Did Samantha really think she could fool any of them into thinking this was good news? Across the short cubicle wall, Leila heard Dennis snort, “What a shit show.” Samantha was undeterred.
“The advantage is that as a bank, they fund all their loans in-house. We have access to all the capital we could ever need. The flip side of that is our product offerings will be smaller. This merger is effective as of today, but we will retain our name through the end of the year. Our lease in this space runs through another two years, and there are no plans at this time to break it.”
She paused, and her smile disappeared.
“Now, for me to get this deal through, I had to agree to become leaner. Our loan volume over the last two months doesn’t justify this fat of a staff. A few of you have not been carrying your weight.” She looked down at the floor, then back up and exhaled sharply. “Dennis, DeShawn, Rosemary . . . thank you for your contributions. You are hereby terminated. You may take a moment to pack up your things.”
Nobody moved for a second. The shock was still sinking in.
“I mean now. Don’t bother to try to save any of your files. Your log-ins have already been canceled. I’d like this to be as painless as possible, so please just go.”
Rosemary burst into tears. Dennis began putting things in his briefcase. DeShawn stood up.
“It’s been fun,” he said quietly to Leila.
She offered her hand. “Good luck.”
He walked out without taking a thing. Dennis and Rosemary remained at their desks.
“Kristen,” Samantha called toward the junior processor, “this is your two-week termination notice. Mona can handle all of our processing from here on, but I’d like you to stay and finish up the files you’re working on.”
Finally, Rosemary and Dennis made their painful exits. Samantha addressed those who remained.
“The rest of you are officially on notice. No crap, no games, no more vacations. This is do-or-die time. Now, get on those phones and sell some goddamn loans or you can pack your things too.”
They obeyed. Sales were hard. Voices on the other end of the line were indignant, sometimes even threatening, but the four surviving loan officers kept at it. They had to.
For a few hours, Leila’s mind was back on the pressure of this job, even while she plotted her escape. She felt bad for those who had been fired when she planned to quit as soon as she had a good offer, but she couldn’t offer her place to another even if she wanted to. It didn’t work like that. Every loan officer was judged on his or her merit alone. That was something she loved about it.
It was past one o’clock, and she hadn’t eaten all day. She hadn’t brought any food either. She stepped out to get some lunch. Crossing the street and heading for a reliable deli, she passed the Starbucks where she had met Ashford a few months back. Dennis sat at an outdoor table. There was no coffee cup in front of him. He must have considered it a suddenly expendable expense. He stared with glazed eyes across the street at the office building. Leila guessed he had been sitting there all morning.
“Hi, Dennis.”
“Oh, hi.” He was jolted out of his daze.
Leila didn’t really want to, but she sat down beside him, thinking it was the polite thing to do.
“What am I going to do?” The pitch of his voice rose the way she remembered it always did when he became agitated.
“You’ll get another job soon. You have great experience.”
“It’s not like it used to be. What happened here is happening everywhere. There’s no place for a guy like me anymore. Maybe for you or Cox. Maybe even DeShawn. He’s young. He’s got a big personality. That’s the only thing that’s valued anymore. An over-the-hill guy like me, though? I’m screwed!”
She didn’t know what to say. Sadly, he was probably right. She couldn’t imagine where he would find a new job with his skill set in this economy.
“It’s too late for me to start a new career. All I know is the mortgage business, and this business is going to shit. I bet my wife will leave me too.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true. She’s wanted to for years. If I’m unemployed, what does she have to stay for? Our kids are grown. None of them need me anymore.”
It wasn’t only the business that had moved past Dennis. The world had moved past him. But he had let it happen. She did feel for him, even as his self-pity reeked of a lifetime of entitlement and privilege. Maybe he was right, that the days of an older white man being handed another soft landing were over. His real problem was that as a privileged white man, he had never learned to scratch and claw for his chances.
She stood up. “I can’t be away for too long. Samantha’s cracking the whip up there today. Dennis, I’m really sorry. You have my number. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”
She started to offer her hand, but Dennis had returned to his daze. She hurried to the deli for her salad, then brought it back to eat at her desk.
A day at a time, she told herself. A day at a time before she could find a new job . . . if she could. A day at a time before she and Ashford could live their love openly. A day at a time until her child came into the world. Until then, she would pick up the phone and fight to survive, even if the housing market crumbled around her.
23
LEILA WALKED UP to Samantha’s house knowing it might be the last time. Only two and a half years had passed since the first time she walked up this stone drive, wide-eyed and wondering if she was in over her head. Perhaps she had been all this time.
The evening was cool. She had left her scarf in her car and hurried up the steps toward the house, expecting it to be warm inside. The city sounds echoed upward against the hills. Christmas lights sparkled around the windows and on the large tree inside the house. Samantha’s Christmas party had always been a big event. This year would be different, as their office staff had been sliced in half and the entire subprime mortgage industry circled the drain. But Samantha would find a way to make everyone feel happy, or at least pretend to. She always did.
Was it December already? Time was flying by, and Leila still didn’t have an exit plan. She would probably be showing in a matter of weeks now.
Ashford didn’t have an exit plan either. She knew he didn’t like talking about it with her, but he had been turned down for the first job in Glendale, and no other hospitals had offered him a position. Leila wasn’t surprised. After all, he still had his internship to negotiate. She knew he was embarrassed, still being dependent on his mother. She had to admit she wanted to see how he managed once he was out in the real world. She was still a little unsure what kind of a man she had gotten herself tangled up with.
She hoped he had made plans elsewhere tonight. She knew he would stay away from the party, but if he was here, alone in his room, she would sense it. It would be better for him to be away. Yet part of her heart couldn’t help wishing that he was here. She hadn’t been with him in several days. She missed him. She wanted to be near him, even if she didn’t see him.
The house was full of new faces. Leila only recognized about half of the guests. Warm light from the tree gave the party a festive, happy feel. The house even smelled like fresh-baked Christmas cookies. Samantha must have asked the caterers to do their baking here. She thought of everything.
Samantha herself was affectionate as ever when she greeted Leila and introduced her to the new people. But something was different. Something had been lost. Even if Leila had never gotten involved with Ashford, this life was ending anyway, not just for herself but for all of them. Samantha was hanging on to it by a thread, gathering new people to replace those who fell away. There were always willing moons to orbit her. Once Leila left, she would be replaced too. But how long could Samantha hold on to her place in the sky?
Leila made an effort to engage with the guests. She smiled, said the right things, and laughed at people’s jokes. But she was detached from it all. It made it harder that her whole body felt uncomfo
rtable. She had never fit in here, and now she didn’t care enough to try.
As she tried to be friendly with the guests, a wave of nausea rolled over her. The place smelled awful. Alcohol on people’s breath, combined with the sweet baking smell from the kitchen, was too much for her to take. The clatter of plates, rising voices, and loud music beat against the inside of her head.
“Leila, are you okay?”
Startled, she glanced up at Samantha, who stood next to her with a cocktail in hand. Her voice sounded distant amongst all the other noises.
“Yeah, why?”
“You don’t seem yourself.”
Leila got nervous. She couldn’t hide anything from Samantha. “A lot on my mind, I suppose.”
“I understand. Things are changing fast, but it will be okay. Please do try to mingle. Use your charm. There are executives from Alamo Trust Bank here, as well as some new real estate agents. It’s important for us to widen our sphere of influence.”
“I’ll try.”
Samantha smiled, but Leila saw something wrong in her smile.
Leila did try, but only while Samantha was watching. She had to keep up appearances for Samantha if for no one else. She needed an exit strategy fast, but until then it was crucial to retain her boss’s trust. Once Samantha went into another room, Leila turned away from the guests and stood by the open window. The fresh night air dispelled the weird smells in the room. Her nausea went away as swiftly as it had come on.
A car sounded on the driveway. It was about nine o’clock, too late for another guest to arrive. Leila looked out. It was Ashford’s car. The garage door opened and closed behind him.
Suddenly, unexpectedly, a tingle ran all through her.
For the next half hour, she could barely pretend to socialize. Ashford’s nearness was too much of a distraction. Soon, it became an irresistible temptation.
She had to see him. She craved his arms around her, his lips on hers, if only for a moment, and then she could come back.
The bathroom was down the hallway toward the stairs. If she returned quickly, everyone who did notice would think she had just gone to use it.
She dashed up the stairs. Her heartbeat quickened.
A light shone from beneath Ashford’s closed bedroom door. She scratched the door gently. In a moment, he opened it and hurried her in. He didn’t seem surprised. Her nearness must have tempted him too.
A single lamp lit the room. A dark gray curtain flapped in the night breeze from his open bedroom window, fanning a dozen small jars on the sill.
No words were spoken. They were unnecessary.
Leila folded herself into his embrace. Their lips met with the eagerness born of separation and haste. Leila pulled him toward her, with one arm around his shoulder and one hand on his hips. His lips explored her face and her neck. She pushed him backward to sit on his double bed, pulling his shirt up over his head and unzipping his jeans. When she entered his room, she hadn’t intended to go this far. But she had to have him, all of him. She had to be quick about it.
He pulled her dress up over her head, then fumbled with her bra clasp. She laughed quietly, reaching back to help him with it, loving how excited he was. She couldn’t stand to wait another second. As he touched her, every nerve of her body responded. Her pregnancy had heightened every sensation within her. She relished his lips and rough chin against her neck, his hands in her thick hair, his strong lower back clutched between her thighs. She urged him inside her, biting her lip hard to keep from crying out with pleasure.
When it was over, she fell against him, her head over his shoulder and the tingling skin of her breasts against his hot, thumping chest.
“I couldn’t resist you.”
He still said nothing. He didn’t need to. She felt everything in his beating heart.
“Never let go.”
But they had to. She had been gone too long. She got off of him, dressed, and cleaned herself up as best she could. She reapplied her lipstick, laughing as she wiped the evidence off of Ashford’s face. He dressed too. They embraced for several long moments, then she opened his bedroom door.
“Well, isn’t this interesting.” Samantha stood in the hallway with her arms folded.
Leila gasped, then choked. Her knees briefly buckled from shock, and she had to grab onto the doorframe.
“I’ve suspected this for some time. Still, I’m disappointed. Why would you betray me like this, Leila?”
Ashford hurried out and stood beside her, facing his mother. “It’s not her fault. If you want to blame anyone, blame me.”
“Shut up. I’m talking to Leila.”
“No, Mom, you’re talking to me. Leila and I love each other.”
“Aren’t you gallant.”
“I’m sorry we kept it from you, but it’s time for you to know. We’re together now.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. You’ve had your fun. Now, you can both move on.”
Leila struggled to regain her composure. She couldn’t breathe. She loved Ashford for standing up for her but hoped he wouldn’t tell Samantha everything. It would be better to break it to her gradually.
“It’s not that simple.”
As soon as she heard Ashford say those words, Leila knew it was all coming out.
“It’s incredibly simple. You’re both young, attractive people who don’t know a damn thing about love.”
“Yes, we do.”
“Bullshit.”
Don’t tell her. Don’t tell her.
“Leila and I are having a baby together.”
Samantha staggered back against the wall. “What do you mean? That’s not possible, you careless idiots!”
Leila had never seen Samantha lose her composure before. It only lasted a moment before she steadied herself and returned her businesslike smile to her lips.
“Leila dear, I think you’d better go home. I need to talk with my son.”
Leila couldn’t move.
“You and I will talk on Monday at the office.”
The surprise must have showed on Leila’s face.
“No, you’re not fired. I don’t blame you for being young and getting swept off your feet. It’s happened to so many of us women. You will come to work on Monday, and we will have a little talk.”
Ashford squeezed her hand. She feared leaving him alone with Samantha. She knew his mother would try to turn him against her. But she had no choice. She had to trust in him. If he could be strong for her, he would have to prove it alone. She left down the staircase and out the back door, avoiding the party, which was growing louder.
24
SO, THIS WAS the day. No more secrets now.
Leila wasn’t sure how she was supposed to act when she walked into the office on Monday, surely for the final time. Even though Samantha hadn’t fired her . . . yet . . . she hardly felt like sticking around.
Samantha didn’t make her wait. Even before Leila could put her purse down at her desk, she was called into her boss’s office. To her surprise, Samantha greeted her with a hug.
“Dear, this must be so hard for you. So confusing.”
Samantha’s warm demeanor startled Leila, but she didn’t let down her guard.
“You probably thought I would fire you this morning.” Samantha closed the door and sat on the edge of her desk. Leila remained standing. “I hope it doesn’t come to that. I’d rather help you.”
Leila resisted the urge to fold her arms.
“I don’t blame you for what happened. Ashford is persuasive—has been since he was a little boy. He’s handsome. You’re beautiful. You’re both young. That doesn’t mean I think you’re a good match. I’m sure you understand that, even if my son doesn’t. I’ve forbidden Ashford to see you again. But I’m not surprised by your attraction. It’s natural.”
“He’s a grown man. He can make his own decisions.”
“Not while I support him. It’s my right to establish terms.”
“Okay. So you forbid him from seeing me. But
you can’t forbid him from seeing his child.”
“Now, you’re making this more complicated than it needs to be. This can all be forgotten so easily.”
“Don’t even say it.” Leila glared at her. “Don’t make me hate you.”
“Leila, Leila, use your head. Think of your career, your future. Things are stacked unfairly against women—in this business like so many others. It’s especially stacked against an immigrant woman.”
Yes, because of people like you.
“Everything is complicated by a child. Think of the man you will one day marry.”
“I hope that man will be your son.”
Samantha shuddered, unable to hide her horror at the thought that was for the first time put into words. Similar to the moment in her house, her lost composure only lasted a second before she resumed her cool, gentle smile, but Leila saw it and knew she had been right about Samantha. She would only allow Leila to be her subordinate or her enemy.
“You must realize that can never happen, and not just because of me.”
“No, I don’t realize that.”
“You know how to live when life is tough; it’s never been tough for Ashford. I’ve made sure of that, perhaps to his detriment. Right now, he’s emotional. He thinks he’s in love. But he doesn’t want a baby. He wants to start a career and live a little. He and I have talked about it often. He wants to travel. He might still go to med school. He feels a sense of duty now, but do you really think he’d stick around? He’s attracted to you now, but a baby will change your body. We both know that, but he hasn’t thought about it.”
In a flash, Leila understood Samantha’s strategy. Rather than trying to turn Ashford against her, as she had feared, she was trying to turn her against him.
“He’s my son, so my loyalty will always be with him, but I also feel sympathetic with you, as a woman. I don’t want to see your career and your prospects ruined, forced to live as a single mother once he realizes that parenting is too hard.”
“I believe he would stay. He’s a good man. You know that, surely.”
The Exile Page 14