by Sarah Adams
She tilts her head up to me and pulls her arms up between our chests, letting me fully hold her, right here—outside the men’s bathroom. “I just didn’t think you could have it all. I thought there would be a catch somewhere, some glaring flaw hiding beneath the surface.”
I squint dramatically. “Well, you haven’t seen my collection of Russian nesting dolls yet.”
“Is it impossible for you to be serious?”
“Nearly, yes.”
“Cooper,” she says, her voice dropping a notch and taking on a more sultry tone that has my heart rate ramping up. “I like us together.” Her finger inches up to trace a line over my collarbone, her eyes tracking the movements like she’s studying and memorizing every small trip her finger takes.
I know I don’t have long before Levi comes out of that bathroom, so I grab Lucy’s hips and swing her around so her back presses up against the wall. My hand cups her jaw as my other sweeps around her lower back. I don’t know if I dip my head down or if she rises up onto her tiptoes, but what I do know is, in the next moment, my mouth is slanted over Lucy’s, and we are kissing like two teenagers trying to perfect the process.
The handle of the bathroom door jiggles, and Lucy and I break apart like a KitKat bar. She flings herself across the small hallway and leans against the wall, while I turn a half-circle, not sure where to go until I realize we’re adults and don’t have to hide.
Levi opens the door, smiling ear to ear, pride beaming from his chubby little cheeks, and steps out. “Told you I could do it,” he says to Lucy, whose face is flushed and lips are swollen from me. I wonder if my cheeks are beaming with as much pride as Levi’s are.
She laughs, catching my eye briefly and giving me a rueful grin before putting her hands on Levi’s shoulders and guiding him back toward our full cart. “Never doubted you for a second, buddy.”
I stay in the hallway for a moment longer, watching Lucy and Levi walk out together and feeling something snap into place in my head: I will do anything to be in their life. And another thought directly follows that one: I’m so glad Janie refused me.
…and also: Lucy’s butt looks so good in those jeans.
I jog to catch them, run up behind Levi, and pick him up by the armpits so I can make a rawr sound and swing him up onto my shoulders. I didn’t even know I knew how to make that noise and definitely didn’t plan to. It just sort of came naturally, which is surprising. Once he’s laughing and settled on my shoulders, I nudge Lucy with my hip, pushing her out of the way so I can steer the cart. She wraps her arm around my bicep, and now we’re one happy family. It’s odd how you can know someone for such a short period of time and yet feel like you’ve always been there with them. That’s how being with Lucy and Levi makes me feel.
Lucy lets go of me briefly to grab a bag of apples off a produce shelf, then Levi suddenly shouts, “UNCLE DREW!”
Lucy and I both freeze, slowly make eye contact, then look up to find Drew holding a shopping basket a ways down the aisle and staring blankly at us.
Okay, so maybe the grocery store wasn’t the best meeting place, and I’m definitely the worst friend in the world.
“Drew,” I say, resisting the urge to shove Cooper as far away from me as possible. “You’re home early.”
“Yeah. A guy from our team had a family emergency, so the trip got cut short, and we had to fly back early. Then, one of my bags was lost at the airport, so I stopped in to buy more deodorant and toothpaste before going home.” I know that look on his face. He’s processing—unhappily. His eyes shift from me to Levi up on Cooper’s shoulders and then fall down to Cooper, where they land with an angry scowl.
Feeling this surge of protection for Cooper, I hurry to say, “Oh bummer! About your bags, not you coming home early. That’s a good thing! We’ve missed you. Uncle Drew is back, YAY!” From the corner of my eye, I see Cooper mouthing “STOP” and realize I’m rambling. Shoot. Drew will see right through that. “So anyway, Levi and I were just doing some shopping and bumped into Cooper. Funny, right?” Is he buying my fake calm smile? Probably not, but I’m trying to sell it like I’m on QVC. And here we have a lovely new lie in the intriguing shade of blushing! Order now before the truth comes out and everyone’s lives are miserable!
I look up at Cooper, who is also frowning now. Super. We’re the Frowny Bunch.
“Looks a lot like you’re shopping together,” Drew says, only mildly less uncomfortable than he was a moment ago. “Where’s Cooper’s cart?” Who asks a question like that? A skeptical person, that’s who.
Cooper opens his mouth, and I can see honesty all over his sweet face. It’s killing him to lie to Drew about us, and he probably thinks I want him to come clean and put us first. He’d be wrong. I know how much Drew means to Cooper, and I won’t be the reason their relationship is severed. We had a plan to ease Drew into the idea of this relationship, and we’re going to stick to it.
I step forward and pull on my no-big-deal face, giving a lazy wave of my hand. “Oh, he had one at some point, but then Levi wanted to ride on his shoulders, so he ditched it, and we combined our carts. Want to join us? There’s totally room for your stuff to pile in here too!” Okay, take it down a notch, Lucy. No one is this excited about grocery shopping. Someone from this store franchise should be filming me right now and turning it into a commercial, because apparently, I love shopping for groceries more than anything in the world and want everyone to join me.
It works, though, because Drew buys it. He finally closes the gap and steps into our space, and Levi leans forward to jump into his arms. “Hey, buddy! I missed you!”
“I went into the bathroom by myself!” Levi announces at the top of his lungs.
Drew laughs and high-fives him, and while they are distracted, Cooper and I take that moment to give each other a look. My expression says Be cool. His seems to be trying to convey an entire conversation in one intensely lifted eyebrow as his head twitches toward Drew. I think he’s telling me we should come clean.
“NO,” I mouth back. “Not yet.”
He can’t read lips, though. He gives a squinty frown while looking at my lips then shakes his head. “What?”
“So,” Drew says, setting Levi down, making Cooper and me snap our expressions back into easy-breezy-nothing-to-see-here mode. “Are you guys almost done here? Let’s grab a pizza or something to bake when we get home. Coop, you want to come back to the house and hang out for a bit?” Is it just me or does he seem suspicious? Have his eyes always slanted like that?
This feels like a trap.
One Cooper will see from a mile away. No way will he take the bait.
“Sure, sounds good.”
Or maybe he will.
Dinner was not ideal.
Cooper and I stayed on far ends of any room we were occupying at the same time and barely made eye contact. Eight times I had to interrupt Levi so he didn’t accidentally spill the beans about me and Cooper, and no sooner did he finish his last bite than I whisked him out of the kitchen and into the bathroom for a bath. I think I left half of my pizza abandoned, but who cares? (I care. It was delicious, and I will definitely sneak out to the kitchen in the middle of the night to eat the leftovers from the fridge.)
I’m in the middle of pulling Levi’s jammies down over his head when Cooper speaks from the doorway, making me jump six miles in the air. “I’m headed out.”
I clutch my heart and expel a heavy breath like you do when you’ve just narrowly escaped death. “Geez, you scared me.”
His smile is soft as his muscular shoulder leans against the doorframe. He’s wearing his baseball cap facing forward, and it drops shadows on his face, only adding to the romantic vibes he’s putting out.
“Where’s Drew?” I ask.
“In the shower.”
“Oh okay. Well…” This is awkward. I don’t know how to act around him now. “Be safe driving home.”
“I will.” He never breaks eye contact and doesn’t appear to be making any moves to leave.
I think we are going to sit here all night, staring at each other and building this tension between us until Levi speaks up.
“Mom, can we read Red Truck tonight?” He’s already all the way across the room, grabbing the book and racing back to me.
“Yeah, let’s read it!” I stand up and move to the rocking chair where I pull Levi into my lap. I take a deep inhalation of his freshly washed hair; I love the way clean children smell like hopes and dreams. Once he’s settled, I look up and realize Cooper is still standing in that same place, arms folded, soft smile tilting the side of his mouth. “I thought you were leaving,” I say softly, suddenly nervous to have an audience for my nightly routine with my son.
“I am.” He nods toward me. “Go ahead.”
I try to tune Cooper out as I read to Levi, but it’s impossible. His presence is as unobtrusive as a bonfire in an enclosed room. I’m aware of his every move, breath, gaze. But something odd happens the longer I read: I settle in and feel comfortable. Levi and I laugh and tease and tickle, and somehow, Cooper being here feels normal.
I think maybe Levi forgot Cooper is still watching until I tuck him in and he says, “Can Coop come say goodnight?”
I chuckle. “Did you just call him Coop?”
Levi nods, and Cooper is already rounding the bed. “Yeah, of course he did. All my best friends call me Coop.” He leans over the bed and brushes some of Levi’s hair out of his face before tucking in the covers all around him like a burrito. How did he know Levi likes that?
“Then why do I call you Cooper?” I ask with a hand on my hip.
He tilts his head to look at me with a sideways grin. “'Cause I’ve never thought of you as just my friend.”
Mmmm, good answer.
Cooper finishes tucking Levi in and telling him goodnight. I give my son one more kiss then turn out the lights. I step out into the hallway, shutting the door to Levi’s room behind me and coming face to chest with Cooper. His eyes are kindling as he stares down at me, and I hate that my first reaction is looking side to side to make sure Drew isn’t around. This isn’t wrong, and I shouldn’t have to hide. I know this; I just don’t know how to go about fixing it.
“Lucy, you are…” He breathes out like he can’t find the words. “I loved watching you put him to bed.” He picks up my hand and presses it to his chest. “Do you feel that? My heart is going mushy. You’re turning me into a sap, and I don’t know what to do about it. It’s weird.”
“I felt the same way when I first held Levi.” I shake my head at the memory. “I was fully prepared to hate him and resent him for ruining my life. But imagine my surprise when, suddenly, my life felt full and wonderful with him in my arms. Kids have this way of making you want to rip your hair out one minute then snuggle them up and never let them go the next.”
Cooper’s smile is soft and nostalgic, thoughtful in a way I haven’t seen from him yet. He pushes some hair from my face. “Do you think you’ll want to have more kids?”
My eyebrows rise, and my heart skips. I can now feel the blood whooshing through my veins. “Umm…yeah. I guess I do. But not alone again. Ideally, I’ll be married next time—to a man who will get me Cheetos when I’m craving them at midnight and help with diaper duty.”
He grins. “You just want a Cheeto runner?”
“Mmhmm.” My eyes drop to Cooper’s mouth, and one side curls up slightly. He lightly brushes his fingers against mine before he leans down and whispers, “I better go before Drew gets out.” His warm lips press into my cheek for only a fraction of a second before he pulls away. “Leave your window open tonight.”
“What? Why?” I ask Cooper’s fantastic retreating back. He looks too good in navy t-shirts.
He shrugs those big shoulders. “Going to be a nice night.”
I’m lying in bed with my window open, feeling like a kid waiting to see if Santa shows up. But that’s ridiculous, right? Cooper is not going to come through my window. That would be insane. I don’t even have a tree or a lattice or anything for him to climb up. So, unless he’s Peter Pan and can fly me off to Neverland, I don’t think he’s going to show up tonight. Maybe he really did just want me to enjoy the nice weather.
Or—
Wait…was that a sound? That was definitely a sound.
I shoot up in bed and clutch my covers against my chest. It’s dark in my room, the only light coming from the moon, and suddenly, I’m terrified. The boogie monster definitely exists, and he’s about to climb through my window.
AH! There’s a shadow looming now, and if I pee this bed, I will never forgive myself. “Cooper?” I whisper angrily. “That better be you! I swear if it’s not and whoever is coming into my room right now is an ax murderer who kills me in this bed, I’m going to come back and haunt you in terrifying ways until the day you die!”
Cooper’s familiar low-rolling chuckle washes over my skin and goosebumps surface. There’s something about hearing that chuckle in the dead of night with limited visibility that makes my body go tingly. “You got lucky this time. The ax was too heavy to carry up the ladder, so I left it in the truck.” Cooper puts a long leg over the windowsill and ducks his head through. Now he’s in my room, and I can’t catch my breath.
“You brought a ladder?!” I guess it’s a good thing my room is on the back of the house where no one will see it.
“A freaking tall one. Not gonna lie, scared me a little climbing up it.”
A pack of wild horses are all stampeding through my chest. That’s normal, right? I’m not dying?
Cooper gently closes the window, and now we’re trapped in here together. I’m not wearing enough clothes. My t-shirt and sleep shorts are too flimsy; I can feel the breeze blowing through them. And Cooper is walking toward my bed. Oh gosh, he’s walking toward my bed!
I force myself to swallow that lump in my throat as I watch his masculine silhouette approach. I scoot to the far side of the bed, but it’s only a puny little queen-sized mattress, so when Cooper and his big body sit down on the side, I roll toward him like a marble.
“What are you doing here?” I whisper, pressing my back up against the headboard.
I can hear the smile in his voice when he says, “You wouldn’t spend any time with me tonight in front of Drew. I wanted to talk to you more.”
“So you’re just here to talk?”
“Mmhmm,” he says, leaning forward and pressing a soft, slow kiss to my lips.
This isn’t talking.
Cooper grabs my ankles and tugs me down so my head slides from my headboard to my pillow. He then climbs on the bed and hovers over me, elbows on either side of my face. Even in the dark, I can see his beautiful smile.
“You should see how wide your eyes are right now,” he says, a chuckle in his voice. He leans on one elbow so he can run his thumb across my cheekbone. “I don’t know how you open them that wide. You’re like an owl.”
I’m basically a wooden board. My arms are superglued to my sides, and my back is so rigid. I don’t move. I don’t breathe. I’m afraid if I do, Cooper will vanish into thin air, and I’ll realize this was all a glorious dream.
“Cooper…”
“Lucy…”
He dips his head down and kisses right below my earlobe. My shoulders melt, and I sigh. His lips are warm, and his body is heavy, and I feel so safe. There’s nowhere—not a single place—I’d rather be than here with this man.
Tentatively, I move my hands up his arms and over his shoulder muscles. I feel every dent and ridge and can’t believe I get to be touching him. Cooper’s arm slides under my back to curl me up close to him as his kisses move up my jaw to my mouth. He hovers there, his lips brushing tender warm sparks across mine. His restraint is unearthly, a paradox. The tight hold of his arm coiling around me is the direct polar opposite of the light touch of his mouth.
I breathe deep, smelling Cooper and letting his scent wrap around me. It’s his freshly showered, manly smell—the one where he should be sponsored and starring in a com
mercial, standing in a towel, chest glistening with moisture in a locker room, holding up a green body wash bottle and getting paid a million dollars to do it.
“Are you smelling me again?” he asks, lips tickling mine as he speaks.
“Busted.”
He takes his lips away from mine to bury his head in my neck, and I hear him breathe in audibly. “Mmmm. I finally figured it out,” he says as he lays a warm kiss on my collarbone.
“Figured what out?”
“What you smell like.” He pauses and breathes in one more time. “Froot Loops.” I strangle a laugh in my throat and can feel my smile touching both of my ears. “It’s Froot Loops, isn’t it? All this time I thought it was a perfume, but you just eat a lot of cereal, don’t you?”
“I had a bowl about ten minutes ago.” I’m using all of my strength to hold in my laugh so I don’t wake the whole house.
“Mmhmm, thought so.” He sounds like he’s smiling too.
He leans down and kisses me again, but this time, it’s not quite as gentle. It’s just a little more. He pulls away and pauses, staring down at me. So I lift up off my pillow and kiss him—a little bit more. It’s a tantalizing back-and-forth game of one-upping the other opponent…until it’s not a game anymore, and Cooper’s mouth is slanted over mine, and we’re lost in this deep kiss. It’s passion like I don’t think I’ve ever experienced, and yet, it’s still just kissing. His arm is still firmly wrapped around me, and his other hand is woven deep in my hair, but he’s not exploring.
Does he know how much I appreciate this? I feel safe. I feel out of control—but also still very in control. Cooper knows my history, knows I haven’t dated anyone since Levi was born, and he’s so gentle with my heart it’s making me ache. Many men would be rushing this, pushing me forward toward an end goal that’s selfish and fleeting. Cooper is set to low and slow. To have a man who’s so sexy and powerful be nothing but tender and patient is intoxicating. I wish I could send this moment back in time to my younger self, when I was hopeless and thinking the world is made up of nothing but selfish pigs, and whisper, Just hold on, there’s a good one out there.