by Dee Palmer
“Okay, do you mind telling me what that was about?” I step into Guy’s line of sight as it follows Ada’s retreating form.
“She’s your girlfriend?” He sounds incredulous and doesn’t look remotely drunk now. He swallows thickly and puts an arm on my shoulder that I really don’t appreciate.
“Yes…why?” I keep my tone as level as I can but I can feel my irritation at being out of whatever loop this is.
“How long? I mean how long have you known her?” He looks over my shoulder to check we’re still alone.
“A few weeks. You know, Guy, you are starting to piss me off. Tell me what you think you know and then you can get back to your party.” My voice is calm but clipped.
He shakes his head and mutters. “I can’t believe they let her out? I thought the old man threw away the key. Maybe he did get soft in his old age. I’m just a little shocked.” Before I can beat whatever he thinks he knows out of him, my other best friend from school and his best man, Josh, comes stumbling towards me. He stops when he sees Guy’s stern face.
“Hey Josh, you went out with that girl at Uni for a while…what was her name? The one that lived near my cousin. She was friends with that girl I met that summer I stayed with my cousin. We hung out all summer, a big group of us. That is definitely her, I don’t remember her name but I sure as shit remember the scandal…She’s the one that killed that child.” His casual tone does nothing to lessen the sucker punch to my chest. I have to fight to breathe for fuck’s sake.
“No, no, she didn’t kill the kid…Helli said she stole it, that’s why they locked her up in the mental hospital. Her father is a Lord or something. It was a huge deal for such a small town, him being a Lord or whatever but he hushed it all up. Helli only talked about when I got curious because she knew you and I wanted to know what you got up to that summer. Helli said, at the time, she didn’t think her friend would see the light of day again…you mean that girl?” Josh queries with equal nonchalance. It feels like a slow motion train wreck unfolding in high definition.
“Well, she saw the light of this day. I just never thought her father would let her out. My father knows him through his brother and work. He’s a bit precious over the D’Aubeney name, up his own arse about the name going back to William the Conqueror or some shit.” Guy shrugs it off.
“She’s here?” Josh looks around but I know he won’t see her, not if what they are saying holds any truth. My chest tightens with the pain of it. “What if they didn’t let her out? What if she escaped?” Josh nudges Guy but he doesn’t laugh or smirk.
“Shit, Ethan…I’m sorry. I could be wrong…you know how rumours work but I had to say something because by the look on your face this is all fucking news to you.” He looks conflicted and his eyes convey a genuine sadness at being the one to share. “You really like this girl?” His voice is quiet against the backdrop of revelry.
“I did.” It’s all I can manage. My head is spinning with what the fuck just happened.
“Then there must be an explanation. You can find out the truth and take it from there.” He encourages.
“It’s a little late for that.” I feel the empty swell of nothing in the pit of my stomach. I can’t even begin to think what that means for me, for Ada, but I know what it means for us. We stand awkwardly in silence for a few minutes. I can’t be here anymore. “Congratulations, Guy.” I give him a tight hug, a bitter sweet display of gratitude for shedding light, where Ada kept me in the dark. Even if it did just break my own fucking heart. I do the same to Josh and turn to leave. The house is crammed but I find Ada sitting on the porch steps, my sweater wrapped around her even though it is still warm. I stop for a moment. I want to be so fucking angry with her. She is obviously still keeping secrets. She still doesn’t trust me and that was all I’d asked for. I was about to give her everything in exchange, but that clearly wasn’t enough. My rage simmers below boiling point but I need some space to think about what to do, because I can’t go on like this. Kit nearly destroyed more than me with her secrets and I can’t do that again. I won’t.
I walk down the steps and stand in front of her but I can’t bring myself to look in her eyes. If her face is as dejected as her posture I just might cave. I need to think, my head is a fucking mess. I can’t see through the red haze of her lying to me…still.
“We’re leaving.” She jumps at my tone and quickly stands, her shoes clutched to her chest and she follows behind me as I stride purposefully to the car. I don’t want to speak. I don’t know what to say that won’t end this right now. I need some space…I need some time and then I need her to tell me the fucking truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
The drive back takes no time at all and Ada is trying her hardest to be invisible, curled in a tight ball, legs tucked under her, and staring out of the window. I can’t look anywhere but the road. My knuckles ache with the tension I feel coursing through me. We slow right down when we hit the harbour. It’s getting late but the throng of tourists are still milling along the road like it is the middle of the day and they have the right of way. Ada screams in shock as a loud slap hits her side of the car. Sky is plastered against the window with tears in her eyes.
“Ada, I’m so fucking sorry. I’m a bitch, a huge fucking skanky bitch, but I’ll be your bitch if you’ll forgive me!” She pleads with her hands clasped together. Ada unclips her belt and turns to me but I keep my eyes fixed ahead. She lets out a sorrow filled sigh and swallows, the sadness in that sound is almost enough to make me grab her. Hold her in my arms and start all over again…but not quite.
“I think I need to talk this out with Sky.” Her voice is tentative like she is asking for approval.
“Fine.” I snap.
“Maybe I should stay at Buddy’s tonight.” She offers quietly and I want to pull her back in the car she makes me so fucking crazy.
“No, maybe you shouldn’t.” I grit my teeth against the pure anger that her knee jerk reaction is to run to Buddy. She gives a slight nod and hops out of the car. I pull away, only glancing in the rear view mirror to make sure she is safely in the bar with Sky.
I must have been back about an hour when there is a light knock on my bedroom door. I haven’t changed. In fact, I haven’t moved from my position sat on the edge of my bed with my head in my hands. I hear the door handle squeak and feel the bed dip.
“Hey Ethan, watcha doing?” Bethany lightly bumps me and I let out a heavy sigh.
“Fucked if I know, Bets” I exhale another deep breath and look up, dragging my hand through my hair I stand and start to pace.
“Where’s Ada?” Bethany asks.
“Who is Ada is the more apt question? Who the fuck is Ada…Artemis D’Aubeney?” Bethany sits back and is a little wide eyed at my declaration. “Oh, yes, I learned quite a bit about her tonight but sadly none of it came from her because she doesn’t trust me enough.” I practically spit the accusation. “I have to learn she’s a nut job from my school friends.” My volume is raising and Bethany looks nervously at the door and uses her hands to try and wave my volume down.
“What are you talking about, Ethan?” Bethany compensates for my shouting with whispers.
“Bets, she’s an escaped mental patient. Maybe she never had a child, maybe she did steal a child or maybe she did kill one, I don’t fucking know because she’s told me nothing but lies. What I do know is she was locked away for two years and now she has to stay hidden. Does that sound like someone who was properly discharged? Does that sound like someone who is innocent?” I argue.
“It sounds like someone who is scared.” Bethany always does see the glass half-full but thanks to my experience with Kit, I only see the betrayal.
“I can’t do this again, Bethany…I can’t be with someone who lies to me.” I can hear the resignation in my tone.
“I’m not going to defend why she hasn’t told you everything or speculate about what I don’t believe to be true Ethan, but I will tell you this. That girl had a b
aby and whatever happened caused so much damage. She has her reasons for keeping secrets but she told you things she’s never told anyone…She does trust you. She told me things, Ethan…you have to give her time.” She tries to reach for my hand but I am pacing too rapidly.
“I really don’t, Bethany…I went away to forget. I came here to have fun, not get mixed up with some crazy woman again. A fucking narrow escape, is what this is… I’m done.” I drag my hand through my hair and decide I need a drink. I leave Bethany looking dejected on the bed.Yeah, well join the fucking club. “Fuck!” I shout out a little too loud because Luca cries from his cot in the spare room and Bethany is instantly at my side. We are both staring at Ada’s discarded shoes by the open front door. She heard. Fuck!
Bethany disappears and returns with Luca sniffling in her arms as she tries to rock him back to sleep. “Sorry.” I offer my apology in a belated whisper but it’s ignored.
“What are you going to do?” Bethany’s tone is urgent and panicked.
“Nothing.” I push the door firmly shut and click the latch. “It’s probably for the best.” I flinch at the physical pain in my chest at my own lie.
“If that was true you’d feel better right now.” Bethany sniffs with derision. “Do you feel better?” She accuses with a knowing, self-righteous expression. She stares at me and I know she would have her hands on her hips if she wasn’t holding Luca, or maybe something more violent judging by the scowl.
“I feel like shit.” She hands me Luca and fumbles for her back pocket.
“Thought so…You love her, Ethan, so just sort this out!” She snaps with irritation frowning at the screen. “Patrick?” she answers. “Yes, he is. Why?” She pulls the phone away from her ear but instead of handing it to me she puts it on speaker. “You’re on speaker.”
“Of course, I am.” Patrick huffs. “I just wondered if Mr. Cates was aware that Ada had just got into a blacked out Range Rover that had a Czech license plate?” Bethany gasps and I feel every drop of blood leave my face and my bones freeze.
“What?” I manage.
“I saw it driving around earlier. I was heading back to my room and saw it again parked outside your place. I was just about to come and check on Bethany, when I saw Ada run out. The car followed her and she obviously knew whoever was in the vehicle because she only hesitated for a moment and then got inside. I just wanted to check if you knew.”
“Is it still there?” I ask grabbing my wallet and phone from the side.
“No, it just left.” He informs me.
“Fuck! Can you catch it, Patrick? She can’t leave!” I have picked my coat up from the back of the sofa and am racing out the door. Taking the stairs four at a time I almost knock Patrick down when I hit the pavement. We take off running in the same direction. All cars leave town the same way, on the one way system but on foot there is no hope of catching up. We reach Patrick’s B & B and Daniel’s car is parked out front. Seconds later, we are heading out of town. I try to dial her number but it just goes to voicemail. Why would she answer me? She thinks I believe she’s crazy, that I’ve had enough. I could never have enough, and now I am scared shitless I won’t get the chance to tell her that.
I FEEL NUMB, sick, and I can’t focus on a single word of apology that Sky is trying to bestow. AlI I want is to get back home and talk with Ethan. He didn’t say a word in the car on the way back and his clipped tone and icy demeanour when I said I should talk to Sky, was a perfect accompaniment to the anger radiating off him like a solid force field of rage. I don’t know his friend’s name but I did recognise him. Small fucking world–too small. His cousin was a friend of my best friend, Helli, and we all spent that one summer together. That was the same summer I fell for Cal, so it is hardly surprising I don’t remember much about him. I only had eyes for Cal. But the look on his face tonight chilled me with the knowledge that he remembered me, it was unmistakable and more than a flash of recognition; he definitely knew who I was. It doesn’t even matter if he told Ethan the truth or a version of the truth, it was still probably more information than I had told Ethan. Fuck, why didn’t I just tell him everything last night? Why didn’t I take that last step to trusting him…I love him enough. God, I love him so much and I hate that now I don’t know if everything is ruined. He wouldn’t look at me, not even a glance and I know it’s because all he sees are the lies I told and the truth I didn’t. At best, he sees another manipulative woman, at worst, he sees a manipulative woman who doesn’t trust him. I have to fix this…If I get the chance, I know he’ll understand none of this was about him, or how I feel about him. It wasn’t about not trusting him. It was just self-preservation.
I hug Sky and she seems a little happier. I don’t know what she said, I really don’t, but it doesn’t really matter. I can forgive her flirtatious nature, her jealousy, but using my past as a weapon to cause damage that I am more than capable of causing without any outside assistance. That will take time and more than a hug and a sweet smile to get back to how we were. Even if that’s possible, it doesn’t mean I will ever trust her again. I silently open the front door, careful not to wake Luca, and put my shoes down by the front door. I take just two steps inside and I freeze. Raised voices coming from Ethan’s bedroom. No, not voices, just one voice; his voice. Angry, defeated, heavy with accusation, his voice is determined. My blood drains and a numbness seeps in with each hateful declaration. I knew he was furious but I never thought he would truly believe such lies. That I lied about having a baby, or that I could steal or even kill a baby! He actually thinks I am capable of… I clasp my hand to stop a sudden broken cry from revealing my presence. I swallow it back and steel myself for the worst. Of course he believes them, why wouldn’t he? It’s not such a huge leap; after all, I am an escaped mental patient.
I turn and slip through the door tumbling down the stairs clinging to the rail to stop from falling. I hit the street and collapse into myself. The cold, smooth cobbles hard against the soft arch of my feet but I push myself to move. I feel like my chest has been wrenched in two; a gaping hole, raw and bleeding. My heart had begun to beat again, with hope and love and now it’s just pumping life from my body with every step I take away from him. I stumble forward and a bright light hits me from behind casting my shadow, skeletal thin and distorted on the road ahead. I press against the wall, the street is narrow and the deep purr of the engine indicates a large vehicle, maybe a truck. The sleek, black Range Rover pulls slowly past and I feel strangely exposed and vulnerable, my small human body next to that ominous tank-like car. I hear the window whirr and I freeze when I recognise the voice inside.
“Arti?” Cal’s deep voice rumbles through the night air.
“Cal? What are you doing here?” I press a little harder into the stone wall. My face is still streaked with tears and I am shivering from more than the cold breeze gently whipping my skin.
“I came for you.” His tone sounds like I have said something stupid. I scoff and start to walk off but the car shunts forward and steers to stop me from going any further without circling back on myself and back around the car.
“Let me explain…please, Arti… I came for you because I’m sorry. I am so sorry for everything.” His voice pleads with passion. His fingers are curled over the open window, knuckles white and I can’t help but think the apology is hurting more than the death grip.
“I don’t even have the words to express how much I don’t give a shit about your apology, and there is no explanation on earth that would justify what you did.” My voice breaks and I am angry that the tears are still falling. I wipe them away roughly. They are not for him; they are for everything I lost not just back then… but tonight too.
“Let me make it up to you.” His voice is soft and coaxing, a familiar timbre I remember with only bitterness now.
“You can’t!” I grit out with utter venom.
“I have Pip. I’ll take you to her…we can be a family again.” I jolt like a current of high voltage electricity ha
s shocked my heart.
“What?” I gasp. I press my hand to my chest to feel the urgent pumping beneath my fingers. “What did you say?” I am breathless with fear and hope.
“We can be a family again.”
“We will never be a family again, Cal.” I spit. “You said you have Pip. How is that possible? She was adopted; my father showed me the papers you signed.” I rush my words with confusion and hatred.
“Get in and I’ll explain. We don’t have to go far…” He didn’t get to finish, I had my hand on the handle, pulled the door wide, and jumped in. He slid back in surprise. I didn’t even hesitate. Why didn’t I hesitate? The doors clicked locked before the car even pulled away. I felt the instant chill of a million ominous prickles cover my skin–fine, tiny hairs standing at attention. Then a sheen of nervous perspiration coats my body and I start to shudder. A swell of sickness forms in the pit of my stomach. That was a stupid fucking thing to do. What were you thinking? That you could trust him? Trust the man, who sold his own child? I take a shaky breath as the car pulls away. I shuffle back to the door as far as I can go.
“How did you find me?” The sense of foreboding seeps through me like a noxious gas, laying waste to hope with every passing second.
“My driver followed you in London and I joined him the next day to follow you here. Although, I didn’t know ‘here’ was the fucking furthest part of the country. Still we can remedy that.” He shucks his jacket and straightens himself like he is ticking off his business ‘to do’ list.
“Where’s Pip?” I can hear the panic in my voice; I feel it in my soul. My skin crawls as his lips curl in cruel amusement. His slow deliberate turn to face me, fills me with dread, the filtered light breaking through the darkness distorts his handsome features into something less than human. His hand grabs my chin and he pulls me sharply forward, so we are almost nose-to-nose.