by Shaw, Matt
Lara called from the back seat, “I can hear you, you know...”
Dan carried on pestering her, “Did you save the text? Can I read it?”
“Fuck off, Dan...” she hissed.
Charlotte, the final member of the group, climbed into the van and took her seat next to Lara, “Please stop arguing,” she urged. The youngest girl of the group, Charlotte hated anything to do with arguments or ill-feelings. Protected from the harsh realities of life, like arguments between friends, by her parents - the others often felt the need to try and protect her too. Anything to stop her from bursting into tears - something she was often prone to doing and often without much cause. “You said everything would be cool between you guys.”
“It will be,” said Lara. She turned to look out of the window, “As soon as he drops dead. Okay. I’m sorry. It’s out of my system now.”
“Look...” Joel went to argue.
“You’re talking to me? You sure you wouldn’t prefer to send me a text? I haven’t changed my number yet,” she retorted, cutting him short.
Michael leaned across and whispered, “Because she’s still hoping you’ll text an apology and go back out with her.”
“Not happening,” Joel whispered back. “Not got any credit, for one.”
“Come on already!” shouted Dan. “Let’s get this show on the fucking road already! We’ll never get there! Come on! Come on! Come on!”
“Okay!” Joel shouted back. “Charlotte, did you tie the bags in properly on the roof-rack?”
Michael turned to look at Charlotte; sitting in the back playing with her dark hair - twiddling her ponytail between her fingers - something she often did when she was nervous. He turned back to Joel. “You seen the way her pony-tail is tied back?”
“What’s wrong with my hair?” asked Charlotte.
Michael turned back to her, “Nothing, it looks lovely. I’m just saying he may want to give the knots a quick check before we set off. Be a shame to get to the site only to find everything has fallen off back where we set off.”
“They’ll be fine,” said Charlotte as she continued playing with her ponytail. Joel gave her a quick glance in the rear-view mirror. Seconds later he jumped from the driver’s seat to give the ropes a quick check. “Jesus Christ, I do know how to fasten things to roof racks properly!”
Michael laughed and gave Charlotte a big, cheesy grin.
“I’ve got a question,” asked Dan - sitting in between them. “Are you two finally going to fuck and get it out of your system on this break, or what?”
“Me and her?” said Michael. “She wishes...”
“Uh huh...okay then, lover-boy,” said Dan with a grin on his face. He knew the constant bullying, from Michael to Charlotte, was nothing more than a playground mentality. He knew because it was exactly what he used to do with Hayley. In the end though Hayley was too slow to notice any kind of signal from Dan so he had resorted to plying her with wine until she was bordering on unconsciousness for their first kiss...and more.
“Oh my God!” said Charlotte. She tried to hide her reddening face behind her hair. Unlike Hayley she wasn’t too slow to notice any signals. She just wasn’t used to receiving them in such a way and so, most of the time, they went over her head. A late starter in the romance department thanks to attending an all girls’ school until the age of eighteen.
“All good!” said Joel as he jumped into the driver’s seat. “Ready or not...Here we go!”
A cheer from Dan and Hayley. Lara was still sulking about having to share a van with Joel. Michael was staying silent hoping his denial of fancying Charlotte was enough to kill the conversation for the rest of the trip. Charlotte was wondering what she had let herself in for by agreeing to come on this trip in the first place.
The plan was simple. Drive through the early hours of the morning when traffic would be minimal and get to the campsite in time for a morning fry-up. The van reached the end of the road, the indicator flashing to all those nearby that they were about to turn left to head off towards the countryside.
Dan piped up from his seat, “Dude, I need to take a piss.”
CHAPTER TWO
‘In 200 yards, turn left’ chirped the female voice on the satellite navigation system, which had been suckered onto the middle of the van’s windscreen.
“Do we have to listen to that the whole way?” whined Michael - already irritated by the female’s robotic voice, despite only being on the road for five minutes.
“Well that is the whole point of sat navs; turn them on, when you’re ready to leave, put in the destination and - hey presto - follow the instructions until you arrive safely,” said Joel without even taking his eyes off the road.
There was a pause before Michael suddenly burst out with, “Yeah - fuck that.” Before Joel had a chance to realise what Michael was doing, he pulled the sat nav system off the window, switched it off, and threw it in the back of the van, “Head’s up back there!”
“Whoa! What are you doing! I need that!” moaned Joel.
“No, you don’t. You’ve got something better than a crappy little satellite navigation...You’ve got me. I know the way.” said Michael - an air of arrogance in his voice.
“Yeah, thanks but I’d rather have...”
Michael cut him off mid-sentence, “You realise those little machines...They take you miles out of your way.”
“Sorry but I have to call bullshit on that one,” Dan chipped in from the seat behind Michael’s. “You can program them in so they take you the most direct route.”
“Big companies...You know...The real big boys...Like McDonalds...KFC...even the main supermarket chains...They’re in with the people who make those little boxes.”
“What?!” Joel said.
“They pay them a substantial amount of money, I’m not sure whether it’s yearly or monthly or...whatever...They pay them a fuck load of money to ensure we, the drivers using the maps, are forced to drive past the various companies...All it takes is ten percent of us drivers to stop off and make a purchase...That’s a lot of money thanks to a forced route.”
“Really?” asked Hayley.
“No. Not really,” said Dan, “that’s complete shit.”
Joel called out to the back, “Can someone please just pass it back through?” he turned to Michael, “Can you put it back on the windscreen, please?”
“No!” barked Michael. He addressed the back of the van, “I swear, you pass that through, I’ll throw it out of the window.” He turned back to Joel who was still driving, “You just missed your turning.”
Joel was visibly getting stressed, “This is ridiculous.”
“Come on, trust me, I know a short cut. Turn right just up here, you can get back on route.”
“Fine but you’re paying the extra fuel money if we get lost.”
“We won’t get lost. Trust me.”
* * * * *
Joel was sitting in the driver’s seat still. The early morning sun illuminating his face - showing his irritation clearly to all those who glanced at him. Once comfortable, now he wanted nothing more than to swap with someone else so he could relax and de-stress from the journey already traveled - not that he’d swap with anyone else...Not whilst they were in his VW camper van. No one got to drive other than him. He was looking out of the window, staring towards a petrol station they had stumbled across - the only building they had seen for what felt like hours. A building that they were all surprised to see was open for business when they pulled up outside. On first impressions it looked as though it was derelict - ready for demolition. The back half of the building, visible as you drove up to the property, already looked as though it had been partly demolished.
“Just relax,” said Hayley, “it’s all part of the fun. And, on the bright side, we’re getting to see lots of new places.”
“I don’t want to see lots of new places,” hissed a clearly stressed Joel, “I want to see the campsite. I want to see the campsite. I want to see a nice pin
t of cider. I even want to see a warm sleeping bag...A comfortable pillow...”
“And I wanted a real man...I guess we can’t have everything we want, hey?” snapped Lara. Unlike Joel, she wasn’t stressed from the journey. She was already stressed simply from being in the same vehicle as Joel.
“Fuck off,” said Joel.
A bell, above the petrol station’s door, chimed - alerting everyone in the van that the door had been opened. Joel turned his attention back to the station’s entrance and watched as Michael stepped out, back into the fading daylight; a sheepish look on his face.
He crossed the forecourt and jumped into the front of the van, back onto the passenger seat, next to where Joel was sitting - and fuming.
“Well?” barked Joel.
“The funniest thing...” said Michael. He tried his best not to laugh, sensing Joel’s annoyance.
“How far?”
“Did you want that in miles or kilometers?”
“Cut the shit, Mike, how far out of the way have you taken us?”
The satellite navigation system had informed Joel the journey should have taken approximately four hours. So far, they had been on the road for just under six - extra time which was eating, slowly, into their camping trip.
“Relax,” said Michael, “if you think about it...We’re only camping...It’s not as though we’re staying in a hotel. We could pitch up anywhere and have a nice weekend...We don’t have to go to that particular site...We could find another...One that’s closer...”
“We agreed on this site,” said Joel. “We paid for space at this site...Now...Tell me, before I have to kill you...Where the fuck are we?”
“We’re about an hour in the wrong direction...About...Give or take...An hour...Or two...”
Joel turned to Dan, in the seats behind them, “Pass me the sat nav, will you?”
Dan knew when to keep his mouth shut and simply passed the little box over to Joel. With no further words, he snatched it and secured it to the windscreen again. He stopped when he saw Michael start to put his seat-belt back on, “What are you doing?”
“Safety. You know, if we get pulled over and I’m not wearing a seat-belt...I can get a fine...”
“Fuel.”
“I’m sorry?”
“We agreed, you pay the extra fuel costs if we get lost. Well, we’re lost...We’re running low on fuel...And, oh look, we’re at a petrol station...The chances!”
“They’re out.”
“What?”
“Yeah, they don’t have any fuel...” Michael finished putting his seat-belt on.
“Did you think to ask where the nearest petrol station was?”
“No, but there is a McDonalds about ten miles that way,” Michael helpfully pointed up the road. “Happy Meals all round?”
Dan helpfully pointed out, “We’re supposed to be at the site already. We should have been tucking into a nice healthy heart-attack fry-up...”
Michael, “McDonalds could still be serving breakfast. What time is it?”
Joel shook his head, “You’re a dick. Really. You are.” He turned to the back of the van, “Lara, did you want to sit up here with me? Perhaps you could carry on calling me an asshole for the rest of the road trip? Yeah? Let’s really make it a trip to remember.”
Lara replied by raising her middle finger.
Michael leaned closer to Joel, “Come on, man, we’ll be laughing about this around the campfire in a few hours.”
Joel turned the satellite navigation system on and sat back, waiting for it to book up properly, “You’re a dick, Mike...A dick. We’d have already been there. Tents would have been set up. Fry-up consumed. Laughter. Fun. Maybe we would have even had a little walk...” He addressed the rest of the group, “Everyone ready?”
The group, with the exception of Michael, agreed unenthusiastically. Clearly they were all wishing they hadn’t chosen to go with Michael’s own internal map system.
With no warning a hand slammed against the glass window on the driver’s side. They all jumped as no one had seen the person approach. Joel turned to see a rough looking man peering in. His clothes were tatty, his face was gaunt and unshaven, his dark brown hair messed up as though he had recently crawled through a hedge backwards.
Joel wound the window down, “Can I help you?”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you...Was just wondering if you guys could help me out...”
“What’s up?” Dan called from the middle section of the van.
The stranger leaned in, making Joel feel uncomfortable in the process, to address Dan, “Hi...Sorry...It’s just that I...” The stranger stopped when he saw Hayley. He couldn’t help but smile at her beauty. She, in turn, smiled back at him - more out of politeness than anything else. “Oh, hi...” the man said.
“Hi,” said Hayley.
“You were saying?” asked Joel. He shifted forward in his seat forcing the stranger to pull his head out of the van.
“I broke down a little down the way. Just walked down here to use the phone...Just wondered if you’d mind driving me back to my car. My brother’s picking me up with his tow truck...”
“You didn’t think to ask him to collect you from here?”
The stranger paused. “No. No, I didn’t. So...A lift?”
Hayley leaned forward, “He seems nice enough...Give him a....”
Joel cut her off, “I’m sorry. We don’t even know you...”
“Does that matter?” the stranger asked. “It’s just a few miles in that direction...”
Joel continued, “And we’re running late. Not a lot of fuel...Heading in that direction. I’m sorry.”
“Come on, it’ll take you ten minutes max...”
“And I’m sure it won’t take you long to walk it. I’m sorry.”
Joel pressed his foot on the accelerator before the man could say anything and the van pulled away from the petrol station’s tatty forecourt.
“Whoa! What’s all that about!” Dan said from behind Joel and Michael.
“We don’t have the time or the petrol,” Joel spat - his temper frayed.
“That’s cold,” Dan moaned.
“And if we run empty,” Joel said to Michael, “you’re pushing. Got it?”
CHAPTER THREE
Joel was sat, twisted in his seat, staring at Michael who was refusing to budge.
“You weren’t joking?” asked Michael.
Joel didn’t say anything. He let the stern, pissed off, expression on his face do the talking.
Lara called out from the back of the van, “I don’t have any signal either.” A quick look on their phones revealed none of them had any network coverage with which to call for help.
“I’m not pushing,” said Michael. He looked out of the windscreen at the road ahead which seemed to stretch for miles and miles - as far as the eye could so. Nothing but fields and trees in the distance - the latter hiding signs of any civilization. “I’m sure someone will be along any minute.”
“Well let’s hope they deal with stranded people better than we did,” said Dan.
“If we had helped him, we’d have broken down sooner!” Joel replied indignantly.
“Which, in turn, meant we’d have been closer to the petrol station...” Dan continued.
“Would that be the same petrol station which had run out of fuel?” asked Joel.
“At least they had a telephone,” Dan fired back.
“I thought all the arguments had stopped now?” whined Charlotte.
“That’s before I realised what a cock Michael was,” said Joel.
“What the fuck?! I wasn’t even arguing - it was Dan!” Michael pointed out.
Joel opened the van door and stepped onto the road. Without saying anything else, he turned and slammed the door shut.
“So what now?” asked Hayley.
“Now he gets to breathe some fresh country-air in and calm down,” said Lara. “He’ll be fine in a minute.” Lara knew better than anyone else in
the van how hot-headed Joel could get when he was stressed. She also knew it never took a lot to get him to that level either. “Just give him some space.”
Michael didn’t say anything, he just sat there with a sheepish look upon his face.
“And then what?” Hayley continued.
“And then we continue sitting here, waiting for someone to come by...Or...Or we pitch the tents up in one of those fields...”