“During your speech when you mentioned you’d been cheated on… Do you think that has anything to do with the mission you’re on now? This is off the record, of course,” he said. God damn it, I thought. True to form, Taylor wasn’t going to let this go. He was like a dog with a bone. Still, I had to keep control, I couldn’t let this spiral away so much I’d end up saying yet another thing I’d regret. As friendly and charming as he tried to make himself appear, the truth was Taylor was a journalist—he only wanted a story. I took a deep swig of my coffee while I thought of what to say.
“No. It has nothing at all to do with my mission,” I said in as level a voice as I could manage.
“That’s not what you said yesterday.”
“Of course not. I have to give people something to talk about.”
“I don’t believe that for a second,” Taylor said and my face flushed with anger but I swallowed it back. This is what he does. He’s pushy and he’ll back me into a corner to get me to say what he wants if I let him, I thought. So I won’t.
“That’s your problem, not mine,” I said and took another swig of my coffee, eyeing him over the ridge of my mug. He smiled and sat back in his chair.
“That’s why you didn’t bring the camera crew. You hoped you could catch me in a lie or something, right?” I asked as I set the mug back down on the table.
“No. I just thought we might be able to talk as peers without a camera in your face. Clearly, I was wrong.” Good, maybe now he’ll give up on this, I thought, satisfied with myself for fending him off. It probably wouldn’t be the last time he brought it up but hopefully it would get me out of trouble for today.
“If it’s not true, then why are you doing this? For the record,” he said as he readied his pen and paper.
“I don’t have to answer that,” I said and he laughed.
“Your non-answer tells me everything I need to know.”
“And what is it telling you?”
“That I was right. But you know what I think?”
“I can only imagine,” I sighed.
“I think you’re doing this because you desperately want to feel love again but you’re afraid of it. In fact, you’re so afraid of it you’d rather tour the country telling people how outdated a concept it is than dare let someone, anyone, get close to you again.”
“Look, if you don’t think I mean it when I say sex should be able to exist between two people with no strings attached, you’re more than welcome to follow me to the bedroom so I can prove it,” I continued, regretting the words as soon as they’d come out. My lack of a filter didn’t always work in my favor. I didn’t mean it, not really, I just thought it would get under his skin.
“Thanks, but no thanks,” he said. “And you should be glad the cameras weren’t rolling for that one. That would’ve caused quite a stir.”
“I’m used to controversy. It comes with the territory,” I said, simultaneously thankful and disappointed Taylor had declined.
“Alright, if that’s not it, then do you even know why you’re on this crusade?” he asked and I froze. I didn’t have a good answer because it was a question I’d asked myself recently.
“I want to expand the country’s concept of what love is and what it can be,” I said, the first thing that came to my mind. Taylor laughed and shook his head.
“Come on, if you’re gonna feed me bullshit you need to try harder than that,” he said.
“It’s not bullshit, it’s the truth. Why can’t people live their lives without love in it? Why do we treat that as such a necessity?”
“I think you already know the answer to that,” he said. “Some people can. They’re wired that way. But the vast majority of us aren’t,” he continued, his icy-blue eyes piercing through me again. A chill ran down my spine. What the hell was he trying to imply? “Most of us need love in our lives to survive. It’s human nature to want connection with other people.”
“That might be your human nature but it’s not necessarily true for all of us.”
“Alright, fine. If our culture’s definition of love doesn’t work for you, then how would you define it? Or what would you like to see it become?” he asked.
“I’d like to see it become a non-stop fuck fest, one I think you’d greatly benefit from experimenting with,” I said, more out of frustration than to be funny. Again Taylor shook his head and slammed his notebook closed.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Clearly, this isn’t getting us anywhere. I don’t know where your head is today but it’s obvious you’re not in the right place to talk so I’m calling it a day,” he said as he shoved his stuff back into his bag.
“Fine,” I said, though it didn’t feel that way. I stood to follow him to the door. He’d started to open it but paused, closed it again, and turned to face me.
“What?” I asked, not thrilled that he was still there. I wanted him to leave, wanted him to stop peppering me with questions, wanted him to get the hell out of my house before I did something really stupid.
“Can I ask you one last question? This one’s off the record, too,” he said, scanning my face.
“What’s one more?” I sighed. And then his lips were on mine, his hands on my back and neck to hold me still as he kissed me, his tongue forcing its way into my mouth. I tried to pull back and couldn’t, he was too strong, though I wasn’t sure I really wanted it to end anyway. After what felt like months, he released me and stood staring at me, his eyes traveling up and down my face. He licked his lips.
“Did that make you feel anything?” he asked. Are you fucking kidding me? I thought. That made me feel everything.
“Yes,” I admitted.
“Good. I was starting to think you couldn’t feel anything at all.”
“That was totally uncalled for,” I said. Or was it?
“You should have dinner with me,” Jeff said and I burst out laughing.
“You’re joking,” I said. “We can’t do that. We’re coworkers. And besides that, I hate you.”
“The kiss said otherwise,” he said with a smile.
“It didn’t mean anything. You surprised me.”
“But you liked it, didn’t you?”
“Not at all,” I said and he raised his eyebrows at me and I waffled. “OK, fine. Maybe a bit.”
“Then have dinner with me this weekend.”
“Only if the crew is there,” I said. The fact we were even having this conversation was insane enough but I knew better than to let myself be alone again with Taylor. He laughed.
“Man, you really are afraid, aren’t you? Alright, fine. Have it your way,” he said and dug in his pocket to produce his wallet. He slipped a business card out of it and handed it to me. “Obviously, the office number doesn’t work anymore, but the cell number does. We’ll iron out the details.”
“Yeah, sure. Whatever. Get out,” I said. He smiled again and stepped out of the door, letting it click shut behind him. I fell with my back against it and a hand clapped over my mouth.
Jeff Taylor had kissed me, and not in a light sort of way. Why did he do it? Was he trying to prove a point or… No, no way. That wasn’t possible. And I definitely didn’t have any feelings for him other than intense dislike, especially after this, though I had to admit part of me was impressed with his boldness. Maybe he wasn’t as much of a stick-in-the-mud as I thought he was.
But that didn’t change anything. This was just a temporary project, something I had to suffer through so I could build my platform. Falling for Jeff Taylor of all people was not part of the package.
… So then why was I falling?
10
Jeff
“You did what?!” Dylan shouted.
“Jesus, keep your voice down. I don’t need the whole office knowing about this,” I hissed as I gripped his arm and glanced around to make sure no one had heard. I hadn’t slept much the night before—not that that was out of the ordinary—because I couldn’t stop thinking about my kiss
with Kile.
“Sorry, but you can’t really blame me for being surprised by the fact you asked Kile Avery out on a dinner date,” he said, his voice thankfully back at a reasonable level.
“It surprised me too but the bigger surprise was that he said yes.”
“This is nuts. Who would’ve guessed?”
“You did,” I said.
“Yeah, I guess I did. But don’t you think it’s a bit of a bad idea? What if Lee or someone else finds out? The two of you aren’t exactly low-profile kind of people,” Dylan said. He wasn’t wrong and the thought had definitely crossed my mind.
“Not to worry. The camera crew is coming with us so there won’t be any risk of funny business and we can treat it like we’re shooting an episode,” I said.
“Oh, great. You’re going on a dinner date with Kile Avery and you’re gonna record the whole thing. This just keeps getting better and better,” he said.
“Well, what else can I do?”
“You’ve got feelings for him, don’t you?”
“I’m really not sure how to answer that question,” I said, and it was true. There definitely were feelings growing but they were an odd mix of fascination and burning hatred.
“That’s a yes, then,” he said with a smirk.
“It’s complicated.”
“Obviously. Dude, this is nuts.”
“What do you think I should do? I can still call it off, we’re not supposed to go out until this weekend.”
“I dunno. Depends on what you want to get out of it,” he said with a shrug. “If you’re doing it solely for the purpose of making the documentary better, I say go for it. But if you’re doing it for, well, personal reasons, then you might want to think twice,” he said.
“How the hell did you get so smart? I wish I had half your emotional wits when I was your age,” I said and he shrugged.
“I dunno, guess it comes naturally. Or maybe I just know crazy when I see it,” he said.
“Am I crazy?” I asked. I had to wonder. Why else would I have kissed Kile Avery and asked him to go on a date with me?
“This is just a tiny bit crazy,” he said, holding up his hand and pinching his thumb and forefinger together. “But feelings make people do crazy things sometimes.”
“You have to swear you won’t say anything to Lee about it,” I said, realizing just how dangerous this was. If Lee found out, God only knew what he might do. He was all about creating drama for the sake of views and clicks.
“What? Why? You’re filming it, he’s bound to find out.”
“I know, and I can’t stop that, but I don’t want him to know anything before we’re all set up and recording,” I said. Truthfully, I didn’t want him to know about it at all. “So, swear to me. Right now.”
“Alright, fine. I swear,” he said, raising his hands defensively at me. “I won’t tell a soul. Besides, I’d never want to get on your bad side.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“Just that you could probably ruin me if you really wanted to. I don’t want to be on your next on-air takedown. I’m trying to make friends in this industry, not enemies.”
“See what I mean about you being so smart?”
“Again, common sense,” he laughed. “I still can’t believe this. I’m kind of jealous, to be honest.”
“I knew you had a thing for Avery.”
“I guess that makes two of us, huh?”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.”
“Please. I can tell you want to bang him. Not that I blame you. Honestly, I’m more surprised he agreed to it.”
“I do not want to bang him, for the record.”
“Uh huh, suuuure.”
“Why are you surprised he said yes?” I asked to change the subject. I didn’t really know how I felt about Avery in that regard, but entertaining the thought definitely wasn’t going to help me figure it out.
“Well, you’re not exactly the type he usually goes for.”
“How do you know his type? And what the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“I don't know it, but based on the guys he’s been spotted with over the last year or so, no offense or anything, a guy like you isn’t exactly in the running.”
“True. Who knows, maybe he’s got severe daddy issues he’s just now getting in touch with or something?”
“That might explain it,” Dylan laughed. “This is wild. Jeff Taylor, the most traditional of the traditional, is going on a date with Kile Avery, the internet’s most controversial man. The world really has turned upside down, hasn’t it?”
“Yeah, and hell has frozen over, too. But it’s not a date,” I said.
“It’s not a date? You’re joking, right?”
“No, it isn’t. We’re meeting for dinner to talk more about him and his life, which in case you haven’t noticed is part of my job here.”
“Sure, you keep telling yourself that, dude,” Dylan laughed. “It’s a date, I don’t care what you say. And I think Lee’s going to see it the exact same way.”
He wasn’t wrong, though. My head was still spinning about it. Of course, I hadn’t told him about the kiss—and I had absolutely no intention of doing so. Even now I didn’t understand what possessed me to do it. There was just something about Kile and the way he got in my head that emboldened me and made me want to take risks. Crazy, irresponsible, and immature risks. Don’t forget that this could cost you your career, Jeff, I reminded myself, though I hadn’t really ever forgotten it. This isn’t a game.
“Jeff! I’m glad you’re here. Can I talk to you?” Lee called from the other side of the office and my heart sank.
“Speak of the devil,” I groaned and Dylan laughed.
“Good luck,” he said.
“Thanks,” I said as I stood and walked to Lee’s glass cage. He clapped me on the shoulder and ushered me inside, closing the door behind him.
“What can I do for you, Lee?” I asked.
“Oh, this isn’t one of those kind of meetings,” he said as he sat down at his desk. “I just wanted to touch base with you, see how things are moving along. Ross told me you didn’t take the crew with you to Avery’s yesterday. What was that all about?” he asked, and I had to take a deep breath to steady myself. Fucking Ross, I thought, and made a mental note to be more careful what I said and how I behaved in front of the crew.
“It wasn’t anything special. Avery seemed clammy after he gave his little speech on Friday so I thought it might do us some good not to have the cameras there. You know, help him loosen up a bit,” I said.
“I see. Did it work?”
“In a way,” I said, my mind jumping back to the feeling of my lips against his, soft and warm… I kicked myself mentally to get the image away.
“Good. I didn’t dare hope for it at the time, but I’m glad to hear this little project is helping the two of you bury the hatchet. It’s good for all of us,” he said.
“Yeah, I agree.”
“I’ve seen some of the early footage and I’m impressed. You really don’t pull any punches, do you?”
“Isn’t that what you hired me for?”
“Oh, of course. I didn’t mean it as a bad thing. I love it. You’ve got a style that’s really something to behold,” he said.
“Thanks, but honestly I’m not really sure how I feel about what we’ve done so far. It’s been kind of all over the place.”
“It’s a documentary, that tends to happen. With editing, it’ll all come together in the end. I’m not worried and you shouldn’t be, either,” he said, smiling.
“I’m glad to hear that,” I said. “So, was there something in particular you wanted to chat about?”
“Well, there is one thing I wanted to mention,” he said and my body tensed. Did he know about the date with Avery already? Had Ross or someone else gotten wind of it and run back to tell him? Or was it written all over my face?
“What’s that?”
“While I love what I’ve s
een, I think you could step things up a bit,” he said and I let out the breath I’d been holding, relieved he hadn’t said what I was expecting.
“How do you mean?”
“You know, push him a little further. Get him to react instead of just talk. Part of what I love about the two of you on camera is the banter you seem to have, the shots you take at each other. It’s great, and I think the viewers will appreciate more of it, too,” he said. I wasn’t really sure how I was going to pull it off, especially now that I was developing, well, something with Avery that went beyond the scope of the project.
“I think I can do that.”
“Think? What’s the hesitation?”
“Oh, there’s no real hesitation, it’s just not something I can plan ahead of time, you know? Most of it is off the cuff.”
“Makes sense. Just watch out for opportunities like that and you’ll be golden,” he said. “I haven’t looked, what’s on his agenda for the rest of the week? Any more appearances you can take advantage of?”
“No, not that I remember. I think he’s going to take us into The Flame this week, though. I asked about that already.”
“Oh, good. He’ll probably be on the defensive during that, but see if you can get something juicy about what they’re working on.”
“Are you asking me to steal from them?”
“Sharing knowledge isn’t stealing, Jeff,” he said with a wink.
“Now there’s a stretch of the truth,” I said and he laughed.
“Don’t act like you’re above it.”
“I’ll see what I can see,” I said, though I didn’t plan to make good on it.
“‘Atta boy,” he said. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out to find a text message from an unknown number. “You need to take that?”
“Yeah, sorry,” I lied, quickly shoving it back into my pocket before Lee could see what the message said.
“No worries, duty calls,” he said and I stepped out of the office to hold the phone to my ear like I was answering a call. I kept it there until I got outside of the building. It was freezing cold but I didn’t care because I’d been waiting for this text. I glanced around to make sure no one was watching and slid to unlock the screen on my phone.
Clickbait (Off the Record Book 1) Page 10