by Linda Ford
“Don’t you worry.” Sadie tucked her hand around his elbow. “She likes you, but she’s afraid to show it.”
He pressed her hand to his side, finding comfort in her touch. He let himself believe it meant Sadie liked him. He meant to make an opportunity to talk to her about what made her so resistant to family. He wanted to know the secret behind her fear and erase it.
Chapter Ten
The wind had a cold bite to it and Sadie pressed just a little closer to Logan’s side, welcoming the shelter of his large body. If she also enjoyed the comfort of being next to him, well, perhaps she could allow herself the privilege for a short time. She knew it would be temporary at best. She could allow nothing more. Her history had the potential to destroy not only her but his family, as well. And that would destroy him.
But for the present, because of the cold wind, she would ignore all the warnings inside her head. “I expect your grandfather was quite a character in his younger years.”
Logan snorted. “He’s quite a character now.”
She chuckled softly and resisted the urge to press her cheek to his shoulder. “That’s true. But you’re very fond of him, aren’t you?”
“I am. He had as much input into my upbringing as my parents. He takes any failure on my part as a failure on his. Which reminds me, he said he wants to have a look inside the schoolroom before he goes so he can make sure I’ve done a good job.”
“Does it bother you that he is like that?”
“Not a bit. Because I know he is proud of me. Even when he acts like I can’t manage on my own, he’d be the first one to stand back and say I could and tell me afterward that I’d done a good job.”
“I sensed that. I think Beth does, too.”
“She really relaxed with him, didn’t she?” he said, and they grinned at each other as they thought of how his grandfather had elicited laughter from the girl.
Side by side they walked past the church and continued on by private homes. They passed a pussy willow tree. She pulled him to a halt and stared at the tree. Wouldn’t she like to have some of those to add to her dried-flower collection?
As if reading her mind, he pulled a pocketknife from his pocket, cut off several sprigs and handed them to her.
She brushed her cheek against the furry catkins. “Thank you.” She lifted her gaze to his and, at the brightness of his smile, her heart kicked against its traces. She could almost let herself believe he looked upon her with fondness. With gentleness. With claiming.
But if he knew…
“Shall we continue?” He crooked his elbow toward her.
She tucked her hand into the shelter of his arm and they went farther down the street.
“Did you enjoy Preacher Hugh’s sermon?” Logan asked.
“He’s very direct.” Enough to make her uncomfortable at times.
“I couldn’t help noticing that something he said seemed to upset you.”
She was so sure she’d hidden it. “What did I do to make you think that?”
“You twisted your hands.”
She could say her gloves were uncomfortable. Or that her hands were cold.
Logan stopped walking and turned to face her. He put his hand over hers where it rested, warm and safe, on his forearm. He exerted just enough pressure that she couldn’t pull free without making it look like she was upset. She didn’t want to give him that impression.
“Will you tell me what bothered you?”
Even without looking directly at him, she felt the power of his gaze. How was she to answer him? She couldn’t admit that she’d wondered why her parents couldn’t love even half as much as God did. Yes, she cherished God’s love for her, but sometimes it would be nice to know a human love she could trust. But she pushed aside her own pain and thought of the children. “Like the preacher said, is there anything more precious than a child? It upsets me to think Sammy and likely his sisters have not known that sort of love from those in authority over them.”
He squeezed her hand. “I understand. But at least we are able to offer them love and protection while they are here.”
And then what? She wouldn’t say the words. They’d discussed this so many times. A father had rights. Who was to challenge them? Would it do any good if she or anyone else did? But perhaps if someone with recognized authority spoke up…someone like Logan’s grandfather…things might change.
If she got a chance, she’d speak to the older man.
Something stung her face.
Logan looked around. “It’s snowing. We’d better get back before this turns into a storm.”
They returned to the house far faster than they’d left. By the time they reached the door, the snow fell heavily, driven sideways by a strong wind.
They burst inside. Logan leaned against the door to push it shut.
Sadie hurried to the stove to warm up.
“Grandfather,” Logan said, his voice full of urgency, “we have to go. It’s settling down to a spring storm.”
The older man didn’t move. “I’m not going anywhere in that cold wind.”
“But we have to go.”
“Nope. We can stay here.”
Logan opened his mouth to argue, but Grandfather Marshall didn’t give him a chance. “There’s plenty of room here. I’m sure Sadie won’t mind if we stay until the storm ends.”
Sadie waggled her hands. “Certainly.” What else could she say? And surely the storm would pass as quickly as it came.
Logan shrugged. “If it’s okay with you then I guess there’s no reason to leave. I’ll take the horse and wagon to the livery barn.” He was gone before any of them could protest.
Sadie tried to watch him out the window, but the snow obscured everything. She pressed her hand to her throat hoping he would make it back safely. That’s when she realized she still clutched the pussy willows and found a jar to put them in.
The others had returned to their activities. Jeannie perched on Grandfather’s knees. Beth and Sammy sat on the floor at his feet as if they had been listening to stories or playing a game.
Sadie could not relax. Not with Logan out in the snow. She didn’t realize she stared at the door, waiting for his return, until Grandfather spoke.
“Don’t you worry, missy. He’ll be okay.”
She jerked away from the door and hurried to the cupboard. No doubt Logan and his grandfather would be there for supper. She’d have to prepare something.
As soon as she pulled out food, Beth joined her, and they began to make a chicken potpie from the leftover meat from dinner.
The door rattled and Sammy ran to welcome Logan, who stumbled in covered with snow. He rubbed his hands. “It’s turned awfully cold. I hope Pa and the others get home safely or find shelter somewhere until this is over.”
“They would have been home long ago,” Grandfather said, but one look at his face and Sadie knew he wondered about the rest of the family, as well.
“Come to the stove and get warm.” She handed Logan a towel and he rubbed the snow from his face and hands.
She tried not to look at him. She tried not to think how she felt safe and scared at the same time. It was good that Beth was more relaxed with Grandfather there. It was not good that Sadie felt tenser. She couldn’t turn around without encountering Logan. He’d been there before, she chided herself.
But not confined to the house by a snowstorm.
Would he take advantage of the situation?
No, because the children and Grandfather were there.
But if they weren’t?
She dared not answer. To say he wouldn’t meant she trusted him, and that frightened her. But to say he would…well, that stung her heart and conscience because she knew he wouldn’t.
What was she to do? She was truly stuck between her warming heart and a raging blizzard.
At the moment she had only one option—make the best of it. Keep everyone occupied. First, feed them. As she and Beth returned to preparing the meal, Grandfather regaled t
hem with stories of past blizzards.
Soon the food was ready and they crowded about the table.
She asked Grandfather to say the blessing.
“My pleasure.” He bowed his head. “Father God, we are grateful for food, family and friends, and for safety from the storm. Not just snowstorms but the storms of life. May we always be safe. Amen.”
Sadie didn’t look at either men. Safe? Would she ever truly feel safe again?
As regular as clockwork, Jeannie fussed as the meal ended and Beth took her to the bedroom. The little girl settled quickly, and Beth rejoined them and helped with dishes.
Grandfather kept the conversation filled with teasing and stories so that the evening passed pleasantly, but, as the time ticked by, Sadie’s insides grew tighter by the minute. Were they going to spend the night here? Where?
“Grandfather,” Logan said, interrupting another story that had the children mesmerized. “We should make our way over to the store and stay with Uncle George.”
Grandfather raised his bushy white eyebrows. “In this storm? Why, I’d be blown clear off my feet and end up in Mexico.”
Beth grinned and Sammy laughed.
“The storm is not going to let up and we can’t stay here.”
“Why not?”
“It’s too small.”
Grandfather harrumphed. “There’s a whole empty classroom just beyond that door.” He pointed to the door that opened into the schoolroom. “A dozen men could sleep there.”
Logan lifted his hands to the air. “Did someone invite you?”
Sadie couldn’t help it. She laughed. “You are both invited to stay and you don’t need to sleep in the cold schoolroom. You can share Sammy’s quarters. Right, Sammy?”
The boy nodded eagerly. “Mr. Marshall,” he said to the older man, “you can have my bed and I’ll sleep on the floor with Logan.”
“Don’t mind if you call me Grandfather.”
As easily as that, it was settled. The only thing that wasn’t settled was Sadie’s insides. It was one thing to share care of the children with Logan and even to share mealtimes. It was quite another to have him there at night. She stole a glance at Beth. The girl’s face was tight, her eyes hard. As if she had the same thought.
Could she have the same reasons?
The possibility had hovered in the back of Sadie’s mind for days, and she’d pushed it away. How could she contemplate such a thing?
But she couldn’t deny the possibility, either.
A shudder crossed her shoulders.
Logan sidled up to her. “Are you okay?”
How was he always so attuned to her every mood?
She nodded.
“Do you want to go see the classroom?”
She’d gone in many times, anxiously planning when classes would be held there, but feeling crowded in her small living quarters, she agreed.
“This is a good time for you to check and make sure the windows and door are tight against the elements,” Grandfather said.
Sammy jumped up and was about to follow when Grandfather said, “Let me tell you about a storm that had us stranded at school when I was a youngster.”
Sammy looked from Logan to Grandfather, trying to decide which direction to go, then settled back down at Grandfather’s feet.
Sadie waited, wondering if anyone else would join them. No one seemed interested so she and Logan went alone into the cold room, darkened by the swirling snow outside each window. She hurried from one window to the next, running her finger along the bookshelves lining the wall beneath the windows.
Logan followed on her heels, not saying anything yet occupying her thoughts.
“I can hardly wait to fill these shelves and to see desks lining the room.” She turned to picture the arrangement and, instead, came face-to-face with Logan.
“Does it bother you that we are staying here?” he asked.
She tried to shake her head no, but it went round in circles, instead.
“If it’s just me, I can go across to the store.”
“No!” The word came out more forcefully than she planned. “It’s storming too much. You wouldn’t be safe.”
He edged closer. She could feel him with every breath.
“Is that the only reason?”
Hearing the uncertainty in his voice, she lifted her eyes to his and was caught in something she couldn’t escape. Be it need or want or loneliness or anxiety, she couldn’t say. She only knew she didn’t wish to be responsible for it.
“I don’t mind if you stay here.” She might as well admit the truth to herself. She would feel safe with him there. And his grandfather, she added hastily. The storm could not harm them with two Marshall men to protect them.
She simply must guard her heart.
He cupped his hand to her face. “Sometimes you’re about as skittish as Beth. Like you’re afraid of me.” His soft voice made it impossible for her to think. “It makes me want to hug you and promise you I will never harm you or let anyone else harm you.”
She leaned into his hand, wanting to trust his promise. But a knot behind her heart tightened, reminding her of her lost innocence and the rejection by her parents.
Sadness sucked at her. Her breath caught in a half sob.
“Sadie, I—” He didn’t finish. Instead, he tipped her face upward and caught her lips in a kiss so sweet and tender that she instinctively leaned into him.
He lifted his head, pulled her into his arms and rested his chin on her hair. “I didn’t know how else to say how much I want you to feel safe with me.”
She did feel safe. For the moment. And she let the moment be enough, even knowing it couldn’t last.
Her secret was not the sort of thing that would make her welcome in a family, and family was all-important to him.
But she’d accept his comfort and offer of safety for the present.
Sammy laughed loudly about something, and Sadie and Logan broke apart. The moment had come to an end. Reality must replace dreams.
They returned to the other room, pulling the door closed behind them.
*
Logan sat on a chair and concentrated on Grandfather’s stories though he’d heard them many times before.
He shouldn’t have kissed Sadie. Not that he regretted it. He’d been about to ask her what secrets she hid, but Sammy’s laughter had stopped him.
And he couldn’t say if he’d regretted it or welcomed it.
If it was a secret he could dismiss then they could look to a future. But if it was a destructive secret…
What would he do?
He considered several possibilities: she was a wanted woman; her family were outlaws; she’d stolen from someone and had a price on her head. None of the scenarios he came up with made sense. But if one of them was true, she’d have to flee once her secret was out. What would he do?
Would he leave with her?
He looked at his aging, crippled grandfather, considered Dawson’s recent marriage, thought about Annie and her need to pursue her own life. Could he leave them to cope on their own?
He shook his head. He couldn’t believe Sadie would be guilty of any of those things.
The evening passed pleasantly enough. Sadie made popcorn and brought out a board game. Grandfather turned the game into a lively competition, making them all laugh.
Then it was time for bed. Sadie produced blankets for Logan and Sammy, then she and Beth went to the bedroom and closed the door.
Grandfather took the bed and Sammy and Logan spread blankets between the table and the stove.
“This is just like the cowboys do, isn’t it?” Sammy said.
“Cowboys learn to sleep in lots of different places,” Logan agreed. “To hear Grandfather talk, you’d think they purposely chose a bed of rocks or cactus, but we usually try and find the most comfortable place. Sometimes we’ll cut evergreen boughs to make a soft bed.”
Grandfather made a mocking sound. “Surprised you don’t carry a mattress wi
th you so you’ll be really comfortable.”
Logan pretended to give it serious consideration. “Never thought of that.”
Grandfather chuckled. “I hope I don’t live to see the day.”
They settled down. Sammy fell asleep almost at once, and soon Grandfather was snoring loud enough to drown out the sound of the storm.
Logan lay awake staring at the ceiling. There were so many uncertainties in his life at the moment. The children’s missing father. His growing feelings toward Sadie, and her continued resistance. Until he settled them to his satisfaction, his life would continue to feel unsettled. There was little he could do about it but pray, and he did so. God, help me find Mr. Weiss. Help us learn the truth about what the children are afraid of. He wished he hadn’t seen the marks on Sammy’s back. Wished he didn’t wonder at the cause of Beth’s skittishness. Help Sadie learn to trust me.
He smiled into the darkness. He had kissed her. It had been a purely instinctive move to comfort and assure her. But it had instantly become more in his mind. It had become a promise, a possibility…a dream.
His smile flattened. The dream was destined to be dashed unless she felt the same way. Unless she trusted him enough to tell him what she was hiding.
The storm still raged the next morning. Logan made a path to the woodshed and brought in more wood. When Sadie handed him a cup of coffee accompanied by a smile, he thought again of possibilities.
Jeannie ran to him and he picked her up and pressed his cold cheek to her neck making her giggle.
Sammy rocked back and forth on his heels. “Guess there won’t be any school today ’cause of the storm.”
Logan put his coffee cup on the table so he could ruffle Sammy’s hair. “You don’t sound disappointed.”
Sammy grinned. “I’m not.”
Logan checked on Beth. She was setting the table but darted a look toward him. He saw the guardedness in her eyes and something more—longing and uncertainty. He knew the latter had nothing to do with the weather. “We are all safe and I intend to keep it that way.” He hoped she would understand he meant more than shelter from the storm.
“Did you sleep well, Grandfather?”
“Like a log.”