The Boy Who Has No Hope (Soulless Book 6)

by Victoria Quinn

  I walked Dr. Collins to the elevator. “Thank you for coming by. I think it made him a lot more comfortable having this conversation in his own home.”

  “I don’t mind. Whatever gets the patient to talk.” He hit the button and waited for the elevator to return to our floor. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.”

  “Are you two romantically involved?”

  The question surprised me, and I needed to take a few seconds to digest it. “No. Why?”

  He shrugged. “It just seems like the two of you have a deep connection. Based on our conversation, he doesn’t let anyone in, but he’s let you through every single barrier. I assumed that meant something.”

  Shrinks were known to analyze everything you did, and that kind of bit me in the ass. “When you work together all day, every day, it’s natural to feel close to someone. When I first started to work for him, he wouldn’t allow me to do anything, and he was always hostile. But in time…I earned his respect.”

  “If he’s so distrusting, why did he hire you in the first place?”

  “His previous assistant kind of forced it.”

  He nodded and turned back to the elevator doors. “I think I can help him. I look forward to seeing him again.” The doors opened, and he stepped inside.

  “Thank you, Dr. Collins.” After I said goodbye, I headed back to the penthouse.

  Derek was still on the couch, in the exact same position, his cheek against his closed knuckles.

  I got him a beer from the fridge and brought it to him.

  He eyed the bottle for a moment before bringing it to his lips and taking a drink.

  I sat on the couch beside him, sitting closer than I was before. I wasn’t sure if I should just leave and give him space, or if it was better to sit with him so he could relax after the intense conversation he’d had.

  He took another drink then stared straight ahead, at the painting of the black horse on the wall.

  My hands came together on my lap. “You did great today.”

  He set the beer on the end table then turned to me, his dark eyes displaying a look he’d never had before. He wasn’t angry or happy. He was something else entirely. Without blinking, he stared at me.

  “I hope you’ll continue to see him.”

  There was no verbal response, just a slight nod.

  A part of me had been afraid the whole thing would blow up in my face. There was something about Dr. Collins that registered with Derek, maybe his straightforward speech, because Derek was the exact same way. He chose to speak in unequivocal terms rather than emotional ones.

  After a quiet breath, Derek continued to stare at me. It was the first time I didn’t know what he wanted, what his thoughts were. That intense look on his face hid all the thoughts underneath. He pivoted his body slightly toward me, his arm moving over the back of the couch.

  My pulse started to quicken in my wrists and my neck, because something was different about the intensity of the room, something that put me on edge and made me almost forget to breathe. It was an inexplicable sensation, like I needed to wrap my entire body around him and squeeze him, not to comfort him, but to comfort myself. His heartbreak gave me heartbreak, infectious like a disease.

  He stared at me like that all the time, but this time, it felt different.

  It gave me a catch in my throat, adrenaline in my veins, a shake in my hands.

  When it became too much, I excused myself from the situation altogether. I rose from the couch and walked away, severing eye contact because that was what I needed to keep breathing. “I should get going…” I grabbed my purse from the table and kept my back to him.

  He left the couch and came toward me, his hands in his front pockets.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, Derek.” I turned to the door.

  “Emerson.”

  I stilled for a moment before I turned back, my breath a little shaky because he made me uneasy. When he was vulnerable and open, it showed an entirely new side to him that I found so beautiful, like I was a moth and he was the flame. My heart was filled with so much affection, I didn’t know what to do with it. It made me want to run, which was peculiar, because I didn’t run from anything.

  I stared at him, one hand gripping the straps of my purse on my shoulder. My heartbeat was loud in my rib cage, like a drum. I had no idea what my expression was, but I imagined I looked like a deer in headlights, wanting to flee but too scared to make a move.

  He stared for a while again before he moved into me, pulling his hands from his pockets. “I haven’t always treated you with the respect you deserve. I’ve been difficult, rude, a pain in the ass, frankly…” He dropped his gaze for a moment as he paused. When he looked at me again, he continued. “But I believe, for the first time, that I have someone in my life who has my best interests at heart…and I haven’t felt that way in a really long time.”

  I knew I’d earned his trust when he’d allowed me to work in his corporate office. I knew he saw me as a friend when he confided things in me. But hearing him talk about me like this…gave me the greatest sense of accomplishment. My salary didn’t change, regardless of the hours I put in, and I put in a lot more time than was required of me, because I cared about Derek so much. I wanted to take care of him, the way I took care of my Lizzie, my parents. He was like a member of my family.

  “So…thank you.” He stepped closer to me, his arms beginning to wrap around my body in the form of a hug. He’d never hugged me before, only accepted my one embrace in his office. But now he initiated it, his powerful arms sliding across my body and locking me in place as his chin rested on my head.

  My arms automatically wrapped around his waist, feeling his hardness all the way around. His stomach was just as strong as his back. When we were pressed together like this, his cologne was potent once more, smelling like pure man. The craziness of the world disappeared when he held me. I forgot about all the responsibilities I had to address when I got home, taking care of my daughter and making sure she had dinner and completed her homework before bed, before checking on my parents across the hall. He carried me, as well as all the problems on my plate.

  And he held me that way for a long time.

  It was longer than any hug should last.

  But it felt so nice…every single second.

  His chest rose and fell with his even breathing as he held me, his large hands spread across my back and taking it up completely. He was a big man, and that was never more apparent than when he embraced me.

  I could stay there forever…with this man.

  That thought snapped me out of the moment, because I knew this couldn’t happen. I’d wrestled with my emotions and got them back into the cage before, and I couldn’t let those feelings ever become unbridled again. I hoped to have a long career working for this man, and I would spend that time hating my job if this affection deepened into something more.

  So, I stopped it.

  I pulled away. “I always have your best interests at heart, Derek. You aren’t just my boss, but my friend, and I will always be there for you.” I looked into his brown eyes and saw the same look of intensity while his hands glided off my body as he reluctantly released me. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” I forced a smile to break the tension, to deny the urges in my heart, to pretend Derek Hamilton wasn’t the perfect man I’d assumed didn’t exist. “Goodnight.” I turned to the door and let myself out, taking his cologne, his affection, and that intense gaze with me.

  Six

  Derek

  “What have you been up to?” Mike asked. “I feel like you haven’t come out in forever.”

  The music was loud, there were people everywhere, and the waitress had dropped my first drink when she handed it to me, so she had to get me another. My eyes followed her as she moved through the crowd of people with my scotch in hand. “Work.”

  “That’s it?” Mike asked. “Just work?”

  “Yes, it’s not very exciting.” I watched the waitress halt t
o talk to someone in the crowd.

  Fuck, what did I have to do to get my fucking drink?

  Mike laughed. “Working on rockets to send to space is pretty exciting to me. But a billionaire not having fun, that’s not exciting.” He looked past me in the crowd like he was searching for someone. “Oh good, Amanda is here.”

  I kept watching my waitress. She ended her conversation and headed my way. Finally.

  “Did I tell you about Amanda?” Mike asked. “I met her last weekend. Hot as fire. She brought a friend along, and I want to introduce you.”

  The waitress reached me and handed over the scotch. “Thanks.” I was about to take a drink when Mike grabbed my arm.

  “Take a look.” He pivoted me around, seeing two brunettes coming our way in short dresses. Amanda was closer to our age, but the friend she brought for me looked like she wasn’t much older than the drinking age. She was exactly my type—but I felt nothing. “Look at those fucking legs.”

  Her eyes were on me like she knew exactly who I was and had been looking forward to this meeting since she found out Amanda knew me, distantly. She flipped her hair over her shoulder, looked down for a second like she was shy, but then lifted her gaze and licked her lips, showing she wasn’t shy at all.

  When they reached us, Amanda embraced Mike with a kiss that made me look away.

  The woman walked up to me and took the drink out of my hand. Without even introducing herself, she took a sip of my scotch, got lipstick all over the rim, and sucked a big ice cube into her mouth so she could stick out her tongue and show me. Then she handed the drink back.

  Mike came up for air in time to see it. “Derek, this is Corinne.”

  She spoke with the ice cube muffling her speech. “Nice to meet you, Derek.” She leaned into me, ready to kiss me and put the ice cube in my mouth.

  My hand automatically moved to her arm, and I kept her back so she wouldn’t stick that ice cube anywhere near me. Maybe I was just in a bad mood or I was annoyed that my drink had been slobbered on by a stranger, but I wasn’t into this at all. “I’m sick of this shit.” I put the drink in her hand and walked away.

  Mike came after me. “What the fuck was that?”

  “I’m not into her.”

  “Why?” he snapped. “She’s twenty-three, sexy—”

  I turned around and faced him, the obnoxious music blaring and forcing us to yell just to hear one another. “I’m too old for this bullshit. It’s not my thing anymore. Have fun with Amanda. I’m going home.”

  Mike was so stunned that all he could do was stare at me.

  “Bye.” I left the club and didn’t look back.

  When I made it home, it was a little past ten.

  It was too late to start on my projects, but it was too early to go to sleep. My head still pounded from the bass of that club. The second I’d gotten outside, I’d breathed the fresh air and finally felt the tightness in my stomach loosen. The moment I’d walked in, it didn’t feel right. All I wanted to do was leave as soon as I got there.

  My penthouse was quiet, and I opted for a beer instead of the scotch I never got to drink. I sat at the dining table and opened my laptop, thinking about the shit that needed my attention. But instead of working on that, I dived back into my story.

  Without even the whiteboard or the character arc notes, I jumped into that world and immediately got lost in it. It was like returning to your childhood home, where it was exactly as you remembered it, and you could fall back into your old ways within a few hours.

  The last woman I’d been with consistently was Fleur, and that went to shit months ago. Instead of being eager for sex, I was content with nothing. There was no need to chase down pussy because it didn’t sound the least bit appetizing. I hardly jerked off either, as if the necessity had faded. I was a young man in my prime months ago, but now I was like an old man who just wanted to be alone.

  My phone lit up with a text message.

  Are you writing right now??? It was Emerson.

  I stared at her message and felt a slight smile move onto my lips. Yes.

  I’m editing your pages at the moment and saw that you’re working on the document. I couldn’t believe it, so I had to ask. Wasn’t sure if my computer was glitching on me.

  No glitch.

  Wow, that’s amazing. I’m so happy to see that.

  I could hear her voice in my head as I read her message, could hear the sincerity in her tone. She was my personal cheerleader, always pushing me to be better because she knew I was capable of it. Why are you working on a Saturday night?

  Wanted to stay caught up. You don’t have any exciting plans tonight?

  I pictured that club again and felt no regret for leaving. No. I rarely went out anymore, and the only time it did happen was because I was forced. That was what happened tonight, but I could barely make it through an hour without getting annoyed. Former lovers had texted me for hookups, but I didn’t even bother texting them back.

  Well, I won’t distract you any longer. We’re going to be done with this book soon, and I’m so excited for that. Your readers will be so happy to see this on every bookshelf all over the country.

  I set the phone down and stared at my computer screen, seeing my cursor blinking. Her message didn’t distract me from the story, but now all I could think about was her. I grabbed the phone and typed a message. You want to get a burger or something? I stared at the message I’d typed but didn’t send it. My thumb was anxious to hit send, but I knew I shouldn’t. It was ten in the evening, and I already took up all her time during the week. My thumb hit the delete button and erased the words I’d typed. Then I set the phone down and got back to work.

  I left the lab and headed to my corporate office, where Emerson had been working all morning. We needed to leave for my lecture, so it was easier for me to pick her up on the way to Ronnie.

  Lily sat at her desk, and the first look she gave me was ice cold. She was normally diplomatic, so this sudden descent into hostility was inexplicable.

  I slowed my gait as I came close to her desk. “Everything alright, Lily?”

  She glanced toward my office, the inside invisible because I didn’t have windows facing the office. “I think your assistant is a real piece of work, Dr. Hamilton. Not sure if she’s the right fit here…”

  I stared at her for several seconds because I didn’t know how to process the implication in her words. Emerson was the kindest person I’d ever met, bending over backward just to help me, and when she said it was more than just a job to her, I believed her. I was the one who had been unkind, but she never held a grudge. “You’re mistaken.”

  Lily stared at me like she couldn’t believe what I’d said. “So, should I just pack up my stuff and leave?”

  The question caught me off guard. I just stood there, unsure what to say.

  “Since that bitch waltzed in here and—”

  “You’re done here.” I didn’t need to call security because I could handle this myself. “Pack up your stuff. Now.” I’d stepped into a situation I didn’t understand, but the second I heard her speak of Emerson with such disrespect, I lost my temper. I didn’t need to raise my voice to share my rage. It was written all over my face.

  She breathed a deep breath. “I’m sorry. She just—”

  “I don’t tolerate that kind of behavior in this office. If you insult Emerson, you insult me. Now pack your shit and go.” I was furious Lily had spoken that way about Emerson, the most harmless person on the planet. If she were a man, I would have punched her.

  The door to my office opened, and Emerson came out, in a long-sleeved black dress with knee-high boots on underneath. She was always dressed impeccably, like she wasn’t just my assistant, but the CEO of my company. “What’s going on here?” Her eyes shifted back and forth between us, probably because she’d heard me raise my voice.

  I kept my eyes on Lily in case she tried something. “Lily has been dismissed.”

  Furious, Lily started to thr
ow her things into her purse.

  I turned away as I spoke to Emerson. “Call security and ask them to escort her out.” I headed to the office.

  Emerson stood there for a moment, stunned by the events she hadn’t witnessed. Then she followed me inside. “Derek, what happened?” She shut the door behind her.

  “I fired her.” The second the confrontation was over, I stopped thinking about it. “We need to leave for my lecture.”

  “But why did you fire her?”

  “Doesn’t matter.” I grabbed her purse off the desk and carried it to her. “Let’s go.”

  “Whoa, hold on.” She took the purse from my hands and shouldered it. “It does matter. Tell me.”

  I just stared into her eyes.

  “She said something mean about me, didn’t she?”

  All I did was nod.

  She released a deep sigh. “Lily and I haven’t gotten along well. But I think the reason why that’s the case is because she’s threatened by me.”

  “That makes no sense.”

  “She’s threatened I’ll absorb her job, which kinda did happen…”

  It still didn’t give Lily the right to talk about Emerson like that. I would fire anyone for disrespecting another employee in that manner, but with Emerson, it made me furious.

  “Look.” She raised both hands. “Instead of firing her, let’s relocate her. She’ll have the same pay, just a different position.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I know you don’t lay off employees, Derek.”

  No. Even if there were budget cuts or lost income because a rocket didn’t work out the way we hoped, I still kept everyone and hoped for better days. Sometimes, I personally took pay cuts because I didn’t need the money anyway.

  “I’m not excusing her behavior, but we do stupid things when we’re emotional…and she did a couple stupid things. Honestly, it makes more sense for me to fully absorb her job and be the only person accessible to you since we have a much stronger bond and you’re comfortable with me. We can put her somewhere else. Problem solved.”