by Toni Aleo
Why did butterflies go off in her gut at his name? Man, she needed to get that under control. “He’s an assistant coach. He plays with Jayden on the Assassins.”
“Oh! Okay, cool. She’s taken to him, from what I heard.”
“Yeah, I’m kind of nervous about her going to Rick’s. I’m sure he’s gonna have a lot to say.”
“Fuck that dude. He’ll be okay,” Avery bit out. Rick didn’t have any fans in the Sinclair family.
“Yeah, I just hate arguing with him.”
“Jace told me about the recital.”
“Bullshit.”
“Yeah, oh well. Only eleven more years.”
It was a bittersweet thing to think, but it was true. While she didn’t want her baby to grow up, she sure as hell didn’t want to deal with Rick anymore. “Yeah.”
Silence fell between the two, and as it had been for the last twenty-four hours, Lucy’s mind went to Benji. Would she defend him if Rick said anything? Or would she ignore Rick like she tried to do most of the time? Another reason why she couldn’t ever even think of trying to date Benji—it would be cruel to subject him to the vile person Rick was. He’d run the other way. Yeah. It wouldn’t work. She would be setting everyone up for failure.
“Whoa, silence isn’t how you roll, Lucy. What’s up?”
Lucy’s lips curved as she looked up at the ceiling. “Angie’s coach, Benji…he asked me out last night, and I’ve been thinking about it like crazy.”
“Whattttt?” she yelled and Lucy laughed. “What did you say? Yes, right?”
“No,” Lucy said, and she was surprised with how sad she sounded. “I probably should have. He’s this big, awkward, sweet guy—God, he’s so cute—and he’s got to be in his thirties, so you know he isn’t looking for a fling. I don’t want to get involved, have it go south, and then Angie gets hurt, y’know?”
“Oh,” Avery said, sounding just as sad as Lucy. “But you need to be happy too, Lucy. I’ve said this many times. Everyone has. Y’all are adults, and if he’s as great as Angie says he is, I doubt he would let what happens between you two affect his relationship with her.”
“Yeah, but I’m good. I’m happy.”
Lucy paused, though, and she wasn’t sure if Avery believed her. Hell, she wasn’t sure she believed herself. Sometimes she felt like something was missing in her soul. A piece that Rick had taken and ruined. She wasn’t saying that Benji was that piece, she didn’t know the guy, but she’d be lying if she said she didn’t want to at least see if he was. Which was a first. And that should mean something. But she knew at the point in her life she was in, a relationship just wouldn’t work.
Clearing her throat, Lucy smiled as Avery struggled with her words. “I love you, you know that.”
“I do.”
“And I mean this with all the love in my soul, I do, Lucy, but you’re happy with Angie, and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. But when she’s gone, you’re nowhere near happy. You are lonely and worry so much about her that it’s affecting you. Jace tells me all the time that you used to be the person who had a grin on your face all the time. The only time I see you smile is when you hold Ashlyn or when you’re talking to Angie—”
Offended, Lucy sat up. “That’s not true, I smile all the time.”
“But it doesn’t reach your eyes. It doesn’t seem real,” Avery said slowly. “You’re so bitter and angry, and you do so well shielding Angie from that, but sometimes I think maybe you don’t want to be happy.”
Swallowing hard, Lucy picked at a string on her twill pants. “I am happy.”
“Lucy.”
Just her name, and it said so much. Clearing her throat, Lucy shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Did you want to say yes to him?”
“I did,” she said simply. “But it just wouldn’t work. My life is so busy, I don’t have time, and it wouldn’t be fair to him when the shitshow of Rick comes through.”
“Why the hell does Rick matter?”
Closing her eyes, she fought back the tears. She didn’t like thinking of Rick; she didn’t like the power he held over her. But the memory of herself crouched in a corner, him above her with a belt, screaming at her, was something she still couldn’t shake. She was gone with her baby as soon as she regained consciousness, her sperm-donor father drawing up divorce papers. But she knew what he was capable of. And that scared her. “He always said that if I ever tried to be with anyone, he’d ruin my life. That he didn’t want any man around his daughter.”
“Oh, Lucy, please don’t tell me that’s what’s keeping you from being with someone?”
Lucy laughed a soulless laugh. “I’m not scared of him; I’m scared of what he could do. He can’t touch me, and he won’t—I know he won’t—but he could hurt Angie trying to get to me, and I can’t have that.”
“So you are.”
Lucy snapped her mouth shut and then shook her head. “For an eighteen-year-old, you’re kinda smart, you know that?”
Avery laughed. “Hey, I’m nineteen! And yeah, I am. But I need you to let that go. You will protect Angie, and you know we all will too. But Luce, you need to be happy.”
“Eh, it will come,” she said simply, letting out a long breath. “Plus, I don’t see men lining up at the door wanting to be with me.”
“True, but there is one man,” Avery added and Lucy glared. “Maybe give him a chance?”
Closing her eyes, she decided she wouldn’t be calling Avery much anymore. The girl was too smart for her own good.
“I pissed you off?”
Lucy grinned, leaning on her desk. “I don’t like when people point out what I’m trying to ignore.”
“Oh. Well, then maybe we shouldn’t talk?”
That had them both laughing. “I love you, Aves.”
“Love you too. Now, call your mom. She needs you to go pick out wedding dresses with her.”
“What? Are you serious?”
Avery giggled. “Yup. Have fun!”
Fucking hell.
“My name is Benji Paxton and I’m an alcoholic.”
“Hello, Benji.”
Benji looked around at the group of people who had gathered for his weekly AA meeting. Jordie sat to his left, a grin on his face while Benji sat there awkwardly, his hands dangling at his sides. Tucking them into his pockets, he cleared his throat as the group leader, Bethany, smiled happily at him.
“How are you feeling, Benji?”
“I feel good. Even after over eleven years of being sober, I’m still good.”
The group clapped and Benji’s lips quirked a bit. He had been coming to this group for the last two years. Jordie had joined it last year, and it was nice to share this with someone he trusted. When they were on the road, they always found a group and would go together. It was great, it really was. It was new to have a friend who could help support him as he did the same for that friend.
Bethany smiled. “Good. Do you have anything you want to share?”
Drawing in a long breath, he blew it out slowly.
“I was turned down last night,” he said, and once he said it, he wasn’t sure why he was sharing this. But then, he knew why. This group was his family. All of them had been over a year sober. Jordie was the youngest in the sober game, and people had come in and out, but the nine people who looked at him knew his deepest, darkest secrets. And he knew theirs.
Like how Phil was fighting day-by-day against his addiction. It had been really bad lately because his wife left him for another man. Joanna watched her mother blow her face off and still hadn’t recovered. She said she had given up the powder, but Benji sometimes thought she was lying. Gabe was the oldest out of all of them, twenty-seven years sober, and he was so close to God, Benji was sure there was a seat right next to the big guy for him.
These were his people, and as they looked at him with worry in their eyes, he knew why he’d said something. “I’ve been helping coach hockey for a group of girls the last couple days, and they
are great. I love it. I didn’t realize how much I needed to do something like that until I was out there.”
“Doesn’t that hurt, though? Doesn’t it remind you of Leary?” Ruby asked. She had come to the group a few months before Jordie. She didn’t share much, but she sure as hell listened. She had hit on him a few times, but he had to worry about his own sobriety; he didn’t think he could worry about someone else’s too.
“Yeah, it does. But in a way, it’s therapeutic ’cause I feel like this is what I would have been doing now—with my own daughter.”
“Good,” Bethany said with a smile. “You need to get out Benji. Socialize.”
He nodded. “I know, and I am. I went out to dinner with friends the other night, and well, I even asked a girl out.”
“Oh, Benji, that’s wonderful. Does she know the Lord?” Gabe asked and Benji smiled.
“I don’t know yet. She turned me down.” They all gasped, well, except Jordie, and Benji shrugged.
“How did that make you feel?” Bethany asked and he shrugged again, leaning on his knees.
“I didn’t like it obviously ’cause I knew she wanted to,” he said, and Jordie tapped his thigh.
“How’d you know? You don’t talk well with women, nor can you read them right. So hearing this, I’m sorry, dude, but I’m holding back my laughter.”
Benji smiled back at him and nodded. “She’s different. I mean, right off the bat, I knew I wanted to know her. And the way she looks at me, it’s just special, you know? But she shot me down, and I’m sure it’s ’cause something is holding her back. Maybe her daughter.”
“Her kid plays on the team?”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
“I could understand her hesitation, then. I’m sure she worries that if things end badly with you two, then it would be awkward for her daughter,” Bethany added, and Benji got that, he did, but that would never happen. He would never treat Angie any differently. He just wanted a chance. He still couldn’t shake that look in Lucy’s eyes. She wanted him, and he didn’t know how to reassure her that, no matter what happened, he’d always do right by Angie. “I see it on your face, Benji. This is bothering you.”
He shrugged. “It’s just frustrating. I finally meet someone who makes me want to try, and she shoots me down.”
Jordie scoffed beside him. “And you’re gonna give up? That doesn’t seem like you.”
Benji looked over at him. “I just worry that maybe it’s a sign, that I’m not supposed to be happy.”
“No, son. God wants us all to love our life. He has a plan for you, son. Maybe it’s not her, but then, maybe it is,” Gabe said, his old eyes holding Benji’s. “You just gotta pray on it.”
“He’s right,” Jordie said. “But, dude, you are supposed to be happy, you know that. We’ve had this talk many times. You have to make your happiness. Surround yourself with people who do that. You’ve done it professionally, and if this girl seems different, then you can’t give up.”
Jordie made it seem so easy, but Benji knew it wasn’t.
Not when the girl was Lucy.
He just didn’t understand why she’d lied to him. Why she’d looked him in the eyes and said no. He could see it all over her sweet face. The way her lips parted, the way her body arched toward his. Her eyes were dark emeralds, and they narrowed like a cat that was being stroked to oblivion. She wanted him. Damn bad. And fuck, he wanted her.
But along with the lust in her eyes, he could see the hesitation. The hurt. Her backstory, the reason why hurt and hesitation were in her eyes wasn’t for the fainthearted. He could see that and he hated it. He knew his story was one hell of one, but his was only his fault. He deserved his hurt. But someone had hurt her, and that didn’t sit well with him. He didn’t want anyone causing her pain, nor Angie. He cared for them.
Maybe he was crazy. He had only known them for a couple days, but not since Ava and Leary had he felt so overprotective of someone. After the car wreck, after losing his wife, daughter, and brother, and then his family because of it, he hadn’t been able to feel anything. He went through life, building it back to somewhat normal. It wasn’t easy, and it sucked being sober, but he was finally good in life. He had a good career, he had friends, but he yearned for love.
And then Lucy and Angie came along.
They were different.
They were special.
He just needed a chance.
And he was going to get it.
After the whistle blew, Angie raced across the ice, falling down on her stomach and then getting back up before skating back and redoing it with the rest of the team. Benji stood with Shea and Vaughn, watching as the girls did the drills, working hard. But something was off. He wasn’t sure, but he thought that Angie was upset about something. He had tried to ask her, but she just shook her head, claiming nothing was wrong.
He knew that wasn’t true, though.
“Hart seem okay to you guys?”
Vaughn shrugged, and Shea looked over at him. “I thought she was a little off. She doesn’t seem as peppy, not like Wednesday when she was bouncing off the walls. I don’t know, maybe this is her normal?”
Benji shook his head. “No, something is up.”
“Okay, just keep an eye on her. I’ll say something to Lucy about it,” Shea decided, but once more Benji shook his head.
“No, I will.”
Shea smiled and Vaughn laughed. “Someone’s got a crush.”
“Shut it, Johansson,” Benji said as Adler blew the whistle and the girls stopped, gasping in deep breaths.
“Water break!” Adler roared across the ice and then looked to Vaughn. “You guys leave Sunday?”
He nodded. “Yeah. So we won’t be here for the next week. The game next Saturday is at nine, right?”
“Yeah, you guys will make it?”
“Yeah, but do you have someone who can cover next week?” Benji asked, hopeful they would be good to the girls.
“Yeah, I’ll call in some help. No biggie. Girls are going to miss you guys, though,” Shea said as he started to skate toward the group. They followed along with him, and for once, Benji didn’t want to go on the road. Usually, he didn’t care, but he felt like he had things to do here.
Really, he didn’t, but he wished he did.
When they reached the area where the girls were getting water by the benches, Benji saw that Angie was standing by herself, moving a puck back and forth. Before he could head over there, Shea’s voice filled the rink.
“Coaches Vaughn and Benji are leaving us for some away games. So let’s take a moment and wish them good luck on the road!”
All the girls clapped and cheered for them, a chant of “Go Assassins” beginning, and the guys grinned. The girls were a good group, and Benji was going to miss them. But when he looked over to Angie, she looked sad as she went back to playing with the puck. Skating over to where she was, he leaned against the boards and watched as she moved it in and out of her legs mindlessly, messing up, but he didn’t think she cared. As the chants died down, Benji cleared his throat.
“Penny for your thoughts?”
She looked up, her little face twisting in confusion. She was sweaty, her cheeks red, but the frustration was in her eyes. He wasn’t sure what a seven-year-old had to be frustrated about, but he sure as hell didn’t think she needed to be. “What’s that mean?”
He grinned. “Means ‘what’s up?’”
“Nothing,” she said simply, shooting the puck against the boards with a little more aggression than needed.
He smiled. “Nothing, or you don’t want to talk about it? Are you feeling okay?”
“Yeah, fine,” she said and then let out a breath.
“Do you not want to talk to me?” he asked because—who was he? He was just her coach. “That’s completely okay.”
She looked up at him once more and then shook her head. “It’s not that. It’s just I’m worried about my mom.”
His heart started to race as he ca
me off the boards. “Is she okay?”
“Yeah, I just think she’s mad because my dad is coming here to get me early.”
“Early?”
She nodded. “Yeah, he should be here soon. I have to watch for when he comes.”
“Oh,” he said, and he wasn’t sure why his heart dropped a bit. “Well, I’m sure she’s not mad at you.”
“No, I know,” she said, letting out a long breath. “I just hate that she gets upset. She’s always mad.”
“I doubt that.”
“Well, not at me, but at everything else. It just sucks. My dad is mean to her, and I tell him to be nice, but he just ignores me. He told her he wanted her to pull me from hockey, but Mom said no. So he screamed at her until she hung up— Oh, crap, he’s here.”
Benji looked in the direction Angie had turned. Sure enough, a man was standing there, looking out at the ice. He was average height, lanky, and maybe it was because Benji thought he was a bag of dicks, but he wasn’t very good-looking. Lucy picked this dude to make a kid with? Praise God that Angie was a mini Lucy.
“I gotta go,” Angie grumbled as she grabbed her water. “Have a good road trip. Sucks you’re leaving.”
“Yeah. Come on, I’ll go with you. I need to talk to your mom anyway,” he said as she started to skate away. “Adler, Angie’s gotta go. I’ll be back.”
“Yeah, see you later, Hart. Have a good weekend.”
She waved at Shea and then the rest of the team. “Bye, you too.”
Benji opened the door for her, and she walked out. When he looked up, he saw Lucy walking toward them, her eyes full of annoyance. But still, she was so pretty.
Her long, brown hair was down, straight along her shoulders, but with a little curl at the end. She had it pinned to the side, out of her eyes, which were done up to enhance the color. The red dress she wore was tight across her breasts but flared out at her hips, her legs clad in dark tights and boots to her knees. She was wearing some kind of blanket looking thing that he had noticed was popular in fashion now, but that wasn’t what had him gawking at her.
No, it was the red of her lips.
So shiny and so plump.