospital wing altogether for forty-eight hours. The first twelve hours were fine. Yes, I missed her, but I worked a double shift and tried to keep busy. After twenty-four hours, my chest felt like someone was sitting on it. I was uncomfortable and snapping at everyone. At thirty-six hours, I tried to sneak in to see her. I no longer wanted to see her, I needed to. I needed to make sure she was safe, comfortable, warm, and happy. I didn’t make it past the front door to the complex. Adam was waiting outside for me. He walked me back to our Dwelling with me grumbling the entire way.
By hour forty, I was done. I didn’t care who was waiting at what door, I was going to see her. Now. I was sweating, my pulse (both of them) raced, and worry for Lucy consumed my every thought. If I was feeling withdrawal like this, what was she going through? James promised to stay by her side in case something went wrong, but I needed to see for myself.
I blew through security and skidded to a halt in front of her room, where James stood. He didn’t seem mad, in fact, it seemed like he was waiting for me. I needed to plead my case. I couldn’t do another eight hours. It may have killed me.
“Listen, James. The experiment failed. I accept that. We don’t need another eight hours to prove that I can’t be away from her. I fully admit that now.” I paused, taking a deep breath. Even being this close to her allowed the vice grip on my chest to loosen its hold a bit. “I belong with her, James. We belong together. Please don’t make me punch you in the face to get to her. ‘Cause I will.”
James chuckled and stepped aside. “I agree. Another eight hours would not change my findings.”
In a heartbeat I was at her side, cupping her face in my hands. God, she was beautiful. “I’m here, baby. I’m here.” Gah! I wanted nothing more than to lie next to her and hold her in my arms, but the stupid machines she was hooked up to prevented that. So I ran my thumb over her forehead and down her cheek. I wanted so badly to kiss her, but I couldn’t. Not while she was like this. I wanted our first kiss to be memorable for both of us. I wanted her heartbeat to speed up as I leaned in, for her eyes to flutter closed in anticipation. For her warm, soft lips to meld together with mine as a sigh escaped her lips.
I needed a cold shower.
I took one more deep breath, pressing my forehead to hers, and took a seat next to her. I changed the subject and propped my ankle up on my knee, both pathetic attempts to calm my body’s reaction that seemed to make an appearance anytime I thought of her. “James, has her condition been the same as mine?”
“She has shown an increased blood pressure and though she has no fever, was sweating buckets. She seemed more agitated than normal, attempting to move her arms and legs several times.” He stopped to check her monitors. “Looks like she’s back to normal now though. Max, I’m worried. I thought the bond would settle by now, but it’s just as strong. What are we going to do when she wakes up? You can’t be with her every moment of every day.”
I’d thought about this too, but didn’t have any answers. I ran my hands through my hair. “I know, I know. But I just need time. A few months for her get to know me and understand all of this before we just throw it into her lap without warning. I mean, what am I supposed to do? Say ‘hey, nice to meet you. You died in a terrible car crash, now you protect spirits on a realm parallel to earth. Oh, and I’m your soulmate Max by the way.’ Do you want her to run screaming?”
James sat in the chair next to me. “I know you’re concerned. And no matter what it’s going to be a big shock for her. But many others have made this transition without problems. She can as well. You can still see her every day, but that time will be limited until her training is complete. Everyone needs to go through NMO, no exceptions.”
Weeks before, James and I went back and forth, neither giving an inch. Cassie and Adam refused to take sides, but I could tell they secretly wanted her to stay with us when she awoke. Cassie’s roommate had moved out over a year ago, and she had told us on numerous occasions how much she was sick of the “boys’ club.”
Now, with Lucy days or even hours away from waking up, I was running out of time to convince James I was right and this was what was best for Lucy. I was running out of new angles. I had no clue how else to convince him.
Chapter Eight
A ping on my bracelet drew me out of my reverie. I opened the text from Ana, one of the medical staff assigned to Lucy’s case.
Brainwave activity at an all time high today. You might want to get over here if you want your face to be the first she sees ;)
“Holy shit,” I breathed. “It’s really time.”
Everyone at the breakfast table froze at my words. Cassie swallowed the last bite of her fruit salad and stood. “She’s awake?”
We all followed her lead and began to head out of the Commons. “No, but they said it’ll be any time now. I need to get over there.”
I sprinted out the doors and across the courtyard. I couldn’t wait to hear her voice, to look into her bright, beautiful eyes, to start our lives together.
Her room was quiet when I entered. No medical staff was around, so she must not have awoken yet. I slid into my usual seat next to her and studied her monitors. Ana was right, they were twice as active as yesterday. My eyes moved over to her face, which was now pink with color. Her ventilator had been removed more than two weeks before, and her breathing was strong and even. Her eyelids fluttered slightly and I held my breath. I had made it just in time.
“Is she…?” Cassie whispered behind me.
I shook my head but didn’t take my eyes off Lucy. “No.”
“Dude, you’re turning green. You’ve gotta remember to breath,” Adam chuckled softly.
I drew in a sharp intake of air, feeling slightly less lightheaded and smiled. “Thanks. I’ve waited for this moment for five months. I can’t believe it’s finally here.”
“Just relax a little, Max. She’s going to think you’re a nutter if she sees you like this.” James teased. “Do you really want the first words of your soulmate to be ‘who’s that creeper?’”
We laughed, and I was grateful for the break in tension. Even if that tension was caused by my own impatience.
“Ohmygod, that would be hysterical.” Cassie winked at me. “I can just see it now—”
“What happened? Where am I?”
All four of our heads snapped around at the unfamiliar voice. Lucy’s eyes were open, scanning the room. Her voice was just as beautiful as I dreamed. Soft, with a hint of that North Florida accent that was just shy of being Southern.
Cassie and I moved closer to her. Her beautiful blue eyes were wide wi
th panic, causing my heart to clench. I didn’t want her to be scared of me. She attempted to sit up, albeit unsuccessfully. “You’re okay now.” I smiled, wanting to reassure her that she was safe and I wouldn’t allow anything to happen. I moved to the edge of the bed, not able to resist getting closer to her.
My body slid closer as I stared into her eyes. I leaned forward, wanting nothing more than to claim those sweet lips. I could hear her heart monitor speed up. Initially, I thought she was excited by me, but within a second it dawned on me that I was scaring her, which was the last thing I ever wanted. Here I was, some stranger who hadn’t even said hello, practically groping her the instant she woke up. She didn’t even know my name yet. I should kick my own ass! This was not how she deserved to be treated. I needed to get my shit together before I scared her away permanently.
I leaned back, putting an appropriate distance between us and shoved my hands in my pockets to keep them from wandering again. “Shh, it’s okay,” I told her. “I know you’re confused, but we’re here to help you with that. My name’s Max.”
Lucy continued to struggle to move her arms, but with them encapsulated like they were, she wasn’t able to. “I’m going to press a button to release your arms now.” I pressed the button, hearing the whoosh as the air released and she was freed. She quickly pulled her arms up to touch her face. When she glanced down again, she let out a tiny, frightened squeak and her hands flew to cover her chest.
Idiot! Why didn’t I think to cover her up? I’m sure she was uncomfortable in her current state of undress with all of us hovering around her. I had just been so used to seeing her like this, the thought never occurred to me. The medical staff needed to check the development of her muscles on a constant basis, so all new Patroni were dressed in only sports bras and underwear during transition.
Cassie giggled next to me, and I wanted to shoot her a dirty look for laughing at Lucy’s obvious distress. “Guys, why don’t you give us girls a few minutes? She needs a little more space.”
Adam and James left without comment, but I couldn’t make my legs move. Logically, I knew my leaving would calm Lucy down, but my heart worried what might happen if I left her right now. Well, that and my damn selfish need to keep her in my sights now that she was finally here.
I took my hands out of my pockets and allowed myself to touch her for a moment, smoothing down a stray strand of hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear. “We’ll be waiting just outside.” My fingers tingled at the contact and my heart raced seeing her pupils dilate at my touch. “Cassie will help you get dressed and out of bed.”
I sat there for a few more moments until Cassie mouthed “go” out of Lucy’s line of sight. I forced my legs to stand and took two steps. Gah! Could I really leave her after having just the smallest taste? It was torture. I wanted more, and instead I was getting less. I took a deep breath and continued walking to where James and Adam stood outside the door.
Lucy’s heart monitor once again sped up and for a moment I panicked. See? She needs me here. It hurts her to have me this far away. I shot James an “I told you so” look and started to turn back to her. It wasn’t until I heard Cassie’s whispered teasing that I realized she was fine. “Don’t worry, I don’t know a whole lot of people whose heart wouldn’t skip a few beats while staring at Max. I’ve even caught myself doing it! Don’t tell Adam though, he tends to get jealous.”
Cassie’s words were meant for me, to let me know she had this under control. And, thankfully, to let me know that yes, Lucy was just as affected by me as I was by her. I could have skipped down the hall like a little girl at the knowledge.
I glanced over at Adam, who shot me a dirty look. He must’ve heard Cassie, too. I shrugged my shoulders and winked at him, feeling on top of the world. He tried to punch me in the arm playfully, but I ducked away from him and got him instead. He growled, “You’re in for it later, boy,” with a wink and I resumed my vigil just outside Lucy’s door. I wanted to be close in case she needed me. And if I were really being honest with myself, I wanted to be close to ensure I didn’t miss a word out of her sweet mouth. It was bad enough Cassie was denying me access to look at her.
I could hear Lucy asking—no demanding—an explanation to what was going on and where she was, but Cassie had it covered. I planted me feet to remind them not to go rushing in. I loved listening to Lucy. She was strong and bold, but snarky and sarcastic too. She wouldn’t allow Cassie to get away with any vague answers or placating. This woman just kept getting better and better.
“I remember being in the car with Janice and then a horribly loud sound. Oh my God, Janice! Is she okay? Where is she?” Lucy fretted.
I smiled, glad I checked up on this issue already. Since the drunk driver mostly impacted the driver’s side of their car, Lucy had been killed but Janice only received a few broken bones and a concussion. She suffered more survivor’s guilt than any other injury, but was slowly resuming her life. It was at her insistence that the school had granted Lucy her degree posthumously. She now spent a lot of time with the Donovans and had become an adoptive big sister to little Jessica.
Listening back in, I could hear Cassie explaining the history of the Patronus. That was a good sign; I thought for sure it would take a lot more for her to be so receptive to this new life. I was glad she was keeping an open mind.
“And now I’m a Patronus? Why me?”
I shook my head at Lucy’s question. If she only knew. I worried for a second what Cassie might tell her, and was grateful when she settled for a half-truth. Yes, Lucy had the essence we look for when selecting new members, but it was so much more than that. If she only knew how amazing she was. Soon, she would find out soon.
“Ew! You dug up my body? That’s so gross!”
A laugh bubbled out of my mouth. I couldn’t hold it back if I tried. This woman was a spitfire. Sweet, beautiful, smart, and witty? I couldn’t have asked for anything better if I drew her from scratch.
“I thought you said you were going to give us some time?” Cassie’s tone took that motherly scolding tone that even made Adam wince like he’d done something wrong. I was in for it now. “Go back to the Commons. We’ll meet you there in a little bit!”
Did she seriously expect me to leave? I’m not sure a team of wild horses could have dragged me away from her in this moment. “Cass, you know I’ve been waiting for this,” I reminded her.
“I know, but you know rushing things is only going to make it more difficult. Now go!” Her voice was quieter when she answered me, but I knew she meant business.
Adam and James led me—very begrudgingly—away and back to the Commons. If I was forced to leave, I would at least get something out of it. I now had a matter of minutes to convince James to keep her out of New Member Orientation.
Chapter Nine
We piled into the Commons and commandeered a table that wasn’t being used where someone had abandoned a chess game. Adam wandered off, most likely to get us drinks, leaving James and I to talk in private. I moved rook to knight seven and began my final plea.
“Okay, James. This is my best and final offer. Let us train her, let her out of her obligation to complete NMO and I’ll do anything you need. Just name it and it’s yours.” James let out a deep sigh and rolled his eyes. “C’mon man. I’ll do your realm door duty for six months. Hell, a year! I’ll organize your office?”
“All right, all right! You win. She doesn’t have to go. I was going to let her out of it anyway after seeing you two together earlier, but I couldn’t resist after you threw in organizing my office.”
I scowled at the bastard. “I can’t believe you made me beg like that, man. Not cool. You shoulda put me out of my misery as soon as we left the medical wing.”
“I could have, but this was more fun.” He laughed as my scowl deepened. “But seriously, I could see how hard this was on her. She’s already feeling the effects of your bond, and if we can’t tell her about it for a while, the least we can do is keep h
er comfortable.”
“Thanks, man. Really.” I held out my hand and we bumped fists like the kids did these days.
“Don’t mention it.”
“What aren’t we mentioning?” Adam asked, handing us each a bottle of beer.
“James is letting Lucy skip NMO to stay with me.” I beamed like a kid at Christmas.
Adam shook his head with a quiet smile on his face. “I knew you’d cave. No way would you wanna hear this man bitch for the next few months every time you saw him.”
James nodded. “Yeah, that definitely crossed my mind as well.”
“Say what you will, Adam. We all remember how whipped you became when you first started dating Cassie. And don’t make me bring up the whole manis and pedis situation.”
James laughed heartily as Adam’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “And don’t think we’ll let you off easy when some young thang catches your eye, James.”
Adam elbowed him playfully. “Oh yeah. I’m gonna remember this, come time. You better be able to take it as well as you can dish it.”
I took a swig of beer, pausing mid-sip as my heart began to pound in my chest. Lucy was here. I could feel it. I jumped out of my chair, anxious to see how she was doing. “Guys, she’s here. Make some room. No, wait. Don’t make it so obvious that we were waiting for her. Just…play chess or something until they come over here.”
Cassie had her arm twined with Lucy’s as they made their way over toward us. I worked to keep the embarrassingly giddy smile off my face as I watched her walking straight to me. Our heartbeats thumped wildly in my chest and I wondered if she could feel it too.
Adam and James looked, feigning surprise as Cassie cleared her throat to announce their arrival. They stood and grabbed more seats to accommodate the girls.
I wanted to talk to her, to ask her how she was, but I was rendered mute. I just stared like an oaf, hoping I wasn’t at least drooling.
Atone (The Patronus: #2.5) Page 6