“I think it will take her a while to choose,” Esylle told Sono. “I don’t think she’s quite processed the idea of getting married yet.”
“We don’t talk about that,” he said. “I teach her about what it is to be Farkhi and ask her about what it was like for her growing up.”
Esylle had an idea about how she grew up and wished it was different. Even though she knew now she would have been in danger if she had stayed with her, she wished she had the chance to raise her. She wondered if she would be any different if she had been raised in the castle with Esylle and Rivannus. Leodos must have noticed she was staring off sadly.
“You’ll have your chance to get to know her and I’ve seen how she’s been looking at you lately,” he said, pulling her to his chest. She relaxed in his strong arms and waited for her to get back.
She was smiling and laughing when she came back with Neptis like she did when she returned from gathering food with Sono. Oris appeared and started cooking for Esylle and the rest of the humans. Unlike Sono, who just cooked for her, Neptis was trying to teach her how to cook the dish he was making her out of seaweed. He pulled a pouch out and told her this was the secret to the dish and began sprinkling it on the seaweed they had chopped.
Esylle wondered how they were both dry after swimming when Lisana said she was glad he trusted her enough to dry him like she dried herself. That was not something Belisarus had taught her. Esylle wondered why he never taught her how to darken her hair the way Lisana did. Esylle watched as she managed to get all three princes talking to her without fighting and talking over each other.
She wasn’t sure if she should bring up their lessons because she didn’t want to push her away. Lisana brought it up first. She set her bowl aside and stood, asking if she was ready to teach her. She wanted to have their lessons on the beach, so she followed. She was calling the girl by her real name in her head and knew she would have to stop herself when she spoke to her because she wasn’t ready to be called that yet.
Lisana sat in the sand and looked at her calmly. Esylle knelt across from her. She knew she needed to be teaching her, but she really wanted to talk to her. She knew she swam in the ocean for the first time last night and she wanted to ask her about it. She didn’t know what she would do if she asked and the girl didn’t want to talk to her and demanded she teach her. She still didn’t know what to do to not drive her away.
“You look like you want to ask me something,” she said.
“I was just wondering what your first swim was like.”
She smiled. “If you want to know, maybe if I ever get all of this figured out, I can change you and you can see for yourself.”
“I’m just getting used to not hiding myself. I haven’t even thought about you changing me to be like you.”
“Maybe I’m supposed to,” she shrugged. “Show me what he never taught me.”
“Do you know the Myalis flower?”
“It didn’t grow in our garden and he never taught it to me. I’m not sure if it grows on Idric.”
“It doesn’t grow there. It only blooms in direct sunlight and it closes up and will not show its bloom if anything touches it. It’s how he taught me to control myself growing up. I don’t know how he taught you if he didn’t teach you that.”
“He obviously didn’t teach me anything if everyone is always yelling at me and I don’t know how I’m supposed to do anything.”
Esylle hesitated before telling the girl her theory about why she hadn’t been taught what she was supposed to know. She saw her eyes water as she tried to process it, then she shook her head.
“I can’t dwell on why he didn’t teach me, nor why he treated me the way he did. If all of you expect me to do these things and not leave, then you need to teach me.”
Esylle sighed. She knew it bothered her, just not why she was refusing to talk about it. She knew teaching her was important, but she also needed to be able to control her emotions, not ignore them to do what she was trying to teach her.
“Think of your heart like the Myalis flower. When you feel yourself getting angry or upset and you’re trying to push the heat down, send it all to your heart and imagine this flower there. Make it bloom with your fire. When it gets to be too much, imagine someone touching it. The flower closes and the heat stops.”
The girl stood up looking frustrated. Esylle couldn’t imagine why this time. “I thought you were teaching me how I was supposed to be changing things without getting upset? I’m supposed to be able to do this on my own not making flowers when I’m angry!”
She looked like she was about to stalk off and Esylle was relieved when she called her name and she stopped, only looking over her shoulder like she still might leave. “You don’t have to be angry to make the heart flower. That was just how he taught me to control myself. Since I had to hide, that was how I used my gifts. Making it feels nice when you are not upset and I thought that may be how you can change things without getting upset. It’s like using your Tempris gifts to feel good. It’s not just about being angry all the time.”
The girl blew out an irritated sigh and plopped back down in front of Esylle. “It sure feels a lot like being angry all the time.”
“Try it now to calm yourself, then we can try it again until you feel what I feel when I do it,” she told her, watching as she screwed up her face in concentration. Her eyes were still squinched shut as she complained she didn’t know what this flower even looked like. “Concentrate please,” Esylle warned. “If you don’t know what it looks like, use your imagination and make up a flower.”
She could feel the heat around both of them rising. She cried to her to close the flower before she erupted. The girl wasn’t doing a very good job at reigning the fire in, so she did what her father had done when she was learning this lesson and lost control like this. She grasped her shoulders and took her fire into herself. It was intense, but not as intense as the fire message they had sent. Esylle focused on forming the heart flower as fire raced through her veins. She managed to close it as the girl collapsed forward into her arms.
She held her and didn’t know what to do with her. She didn’t think this lesson would harm her and she seemed to pick up on other things quickly. Even if Belisarus wanted her to be a normal child, he should have taught her that being Tempris was not just about having a fiery temper and that it could feel quite good to use your gifts sometimes.
Esylle didn’t know how close the others were and tried calling out for anyone who could hear her. Lisana could lift things with heat, but Esylle did not know how to do that and if she had learned it on her own or if it was taught to her. She blew out a sigh of relief when Leodos appeared and came running. She saw all three princes were with him and they wanted to run to her, but something he said made them stay back.
He ran over to her and she tried to explain what had happened. He tried to make her feel better by telling her she would wake up on her own like she always did. Esylle had her cradled in her lap as she had done the last time she had fainted because she was hurt. He asked how this had happened and she explained. She had forgotten because she was so young when she started learning it, but Leodos reminded her that her lessons were always ended and she had to go lie down when Joron took her fire from her. Before she could speak, Lisana stirred and sat up holding her head. She asked what she had done to her and Esylle tried to explain.
“It felt like you were taking my life out of me. It didn’t even feel like that after I had to sleep off fighting the bear.”
“Just like you called to my blood and when I gave you my fire and controlled yours when you were sending the fire message, we can take and give each other fire because you are my daughter. I didn’t know any other way to help you.”
“Don’t do that again. I still don’t know if I can die, but if I can, it felt like I was when you were taking my fire.”
“You weren’t dying. I always had to lie down when my father took mine when I was learning this. I lost control at fi
rst too.”
“How old were you? Your fifth name day? If I’m your daughter, I’m nineteen!”
Esylle tried to calm her down by trying to reassure her that if she had started at the age Esylle had, she would have this mastered by now. It wasn’t her fault she wasn’t taught.
“Let’s try this another way! A way that feels good to you!” she cried as Lisana got up to leave again. Leodos tried to stop her as well to tell her Esylle often did the heart flower when he took her to the pond she revealed herself at and it was always relaxing for her. She didn’t have to be angry to do it. They all blushed when she admitted she didn’t really know what it was like to feel good except when she mated with Volaris.
Esylle told her to sit down and they would try this another way. She didn’t really want to talk about it and still didn’t like that Volaris had laid with her like he was her husband, but she took her hands and told her to focus on how she felt that day when she mated. Esylle felt the heat in her body rising as she slowly sent it to Soryn. She had her eyes closed so that she could concentrate. When she felt the air stir, she knew it was Leodos moving away from the heat. Lisana didn’t erupt this time and she could feel her taking the fire and controlling it. When she thought the girl had enough, she stopped the flow of fire by closing her own flower. Before she could tell Lisana to try to close hers, she opened her eyes and asked why she stopped.
“You should close it. Baby steps for now. I started this out teaching you wrong because I’m still getting to know you and don’t know the right and wrong ways to teach you. I always seem to upset you when I don’t mean to.”
The girl looked at her with wide innocent eyes. For a moment, Esylle could see the infant she lost. “Why didn’t he teach me that if it feels so nice? Especially when he knew I was lonely and miserable.”
“You’re never going to get those answers now,” Leodos told her, moving close to them now that the heat was gone. He put his hand on her head. “Your mother is here now and she can teach you what you need to know. You need to get to know each other again. I hope you’ll get to know me as well.”
“Are you going to marry finally?” she asked, slyly.
He ruffled her hair playfully. Esylle thought she would get angry, but she just laughed and shoved his hands away. “We’re planning on it. Maybe if I’m your father, you’ll finally start listening to me,” he teased, pulling her into a bear hug. Leodos wasn’t like this when Esylle was growing up and now she knew why. She watched Lisana tense when he pulled her to his chest and she wished Belisarus had not raised her like only his student. Esylle was surprised when she relaxed and leaned into him.
“Are you only being nice to me now because I said what neither of you were ever going to say?”
“I never disliked you,” he said, squeezing her. “I felt bad for you for how you grew up and wanted to help you once I knew you weren’t dangerous, but you were always frustrating me running off where I couldn’t protect you or exposing yourself to people who might hurt you. You’ve grown on me and you gave me what I’ve always wanted.”
“There’s four kings here. Any one of them could marry you. I’ve never seen a wedding before,” she said looking at both of them hopefully.
“This is not the proper place to hold a wedding. If you want a wedding like the ones in your stories, you need to wait until the fighting is over and we can do it at the palace. Maybe you will marry the same day,” Esylle told her.
Esylle was disappointed as she pulled away from Leodos and looked upset and uncomfortable again. “I’m not picking which one of these three boys I like the most if they let me choose and don’t pick for me. I’m picking an entire tribe to live the rest of my life with. I’ve spent time with all of them and they all have things I like and dislike. I don’t eat like the Theran and as much as I liked swimming, I don’t want to be underwater all the time. I want to fly and run too. The Farkhi don’t like their station as spies and would want me to change that. I may like one of these boys in the end, but I don’t think I could live the rest of my life with just one of these tribes because too much of me is different than them. I don’t know why they are so accepting of what I am and want me to marry into a tribe when they sent my grandfather away for having my father.”
“Who says you would live with the tribes? You’re my daughter and you belong in the palace on the throne. Whomever you pick could join you there. Weren’t you told you were supposed to bring change?” Esylle asked. The girl was finally telling her what was going on inside her head and she didn’t want her to stop. She didn’t mean to upset her again.
“I told you the night you first brought that up and I ran away that I don’t want to rule,” she said, getting up and stalking off.
Sono
Sono wanted to go to her when he saw her on the beach, collapsed in her mother’s arms, but the tall man made them stay back. Sono acted like he left with the rest of them, but double backed and stood at the trees and watched. He wished he could fly close enough to hear what was going on. The girl and Esylle had done something that put a look on Soryn’s face like she was feeling a rapture. Was this the trick to get her to change things like she was supposed to? Sono watched as she looked disappointed when they stopped, then again in surprise when the tall man embraced her and she didn’t pull away. That day in the woods when she wanted him to kiss her, she was initially stiff when he embraced her, but finally relaxed when he held her close.
He saw her relaxing and smiling as the tall man seemed to be joking with her. Something was said that upset her and he saw her get up to leave. He came from behind his tree and grabbed her arm as she stalked by him. He let go when she got too hot. He blew on his hand and asked why she tried to burn him. He had thought she had been warming up to him and she often laughed when they were together.
She grabbed his hand and he thought she was still upset about whatever had happened at the beach, but it turned out she was upset she burned him. She said she didn’t know it was him when he grabbed her and thought everyone was at the clearing. She looked at the blisters on his hands and said she wanted to try something. She held his injured hand in both of hers and closed her eyes. He could feel warmth coming off of her, but it was more like warming yourself in the sun and not unpleasant. His hand started itching and he went to pull it away, not knowing what she was doing. She gripped his hand tighter and would not let go. There were now two small flames flickering in each eye and the itching sensation got worse. He thought they were at a point that she wouldn’t deliberately hurt him, so he gritted his teeth. Itching on one’s palms was worse than when you needed to scratch other areas of your body.
She let go of his hands and looked at him expectantly. He was so puzzled by what she wanted from him that he didn’t notice his hand no longer burned and the itching stopped. When he finally realized, he looked at his palm and it was totally healed. There wasn’t even a scar. “How did you—”
“My mother showed me there are good things about being Tempris. I may be able to change something if I can work on it. I wanted to see if I could heal someone else the way I heal myself. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“Does it itch that badly when you heal yourself?” he asked, pulling her into an embrace and not knowing what she would do. She didn’t pull away and rested her head against his chest.
“Yes, it does. It felt like I was covered in ants after I killed the bear.”
“If you weren’t sure if you could heal from it and if you can die, why did you expose yourself to save that human? You could have died and from what the spies told us, he wasn’t very nice to you even before he found out your secret.”
“I was overwhelmed with the smell of fear where I was. It reminds me of something Belisarus wanted me to eat once that I didn’t like and upset my stomach. It was coming off of all five men at once so I just changed into a cat with big teeth and claws and ran to them to see why. If I had just let the bear kill him, none of this would be happening and I could go home.”
“How do all the humans you’ve been watching want to hurt me, but the four that are here want to protect me?”
She would have allowed him before and he didn’t know if she would again now that she had gotten to know Neptis and Oris. He didn’t want to drive her away, but he couldn’t stop himself from leaning down and kissing her gently. He intended to pull away and explain to her again how special she was, but her hand snaked to the back of his neck and she pulled him closer to kiss him harder. He was surprised when she pushed him against the tree and began to kiss his neck.
“What are you doing?” he asked her, running his hands through her long hair. “You shouldn’t be experiencing your next Senso for a year.” She was still kissing him and she guided him towards the ground.
“You forget I have human and Tempris blood in me. What I did the first time was how I figured out how to heal you,” she said, tugging at his robes.
As much as he didn’t want her to stop, he gently pushed her away. She looked at him confused. “I wanted to be the one to do it the first time you were experiencing your Senso because of who you were and because you are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. Now that I’ve gotten to know you in the past few days gathering food with you, I want to do it now because I love you. I can’t do this with you if you are just doing this with me to learn and not because you don’t feel the same way.”
He thought she would get angry and run away again and he may have blown any chance he had of her choosing him, but she didn’t disappear. She slid off his lap and rested her head on his chest and didn’t speak for a few minutes.
The Spirus Page 20