A Love Like This

by Kahlen Aymes

  “Coming!” Her voice was distant, coming from down the hall and not the kitchen. I stood back; eyeing the tree to make sure it wasn’t lopsided and did some slight adjusting. I smiled to myself. This was the first time we had the entire holiday together since college. In the past four years, I’d only been able to help her decorate the tree one other time, but now it would be always. The feeling went deeper than contentment or mere joy, it was more deep-seated and solid; a sort of elated wonder that we were finally together for good. Despite the feeling that our time spent in the same room was never enough, we were together. I was always dumbfounded by my thoughts. It never ceased to amaze me how much I loved her, how I looked forward to seeing her and how every picture of the future had her in it. Only one thing would make it more perfect. My smile widened as I started organizing the strands of lights. Maybe next Christmas, we’d have a baby.

  I sat down with the two boxes of lights and began to separate and untangle them one by one. Some bigger white ones and others the little colored LED type. Julia liked hundreds of colored lights on the tree, but it was my guess from looking at the boxes of stuff from both of our mothers, there would be significantly more ornaments. My fingers worked through the intricate loops, the bulbs making them difficult to untangle without breaking the blubs and frustration made me impatient, which only made it worse. Screw this! There had to be a better way to organize them before packing them away, and I would sure as hell figure it out when we took them down.

  Julia was taking her time doing whatever she was doing. I huffed. “Hey! Are you leaving me all of the hard part? These lights are a mess!”

  She laughed lightly, her voice soft but closer, just behind me as I huddled over the lights.

  “Stop being a moody ass.” I couldn’t help the smile tugging slightly on my lips. “It might help if you turned on some more lights. We have all night.”

  I was sitting on the carpet in front of the fire, and besides a light over the kitchen sink, I’d turned them all off. I was trying to be romantic, and she was telling me to turn on the fucking lights, I mused. We’d rushed through dinner because we had this to accomplish, and I found myself yearning for firelight, low music, and the feel of her skin against mine.

  I huffed again, my fingers still pulling at the electric cords. “Well, maybe I didn’t plan on spending the entire evening on the stupid tree,” I complained.

  I glanced over my shoulder at her and stopped dead in my tracks. Julia was gathering up the other end of the lights and arranging the ones I’d already straightened into a straight line, bending over to plug one end into the wall, but she was doing it dressed in a sheer red baby doll and a white fur-trimmed Santa hat. A small spattering of sequins glistened in the firelight and the glow given off by the now lit strand of lights.

  She was so gorgeous. The shape of her body; the soft swell of her hips and full breasts, the soft shadow of her navel, all completely visible through the sheer fabric, made my cock swell. I couldn’t tear my eyes away as she nonchalantly worked with the lights, as if she were wearing jeans and a T-shirt or sweats. Obviously, she planned on teasing me to death. I wanted to grin so bad my face hurt with the effort of keeping it at bay.

  “Just what in the hell do you think you’re doing?” I tried to keep the amusement out of my voice as I stood up. Her eyes ran over me, clearly checking out the bulge in my pants. I tried to keep my expression hard when her eyes finally met mine. They were dancing with amusement.

  “Checking to make sure these lights work,” she said with mock innocence. My fingers curled into fists and released at my sides, aching to reach out and touch her, but damned if I’d let her get away with it. Two could play at this game, as long as I could keep from laughing.

  “Well, you’re doing it all wrong.” I took the lights from her hands, while trying hard to ignore how she’d made her hair all wild and the intoxicating scent of her perfume.

  “I am not.” She bent to take them back, letting her full breast brush against my bicep and her breath rush across my neck.

  “Are too.”

  The next hour was spent with delicate touches and provocative looks, but I gave as good as I got. When the lights were finally wound around the tree and we were ready to start decorating, I finally pulled her back against me, letting my hands roam her body, cupping both breasts as my mouth feasted on the cord of her neck. She shivered, breaking out in goose bumps. She pushed her little ass into my hard groin and I groaned, my arms tightening as she gave me more access to her neck and her hand snaked up to wind in my hair.

  “You’re gonna get it.” My tone was low and guttural.

  A soft, almost nonexistent laugh left her mouth, but it was more like a desperate sigh. “Okay, give it to me. Now.”

  She turned in my arms and our mouths crashed together, sucking and pulling, our tongues doing an intimate dance inside each other’s mouth. I pulled her closer and up until she was fully in my embrace. Julia wrapped her legs around my waist and her hands clutched in my hair and at my shoulders, pulling me closer, encouraging and begging for deeper kisses. For a minute, I gave in, letting the want take over, but just when we were both panting, I walked to the couch, untangled her from me and plopped her unceremoniously down on the cushions.

  “No.”

  The confused look on her face told me what a million words couldn’t. She never expected me to beat her at her own game. Damn if I wasn’t in physical pain from wanting her so much, but maybe a little anticipation was good for the soul.

  “No?”

  “We aren’t finished decorating the tree.”

  “You’re serious?”

  “Pay back is hell.” My erection pressed painfully against the denim and zipper on my jeans, and I adjusted myself in her full view. She knew what she did to me, and I knew if I let my fingers graze her panties, she’d be hot and damp. I wanted to keep touching her so fucking bad, but that would make it impossible not to throw her down and make love to her right there, like I was dying to do. I wanted to make love to her slow, in the glow of the freshly decorated tree, worshiping her with every touch, not screwing frantically amid a bunch of ornament boxes.

  She scowled at me.

  “I love you in lingerie, and—” I spread my hands out in front of me, while she still sat where I’d placed her, frowning, “You know how much I want you. It’s obvious,” I indicated the giant hard-on still raging in my pants, “but, I have plans for later.”

  “I just thought…”

  I nodded. “You thought right. You’re gorgeous and I’m dying to make love to you, but, trust me, baby.” The back of my knuckles traced the line of her face, and her hand came up to grasp my wrist. “Later, when we get the tree done. I don’t want to rush.”

  She read my mind, her scowl faded and her expression softened; her luminous green eyes shimmering with love. “Making love slowly doesn’t slow down time, Ryan. Sometimes, it might make it go even faster.”

  “It goes too fast when we’re together,” I murmured, my arms going around her and pulling her gently into my arms again. “I remember the minutes better if we don’t rush through it,” I admitted.

  Her hand traced my jaw, and my breath stopped at the look in her eyes and the subtle smile on her lips. “Why are you so amazing?”

  I kissed her briefly, an open-mouth kiss that could have escalated if I let it, but I slid my hand inside the ass of her panties and gave her a playful squeeze. “I’m not,” I say wryly. “I just love you. Now, get busy, Mrs. Matthews, so we can get to the good stuff.” I released her reluctantly and picked up a box of ornaments.

  We worked together, filling the tree with the childhood memories, telling each other the stories behind each ornament our mothers had sent and adding the new ones that Julia had purchased at the end. The evening was magical, filled with soft, sexy touches, entwined fingers and lingering kisses that promised the amazing lovemaking that would follow. Her half naked body was driving me mad.

  The tree was turning out
beautifully, and I watched Julia carefully placing the baubles evenly on it; the style was eclectic, blending nostalgia with new, and I realized it was so like us. Eight years of memories, some sparkling and some not so much, a solid base for the precious new ones that would adorn our future. I shook my head. When did I become such a sentimental sap?

  We were almost finished, only the garland and tinsel remaining, when my phone rang. It was just after eleven. Julia began picking up the empty ornament boxes and put them away in a bigger cardboard box for storage.

  “Maybe it’s your mother,” Julia suggested. “She knew we were decorating tonight. She probably wants you to send a picture.”

  “Should I send her one of your hot ass in that get-up?” I teased, walking to get the phone from the table in the hall.

  I answered without checking the number. “Hello?”

  “Ryyyaaannn!” Jane sobbed on the other end of the phone. “I’m so… sorry to call, but I didn’t have anyone else I could talk to!”

  My jaw hardened instantly as I glanced at Julia, who was still straightening up the living room. This was not going to go well. I didn’t want to say anything, reluctant to ruin the amazing evening that we had going.

  “Can we talk tomorrow or on Sunday?” I would be back at work on Sunday. Julia’s back straightened and she turned to look at me. I could see it in her face, she knew who it was. Surely, she could tell I wasn’t happy about it.

  “Noooooo!” Jane cried. “Daniel left! I can’t believe he did this to me right before Christmas!”

  Fuck! The fucker was a first class dick. “I’m really sorry that happened, but maybe you’re better off. He didn’t appreciate you.” The words rushed out of my mouth before I could think. “I told you that before.”

  She hiccupped on the other end of the phone. Instinct told me to turn away from Julia so maybe she wouldn’t hear the conversation, and maybe I could get off the phone before too long. “I know. He doesn’t want me because I can’t have kids.”

  I could feel myself flush, the blood rushing hotly beneath the skin of my face. I’d be an insensitive ass if I tried to cut her off, but damn if that wasn’t what I wanted to do. Julia’s expression told me she was upset, and I was helpless as I watched her throw the garland angrily into the box and storm off down the hall, closing the door loudly behind her.

  “I’m sorry, Jane. Maybe he’ll come around, if that’s what you want.”

  “I don’t know what I want anymore…”

  She continued to ramble on, and I could find little words to comfort her. I knew if I tried to get off the phone I’d come off like an insensitive prick, but now I had my own mess to clean up.

  *****

  Almost an hour later, I was finally able to end the call, promising Jane we’d talk more, and she’d feel better after a good night’s sleep. I was feeling like hell, knowing that what I’d face in the bedroom would not be the loving, sex-kitten Julia that a few hours ago was teasing the shit out of me. I was an asshole, no matter what I did. I ran a hand through my hair and prepared to take my medicine. Maybe she’d understand.

  Whenever I worked late, it was Julia’s custom to leave the bathroom light on and the door cracked so I could find my way to the bed, but tonight the room was awash in total darkness. I pulled back the covers and listened for her breathing to see if she was asleep. She was on her side, turned away and curled into the fetal position, her hands clutched around the covers across her chest. I knew she wasn’t asleep. The sleeve of her T-shirt made me pause. She was wearing clothes to bed… something we just didn’t do—not since we’d been married. Not unless it was sexy lingerie that didn’t make it through the night. The hope that the night wasn’t completely fucked was dashed at the absence of the baby-doll she was wearing earlier. I tensed and prepared myself to do whatever necessary to rip down the invisible wall that felt tangible between the two of us.

  I fumbled in the dark, shedding my clothes into a pile on the floor before sliding in next to her. It had been another long day and I was exhausted. I was anticipating this bed so damn much before that phone call screwed it all up. I felt guilty on both fronts. I resented the interruption even though it was clear Jane needed my support, and guilty, because even if Julia didn’t say anything, I knew the continued interruptions from Jane were wearing on her. It was getting more and more obvious that something was going to have to give. I wasn’t fucking blind but I didn’t exactly know how to get myself out of the quagmire without hurting Jane. How did I get in this fucking mess?

  I rolled onto my side toward Julia, longing to curl up next to her and feel her against me, trying find a way to heal the damage that had been done. I’d wanted so much for tonight, but now it was late, the evening lost. I sighed in regret. It was my own damn fault. I needed to grow a pair with Jane. I reached out to Julia even though it seemed like she was asleep already.

  The minute my hand touched her back, she recoiled sharply, and my breath caught in my throat. Never in the whole time we’d known each other had she pulled away from me like my touch burned her skin, and not since we’d been married had there been a night she wasn’t wrapped up, naked, in my arms. My chest tightened painfully. It was worse than I thought.

  “Julia…” I began, but the words fell away. I knew she was pissed. Hell, I was pissed, but I felt a responsibility to this poor girl who was stabbed and mutilated in my stead.

  What a damn nightmare! And now, it was screwing up my life as well. I reached out to Julia once more, and she flinched again.

  “Julia,” I said more forcefully. “I’m sorry. Don’t pull away from me.”

  My words just made matters worse. She curled into a tighter ball away from me, scooting to the very edge of the bed, so I moved in closer, propping my head up on my hand. I was as close as I could get without touching her. I felt the heat radiating off of her body onto mine, and she must surely feel my breath on her shoulder. I leaned in to kiss it softly. The sweet coconut scent of her shampoo engulfed me, but she stiffened even more when my lips touched her skin. My heart fell. Her hair was still damp from her shower, and I wanted to hold her and feel her body yielding to mine. Soft, warm and wanting… my Julia. I closed my eyes in the dark and inhaled deeply when I was met with her silence.

  “Babe, will you talk to me?”

  “I’m tired, Ryan, okay? Just go to sleep.”

  If her stiff posture wasn’t enough, the tremble in her voice showed her internal battle, and her words were like a slap in the face. We never went to bed without kissing goodnight, which usually ended up in the glorious lovemaking I craved. We couldn’t keep our hands off of each other, so we had a huge problem.

  “Not until you kiss me,” I said softly, my hand stroking her wet hair. “I love you.”

  “I know. But I’m tired. I don’t want to talk right now.” Her voice was quiet, but with a heavy thickness to it. I hated that she was hurting.

  “I didn’t ask you to talk. I asked you to kiss me,” I said softly, still stroking her hair, threading my fingers through it in a way that I knew weakened her resolve. Usually.

  “Well, I don’t want to kiss you right now, either!” Her tone hardened and my hand stilled instantly.

  I rolled on to my back with a sigh and ran both hands through my hair. Fuck!

  “Julia. I know you’re upset about the phone call, and I’m sorry, okay?” I said in frustration. “You know the situation.”

  “I said, I don’t want to talk about it, Ryan! That woman is everywhere, so can we please keep her out of our damn bed, at least?” she asked angrily.

  “Well, I want to talk about it. I can’t stand it when you pull away from me. Just… quit it!” I turned toward her and reached for her again quickly, but she reacted just as fast by jumping out of the bed, grabbing her pillow and racing around to the end of it. “What are you doing?” I asked in surprise as I sat up. It never occurred to me that she would walk out.

  “I’m sleeping in the other room. I don’t want…” her voic
e cracked slightly as she moved toward the door. “I can’t be with you right now. I need to be alone.”

  I watched in disbelief as Julia exited the room and then jumped from the bed and rushed after her, not even caring that I was naked. By the time I’d made it to the hallway, she’d already reached the spare room and closed the door with a heavy bang behind her.

  “Julia, don’t do this. Come on.” My hand closed around the doorknob, only to find it locked, and anger welled up within me. “You fucking locked the door?” I rattled the knob loudly as I stood there, unsure of what to do next. This was new territory. She never shut me out like this. “Julia!” I yelled and slammed my open hand on the door several times. “Goddamn it! Open up this door right now!”

  “Just stop it, Ryan! It’s midnight for God’s sake! Just leave me alone!” I could hear the thickness of her voice and knew she was crying. Suddenly, my anger dissipated into thin air.

  I leaned my head on the door and ran my hand over the wood. “Baby, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry. I can’t stand it when you cry.”

  She didn’t answer in words, but I could hear her sobbing softly behind the door. “I love you, and I want to finish what we started earlier. I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have taken the call, but I didn’t check who it was. Please come back to bed with me. Julia!”

  Again, she didn’t answer. I wasn’t sure how long I stood there waiting and listening with my hand and forehead on the door. Her crying finally stopped, and I realized she must have fallen asleep. My heart ached. I knew we’d get past this and talk it out tomorrow. I was grateful for my day off, but it hurt that we were going to bed angry enough to sleep separately. It never happened before. Not once. Even before we were married, even on the night she told me she was going to Paris before her damned accident. In almost five years, I’d never slept under the same roof with her when she wasn’t in my arms, except for the few months she’d lost her memory.