by J. F. Lewis
“Can I try something else weird? Is there a bird, like a raven or something?”
“Try it and see,” he urged.
“Do I need to take my clothes off?”
“Some do, but why don’t you just go ahead and try it with clothes for now.” He got up and walked around the room, arms outstretched like a big kid playing airplanes. “Close your eyes and think of yourself as a bird. See yourself flying over the city, like in a helicopter ride only the wind is underneath your wings. You aren’t in some metal cockpit. There is no glass between you and the air, no metal. It’s you, just you.”
I spread my arms like he had done. At first I felt silly, but gradually, I really could see it. My body tightened, wrenching painfully in on itself, my skin an overfilled balloon that might pop any second, and then the wind was beneath my wings; I was free! It was so sudden that I screamed in surprise, but no human sound escaped my lips. It was a bird’s cry. I had done it! Of course, I didn’t know how to fly, so I fluttered to the ground. When I landed, I felt dizzy and confused, sick to my stomach. Talbot pounced, catching me between his hands and eyeing me closely with his fangs out and his cat eyes flashing. “Gotcha!”
Willing myself back to human size didn’t work. I flapped my wings ineffectually and started pecking at his fingers with my beak. If I’d had fangs I would have bitten him. As it was, I tried for his eyes, but he was too far away.
“If you’re a Master vampire,” he gloated, “you’ll be able to turn back even though I have you trapped. Just concentrate. Think about being humanoid. Picture yourself biting my hand or something.”
It didn’t work. I couldn’t focus.
“Try it. Picture yourself dancing onstage.”
Nope.
“All right,” he said as he set me down on the bed. “Try it now.”
Instantly, I was myself again. “You bastard!”
“The test isn’t definitive, but you’re probably a Soldier.” He stood up and grinned. “Care to try for a mouse?”
I did not care to try for a mouse. Instead I tried for a cat. I pictured myself as a large gray kitty I’d had as a little girl. I loved that cat more than anybody in my family. I used to sit and pet him for hours and listen to him purr. He was the only thing that was mine and mine alone. He never let anyone else touch him, especially not Rachel. It was almost as if Mr. Fuzzy Bottom had some kind of never-ending feud with her. Cats in general didn’t like her; maybe they knew something I didn’t.
The change was not as sudden as before; quick, but not instant, like a slow collapse into a nice warm ball of fur. It was a relief to be warm again. Talbot took a step away from the bed, his eyes wider than usual and his mouth open. I looked down at my paws. They were gray, just like Mr. Fuzzy Bottom’s. I preened myself at Talbot and gazed at him haughtily.
“Okay, so maybe you are a Master vampire,” he allowed. “You could have been too panicked to make the change before.”
Master vampire or not, I could turn into a bird and I could turn into a cat. My chest felt funny, though. It sort of vibrated. “Meow,” I told Talbot. “My chest feels funny,” is what I had meant to say. My heart was beating! I was breathing! I stumbled and accidentally sat down.
“I’ll just bet it does,” Talbot whispered. He reached over and grabbed me, holding up my kitty-cat self to the mirror so that I could see my reflection.
I could see my reflection!
“Meow!” I said, meaning “Holy shit!”
“Holy shit, indeed,” he said as he put me down on the dresser, in front of the mirror. I put a paw against the mirror and stared at myself. Even though it wasn’t the human me, just being able to show up in a mirror, to see a reflection that belonged to me, made me feel safe and warm inside. I rubbed up against the mirror and purred at myself.
“Meow,” I said to myself, meaning “Hello, me.”
Veruca opened the door and glanced around the room. Her makeup was sloppy and her shoes didn’t go with her dress. I could tell that she wasn’t happy.
“What’s a cat doing in here?” Veruca asked. Talbot just looked at her. Veruca’s lip curled. “Tell Tabitha not to get too full of herself, Talbot. Just because she’s been turned, she’s nothing special. She’s supposed to go on in half an hour. Then it’s serving drinks and doing lap dances just like everybody else. I’m taking the night off.”
“A little hard on your new sister in undeath, aren’t you?” Talbot asked. “As a matter of fact, since you’re here, she doesn’t have to go onstage at all….”
Veruca flipped Talbot off and pulled up her shirt. Claw marks crisscrossed her stomach and from the look of them, they went around to the back.
“What happened?” I meowed.
“What happened?” Talbot repeated for me. Interesting. Talbot understood cat speak and Veruca didn’t. Was he a werecat? A weretiger? What else could he be?
“None of your business, asshole!” Veruca slammed the door and stalked off down the hall. The sound echoed in my head. My vision blurred and for a moment there were two furry “me”s in the mirror.
“Meow?” I said, and I had no idea what I meant. Something was definitely wrong.
I rolled over on my back and swatted at the pretty rainbows and the colored lights that had appeared in the air. There was that same funny taste in my mouth, like the second pint of blood. In the distance I heard Talbot’s voice calling my name.
The rainbows started moving faster and I tried harder to catch them. Then, I heard someone barfing. I wondered if it was me. At some point, I fell off of the dresser. Talbot caught me. The psychedelic swirling stopped, replaced by a vibration deep in my skull. There was a sound like when a monitor blinks out. My skin went numb all at once and little sparks danced in front of my eyes. Talbot blurred in hazy motion lines, faded, and then was gone completely.
14
TABITHA:
THE SHOW MUST GO ON
When I woke up, Talbot was snapping his fingers in front of my eyes and calling my name. I was wet and I was still a cat. The lights were too bright and my heart was beating in my ears. Was I drunk? Did vampires get drunk? Did cats get drunk? For that matter, why was my heart beating? I was breathing too fast and my skin was all tingly.
“C’mon, Tabitha. Get up!” Talbot told me. I sneezed a pitiful cat sneeze at him and it made my head pound.
“Meow,” I said, meaning, “God, I feel awful.”
“It’s probably just transformation sickness,” Talbot explained. “Try turning back to normal and see if that helps.”
It was hard to concentrate with my head pounding, but I managed it. It was even slower than before, my body chilling and expanding like a balloon slowly being filled with cold water. After a few minutes, I was myself again, panting on the floor. I even had clothes on. The dull ache in my head eased up and the world stopped spinning in circles.
I blinked a few times, steadied myself, and stood up. “Okay. That was both awesome and shitty at the same time. So, what? I can turn into a cat, but only if I want to start tripping and then barf?”
Talbot looked at my eyes closely. “Your eyes are dilated.” He held my right eye open with his fingers. “Okay, better. They’re normal now.”
I started to rub my eye, but stopped myself when I remembered my eye shadow. I touched my cheek and looked reflexively to the mirror to check my makeup. No reflection. An inexplicable rage welled up inside of me and I turned on Talbot.
“You better not have fucked up my makeup, asshole!” My claws were out before I even thought about extending them. I wanted to tear him apart, drink his blood, drain him dry, and then tear the pieces up when I was done. I knew my reaction was over the top, but I couldn’t explain what was happening. Talbot seemed just as surprised as I was, even more so because I had actually slashed his forearm with my claws, moving too fast for even Talbot to avoid. We both looked down at the blood.
“I—” I didn’t know what I was going to say, but I opened my mouth to say it. Talbot wasn’t interes
ting in listening.
“Your makeup is fine. Get your ass out there and do your job.” He walked into the bathroom and began washing the cuts out with soap and water.
“Talbot?” I followed him into the bathroom, reaching out to him.
“Just go, Tabitha!” he yelled. Closing his eyes, he let out a sigh. “Just go out and dance. We’ll talk about this later. I probably pushed you too hard.”
Of course it was his fault, I cursed inwardly. Talbot was the one with experience. Talbot was supposed to know better, to teach me. I left the room and headed toward the stage. “Dumb, fucking asshole,” I said aloud.
My emotions were a mess. Edginess does not even begin to describe what I was feeling. Imagine that someone ran over your cat, and then backed into your new car trying to get away. Imagine that when the police came, the officer laughed and told you to buy a new cat. Picture how angry that would make you. I was that mad at everyone and everything, and I could not understand why.
In the dressing room behind the stage, Candice and Sharon were getting ready to go serve drinks and sell lap dances. Sharon said hello and I flipped her off in response. She shrugged it off, but I could smell her anger.
Candice looked up at me with that stupid innocent look she always gave to Eric. “Did somebody wake up on the wrong side of the grave this morning?”
I don’t even remember hitting her. She just seemed to lift up out of her chair and fly backward through the air of her own accord. One of the mirrors shattered as she hit it and there was a blinding flash as the lights around it exploded. Bouncing off of the wall, she landed facedown on the floor. Shards of glass landed all around and over her, like glittery sprinkles. It was pretty in a violent, deadly sort of way. It was too much trouble to get to her throat with all the glass in the floor, so I leapt over her and landed on the steps leading up to the stage.
I smiled back at Sharon and she froze, evidently hoping that if she stayed still, I’d leave her alone. “One word and I’ll put you right fucking next to her.” She was used to being around vampires and it probably saved her life. I’m sure she was terrified, but she knew better than to show it. It was one of the first things Eric told new girls. I’d been with him long enough to know how true it was: Fear was like a good marinade to a vampire. Running could get you killed. Hold still, submit, and you might have a chance.
A weird taste played across my tongue, bitter and sweet at the same time. I knew I had tasted it before, but I couldn’t think clearly enough to figure out where. By the time I hit the stage I had all but forgotten about Candice. Jasmine was out there doing her Little Red Riding Hood routine, managing to look innocent and sexy all at once. Her long brown hair trailed behind her, down over the hood and cape. The light creamy texture of her skin stood out in perfect contrast to the bright red cape, a thin layer of baby oil glistening on her skin, her pink nipples hard and erect.
I decided to play the Big Bad Wolf. When I walked out from behind the stage, I could hear the emcee asking Marilyn what was going on. I couldn’t remember what his name was; only that he was a pig who always tried to get us to suck him off. Tonight, I decided, he would get his wish.
I hit the stage and Jasmine looked back at me, pretty brown eyes wide in surprise. She was down to her G-string and the little red cape. I strutted up to her and pulled the G-string off. It was what the guys really wanted to see anyway. Jasmine protested, but I was having fun. Excitement emanated from the audience. The scent filled my nostrils and made it even harder to think. I showed my fangs to the crowd and they cheered. As far as they knew, this was all part of the show. Jasmine’s scent was the most thrilling of all: fear and uncertainty, combined with sweat and a hint of sex.
It woke the inner predator in me. I began a routine of my own. I danced around her, stripping; Jasmine relaxed and started to dance with me, closer than I would have normally found comfortable. When the tips started rolling in, she whispered her thanks into my ear.
But Jasmine’s terror started to return when she realized that I wasn’t going to let her leave the stage. By the time I was down to my own G-string, we had collected more money than I normally did in an entire night, but I didn’t want money. Talbot had made his way to the edge of the stage and was whispering just loudly enough for me to hear him.
“Let her off the stage, Tabitha! Let Jasmine go backstage and then follow her. Something is very wrong here and we’ll figure it out. Just don’t hurt her.”
I wanted, no, needed, Jasmine to run, but she wouldn’t do it; she’d been trained too well. Like Sharon, she knew running from a vampire would get you killed for sure. If you didn’t run, then you had a chance. I pulled her close to me, pressing her back to my chest, and whispered in her ear, “Let me taste you and you can leave.”
She nodded slightly and I sank my teeth into her neck. Fresh blood touched my tongue and it felt hot enough to burn. It was more than a taste. The liquid warmth ran down my throat, into my core, spreading like traces of fire along my veins. She sagged in my arms, another trick, designed to cue a vampire that she’d had enough. The audience went wild.
Somehow, I let her go. She stumbled toward the rear of the stage and into someone’s waiting arms. I didn’t care who. That one taste of fresh blood unleashed a monster inside me. I hesitated momentarily in the calm before the storm. Sounds grew even louder than before. I could hear people all around the club, both voices I knew and those I did not know.
“Didn’t I tell you this was an awesome club?”
“Fake blood, you can tell by the way…”
“Lap dance…”
“What the hell is she doing, Marilyn…”
“Get off the stage, Tabitha.”
“Don’t know, boss. I haven’t seen him, but his ex is going nuts…”
Music flickered brightly above the speakers, wave after wave of electric blue. I heard rather than felt the terror of those around me, high-pitched and frantic like a mad guitar solo. Sensory confusion. In a detached way, I realized I was tripping again.
One sound flashed red, more enticing than the others, a sensual pulse: a summons, pulsing faster. Heartbeats. I was the monster and the monster was me. It felt like I was gaining control over myself, like I was winning. All sense of right and wrong flowed away to be replaced by the new morality: drinking blood, good; not drinking blood, bad.
I remember shoving Talbot to one side, leaping for the emcee. People screamed as I bit through the emcee’s pants into his femoral artery.
“How’s that for a suck job, asshole?”
Claws raked down my back and I kicked in my vampire speed without having to concentrate, fluidly, as easy as sneezing. I remember laughing, long purple streams of laughter rising over my shoulder. Power over life and death was mine. Killing led to drinking blood. Not killing led to not drinking blood. Killing became a virtuous act.
Even Talbot was too slow to stop me. I moved like a whirlwind, dancing through the crowd. His attempts to stop me were like cheap scares in a haunted house. He could jump out at me, growl at me, but he couldn’t touch me any more than a dancing plastic skeleton with glowing eyes could. A series of bleeding lines on backs, faces, necks, and chests slid beneath my claws and it was fun, like finger-painting.
I felt warm inside and out. These stupid perverts didn’t need their lives. I did. I needed all that they had to give and more. I deserved it. They were cattle, little more than fast-food wrappers. And I…I faltered. The new morality flickered, replaced by my former sense of right and wrong. I saw what I had done and it sickened me. I staggered backward.
Twang.
Pain lanced through my chest as I fell to the floor. In the distance, across the club, I saw Marilyn. She had taken her arm out of its sling so she’d have both hands for the crossbow. Beyond her, people were pounding on the doors, but they wouldn’t open. Talbot was beside me, picking me up, charging through the crowd to get me out of there.
“Use the crystal, Marilyn!” he yelled behind him, and instantly the
re was silence. Then, I heard the unmistakable sound of bodies hitting the floor.
I blacked out, not comprehending exactly what had happened.
When I came to, I couldn’t see. Someone had closed my eyes, but I could hear voices. It sounded like they were in another room. Unable to move, I listened carefully. Bugs skittered inside the walls and what sounded like a larger thing, a mouse, probably, thumped its leg against the floor as it scratched at a flea. There were birds on the roof. A man was chanting over the speaker system in the main club. His words were nonsense mixed with what might have been Latin. I also heard Marilyn.
“I want you to have Magbidion check her out as soon as he’s done with the mind job on the customers, Talbot. I want him to check her and everything she’s touched. She’s a stupid girl, but I looked into her eyes after she’d turned. She’s still too human inside to do something like that.”
Liquid splashed against the sides of a mug. I couldn’t smell what it was. They were too far away. “Thanks,” said Marilyn.
“Look, he’s just going to have to put her down,” Veruca said. “There is something wrong with him. Whenever he turns a new slut, she winds up defective.”
“No,” Marilyn disagreed. “It isn’t that. Something happened to her.” She stopped talking abruptly.
Talbot paced back and forth across the floor. It sounded like he was walking on wood. They had to be in the office, since I doubted they were on the stage. “Do you think it was a spell?” he asked. “You know Eric pissed off the local Alpha. I wouldn’t think a religious type like William would stoop to this, though.”
Marilyn sipped her drink carefully. The aroma of coffee, strong and bitter, reached my nostrils.
“I couldn’t say, Talbot, but you tell Magbidion that I’m not paying his fee until he finds out what on God’s green earth happened.” She fiddled with a package that crackled and when she next spoke she sounded like she had a cigarette in her mouth. “Could you?”