by Alyssa Kress
"Not this one." Gary sounded certain. "That's the beauty of it. You're going to be the one in charge. Completely in charge."
Her inner meter nudged from the fear zone over toward anticipation. "Me? In charge?"
"That's right. I'm going to do whatever you say, and only what you say."
Crickets sang in the cool desert air. The branches of the oak tree stood out silver in the starlight. Kerrin's heart began to beat a strong and demanding rhythm. She was going to be in charge. They wouldn't go any faster or further than she wanted.
Slowly, she unsnapped her seat belt. "Okay. I could give this experiment a try." Her inner excitement expanded. Had she actually said that? Yes, she had. And now Gary's whole, graceful male body was at her disposal.
She only had to decide what to do with it.
She stepped out of the car. She was trembling again, but now it was almost all excitement. She knew she wanted Gary's arms around her. She knew she wanted his kiss. Okay, she even wanted his tongue in her mouth like he'd done once before.
But how in the world was she supposed to get that across? She bit her lip, utterly abashed.
"Maybe we'd be more comfortable," Gary remarked, "if we got into the back seat."
Kerrin threw him a sidelong regard.
He smiled, oh-so-innocently, and crossed to the back door. He opened it and looked toward Kerrin.
"I thought I was in charge."
"Oh, you are." Gary still looked very innocent. "This is only a suggestion."
Kerrin regarded the open car door. "That's...some suggestion."
Gary lifted a shoulder. "It's all up to you."
Kerrin bit her lower lip again. It was up to her. But he felt he had the right to make 'suggestions.' For a short moment Kerrin studied Gary, with his cocky air of physical confidence. She thought of the difficulty she had enunciating the desire for a simple kiss. Perhaps it wouldn't be a bad thing to have a few suggestions from an expert.
"Okay, fine," she said, before she could chicken out. "The back seat."
But the back seat was a lot closer quarters than Kerrin had imagined. With Gary's knee brushing her thigh and his forearm resting on the seat top against the nape of her neck, she felt her fear of the unknown steal back. He was so...male.
"All right," Gary said, utterly casual, himself. "Now what?"
Kerrin breathed through her nerves. She was in charge here, she reminded herself. Besides, he was just sitting there, not making a move. Literally.
All the same, she couldn't make herself say a word. Even though she wanted to. She really wanted to!
"Wasn't there some thought earlier," Gary mused off-handedly, "about a kiss?"
"Uh, I did say something about that, yes." In a quelling way, but Kerrin was willing to forget that part if Gary was. "Um, so...maybe you could...?"
"Sure thing," Gary replied, as if Kerrin had been crisply articulate instead of stammeringly dopey.
He put his arm around her shoulder and drew her toward him. Sweet excitement rose inside Kerrin. The excitement crested when his mouth touched hers. His lips were incredibly soft, achingly warm.
Gary got between her own lips with no fuss whatsoever. It was possible Kerrin had opened them herself, possible the craving for the play of his tongue had temporarily overwhelmed her inhibitions.
Oh yes, in fact somehow her own tongue was starting to get involved, dancing around his and outlining his lips. This was...oh, so good. Exhilaration spread from her chest to her fingertips.
A tortured groan came from Gary. "I'm gonna die," he muttered, tearing his mouth from hers.
Kerrin was instantly appalled. "Am I doing something wrong?"
He answered with a rough chuckle. "Hardly."
"So...you liked it?"
Kerrin's heart was in her throat with the question, but Gary, panting slightly, gave her a thoroughly wicked smile.
"I adored it."
"Oh." His smile did something very strange, but not necessarily bad, to Kerrin's insides. She felt powerful, even while her nervousness and fear of the unknown had by no means deserted her.
"Wanna do it again?" Gary asked, and the wickedness in his smile deepened.
The expression on his face made Kerrin wonder what she'd sparked in him. "Uh..." Her nerves jumped to the forefront, as did her desire to keep a firm hand on the brakes. "Maybe we could try something...a little different." A little safer.
His brows rose with interest. "Such as?"
"What if you..." Kerrin racked her brain for something safer than a kiss with tongues. "...if you kissed me here?" With a finger, she indicated the spot on her neck just below the jaw line. Her finger was still there when she realized she'd actually taken some initiative. She felt an unexpected rush of pleasure.
Especially when Gary lost no time in answering her request.
"Here?" His hand lightly held the opposite side of her head as he pressed his lips against her skin.
Kerrin hadn't guessed ‑‑ Oh, my. This wasn't safer. His lips were hot; they seemed to burn a hole straight through her.
"There," Kerrin moaned, twisting under this delightful torch. Amazingly, she heard herself request, "Again."
He did it again, then brushed his lips an inch lower down her neck. He brushed every nerve ending she owned as he did so. Next he opened his mouth around the kiss, sucking gently on her neck.
"Oh...my..." Kerrin grabbed hold of Gary's strong shoulders, her fingers digging into the material of his shirt. That felt…so good.
"More?" Gary asked. His own voice sounded choked.
"Yes," Kerrin said, even as she marveled at her own boldness. "Lower," she hoarsely added.
At the angle between her neck and shoulder, Gary gave her a gentle nip. The sudden contrast with the soft wetness of his kisses sent a crack of additional excitement through her. She opened her eyes.
She found herself staring right into Gary's dark gaze. He laid his finger on the spaghetti strap running over her shoulder. "I think this is in the way, don't you? Want me to slide it down?"
Kerrin knew he was 'suggesting' they move beyond kissing, exactly what she'd been afraid of, yet she made no negative reply. His voice, his eyes, the echo of his kiss-bite, all made her feel dazed and complaisant.
"I'll take that as a yes," Gary decided. With unhurried matter-of-factness, he moved the strap over her shoulder. The action did nothing substantial to undress her, but Kerrin felt the possessiveness of the gesture nevertheless. It was the first tread down a steep and uncontrollable slope.
But before Kerrin's mind could wake up and bring her back up the slope, Gary was brushing his lips across the top of her shoulder. Sensation swept across her whole upper body; a tingling, incredibly exciting sensation. Kerrin pushed one hand into the thick silky hair at Gary's nape and closed her eyes. She'd never felt as vulnerable before another human being, but she didn't want to stop and protect herself. Maybe because, oddly enough, she felt safe. Every limb in her body was trembling; she should have been mortified with physical embarrassment, but all she wanted was for him to keep on doing this to her.
"Kerrin?"
"Hmm." She belatedly noticed that he'd slipped her other strap over her shoulder. While his lips were creating havoc on one shoulder, his hand was caressing the other.
"I want you to let me put my hand on your breast. Through your dress," he added when she started to stiffen. "Just a touch. That's all."
Her brain started to lift out of the sensual fog in which it had been resting. "Um, Gary, I don't ‑‑ "
"It'll only be a light touch. Very light. Only for a second. I promise. You can handle that."
He waited, letting her know she was still in charge. She breathed fast. A man's touch on her breast. Could she handle that? It was another step down the increasingly slippery slope. She wanted to stay in control.
But a part of her wanted to let him go ahead, wanted to know what it would feel like.
"Okay," she heard herself breathe.
His gaz
e went down to her chest, unabashedly, unashamedly. To her astonishment, her breasts started to ache, as if his look was not enough. Finally, he reached out and brushed a finger across the upper half of her right breast. It was an astonishingly unsatisfying sensation, particularly considering the build-up.
He slanted his gaze to her face. "More?"
The manipulative little ‑‑ He was making her ask for it!
He waited, kneeling now on the floor of the car, his hands resting to the seat on either side of her. Why, it would serve him right if she ‑‑
"All right," she heard herself say, letting her sensual curiosity get the better of her pride. "But you stop any time I say."
His expression was full of innocence. "Oh, absolutely."
Then he moved his hand and covered her right breast with it. He left it there; still, assured, warm. So warm. The warmth of his hand seeped through the material of her dress and travelled right into her chest.
"That's...that's really nice, Gary," Kerrin breathed. Instead of fear or apprehension, the warmth of his hand on her breast gave her a deep sense of security.
"I'm glad you like it." Gary's voice came out low and hoarse. Leaning forward, he kissed her lightly on the forehead. "I like it, too."
"Do you?" Kerrin was suddenly worried.
"Mmm hmm." His palm and fingers made a gentle, massaging motion. The heat wasn't only in his hand. She could see it warming behind his eyes. "I'd really like to look at your breasts, Kerrin. Think you could let me do that?"
Her heart gave a sudden, lurching knock. This would be true exposure.
"Let's just start with the zipper at the back of your dress," Gary quickly retreated. "Just to get you used to the idea."
"Nothing more than that?" Kerrin asked.
"Not unless you ask me to." He didn't wait for her assent this time as he smoothed his free hand up her back. "This is a real nice dress. I don't think I told you that, did I? Makes you look like some junior heavenly angel. An angel with a terrific set of legs."
The open zipper let cool air down her naked back and loosened the material of her bodice. Kerrin whimpered as the rough, warm skin of Gary's hand moved in the open placket to caress her back.
"Feel good?" Gary murmured, pressing a kiss against her cheek. "God, you're soft. So soft and silky. I could do this for hours, just touch you."
Kerrin didn't have a thing to say in return. At one and the same time there was Gary's skin against hers on her back and his hand caressing her breast. Warmth spread all the way through her.
Gary lifted his hand to the top edge of her bodice. "Let me pull this down, Kerrie."
"Okay. Yes." Her breasts were throbbing, aching. She didn't particularly want Gary to see them, but he seemed so intent on doing it that she didn't want to disappoint him.
As he pulled down the material of her dress, his eyes lowered to her plum-sized breasts. A good deal of Kerrin's inner warmth cooled. She bit her lip. "They're...very small," she apologized.
"Yes, they're small," Gary conceded. He glanced up at her with a sly smile. "But the nice thing is, they work just the same."
"They do?" This was on the unbelievable side.
"Oh, yes. Want me to show you?"
The air was cold across her breasts and nipples and she felt terribly exposed. Anything would be better than sitting on the car seat with Gary staring at her tiny breasts. "Okay," she challenged him. "Show me."
"I'm going to touch you," Gary warned, about a split second before the rough skin of his palm covered her naked breast. Kerrin shuddered, from deep, deep inside of herself. "Oh, God," she moaned.
But Gary wasn't done. His clever fingers circled the skin of her nipple, skin far more sensitive to touch than Kerrin had ever imagined. He watched with avid fascination as her nipple contracted. It hardened so tight Kerrin had to bite back a groan.
"I think you're starting to see what I mean." His low voice brushed along her nerve endings, right along with the touch of his caressing fingers. "Sweetheart, I'm going to put my mouth there now. And then I don't think there's going to be any doubt but that your breasts are one hundred percent operable."
Kerrin's fingers stabbed into the silk of Gary's hair as he settled his lips around one nipple. His tongue curled out and rubbed over its tip. A wall of heat went through her. When he opened his mouth and let his teeth gently nip her there, she thought she would self-immolate. With a sound of pleasure and surrender, she arched her back. Closing her eyes, she let him continue to stoke the fires at her breast.
Her whole body was throbbing, crying with inarticulate want. Kerrin's hands clutched bunches of his hair, his name moaned through her lips again and again. She was panting, her breath coming heavy and uneven. Gary's breathing was much the same, and it fanned hot and thrilling over her breast.
"Sweetheart?" His voice was strained as he looked up from her bosom, his eyes gleaming. "I want to make you come."
These words, put so baldly, went through her with a wild exhilaration followed by a wave of pure cold terror.
"No."
Before Gary could properly respond to this decisive reply, Kerrin began scrambling out of his arms. All of the heat and wanting were suddenly gone, as though a bucket of cold water had been poured over the wanton woman she'd just been. She wasn't wanton any more. She was back to being old maid Horton, dried up scaredy-cat; an adolescent in an adolescent's body that happened to have a chronological age that didn't fit.
"Wait a minute. Honey, don't move so fast." Gary winced as her knee brushed him in what was probably a vulnerable place. That seemed to decide him and he caught her shoulders while wrapping a leg over her body to still her frantic movements. "Just hold on," he rasped.
Kerrin didn't have much choice but to lie still beneath him as panic moved up her throat.
"Shh. Shh," Gary whispered against her cheek. "Just wait a minute, okay, while I...get adjusted here." He didn't move except to hold her still. "Shh. Shh. Mmph."
There was a hint of pain in his last utterance and Kerrin, who'd finally decided that he didn't mean to molest her, was moved to remorse. "Gary, I didn't hurt you, did I?"
"No." A low chuckle escaped him. "I wouldn't call it that. Okay, I'm going to let you go now. But no sudden moves, all right?"
"All right."
Gary lifted himself off of her stiffly, cautiously. "Just stay put."
"I will," Kerrin promised.
"Good girl." He fell into a seat across the car from her and leaned his head all the way back. "Oh Lordy."
Kerrin was painfully aware that she'd made a terrible error. She'd led the man from one level of intimacy to the next, giving him every reason to believe she was willing to cede him everything. It had been cruel of her to start something she should have known she couldn't finish.
With his eyes closed and his legs sprawled in front of him, Gary heaved a deep, heartfelt sigh.
"Gary?" Kerrin murmured, ashamed. "I'm really sorry."
He stilled, but didn't open his eyes. "Sorry? About what?"
"I ‑‑ you know, about asking you to stop."
He opened his eyes then and raised his head to stare at her. "You're sorry," he repeated disbelievingly, "about telling me no?"
"Well ‑‑ "
"Sweetheart." Gary reached out and grasped her hand. He gave it a hard squeeze. "Don't ever feel bad about telling a man 'no.' That's a woman's prerogative. Absolutely." He gave her a concerned look as he dropped her hand. "Didn't you know that?"
"I, uh ‑‑ " Kerrin felt herself swimming in a morass of sexual ignorance. What an utter child she was! How idiotic he must find her.
Gary closed his eyes again with a frown and shifted his weight. "Gimme a minute here, baby, and I'll drive you home. At the moment I'm wetter 'n a mud skunk."
"A mud skunk?" Kerrin, struggling to raise the zipper on her dress, was momentarily diverted from her embarrassment. "What on earth is that?"
"I don't know," Gary admitted, "except that it must be something very,
very wet."
Kerrin's hand stilled on her zipper as she belatedly caught his meaning. But a mud skunk?
His lips curved into a smile both amused and wry. "Do me a favor honey, would you? Don't tell anyone that his first time at bat with a woman out of the joint and Gary Sullivan shot it in his pants."
The wry smile broadened into a grin and then he started to laugh. Kerrin stared at him, aghast. How could he laugh?! How could he possibly laugh about something so...so...
So ‑‑ what? So primal, so earthy...so natural? She felt herself perched on top of a precipice. On one side was the safe cage of her own insecurity. On the other side was freedom.
Some choice. Her own laughter bubbled up from within. She wasn't exactly sure what he thought was so funny but she did know it was okay to laugh. It was okay not to be perfect at this particular human endeavor. Something like a ten ton weight, something she'd been dragging around for years, fell right away.
Gary reached to smooth a hand over her cheek, a cheek warmed with laughter. "That's much better, sweetheart."
"Oh, Gary." Incredible gratitude expanded within her. She turned her head, catching his palm against her lips. "You are the dearest, sweetest, most wonderful man I could ever hope to meet."
His expression underwent a swift transformation as a curt, embarrassed laugh escaped him. "Me? I don't think ‑‑ "
"Well, I do," Kerrin pronounced firmly. "Now, will you please do my zipper?" Turning her back to him, she raised a hand to pull her hair off her neck.
After a stunned moment, he complied, pulling the zipper up slowly, thoughtfully. When he got to the top he dropped a light kiss on the back of her neck. "Come on, honey. Let me drive you home."
Kerrin turned and met his eyes. His gaze was dark as night, sober, and questioning. She didn't say anything; she knew he could read what was in her own eyes. The next time they played this game she wasn't going to have to stop. She trusted him completely. There was not a speck of doubt left in her mind.
Gary Sullivan was her white knight.
The drive home was made in a deeply thoughtful silence. The stars were sprinkled across the night sky in glittering profusion as Gary opened the car door for Kerrin in the drive before her house. The crickets wheezed an enthusiastic string section to the bass note of a frog somewhere. There was a beautiful peace inside of Kerrin as she faced Gary.