by Kahlen Aymes
My face split into a huge grin as I reassembled my sandwich with lettuce and tomatoes. “Yes. Are you married?”
“No, but I have a boyfriend. We’ve been dating for four years. I wonder if he’s ever going to get around to asking me to marry him.”
“Four years is a long time. That’s how long Julia and I were technically a couple before we got married as well… but we were best friends for another four before that.”
“Holy cow!” Jane’s eyes widened incredulously. “That’s forever!”
I watched her take a bite of the glop and waited for her reaction. Her nose wrinkled a little bit and I laughed out loud.
“See? If it looks like barf, don’t eat it,” I teased. Jane nodded, but took another bite.
She smiled. “I don’t see you in the cafeteria much. You get used to the barf over time.”
“I bring my lunch most of the time. Julia rocks in the kitchen, so I’m spoiled. Puts this shit to shame. When she travels on short notice, I’m stuck with it, however.”
“She travels? What does she do?”
“She’s a fashion editor at Vogue and is working her way up the ranks. Sometimes she needs certain settings or a certain designer for a layout but other times, someone else can’t go as scheduled and they send Julia instead. Those are the times my stomach pays. When she knows she’s leaving, she sets me up in advance.” I was talking more to myself than to Jane, wistful in my thoughts.
“She does spoil you. I can’t cook to save my life.”
“That explains your open attitude toward this shit, then,” I quipped and we both laughed.
We passed the rest of dinner in easy camaraderie and soon went back upstairs.
I stopped by the lounge once more and tried Julia again. Still no answer, which made the next two hours pass by at a snail’s pace. I was clock watching. We had a heart attack victim and a minor car accident to deal with, but we were way overstaffed for the amount of work we had to do. More snail’s pace clock watching. Finally, at midnight, my pager went off from Julia and when I had stabilized the heart attack victim and we’d gotten him admitted, I was finally able to call her from one of the phones in the department.
Julia answered on the first ring and my heart lifted at the sound of her voice. “Hi, sweetheart. I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you earlier. I fell asleep.”
“I forgot about the time difference and the jet lag.” There were too many people around to speak to her in the intimate way I wanted. She sounded sleepy and I could imagine her all warm and rumpled in our bed. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Yeah, babe. I’m just a little sleepy, still. I woke up with a start knowing that you’d probably be freaking out that you hadn’t heard from me.”
“I was a little worried. I knew your work wouldn’t go until midnight. Did you get it fixed?”
“Um… not completely. I know what has to be done, but um… baby, just don’t be upset, okay?” I could hear the trepidation in her voice which told me I wasn’t going to like what was coming.
“What now?” I couldn’t help the defeat that flowed through the words.
“We have a re-shoot and…”
My muscles tightened and I sucked in my breath in preparation for an angry retort. “What did that little fucker screw up this time, Julia?” I shot out.
“Nothing.” Her voice was soft. “It wasn’t Mike’s mistake this time. He went to the set, he used the models and clothes that were there, but someone screwed up the production instructions. The wrong designer’s line was brought in. So now I have very good photos, but I don’t have shots for the clothes I need for the issue I’m working on. The cover is printed so I’m screwed. I have no choice but to re-shoot.”
I relaxed a little as I listened to her. She sounded soothing even if her words meant the weekend was royally fucked.
“When?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
“Sunday. I couldn’t get it together in time for tomorrow. I tried.”
I didn’t say anything because the nurses were looking at me, clearly wondering what I found so upsetting. My face felt flushed and I turned my back on them, lowered my tone and leaned on the counter. “I know. I just… shit! I was looking forward to spending the time with you,” I rasped out roughly.
“Me, too. I was really mad about it, but now I’m just sad. I’m so sorry, Ryan. You know where I want to be.”
I could hear it in her voice and I didn’t want to make it worse. I sighed deeply. “I love you, Julia. I’m not mad at you. I’m just… pissed at the situation. We can’t get a fucking break.”
I could hear her breathing on the other end of the phone and my heart melted. This was my baby and I had no right to be irritable over something she couldn’t control anymore than I could control my own God damn schedule.
“I’ll keep the bed warm. When will you be home?” she said softly.
Love flooded through me until I felt like my chest would burst. “I don’t know. It’s up in the air. It’s not busy but I don’t think they’ll let me leave early, just in case something happens, but it’s boring as hell. Most of tonight we’ve been doing nothing. Don’t wait up, honey.”
“Did you eat?” My lips lifted at the corners. She was always worried about me. After all this time I didn’t know why it still shook me to the core.
“Yes. I had a cardboard chicken sandwich two or three hours ago.”
“Will you get time to rest if it’s that quiet?”
“Probably. But I wish you were here. I’d sleep better with you next to me.”
“Mmm… me, too. But lately, I don’t recall much time sleeping when we’re together. I’ve missed you.”
“Oh, babe. God, I can’t wait to see you. I think I’ll chain you to the bed and tell Meredith to fuck off next time she wants to send you packing.”
Julia chuckled softly and I had to join in. I couldn’t help it.
“Mmmm… sure, you can chain me to the bed. Sounds sort of fun.”
“Doesn’t it? I want my hands on you.”
“More with the torture, Matthews. If you’re not too tired, maybe you can come with me to the shoot on Sunday. It won’t last all day. Will you?”
Hell, yeah. “Seriously? I’d love to watch you work.”
“I won’t be doing much other than making sure nothing else gets screwed up.”
Jane and Beth were watching me and Caleb was in one of the curtain partitioned examining rooms with a patient and another nurse. “Baby, I have to go. They’re all looking at me like vultures waiting for their last meal. The only thing going on is that the other doctor is digging a marble out of a kid’s nose.” I huffed and laughed softly when Julia giggled in my ear. The kid’s mother was screaming louder than the kid and I found the whole situation beyond hysterical.
“Wow. So promise to get some rest?”
“Yes, Mrs. Matthews. Just promise we’ll teach our kids not to shove stuff up any of their orifices? It gets damn embarrassing!”
The sound of another burst of tinkling laughter filtered through the phone and I smiled again. “Love you. Um… are you planning on shoving something up any of my orifices later? ‘Cause they are missing your probing parts… Bad.”
I burst out laughing in response, the sound of it filling the empty ER and bouncing off the walls. The girls glanced at me again, looks of puzzled amusement twisting their faces.
I struggled to contain the unadulterated pleasure that Julia’s words brought to me. The laughter continued to fall from my lips around my next words.
“Oh, you can count on it. I remember why I love you so much. See you soon, babe.”
I was still smiling when I hung up the phone. He was so funny! I loved our little moments of lighthearted banter. Leave it to my perfect husband to turn what could have been a tense conversation into one that ended in fits of laughter.
I missed him. I wanted to touch him, hold him, tangle my fingers through his hair and kiss him until we were both breathless. I just wanted
to feel him next to me, and his strong arms around me; to smell his breath and hear his passionate whispers and moans while he made love to me.
Ugh… traitor body. Traitor mind. Delicious torture.
I toppled back onto the pillows, the brilliant red numbers on the digital clock mocking me as it shone in the darkness. It was screaming: Ryan isn’t coming home for several more hours!
“Oh, shut the hell up, already!” I took one of the pillows and flung it in the general direction, knocking the lamp and the clock off of the nightstand and onto the floor. They landed with a loud thud and I rolled back onto my stomach, spread-eagled on the bed.
“I hated that stupid thing anyway,” I groaned in disgust. It wasn’t good for anything but counting down the minutes until one of us had to leave, reminding us how few minutes we had left together.
If I never saw another fucking clock again, it would be too soon. Especially in our bedroom. In this room, I didn’t want to be reminded of the time. This room was sacred. All I wanted was my husband, his arms, his body, his glorious mouth all over me. This was our sanctuary, so no more clocks or thinking about how short our time together always seemed.
I was wide awake now and had no hope in hell of going back to sleep. I got up on my hands and knees, pushing off of the bed to stand in the dark, contemplating what to do. I could go bake something, I could draw, or I could do laundry. Or… I could go see my man. Couldn’t I?
I hesitated only seconds before I was ripping the clothes from my body on the way into the bathroom, turning on the light, and then the water in the shower. I rushed into the water, my mind spinning and my heart racing because of my decision. Why the hell not? It wasn’t busy and what was the worst thing that could happen? He’d be busy by the time I got there but I’d at least get to look at him, maybe hold him close for a minute.
I didn’t bother with make-up, only a little lip gloss and a touch of mascara, and threw on the first clothes I could grab. It was November, so leggings and the Aran sweater that Ryan’s parents had brought back for him from Ireland our junior year at Stanford. It was heavy and long, landing just above my knees. I scrambled around the apartment getting my phone, purse and finally shoving my feet into some black boots. I grabbed Ryan’s down parka off of the rack in the entryway and rushed out the door of the apartment.
Should I take a cab or my car? The decision made, I pushed the down button for the elevator and glanced at the lights at the top of the door. Why did the damn thing always take so long when I was in a hurry? I mean, who is using the elevator at one in the morning?
I got my answer when it opened up and Lisa and Stan, our neighbors from down the hall stumbled out of the elevator, both clearly inebriated. She was giggling and he was trying to suck on her neck. I smiled as I watched them move past me. “Oh, hey, Julia,” Lisa mumbled as she tried to push Stan’s face away in embarrassment. “Stan, stop it.”
“Hi. See ya later.”
When I got to the street I hailed a cab and quickly hopped in the back.
“Where to lady?”
The cab driver was a scruffy older man wearing a Yankee’s cap.
“St. Vincent’s. ER.”
“Oh, are you okay? Are you hurt?” he asked anxiously, glancing over his shoulder to check me out.
“I’m fine. But this is sort of an emergency.” I laughed out loud. It was crazy going halfway across Manhattan but I couldn’t wait. “I haven’t seen my husband in six days.”
“Lady, I still don’t get what that has to do with the hospital.” He pulled out into traffic and started heading south. “But whatever floats your boat.”
“He’s a doctor. A resident.”
“Oh. I see. Got any kids?”
“Not yet. We’ve only been married a few months. Ryan is first year so he works all the time.”
“That’s got to be tough. Pretty young thing like you; I bet he’s chomping at the bit to get home.”
“About as much as I’m chomping to have him there, yeah.” I smiled and sat back in the seat, willing the drive to be over as quickly as possible.
During the course of the remainder of the drive, I found out that the driver’s name was Marvin and he had three children. One was in dental school in Michigan, one was an artist and the youngest was a waitress in a fancy restaurant on 5th Avenue. He and his wife had a small house in Queens and he’d been driving a cab his whole adult life. He seemed happy, but I could only imagine how tough his life must have been.
The parking lot outside the emergency entrance was relatively quiet. Only three cars and no emergency vehicles. The other two times I’d been here, it was much busier. This gave me hope that Ryan would either have time to take a break or he might be able to leave early. The second option was probably wishing on the moon, but one never knew.
I leaned up and handed him the money. “It was nice to meet you, Marvin.”
“Will you need a ride home? Should I wait?”
“It’s nice of you to offer, but um, I’m hoping my husband will be off soon and I can ride home with him. Do you have a card? Then I can call you directly next time I need a cab, yes?” I flashed him a big smile as I readied to exit the vehicle.
A large smile spread across his gentle face in happiness at the gesture. “Yes, miss. Thank you.”
“Julia. My name is Julia, okay?”
I took the card he proffered and opened the door, his words following me as I got out. “Thank you, Julia. You are one classy babe. Your husband is a lucky man. I’ll wait until you get inside before I drive off.”
My heart warmed and I leaned toward him to put my hand on his shoulder through the window he’d rolled down to speak to me. “Thank you, Marvin. Have a great night.” I gave him one last smile before turning and walking quickly into the hospital.
It was quiet but there was a small group of nurses and two doctors standing at the counter in the middle. A tall man in his late twenties turned toward me. He was thin, and his face was plain with a shock of dark hair that fell over his high forehead and light grey eyes. “Hello. How can we help you? Are you ill or injured?” He took the four or five steps necessary to cover the distance between us.
One of the nurses walked past us and into one of the curtained rooms behind the doctor.
“Um, no, thank you. I was wondering if I could… is er…”
Something dawned on the man in front of me because his face split into a smile and he reached out his right hand to me. “I’m Caleb; I work with your husband. You’re Julia, right?”
My face twisted slightly as I tried to figure out how he knew who I was. I glanced around the ER looking for any sign of Ryan.
“Yeah, but how did you know?”
He chuckled. “I’ve seen the picture in Ryan’s wallet. No mistaking that face.”
I felt myself blush and I took his hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Doctor.”
He shook his head and frowned. “Caleb, please.”
“Caleb it is. Thank you.” He didn’t seem to notice my anxiousness despite the way I was fidgeting and bouncing up and down, or the fact that I kept trying to get a glance into the room where the nurse had disappeared. Surely, Ryan had to be in there. “I know I shouldn’t have come, but I’ve been out of town. I haven’t seen him in several days. I couldn’t sleep, so,” I rambled on and on.
Caleb looked at me and nodded. “He told me earlier. I think he’s taking a break in the doctor’s lounge. I can’t let him leave the hospital until his replacement shows up, but he was beat and I sent him to rest.”
I sighed. “Yes, he sounded tired when I spoke to him. I don’t want to wake him if he’s sleeping, so I guess…” Disappointment washed over me. I looked at the white and black clock on the wall. He still had several hours until he would be home. “Is there someplace that I can wait for him?”
“You can go down there. If you want?”
Bingo. I grinned up at him. “Really? If you really don’t mind then, yes, please.”
“I get it. N
ewlyweds,” he teased.
I shrugged and shoved my hands in the pockets of Ryan’s coat. “We’ve always kind of been this way. Married or not.”
I noticed two of the nurses nearby. One of them was working on a laptop computer, connected to a hand scanner that I assumed held some records of one of the patients and the other was leaning on the counter, openly listening. My eyes drifted between her and Caleb.
“I see. Jane, can you show Mrs. Matthews to the doctor’s lounge?”
The blonde that was checking me out smiled slightly. “Sure. Be glad to. This way…” She used her arm to indicate which direction we’d need to go.
I took a couple of steps in the direction she lead me and then turned back to Caleb. “Thank you.”
My heart was racing as we walked down the hall but the silence was a little awkward. “Jane, Ryan told me what a good nurse you are.” I struggled to find something to say. She seemed shy and extremely reserved.
“He’s a good man. A brilliant doctor, actually.”
I nodded and glanced at her as she walked beside me. “Yes. But he works hard. He pushes himself. Sometimes I think he’s too critical of his work. He wants to be perfect.”
“Uh huh. I know. I’ve seen that side of him; the one that won’t give up even when he should.” She sighed.
Ryan had mentioned Jane on a few occasions. I recognized her name and remembered that she was one of the nurses with him the night he lost the baby with the bee sting. That sad, heartbreaking, beautiful night… the night my memory came back. The night I got Ryan back, but realized the loss of our baby. Hearing her speak with such respect for Ryan, my heart swelled with pride. He was amazing and not just to me.
“Yes,” I agreed quietly. I wasn’t going to tell her how incredible my husband was or how he had taken care of me and made me fall in love with him twice. The memory was so real. I smiled a secret smile and the other woman watched.
“What is it?” Jane asked me, reaching out to place a gentle hand on my shoulder.
“I’m fine, just a little overwhelmed. I’ve been away for a few days and I’m just anxious,” I explained.