Transbalkania. We have gone to agreat deal of difficulty to seek you out."
Number One belched and took over heavily. "Comrade, we have made extensivetests in this effort to find our average man. You are the result. You areof average age, of average height, weight, of education, and ofintelligence quotient. You finished secondary school, worked for severalyears, and have returned to the university where you are now in yoursecond year. Which is average for you who have been born in yourgeneration. Your tastes, your ambitions, your ... dreams, Comrade Pekic,are either known to be, or assumed to be, those of the averageTransbalkanian." He took up a rich baklava dessert, saturated with honey,and devoured it.
Josip Pekic and his associates had wondered at some of theexaminations and tests that had been so prevalent of recent date. Heaccepted the words of the two Party leaders. Very well, he was theaverage of the country's some seventy million population. Well, then?
* * * * *
Number One had pushed himself back in his chair, and Josip was onlymildly surprised to note that the man seemed considerably paunchierthan his photos indicated. Perhaps he wore a girdle in public.
Zoran Jankez took up a paper. "I have here a report from a journalistof the West who but recently returned from a tour of our country. Shereports, with some indignation, that the only available eyebrowpencils were to be found on the black market, were of French import,and cost a thousand dinars apiece. She contends that Transbalkanianwomen are indignant at paying such prices."
The Party head looked hopelessly at first Josip and then Kardelj."What is an eyebrow pencil?"
Kardelj said, a light frown on his usually easygoing face, "I believeit is a cosmetic."
"You mean like lipstick?"
Josip took courage. He flustered. "They use it to darken theireyebrows--women, I mean. From what I understand, it comes and goes inpopularity. Right now, it is ultra-popular. A new, uh, fad originatingin Italy, is sweeping the West."
Number One stared at him. "How do you know all that?" he rasped.
Josip fiddled with the knot of his tie, uncomfortably. "It is probablyin my dossier that I have journeyed abroad on four occasions. Twice toInternational Youth Peace Conferences, once as a representative to aTrades Union Convention in Vienna, and once on a tourist vacationguided tour. On those occasions I ... ah ... met various young womenof the West."
Kardelj said triumphantly, "See what I mean, Zoran? This comrade ispriceless."
Jankez looked at his right-hand man heavily. "Why, if our women desirethis ... this eyebrow pencil nonsense, is it not supplied them? Isthere some ingredient we do not produce? If so, why cannot it beimported?" He picked at his uneven teeth with a thumbnail.
Kardelj held his lean hands up, as though in humorous supplication."Because, Comrade, to this point we have not had expediters to findout such desires on the part of women comrades."
Number One grunted. He took up another report. "Here we have somecomments upon service in our restaurants, right here in Zagurest, froman evidently widely published American travel reporter. He contendsthat the fact that there is no tipping leads to our waiters beingsurly and inefficient."
He glared up at his right-hand man. "I have never noticed when I havedined at the Sumadija or the Dva Ribara, that the waiters have beensurly. And only last week I enjoyed _cigansko pecenje_, gypsy roast,followed by a very flaky cherry _strudla_, at the Gradski Podrum. Theservice was excellent."
Kardelj cleared his throat. "Perhaps you receive better service thanthe average tourist, Zoran."
Jankez growled, "The tourist trade is important. An excellent sourceof hard currencies." He glowered across at Josip. "These are typicalof the weaknesses you must ferret out, Comrade."
He put the reports down with a grunt. "But these are comparativelyminor. Last week a truck driver attached to a meat-packing house inBelbrovnik was instructed to deliver a load of frozen products to atown in Macenegro. When he arrived there, it was to find they had norefrigeration facilities. So he unloaded the frozen meat on awarehouse platform and returned to Belbrovnik. At this time of theyear, obviously in four hours the meat was spoiled." He glowered atKardelj and then at Josip Pekic. "Why do things like this continuallyhappen? How can we overtake the United States of the Americas andCommon Europe, when on all levels our workers are afraid to takeinitiative? That truck driver fulfilled his instructions. He deliveredthe meat. He washed his hands of what happened to it afterward. Why,Comrades? Why did he not have the enterprise to preserve his valuableload, even, if necessary, make the decision to return with it toBelbrovnik?"
He grunted heavily and settled back into his chair as though through,finished with the whole question.
Aleksander Kardelj became brisk. He said to Josip Pekic with a smile,"This is your job. You are to travel about the country, findingbottlenecks, finding shortages, ferreting out mistakes and bringingthem to the attention of those in position to rectify them."
Josip said glumly, "But suppose ... suppose they ignore my findings?"
Number One snorted, but said nothing.
Kardelj said jovially, "Tomorrow the announcements will go out toevery man, woman and child in the People's Democratic Dictatorship.Your word is law. You are answerable only to Comrade Jankez andmyself. No restrictions whatsoever apply to you. No laws. Noregulations. We will give you identification which all will recognize,and the bearer of which can do no wrong."
Josip was flabbergasted. "But ... but suppose I come up against some ...well, someone high in the Party, or, well ... some general or admiral?Some--"
Kardelj said jocularly, "You answer only to us, Comrade Pekic. Yourpower is limitless. Comrade Jankez did not exaggerate. Frankly, werecold statistics enough, Transbalkania has already at long lastovertaken the West in per capita production. Steel, agriculture, thetonnage of coal mined, of petroleum pumped. All these supposedindications of prosperity." He flung up his hands again in hissemihumorous gesture of despair. "But all these things do not mesh. Wecannot find such a simple matter as ... as eyebrow pencils in ourstores, nor can we be served acceptably in our restaurants and hotels.Each man passes the buck, as the Yankees say, and no man can care lesswhether or not school keeps. No man wants responsibility."
Josip was aghast, all over again. "But ... but me ... only me. Whatcould you expect a single person to do?"
"Don't misunderstand, Comrade," Kardelj told him with amusedcompassion. "You are but an experiment. If it works out, we will seekothers who are also deemed potential expediters to do similar work.Now, are there any further questions?"
Josip Pekic stared miserably back and forth between the two, wonderingwildly what they would say if he turned the whole thing down. His eyeslit on the dour, heavy Number One, and inwardly he shook his head. No.There was no question about that. You didn't turn down Zoran Jankez.He looked at Aleksander Kardelj, and in spite of the other's smilingface, he decided you didn't turn down Number Two, either.
Josip said carefully, "From what you say, I ... I can override anyonein Transbalkania, except yourselves. But ... but what if I antagonizeone of you? You know ... with something I think I find wrong?"
The second in command of the Party chuckled, even as he fitted a freshcigarette into his curved holder. "We've provided even for that,Comrade. Fifty thousand Common Europe francs have been deposited toyour account in Switzerland. At any time you feel your revelationsmight endanger yourself, you are free to leave the country and achievesanctuary abroad." He chuckled whimsically again. "Given the positionyou will occupy, a man above all law, with the whole of the nation'sresources at his disposal, I cannot imagine you wishing to leave. TheSwiss deposit is merely to give you complete confidence, completesecurity."
* * * * *
Number One was radiating fury as he stalked heavily down the corridorsof the Ministry of Internal Affairs. On the surface, his facedisplayed nothing--which meant nothing. There was simply a raging auraof trouble.
Veljko Gosnjak, posted with one
other before the office of AleksanderKardelj, winced when he saw the Party head approaching. He mutteredfrom the side of his mouth, "Watch out. He's on a rampage. In thismood, he'd as well set you to filling salt shakers in the Nairebismines as...."
But Zoran Jankez was now near enough that he might hear, and VeljkoGosnjak cut himself off abruptly and came to even stiffer attention.
Number One ignored them both and pushed on through the door.
Even as his right-hand man looked up from his work, Jankez wasgrowling ominously. "Do you know the latest from that brain-waveexperiment?"
Kardelj was close enough to the other personally to at least pretendlack of awe. He grinned and said, "You mean young Josip? Sit down,Zoran. A drink?"
The Number Two
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