by Flora Dare
I had no idea what to think or do. I'm not human. I am a half-alien about to have my alien lover's baby. He didn’t know and I had no way of letting him know. My alien side rejected not having the baby. I needed to have this baby, even if it meant having it alone.
~ * ~ * ~
It felt as if a thousand years had passed but really it was only about a month. I'd come to grips with my current occupant and what my life had become. Sort of. At least when I wasn’t swamped with waves of nausea.
I missed Tlavi fiercely, which felt utterly ridiculous but there it was. At night, all I dreamed about was being by his side. Again, I know it was silly. What did we really share other than a series of traumatizing events and a night of bone-shaking lust?
But all he tried to do was protect me from outside events and even from himself. If he’d known it was possible for me to be pregnant, I don't think he would have let me go so easily. Maybe I was just fooling myself. As my mom's experience showed, it was clear they could override Pogona - they just like having the excuse to give in to their primitive urges.
But my dreams wouldn't let me forget him. Every night I replayed him taking me. I woke up in hot sweats, grumpy, disoriented, and horny as hell. If I got the famed second trimester horniness, I was going to be a mess. Was it okay to pick up guys in a bar all pregnant and let them screw my brains out? Just thinking that, I felt guilty and weird, like I was considering cheating on him. I moped around the house a lot.
My mom finally gave me a weird herbal tea she swore would help me sleep through the night. So I drank it and went to bed, miserable and lonely. I fell asleep the second my head hit the pillow and my dreams were different. This time it was like my vision quest, where I dreamt of Gila monsters and waking up in the desert.
I awoke with a start, absolutely drenched in sweat. Thanks, Mom, that tea was just great. I got out of bed and grabbed a glass of water. I wandered out the back door and stood in the cool air. Three in the morning and there were only faint noises of life in the middle of the wilderness to keep me company. It was quiet and peaceful in the dark night and I sank onto the welcoming earth.
Blame it on the pregnancy hormones, but the intense loneliness of being without Tlavi, and him not knowing about the baby hit me. I started weeping hysterically. Just sobbing my heart out in the middle of the woods.
After a while, I felt my mom wrap her arms around me, rocking me and petting my head. She whispered to me softly, "It's gonna be okay, baby. You can do this."
"Thanks, Mom. I love you. This is hard. Why is this hard? Why do I miss him? We had nothing."
"It happens. I stared at the sky every single night when I was pregnant with you. Just kept hoping one of the stars would get brighter and he would come back."
She held me for several long moments until everything went straight to hell…again.
There was a rush of air against us and we were illuminated in a bright spotlight. For a hot minute I thought, …The government knows I'm carrying an alien baby. I just couldn’t believe Tlavi would come for me.
Until the gangplank plopped down and he once more stood at the top, backlit. He rushed down toward us.
My mom stood between us, blocking him. She pointed at him and shouted, "Don't you dare come down here. You hurt her and left her. Your Pogona is an excuse, and I will not let you come down here for an intergalactic booty call."
He stopped and stared at her. "What is your name?"
"Excuse me?"
"What is your name? How do you know Meli?"
"My name is Lilah and she is my daughter."
He did a strange nervous huffing and strode down to Mom. He towered over her, but she refused to back down. Then he pulled out the strange device I recognized as his little dart gun and I shouted. I jumped up and ran toward them, but he shot her in the arm.
I tried to tackle him but it was like running into a brick wall. I fell back on my ass, the breath knocked out of me. But just that moment's contact caused my panties to be flooded. He stood over me and, for a second, I thought he was going to take me over my mother's drugged body. To my horror, I didn't care if he did. But instead he reached out and shot me, too.
This time it immediately knocked me out and I woke up in a very familiar white-draped room with my mother. I muttered curses under my breath as I sat up. That asshole shot my mom!
She was looking around the room, sadly. I wondered if her story started in a room much like this. If so, they really needed to change up their interior design.
I curled up next to her. "I'm sorry I got you mixed up in this, Mom."
"Don't worry, baby. I'd rather be with you than worrying about what happened to you."
I clutched my mother's hand and we looked around the room as we waited.
She finally laughed. "You know what’s funny? This is exactly what their ships looked like all those years ago."
"Well, if we end up being lifelong prisoners, can we force them to at least paint the walls? Maybe give us some really nice overstuffed chairs? Thea's rooms were all jewel tones, really lovely. And they should be able to get satellite TV, right?"
Mom laughed and patted my hand. "God, yes. All this white is giving me hives."
A wave of exhaustion rolled over me. I curled up with my head resting on my mother's lap and I fell asleep as she gently petted my head.
I don't know how long I was out, but I awoke to the sound of soft murmuring voices. I sat bolt upright in a panic.
Tlavi had been talking to my mother. I'm just going to blame my pregnancy again but I freaked the fuck out. I grabbed the shoe I'd kicked off in my sleep and flung it at Tlavi's head. Then I started screaming like a fishwife.
I was pissed off, hungry and still completely exhausted. He managed to dodge the shoe and back away hastily as I reached for the other one.
My mom grabbed my hand and pulled me back down to sit beside her. Then she slapped my hand. Hard. It shocked me into silence and I sat there, glaring at both of them.
He finally broke the growing silence. "I'm sorry. I thought if I sent you away, I could give you your life back."
My eyebrows about shot into the sky. "Thanks for talking to me about it." The 'Asshole' was left unstated.
"I really was trying to protect you. I didn't want you to get hurt. I thought that, since you were human, if I sent you away, it would be okay."
I shrugged, trying to be careless about it. "So, why am I here, now, again, without any real conversation?"
A voice floated in from behind him. "That was not the intention. He just went a little crazy when he saw you again."
It was Yastlama. He stepped forward, passed Tlavi. There was a kind smile on his face that slid off as he entered the room and saw me. Or rather, saw my mother. His face froze.
My mother squeezed my hand, hard. She didn’t move or say anything, just the intense pressure on my hand.
He went white, as if he was staring at a ghost and stepped forward with a hand outstretched toward my mother. Her hand shot out, stopping him.
"No, Yastlama, you do not get to come near me or my daughter."
Her tone was so odd.
"Is he the one who gave you the money like he gave me, when my father rejected you?"
Her voice was clipped, like she had to force the words out. "You could say that."
He shook his head and whispered, "No, Lilah. They told me you were dead."
I had to sit with that for a really long moment before I understood what he meant. What she meant. All the pieces clicked, he was my father and he thought we were dead the whole time.
Holy shit. HOLY SHIT! I remember seeing the grief on his face when he talked about his lost love from Earth. And the downcast way my mother talked about the 'man' whom she thought abandoned her.
And how, throughout my entire life, she'd gone on a few dates, but never had another boyfriend.
The silence in the room stretched out forever. Or until Yastlama knelt at my mother's feet.
As much as I wante
d to stay, I needed to give them space. This was something they needed to do without me watching over them. The door out had disappeared so I did the only thing I could think of.
I hid in the bathroom.
Well, why not? The bathroom was the only door I could get through and clearly they needed privacy. Plus I needed to think.
My father was the same alien that paid me off. Was he trying to keep me safe? Or saving Tlavi from making the same mistake he'd made all those years ago. Of bonding to a human and having a child with her. But if he thought she was dead? None of it made any sense.
And how the hell was I going to tell him about the baby? Would my mom slip that news to Yastlama?
I had no idea how to feel about telling Tlavi about my pregnancy. I didn't want to force him into something he wasn't interested in. And he was somewhere on the ship.
And I did have a father.
I sat down on the bench and waited for my mom to give the all clear. I stood quickly when the door opened. Tlavi was standing there. I don't know if it was seeing him or the head rush from standing, but I literally swooned in his arms.
He pulled me against his chest. We stood in each other's arms for half a heartbeat before he crushed his lips against mine. He devoured my mouth and I gave as good as I got.
Blame pregnancy hormones, but I was going to have him again, even if it was for the last time. I was desperate to make more memories with him.
I don't remember stripping him of his clothes, but one moment we were clothed, the next, my bare skin was pressed against his warm, topaz scales. He pinched my nipples until I was screaming his name.
He had my back up against the wall, cold tiles contrasting with his warmth. I spent weeks starving for his touch. There was no tenderness in either of us, just a ravenous, unslaked lust. My skin stung as he pressed against my waiting opening, but I ached for the punishing feel of him.
He might have been trying to pull back, to find tenderness, but I found my strength and pulled him into me. For a shattering moment I was impaled on his length until he was pounding into me and we rushed headlong into a shared orgasmic exultation.
We showered silently. I was overcome by the raw lust we'd both exhibited and felt uncharacteristically shy. Was this another round of hot sex that would be closely followed by rejection and abandonment?
I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that if I told him I was pregnant, he'd never let me go home. His pride, his biological imperative, would see me locked away somewhere. A cold, white box like the room we were just in.
I shuddered under the water and he drew me back into his arms. I clung to him, knowing I was going to demand he take me back home, but not wanting the moment to end.
He finally broke away from me and stepped out of the shower. I followed him to the bench where our clothes had been strewn and had to laugh. Once more, my clothes had been whisked away and a filmy gown remained.
He finally broke the silence. "Do you not like the dress?"
"They’re really pretty, and the bra magic is on point, but it's really weird and unsettling that I don't get to choose my own clothes or even wear pants."
He took me by the hand and led me to the wall. He pointed at a particular tile and said, "If you draw this symbol here, it will bring up the wardrobe program." His smile looked slightly pained as he added, "Apparently Thea programmed in pants, if you want to wear them."
"Oh, Thea, I knew there was a rebel in you. When do I get to see her?"
He froze and slowly turned to me. "Meli, I'm so sorry, I should have told you sooner, but…Thea is still missing."
"What?" The shock stilled me. Thea? Missing? All the assurances that she was the safe one after the crash, and she was somewhere lost in space. "Is she okay? What do you mean missing? The spider thing was supposed to protect her."
"It looks as if it wasn't a random attack. We found her capsule - there was a ransom message. She was taken by space pirates."
"Oh my God. Is she safe? Are you going to give them what they want?"
He shrugged helplessly. "I can't. I would do anything in the world for my sister, but I have no way of giving them what they want."
"Which is?"
"Political requests. Planets taken out of the Republic Foundation. Prisoners released. Radically changing the laws that govern us. If it was money…but it's not and there is nothing I can do. It doesn’t even make sense. They know I don’t have the power to do what they want. They’ve set an impossible task I cannot complete."
His shoulders slumped. He kept his face impassive but I could feel the sharp stab of pain vibrating through his body. I could feel him try to hide his vulnerability from me.
Whatever our weird bond meant for our future, I knew that, right now, Tlavi was suffering.
I pulled him to me on the bench and held him. He didn't have to say anything, I could sense the echo of his feelings.
"I'm selfish,” he finally choked out. “The more time we spend together, the closer our bond will be and the worse it will be when we are apart. It's like a drug, feeling you. This is the first moment since finding the ransom note that I've felt any relief. I don't know how I will be able to let you go but I promise you this, I will undergo the Poloron Fallapadax."
I didn’t expect how strongly I felt about being separated from him. It was as if I were being punched in the gut. It was devastating to even think of leaving him behind. Was it the bond binding us? I could feel his despair when he mentioned being away from me and a slight trill of panic ran down my spine. "What does Poloron Fallapadax mean?"
"It is a procedure that will…tame my impulses toward you and should dull the sharing of emotions between us. There is a drug in the implant that will…sedate me so I can't bother you."
He wasn't being truthful. I could feel him dancing around something. "What will it do to you? Will you be normal?"
He paused and I could feel the lie before he said it. "Yes, I will be completely fine and lead a normal life."
I rolled my eyes. "Seriously, I actually felt you come up with that bullshit. Do not lie to me. That's unacceptable."
He sighed. "Fine. I will be a shadow of myself. They don't know the long-term impact, but I will essentially pine for you but not be able to act on that longing."
His eyes closed and I felt him trying to close himself to me. Weird feelings flooded my body. Soft, fuzzy, happy feelings toward him. A distinct fluttering in my stomach. "You would do that for me?" Would he though, really?
He nodded. "Yes, in fact, I already started the drug regimen to prepare for the implant."
White hot rage exploded through me. "You what?!"
My outburst took him by surprise. "I took the first treatment this morning. After I collected you. I knew we couldn't go on like this."
I lifted an eyebrow, recalling the way we'd basically ripped each other's clothes off the second we were together.
"Well, obviously it doesn't start working right away. I don't even have the implant yet."
"You said you started the process. Is it permanent, have you hurt yourself already with this crap?"
He shook his head. "I have to keep taking the drugs, but once the implant is in my brain, it will be continuous."
I paced around the room, fury taking over my body that he would do something so final. I can’t even blame my hormones for my reaction. It was pure womanly pique. He’d made an important decision that impacted both of us…without me.
"If you keep taking that shit, I will never forgive you. Do not, I repeat, do not put any goddamn implants in your brain. How will you be able to take care of us if you are whacked out on drugs?"
I could feel the shock roll through him. "What…I thought I was doing the right thing. Yastlama will take care of you and your mother."
He trailed off as I planted myself in front of him. I glared at him with my hands on my hips.
"Not my mom, you stupid lizard. Us."
I pointed at my belly.
"I…I don't und
erstand."
But I could feel the wild exhilaration rise in him. He pulled me down into his lap and crushed me into his arms.
"I won't be kept in a gilded cage. I'm not your trained monkey."
He rained kisses on my face, pausing to say, "No, you are my precious mate. Our family." He gently touched my belly. Worry shot through him. "I didn't hurt you, him, did I?"
"We — her and I — are okay."
"Or both, if I'm lucky."
"Wow."
He held me like I was a precious, fragile gift someone had just handed him. "I am beyond honored you are letting this happen. Thank you. I will spend my life making sure you never doubt your decision."