He had a meeting after the final class, the Dean wanted to know how it went and if he liked his first day or needed anything else to do his job. James had hoped to keep it brief but other members of the faculty stopped in to say hello, the math professor opened a bottle of Scotch and it was late when the impromptu party broke up.
He walked the mile back to his apartment, his mind buzzing from fatigue and alcohol and filled with images of Claire. He couldn’t get her scent out of his nose and the way her soft skin suited his demons.
As he walked up the stairs to the porch, she was getting mail out of the letterbox and they both froze. They should have exchanged pleasant hellos, maybe expressed a little surprise but they both stood like deer in the headlights, neither could think of a thing to say.
“Um, you live here?” James finally asked.
“No, just stalking you.” Claire said and instantly regretted it. It didn’t sound witty or funny, to her ears it sounded like she was speaking a truth. She reddened and looked away as she stuffed the flyers and junk mail in her bag then handed him one of the Chinese takeout menus. He smiled warmly as he took it and almost touched her hand again.
“We live on the second floor, Dana and I.” she mumbled and didn’t meet his eyes “We heard someone had rented the top floor. Guess that was you.”
“Oh. Yes, moved in this morning.” James said and felt a strong disappointment wash over him. She lived with Dana. She had a boyfriend.
As he held the door open for her a blonde girl breezed out then stopped when she saw them.
“Oh my.” She said with a grin on her face. “You didn’t tell me you were bringing company home, Claire. Well, you two will have the place to yourselves, I won’t be back until late.”
A red sports car pulled up to the curb and she waved.
“Be right there!” she said and turned her eyes back to James who stood looking confused.
“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your date?” Dana asked and both of them started talking over each other, her insisting it wasn’t like that at all, him trying to explain he was the new tenant.
“Whatever you say.” Dana said as she gave Claire a wink and skipped down the stairs. “Have fun!”
“Um, sorry about that.” Claire said. “Anyway, that’s my roommate. She’s really popular.”
“I can see why.” James said and it was his turn to feel stupid. Claire stood before him in a baggy sweatshirt, frazzled after a long day and he’d just complimented a girl who was dressed in her best and had spent the past hour getting ready for an evening out. He couldn’t think of a way to take it back without sounding like a creep or disingenuous. He couldn’t tell her he’d been thinking about her all afternoon, that she was much more beautiful even with her windblown hair and frumpy clothes than the drop-dead gorgeous roommate would ever be. Whatever he said would be wrong so he said nothing and held the door for her. She gave him a tight smile and started up the stairs. He was right behind her and again felt like an idiot. He should have waited, now she probably thought he was checking out her backside. A quick glance showed him it wasn’t a skinny little rump, it had its own curves the jeans couldn’t hide. He tried to keep his eyes down but when he glanced up she happened to look back at the same time. She caught him looking.
He nodded as he went past on her landing but she didn’t notice, she busied herself with opening the door.
“Good night, Claire.” He managed to say without screwing it up.
“Good night, Professor.” She replied stiffly and hurried inside.
She entered the apartment, locked the door, leaned against it and closed her eyes. That could not have possibly gone any worse. She thought for a moment he’d kind of liked her, his smile had been genuine and it spread all the way to his eyes, those soft brown eyes. Then Dana had distracted him like she did every male she ever met. She didn’t even have to try, guys fell all over themselves when she was around. Dana was a good friend, though. If she admitted that she liked the man, her roomie would do everything in her power to make him see what a wonderful catch she was. She didn’t need help, if he didn’t like what he saw, Dana’s meddling wouldn’t do any good. She breathed deeply and could still barely smell the scent of him. Or maybe she imagined it but either way, a warmness spread through her. She might be a virgin in the sense that she’d never slept with a man but that didn’t mean she’d never felt pleasure.
Claire put on soft music, lit the candles, filled the bathtub and used some of Dana’s honey and lavender glittery bath oil. When the water was warm and foamy, she stepped in and slid down low.
She rested her head on the bath pillow and thought about the man who was literally just a few feet away and conjured images, replayed the afternoon but in a very different way. She hadn’t been shy in his office. She hadn’t stumbled over her words or ran off when the electricity between them nearly crackled. She had run her fingers through his hair and pulled him close.
She imagined kissing him, his lips warm and soft with his beard tickling her face. She closed her eyes and could feel her fingers lost in his beautiful hair. His hands explored her body. It was a hungry and urgent feeling. His mouth kissed her jaw and worked down the neck. James lifted her on his desk and the daydream Claire was brave enough to do what she wanted. Brave enough to let go and wrap her arms around him, pull him in closer.
His look of hunger and love had Claire on the edge, the candles and warm water had her relaxed and she dreamed of the things they would do. Hard muscles against her soft skin. Soft kisses that turned hungry. Gentle caresses, hard grasps and whispered words of lovers.
If only she could be like that in real life, not be afraid of rejection or a look of disgust. In her fantasy she was brave and seductive and he reacted exactly like she wanted. He knew what to do, how to please her and she knew how to please him. Reality wasn’t like that.
She’d come close to actually going all the way a few times but it had been awkward and uncomfortable and she was glad it never happened. Dana was just the opposite, she didn’t keep secrets and shared everything with her bestie. Most of the time her hookups were less than satisfying and they’d giggle and discuss them over popcorn and Friends reruns.
“It’s never as great as in the movies.” Dana declared. “It’s more like an internet porno. The guy gets his and you get to fake it.”
“Well why don’t you just tell him what you want?” Claire had asked her once after a particularly disastrous Dana Date. “Can’t you just tell him what makes you feel good?”
“Most guys don’t care or they think your being a bitch or that you’re insulting their manhood or something.” Dana said dismissively. “I’ll keep trying, one of these times I’ll find a guy who just knows, who can sense it, and he’ll be a keeper.”
Claire toweled off and knew what Dana said about sex was probably true. She could never tell anyone what to do in the bedroom, she was too shy. She would take whatever her lover gave and pretend to be happy with it. She supposed the longer you were together with someone, the more you would figure out. Maybe that was why Dana had a pretty dissatisfying love life, she hardly ever went out with the same guy more than a few times.
She put her hair up then stared at her naked body in the full-length mirror. It was something she usually avoided because she didn’t particularly like what she saw. When she pulled her shoulders back and sucked in a little, she thought she didn’t look too bad. The damn diet and exercise torture regime Dana had them on was actually doing some good. Her hips were still kind of big. Her breasts weren’t standing at perfect attention either but there was a lot there that was fighting gravity. She had a body from the 1800’s, curvy and soft. An hourglass figure that was no longer in style. She’d read somewhere that Marilyn Monroe was plus sized and would probably be considered fat by today’s standards. She rubbed her hands over her hips and decided she didn’t care. She might lose a few more pounds, maybe tone up some more for her health but she’d never be waif thin and if anyone she d
ated didn’t like it, too bad.
Would James enjoy her body?
Would he find her attractive? Had he been staring at her ass with desire or disgust? The hunger she thought she saw in his eyes was probably just wishful thinking.
James picked at the Chinese food he’d ordered and replayed all of his bumbles, all of his interactions with her. Everything else went fine, he was professional and knowledgeable in class, a few of the students had tested him, compared him against Professor Vogt and he thought he’d done well. He thought he made a good impression with the classrooms and the staff, he’d fallen into the role easily and he was comfortable with it. He’d been charming and suave, proficient and well informed on the subject matter. Why did he screw up every interaction he’d had with her? She was the first woman to excite him, to get him tongue-tied and nervous in many, many years. He thought back to Isabella and wondered why he cared? Why had he allowed himself to get involved with her? She was a pale comparison to Claire and he’d been willing to do almost anything for her. It was like being satisfied with hamburger because you’d never known about steak. Okay, great. He thought. Now you’re comparing Claire to a piece of meat. Get over yourself, James.
She was pretty and had a sense of humor. That joke about stalking him had been funny be he’d acted like a stuck-up jerk. He was glad she didn’t like him. In a way, it would be so much easier to avoid her. She’d report him for harassment if he bothered her, as well she should. He was much too old, she was much too young, he had too much on his plate, his desires weren’t exactly normal, this job was only temporary and he kept listing reasons why he shouldn’t think about her. They were all good reasons but when he pushed the box of Sesame Chicken aside and sat back with a cold beer, all the good reasons fell away. A smile spread across his face as the thought about the freckles across her nose or the breasts the baggy shirt couldn’t hide.
He could go downstairs and knock on her door then kiss her when it opened. Pull her into his arms and say nothing, words only got in the way. She wouldn’t reject him, he knew she felt it to. Felt the crackle between them. She must. Kisses. Sweet kisses. All he had to do was kiss her once. Just once! They wouldn’t be able to stop.
He fell asleep on the couch, beer bottle on the floor, Chinese food open on the coffee table. He dreamed of the woods and running through the mist in his bear form. A coppery brown bear ran beside him, easily keeping pace as they thundered through the night.
Chapter Six
Laundry
The morning came too soon and he woke up stiff, still in his clothes from the night before. He started pulling them off as he went over to the window that overlooked the park, meaning to throw it open for a jolt crisp October air. He stopped when he saw them across the street. Claire and her roommate were stretching to limber up for a morning run. She bent over, laid her hands flat on the ground and he sighed when he saw her gorgeous backside high in the air, the sweat pants tight against it. He barely glanced at Dana, the one who was every man’s vision of perfection. Too thin. Too skinny. She didn’t have any meat on her bones. He left the blinds mostly closed and watched Claire move. She was like a symphony, pure perfection. She was curvy in all the right places, soft and smooth, the perfect hourglass shape. How was it possible for a woman that beautiful to be single?
They started their jog and he made his way to the shower, turned the water on as hot as he could stand it and washed away the stiffness. He taught a different set of classes today and she wasn’t in any of them. He was glad for that, he needed to get his head together and stop fixating over her. He wasn’t normally so obsessive and it was a little disturbing, even with Isabella it had taken him a long time to warm up to her.
Claire collapsed on the sofa and tried to catch her breath. Dana could be a cruel exercise partner and had pushed her hard. Her petite roomie made it all seem so effortless but she’d kept a strict regime since high school and cheerleading drills. Claire had an on again off again relationship with healthy eating and exercise. Her mistake had been telling Dana she’d cheated on her diet.
“Don’t let me take the shortcut back.” She’d said. “I really need this; I need to get in better shape.”
She checked her phone app to see how many hundreds of miles they’d run and how many billions of calories she’d burned. The numbers were disappointingly low.
Dana handed her a glass of water and dropped an aspirin in her hand.
“You’re going to need this.” She said. “You don’t usually push that hard, why the sudden interest? It wouldn’t have anything to do with the handsome Professor would it?”
“Who?” Claire asked and jumped off the couch. “I need a shower. I have to get to the library early. I’ve got a test coming up.”
Dana smiled after her shy friend but felt a little sadness in her heart. It was so obvious she had a crush on the man but it probably wouldn’t end well. Besides him being a teacher and her a student, he was twenty years older. Maybe she’d forget about him in a few days when she thought about it and realized it wouldn’t work. She’d have to set her up with one of the boys she knew, one of the nice ones. She wouldn’t take no for an answer this time either.
Claire took care of her body hair in the shower and everything was shaved and peachy. She usually neglected shaving and if a razor got dull, it might be a week or so before she replaced it in the winter months. She wanted to feel smooth and silky. She wanted to feel delicious because one just never knows what might happen. She didn’t have any classes with him today but she had the ongoing project of organizing Professor Vogt’s file. They might just accidentally be in the office together.
Claire took time arranging her curls and even used a little foundation for her face with a touch of mascara. When she opened her closet, she realized two things. For one, most of her clothes were strictly utilitarian and two she needed to go shopping. Everything she owned was practical and comfortable. She flipped past one sweatshirt after another and realized she didn’t have any business casual clothes. Not even a nice blouse. Her wardrobe was almost one hundred percent poor college student chic picked up at the thrift shop.
Dana had their low carb breakfast ready when Claire finally came out. It wasn’t like her to spend so much time getting ready, she usually threw on the first thing she pulled out of the closet.
“You look nice today.” She said as she refilled her coffee. She knew better than to try to force information if her bestie didn’t want to talk. She’d clam up and wouldn’t say a word if her life depended on it.
Claire burned to tell Dana about James, about the spark between them, that she knew he felt it too but it was too early, she wasn’t ready yet. She changed the subject, started talking about Mrs. Mueller and papers that were due before Thanksgiving break. Dana didn’t pry, Claire would talk when she was ready.
“We should have a girl’s day out.” She said. “Tony gave me gift certificates to the Tranquil Garden Spa. We should go get Mani’s and Pedi’s and facials this weekend.”
“Tony?” Claire asked. “I thought you stopped seeing him months ago.”
“Well, yeah, but I didn’t give the spa tickets back.” She laughed. “They were gifts. Silly boy thought he could buy his way into my pants.”
“Come on, go with me.” She pleaded “It’s more fun with you and we really need to do something about those eyebrows.”
“What’s wrong with my eyebrows?” Claire asked and her hand shot up to touch them.
“Nothing. They’re lovely for a cave woman. Maurice will work his magic though and we’ll have you gorgeous again. No arguments! We’re going Saturday, I’m booking the appointments now.”
Claire tried to think of a good reason to beg off but Dana was quick. She had the app open, the time confirmed and as far as she was concerned, the plans were set in stone.
They walked to campus and split up near the canteen. Dana had early classes and Claire went directly to the library to get started researching for an essay. The time passed quick
ly, she enjoyed her studies, for the most part, even the required classes that had nothing to do with her anthropology major. She checked her email before shutting down for class and saw she had one from Dana.
“Looky what I have. I’d almost forgot. Carl gave it to me for my birthday and I can’t use it, my closet is too full already. Enjoy!”
Claire rolled her eyes. Dana always had room for more clothes. She smiled when she opened the attachment and saw it was a two-hundred-dollar gift certificate for Juliana’s Clothing and Fashion. Dana was being awfully nice but she got like that every once in a while. She’d try to get her to dress nicer, take better care of herself, eat right and exercise more. She was excited this time, though. She really did need to get some better clothes and Juliana’s would have a lot nicer selection than the campus store or the second-hand shop.
Heart of the Guardians: Meeting Destiny Page 3